Eskimo Jolteon
by lccorp2
Summary: Yep, this fic has been brought back from the dead! Episode 78 is up!! ^_^please read and review! ^_^
1. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 1

Author's note: I do not own pokemon, nor do I own any other characters I did not make up myself. I know you will flame me and give me evil reviews for this but I DON'T CARE!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I wonder if anyone else is reading this directly from my word processor! Aahhh! Don't look! Go away!!! _  
  
Eskimo Jolteon:  
  
A short, silly brain-dead fic by Lccorp2 ^_^.  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Jhoto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo near the sea.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera moves in towards igloo. We see Jolteon watching TV while munching popcorn.)  
  
Jolteon (to himself): Isn't there anything good to watch on TV today? (Rapidly flicks through channels)  
  
(Flareon enters igloo. He is holding a can of gasoline)  
  
Flareon: WAZZZZZZZZUUUUUPPPPP????  
  
Jolteon: I'm watching TV. Wanna join me?  
  
Flareon: Why not? (Sits down on couch and gulps down gasoline)  
  
Jolteon: Hey bud, aren't you getting a little dependent on that thing?  
  
Flareon: What thing?  
  
Jolteon: The gasoline-drinking thing.  
  
Flareon: NO! I AM NOT DEPENDENT ON GASO…. (Suddenly has this 0_o look on his face)  
  
Flareon: (Running wildly in circles) AAAAHHHHH!!! HYDROCARBON RUSH!!!!!  
  
Jolteon: Stop it! You're gonna melt my igloo!! Now get back here and watch TV quietly!  
  
(Flareon does as told. Suddenly, the Teletubbies appear on TV.)  
  
Teletubbies: Teletubbies, teletubbies, say hello!  
  
Jolteon and Flareon: AAAHHHH!!! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF!  
  
(Jolteon lets go of the TV cable. The TV goes blank instantly)  
  
Jolteon: Whew….  
  
Flareon: What do we do now? (Takes a swig from the gas can)  
  
Jolteon: go fishing I suppose. I'm hungry.  
  
Flareon: yea me too.  
  
Narrator: and so our heroes set out with their rods to the sea for fishing…  
  
(One hour later)  
  
Jolteon: Caught anything yet? -_-  
  
Flareon: Nope. Not even a nibble!  
  
Jolteon: (feels tug on rod) Oh! I've got one! ^_^ (Reels in line and gets a magikarp, and eats it raw.)  
  
Flareon: Lucky ducky. _ (Feels a tug on his line)  
  
Flareon: Yay! I've got one too!  
  
(Vaporeon comes up, clinging onto Flareon's line.)  
  
Vaporeon: BOO! ^_^  
  
Jolteon: (gives Vaporeon an angry look) aw, come on. You know we can't swim.  
  
Flareon: Yea, especially me. -_- (Takes another swig from gas can.)  
  
Vaporeon: Hey guys, look at what I found (unfolds her paw)  
  
Jolteon and Flareon: (staring at the thingamajig) what is it?!  
  
Vaporeon: It's a headbutt TM, silly!  
  
Jolteon and Flareon: And so?  
  
Vaporeon: and so we go headbutt a Seel, silly! ^_^  
  
Jolteon: Ummm…ok….why not?  
  
Vaporeon: (excitedly) Oh goody goody!  
  
Flareon: I'm still hungry.  
  
Jolteon: you still got that gas can.  
  
Flareon: oh yea.  
  
Narrator: and so our heroes went out to headbutt a Seel.  
  
(A few minutes later. Our are walking along the ice floes.)  
  
Jolteon: (pointing) look! There's a Seel!  
  
Vaporeon: Yes!  
  
Flareon: ………….  
  
Vaporeon: Flareon?  
  
(Flareon is gulping down gasoline from the can.)  
  
Jolteon: Oh, let him be. -_-;  
  
Vaporeon: so, who wants to headbutt a Seel?  
  
Jolteon: guess I'll try.  
  
(Jolteon charges towards the Seel while holding the headbutt TM and headbutts it.)  
  
Seel: Wha….Ouch! Why you… (Headbutts Jolteon back in his personal spot. The force of the headbutt causes Jolteon to fly backwards, crashing into Vaporeon, then Flareon. The three of them end up in a heap in front of Jolteon's igloo.)  
  
Flareon: (slurs) That's gotta hurt.  
  
Jolteon: X_X  
  
Vaporeon: Want me to massage it? ^_~  
  
Jolteon: No thank you. -_-;  
  
(Espeon walks over from outside the camera)  
  
Espeon: Hey guys, I'm bored.  
  
Jolteon, Flareon and Vaporeon: ……  
  
Espeon: Alright…what happened?  
  
Flareon: (still slurring) You see, Jolteon here was trying to headbutt a Seel, and it headbutted him in his...erm…personal spot.  
  
Espeon: (wincing) That's gotta hurt.  
  
Flareon: That's what I said!  
  
Espeon: Yeah, I know. (Closes his eyes and concentrates.) Was it this Seel?  
  
(a small speck from the distance grows. Upon examination, it turns out to be the Seel. It is hovering in mid-air, encased by a blue-green light.)  
  
Jolteon, Flareon and Vaporeon: Yea.  
  
Espeon: (still with eyes closed.) As much as I expected. (Turns his head in a different direction. The Seel flies away in the direction until it vanishes.)  
  
Seel: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa………………..  
  
(Suddenly, there is a beam of light from the heavens. Pikachu Sandact6 descends in the beam of light.)  
  
Pikachu sandact6: I am god. Worship me, mortals. (Looks at watch) Oh no! Gotta go for my exams!!! (Vanishes in a puff of smoke.)  
  
Jolteon: What was that?  
  
Flareon: (still slurring) Dunno. (Takes another swig from gas can.)  
  
(Suddenly, there is another burst of light. Cats is standing in front of our heroes.)  
  
Cats: How are you gentlemen.  
  
Flareon: Huh?  
  
Vaporeon: (angrily) That's LADIES and gentlemen, you brain-dead freak!  
  
Cats: Oh all right. How are you ladies and gentlemen. All your base are belong to us.  
  
Jolteon: What you say?  
  
Cats: You are on the way to destruction. You have no chance to survive make your time. Ha ha ha ha…..  
  
Espeon: Let's get rid of this freak.  
  
(Jolteon uses Thunder, Espeon uses Psychic, Vaporeon uses Hydro pump and Flareon uses Fire Blast. Unfortunately, since Flareon is having a hydrocarbon rush, he hits Jolteon's igloo by mistake)  
  
Cats: Seems like Cats Blasting off again! (Flies off towards horizon)  
  
Vaporeon: Umm…Jolteon…your igloo…  
  
(Jolteon turns around and sees the remains of his igloo)  
  
Jolteon: My igloo…sob ;_; (bursts into tears)  
  
Vaporeon: There, there.  
  
Jolteon: WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!  
  
Espeon: (To Vaporeon) Well, what do we do now?  
  
Vaporeon: Well, Jolteon can go rebuild his igloo, Flareon can go and stay drunk on gas, and we can…  
  
Espeon: Yes?  
  
Vaporeon: go sit around waiting for Lccorp2 to move his butt and write the next episode.  
  
Espeon: (disappointedly) ok.  
  
Narrator: and so ends another pointless, stupid day in our heroes' lives! ^_^  
  
How'd ya like this silly story? Just put what you think will make the story better in your reviews and I will try to write my stories accordingly! ^_^ 


	2. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 2

Author's note: I do not own pokemon, or any other characters that I have not created myself…yadda yadda yadda. Well, seems like I had too much sugar again, and here I am! ^_^  
  
Eskimo Jolteon episode 2  
  
A short, silly fan-fic by Lccorp2 ^_^.  
  
Narrator (me that is): Picture in your mind the pokemon world.  
  
Narrator: Now focus on a place above Jhoto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: Now focus on a new-looking, medium-sized igloo near the sea.  
  
Narrator: STOP!! ^_^  
  
(Camera moves in into the igloo. We see Jolteon, Flareon, Vaporeon and Espeon sitting down on Jolteon's couch watching Mewtwo's documentaries on TV [not mine, Vicious Mewtwo's! ^_^] We hear the sounds of a blizzard howling outside).  
  
Vaporeon: Pass the popcorn, Jolt.  
  
Jolteon: Whatever. (Passes the bowl to her. A knock is heard at the door.)  
  
Jolteon: Flareon?  
  
Flareon: (drinking gasoline) What?  
  
Jolteon: Go get the door, will ya?  
  
Flareon: (grumbles) 'k.  
  
(Flareon opens the door. Umbreon is standing outside.)  
  
Flareon: Oh, it's you. Come on in.  
  
(Umbreon walks in and plops down in an armchair.)  
  
Umbreon: Boy, it's cold outside today.  
  
Espeon: (rolls his eyes.) Tell us about it. Even Flareon came here because of the cold.  
  
Umbreon: (to Flareon) didn't you just buy a gas heater?  
  
Flareon: Yea.  
  
Umbreon: Then?  
  
Flareon: (starting to slur) Drank all the gas.  
  
Umbreon: then what's that you're drinking? -_-;  
  
Flareon: Jolteon's gas. (Suddenly has this 0_o look on his face)  
  
Vaporeon: Espeon, could you take Flareon out for a bit? I think he's getting a hydrocarbon rush.  
  
(Espeon shrugs, closes his eyes and concentrates for a bit. Flareon is firmly pushed out of the igloo. Shortly after, insane screaming is heard from outside.)  
  
Umbreon: Is that guy ok?  
  
Jolteon: Just let him work off the hydrocarbon rush, and he'll be fine.  
  
(The door opens again. Flareon comes in.)  
  
Vaporeon: Hydrocarbon rush ended?  
  
Flareon: (slurring) sorta.  
  
Espeon: good.  
  
(Another knock is heard at the door.)  
  
Jolteon: Flareon, go get it.  
  
Flareon: (unhappily) why me? _  
  
Jolteon: For the simple reason that I am the only source of electricity for about 250 miles and if I let go of the TV cable it cannot operate.  
  
(Vaporeon giggles)  
  
Flareon: (reluctantly) ok.  
  
(Flareon opens the door. A salesman is standing outside.)  
  
Salesman: Good afternoon sir, may I interest you in buying "Tracey's sketchbook for losers?" (Not mine again, Vicious Mewtwo's! ^_^)  
  
Espeon: Shut the door Flareon, the cold's coming in!  
  
Flareon: (angrily)(to salesman) F*** OFF (censored)! (Slams the door)  
  
Jolteon: seems like no place is safe from these freaks nowadays. (Sighs)  
  
Flareon: Yea. (Takes swig from gas can)  
  
(Another knock is heard at the door.)  
  
Umbreon: (taking pity on Flareon) I'll get it.  
  
(Umbreon opens the door to reveal Mew and Mewtwo.)  
  
Vaporeon: (excitedly) OOOOHH!!!! CELEBRITIES!!!!!  
  
Mewtwo: (to Mew) we are celebrities?  
  
Jolteon: Duh. (Points at TV screen)  
  
Mew: So that was why you were away so often. (Kisses Mewtwo)  
  
(Mewtwo blushes)  
  
Jolteon: So, what brings you two to my humble abode?  
  
Mewtwo: Well, it's a bit of a long story. You see, Mew and I were flying on Pidgeot Airlines from Blackthorn to Cerulean when some pikachu wearing a turban went screaming, "JIHAD! JIHAD!" and zapped the pidgeot we were on and crashed it into the sea. We saw your igloo and decided to come.  
  
Espeon: (sighs) terrorists.  
  
Jolteon: well, what can we do for you?  
  
Mewtwo: Well, is there any airport here?  
  
Mew: I'm hungry.  
  
Umbreon: well, there's a pokemart bout 15 miles south of here. They get their supplies by pidgeot airdrop once every four days. Suppose you could hitch a ride back.  
  
Mew: 15 miles?!!?!?! I'm gonna die of starvation!!! _  
  
Mewtwo: Yea. Got anything we could eat?  
  
Flareon: (slurring) nah. We go fishing when we're hungry. (Chugs down the remaining contents of gas can.)  
  
Umbreon: sorry. We just finished our bowl of popcorn. (Holds up empty bowl)  
  
(Mew starts crying)  
  
Mew: boohoo. ;_;  
  
Vaporeon: well, there is a quicker way to the pokemart. They do sell popcorn and candy there.  
  
Mewtwo: what?  
  
Vaporeon: Get Espie here to teleport you there. He can do things in a twenty-mile radius.  
  
Espeon: (Grins evilly) Five hundred pokebucks up front first. (Holds out paw)  
  
Vaporeon: ESPEON!!  
  
Mewtwo: whatever. Anything for mewwie. (Gets out wallet and fishes out 500 pokebucks, then goes to comfort Mew.)  
  
Flareon: (slurs) pick up some gas for me while you're there (holds out 200 pokebucks and takes another swig from gas can.)  
  
Espeon: whatever. (Takes the money, closes his eyes and concentrates. There is a brief flash of light and Espeon, Mewtwo and Mew are gone.)  
  
Jolteon: (sighs) what now?  
  
Vaporeon: keep watching TV I guess.  
  
(Suddenly, the picture on the TV screen changes. Pikachu sandact6 appears on the TV screen.)  
  
Pikachu Sandact6: (laughing evilly) I am god. Worship me, mortals. Oh wait; here's e-mail for me. (Reads out e-mail) I simply loooovvveee your story "Were-pokism" on fanfiction.net for the love of god and everything holy write more!!!  
  
Jolteon: why have I got the feeling I have seen this character before?  
  
(Umbreon shrugs)  
  
(Pikachu sandact6 disappears from the TV screen and Mewtwo's documentaries are once more on TV.)  
  
Flareon: what was that? (Attempts to take a swig from gas can, only to find it empty.)  
  
Vaporeon: oh no! Jolteon and Umbreon, sit on Flareon and pin him down until Espeon gets back!  
  
(Jolteon and Umbreon do so)  
  
Flareon: (in a trance and thrashing about wildly) Gas! I must have…GAS!!!  
  
(There is a pop, and Espeon is back)  
  
Espeon: what's going on?  
  
Vaporeon: (angrily) Aren't you supposed to have psychic powers? Gimme that can! (Snatches gas from Espeon and pours it into Flareon's mouth)  
  
Flareon: AAAAaaaaahhhhhh……  
  
Espeon: guess it's not very early now. Come on guys, I'll give you a lift home. (Concentrates for a moment. Espeon, Flareon, Vaporeon and Umbreon vanish in a burst of light.)  
  
Jolteon: (to self) oh well. At least that freak didn't melt my igloo this time.  
  
Narrator: and so ends another silly, pointless day in our heroes' lives! ^_^  
  
Like this story? Hope you do and see you next time!!! ^_^ 


	3. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 3: holiday!

Author's note: I don't own pokemon….so there! Nor do I own any other characters I made up myself or whatnot. Ok? Now let's get started with the story! ^_^ if anyone is reading this from my word processor…. GO AWAY! _  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode three  
  
A short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Jhoto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo near the sea.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera moves in towards igloo. We see Jolteon inside having breakfast. He is pouring milk onto his poke pops and sipping at his coffee when there is a knock at the door.)  
  
Articuno: Mail's here! (She flies off)  
  
Jolteon: wsflg? (He hasn't had much coffee yet.)  
  
(Jolteon opens the door, picks up the mail and walks back in)  
  
Jolteon: (still sipping at coffee) bill…bill…flame…flame…letter from Aunt Edna asking why I still live here….parcel?  
  
(Jolteon shrugs and puts the parcel to one side, then continues having breakfast.)  
  
(There is a knock on the door)  
  
Jolteon: come in!  
  
(Vaporeon enters)  
  
Vaporeon: Hiya Joltie! ^_^  
  
Jolteon: Isn't it a bit early to start house-calling? (Continues eating) -_-  
  
Vaporeon: NO!! And I see you have mail!! ^_^ (Rips open parcel)  
  
Jolteon; (sleepily) Yea….  
  
Vaporeon: OH!!! There's a letter inside!! From Mewtwo!  
  
Jolteon: (now awake) huh?  
  
Vaporeon: (Reading aloud) Dear Mr. Jolteon, thank you for helping mewwie and me when our Pidgeot had crashed. I assure you that we are safe and happy in Unknown Dungeon and that as a token of appreciation I would like to invite you and your gang to my buddy Lugia's holiday resort in Whirl Islands, all expenses paid. Just show him the enclosed ticket. Thank you.  
  
Jolteon: 0_o  
  
Vaporeon: (happily) OH!!!! NOW WE GET TO GO ON A HOLIDAY!!! I GOTTA TELL EVERYONE!!! ^_^ (Rushes off in a cloud of dust)  
  
Narrator: and so our heroes went off to pack their stuff for their holiday in the Whirl Islands.  
  
(One day later. Our gang of Five is at the Ice Cave airport with their luggage.)  
  
Jolteon: what do you mean, there aren't any more seats on any more flights to Whirl Islands? -_-;  
  
Receptionist: Well, all our Pidgeots are booked full. Whirl Islands is a very popular getaway spot at this time of year.  
  
Espeon: I knew this would happen.  
  
Vaporeon: Where's Flareon and Umbreon?  
  
Espeon: They went off to buy some Duty-free stuff. (Thinks to himself) Cheapoes.  
  
(Espeon concentrates very hard and finally gets to read the receptionist's mind. He then goes over and whispers into Jolteon's ear.)  
  
Espeon: (whispering) She's lying. Ask for Pidgeot no 341, seats E-7 to E- 11.  
  
(Jolteon does so. The receptionist blushes.)  
  
Receptionist: How'd you know I was lying?  
  
Jolteon: (mysteriously) I have inside connections. Can we get our tickets now?  
  
Receptionist: (pulls out five tickets) here. I'm sorry, but this no-seats thing is a real old tradition in the transport business.  
  
Jolteon: (shrugs) whatever.  
  
(Umbreon and Flareon return holding gigantic bags of stuff. Flareon is drinking Gasoline as usual.)  
  
Vaporeon: Finally you're back! Our flight leaves in 15 minutes!  
  
Flareon: (still chugging from Gas can) sorry, but Umbreon saw a bunch of TMs he wanted to buy.  
  
Receptionist: No flammable items allowed on Pidgeots. Please finish your Gas before boarding.  
  
Flareon: AWWW… _  
  
Receptionist: we do serve berry juice though.  
  
Jolteon: Well, we have to go check in our luggage and board our Pidgeot. Sorry, Flareon, but it seems like you'll have to go five hours without gas.  
  
(Flareon groans)  
  
Narrator: and so our heroes went to check in their luggage and board their plane.  
  
(One hour later. Our heroes are on their Pidgeot.)  
  
Jolteon: Aahhh… this is so relaxing.  
  
Vaporeon: (in the seat next to him) you said it.  
  
PA system: And for lunch, we have a choice of either a Magikarp or Miltank meal. Our friendly flight attendants will be going round shortly to serve you.  
  
(A flight attendant comes round with a trolley)  
  
Flight attendant: would you like Magikarp or Miltank?  
  
Jolteon: Magikarp.  
  
Vaporeon: me too.  
  
Flight attendant: and would you like a drink with that?  
  
Jolteon: berry juice.  
  
Vaporeon: lemonade.  
  
(The flight attendant hands them their meals and leaves. Jolteon raises the plastic cup of berry juice to his mouth.)  
  
Espeon: (from the seat behind him) NOOO!! JOLTEON!! DON'T…  
  
(The Pidgeot suddenly shakes violently. Jolteon spills his berry juice all over himself.)  
  
Espeon: (finishing the sentence) pick that up. (Sighs)(Mutters to self) I wonder why is it I always foresee things too late to prevent them from happening?  
  
PA system: I'm sorry, but we seem to have run into a bit on air turbulence.  
  
Jolteon: now then they tell me. _  
  
(Vaporeon giggles)  
  
Vaporeon: Aw, cheer up! ^_^  
  
(Jolteon sighs, and tries to clean himself up. Suddenly, a Pikachu wearing a turban springs out from behind one of the seats.)  
  
Pikachu: Pika pika pi pi chu pikachu! (I am the great Osama Bin Pika! Die, infidels! I shall go hijack this pidgeot and crash it into the Goldenrod City mall! AHAHAHAHA!!!!!)  
  
Espeon: It's Osama Bin Pika! Get him! (Uses disable on Osama Bin Pika)  
  
(All the passengers, flight attendants and our gang of five gang up on the frozen Osama Bin Pika and pummel him with makeshift weapons)  
  
Osama Bin Pika: Pika pika chu chu! PIKA!! (Oh great Allah please save my Balls! AAHHH!!)  
  
(Vaporeon takes the fork she was eating with and stabs Osama Bin Pika's balls with it, then throws Osama Bin Pika out of the plane, where it hit the ground and turned into a nice crimson stain somewhere on one of the routes)  
  
Jolteon: finally, we can try relaxing… (Yawns)  
  
(Four and a half hours later, our heroes have finally landed at Whirl Islands airport. They have collected their luggage.)  
  
Umbreon: Hey, where's my big bag of TMs?  
  
Espeon: (closes his eyes and concentrates for a bit) Somewhere on Mt. Silver I believe.  
  
Umbreon: is that a joke?  
  
Espeon: no.  
  
Umbreon: my money… ;_;  
  
Jolteon: aw, come on. We still gotta get to the resort.  
  
Narrator: and so our heroes went to find the resort…  
  
(Half an hour later. Our heroes are at the Whirl Islands Resort Check in counter.)  
  
Lugia: Hi, I'm Lugia, the manager of Whirl Islands, and what can I do for you five?  
  
Flareon: umm…we've come for a cave.  
  
Lugia: (Happily) oh! Well the standard rate for a deluxe room is 600 pokebucks a day…  
  
Jolteon: umm…that wasn't what he meant. (Shows Lugia Mewtwo's letter)  
  
Lugia: no wonder that guy sent me all that money… _ (hands Jolteon a key) ok, cave no 316. Meals will be served at 9, 1, and 6 'o' clock every day.  
  
Flareon: (drinking gas yet again) well gang, seems like we gotta go unpack our stuff.  
  
(Our gang of five head off in the direction of their cave)  
  
Umbreon: I wonder why that guy is so silvery colored.  
  
Vaporeon: (angrily) Come on! You know we can't control our color!  
  
Narrator: and so our heroes have come to the resort. What will happen to them?! Meanwhile…  
  
(Camera zooms back to Lugia.)  
  
Lugia: (crazily) AHAHAAHAHEHEHEHEHEHAHAHAHAHHUHUHUHUHUHHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!!!!!!!!!!! BLEACH!!! BLEACH!!! BLEACH!!! (Takes bottle from behind counter and gulps down contents.) YUMMY!!!! CHLORINATED BLEACH!!!!!! (Laughs insanely again) AHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!!!!! BLEACH!!! MORE BLEACH!!!!! (Takes many bottles from under the counter and drinks the contents of all of them) HAHAHAHEHEHEHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
How'd ya like this silly story? Stay tuned to find out what happens to our heroes at the resort!!! ^_^ 


	4. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 4:Holiday part 2

Author's note: I don't own pokemon, nor do I own any characters not created by me…yak yak yak. Well, seems like I drank too much bleach today (just like Lugia! ^_^) and my brain just produced this! Pikachu Sandact6, if you are reading this, thank you so much for responding to my fan mail! ^_^ and now let's get on with the story!  
  
Eskimo Jolteon:  
  
A short, silly brain-dead fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place in Johto, a place that is always sunny.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a sunny beach on one of four islands in the sea.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
Narrator: as you know, last episode our heroes went to the Whirl Islands for a holiday.  
  
(Camera zooms in on one of the islands. We see Jolteon, Flareon, and Espeon relaxing in the sun on deckchairs. Flareon as usual is sipping Gas from a can.)  
  
Espeon: this is the life. (Yawns lazily)  
  
Jolteon: I agree. Where're Vaporeon and Umbreon?  
  
Flareon: Umbreon's in the cave moping about his lost luggage.  
  
Jolteon: loser. -_-;  
  
Flareon: he did spend a hundred thousand pokebucks on them.  
  
Jolteon: where's Vaporeon?  
  
Espeon: (closes eyes and concentrates) went swimming I believe.  
  
(Umbreon walks in from outside the camera)  
  
Umbreon: Hi guys. I'm off to wade in the shallows.  
  
Jolteon: oh-ho so you got over your lost luggage? (Sniggers)  
  
(Umbreon gives Jolteon an evil glance and walks off into the sea.)  
  
Espeon: NOOO!!!! UMBREON!!! DON"T PUT…  
  
(Umbreon puts his foot down and steps on an open Cloyster. The gigantic Cloyster clamps shut on Umbreon's foot.)  
  
Umbreon: OOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCHHHHHHHH!!!!!  
  
Espeon: (finishing the sentence) your foot there. (Sighs)  
  
Umbreon: (gritting teeth) Um, guys, I presume you could help me with this thing? (Waves paw in direction of foot)  
  
(Jolteon, Flareon and Espeon come over and pry the Cloyster open, then remove Umbreon's foot from it.)  
  
Jolteon: well, what do we do with this thing? (Indicates Cloyster)  
  
Espeon: well I guess we could eat it. Flareon, would you do the honor of lighting the fire?  
  
Flareon: Oh goody goody! Now I get to burn something!  
  
(Five minutes later)  
  
Jolteon: Yummy! This is even better than Octillary in Seel blubber sauce! ^_^  
  
Umbreon: I almost feel it was worth getting my foot clamped to have this! ^_^  
  
Flareon: (slurs) yea.  
  
Jolteon: guess we can all go back to our deckchairs.  
  
(They go back to their deckchairs and relax.)  
  
(Lugia flies over)  
  
Lugia: and I presume you are satisfied?  
  
Umbreon, Jolteon, Flareon and Espeon: yea, this place is great!  
  
Lugia: Glad you like it. ^_^  
  
Jolteon: how come you live here?  
  
Lugia: well, I did use to live in Ecruteak until those three legendary dogs had way too much berry juice to drink at the legendary club and that Entei burnt down my tower thinking it was a giant cigarette while under the influence of alcohol and so he tried to smoke it. (Sobs)  
  
Jolteon: I know, I hate it when Flareon melts down my igloo.  
  
Lugia: at least they're having a massive hangover in my basement! (Laughs evilly)  
  
(Jolteon blinks)  
  
(Suddenly, Ash Ketchum springs out from behind a palm tree.)  
  
Ash: Wow! Rare pokemon! I must have them!  
  
Lugia: (angrily to Ash) (censored) off! Whirl Islands isn't open till 11 and this island is off limits to humans anyway!  
  
Ash: (still in a trance) Wow! Rare pokemon! I must catch them! (Pulls out pokeballs)  
  
Lugia: look here, kid. SCREW OFF!  
  
Ash: but I just wanna rare pokemon…  
  
Lugia: (calmly) all right. I believe you.  
  
Ash: yay!  
  
Lugia: (Freaks out) BUT MY AEROBLAST DON"T BELIEVE YOU! SO I'M GIVING YOU THREE SECONDS TO GET YOUR (censored) (censored) (censored) OUT OF MY SIGHT!  
  
Ash: Wow! Rare…  
  
Lugia: ONE!  
  
Ash: Pokemon! I…  
  
Lugia: TWO!  
  
Ash: Must catch them!  
  
Lugia: THREE! (Fires an Aeroblast at Ash. It hits Ash's head right on, spraying blood, bone and gray brain matter all over the place [not that Ash had much brains to start with anyway] Ash's body slumps against the palm tree.)  
  
Lugia: if any more pesky humans arrive, just let me know. Oh yes, and don't go swimming in the sea. There are whirlpools out there. Use the pool instead. (Flies off)  
  
(Jolteon, Flareon, Espeon and Umbreon stare at Ash's body)  
  
Jolteon: so, what do we do with this thing?  
  
Espeon: eat it I suppose. We've already had breakfast and lunch isn't till 12.  
  
(Umbreon makes a disgusted face)  
  
Jolteon: is food all you think of?  
  
Espeon: humans do provide some very important protein. Plus, It will help prevent inconvenient questions.  
  
Flareon: such as?  
  
Espeon: what's that body doing five meters away from you?  
  
Flareon: oh all right. (Lights a fire)  
  
(Half an hour later)  
  
Jolteon: (chewing on Ash's leg) this isn't so bad.  
  
Umbreon: (munching on an arm) yea, although it isn't as good as that Cloyster.  
  
Espeon: (ripping out some flesh) I told you so.  
  
Umbreon: I could develop a taste for this. (Hurls away bones)  
  
Flareon: Don't you dare do so.  
  
Umbreon: whatever.  
  
(Fifteen minutes later. Our heroes have finished eating.)  
  
Flareon: that was nice.  
  
Jolteon: where's Vaporeon?  
  
Espeon: still swimming I believe.  
  
Umbreon: whatever. That Lugia guy sure was funny.  
  
Jolteon: yea, saying there were whirlpools in the sea. (Pauses a bit)  
  
Flareon: what's the matter?  
  
Jolteon: Espeon, where is Vaporeon swimming?  
  
Espeon: in the sea.  
  
(Suddenly, our heroes hear something)  
  
Scream: (from far away) AAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa……………..  
  
Espeon: is it just my big ears, or do I hear screaming?  
  
Jolteon: (gulps) I think I hear it too.  
  
Flareon: I'll save you Vaporeon! (Dives into water)  
  
Espeon: Get that freak out of the water while I do something!  
  
(Jolteon and Umbreon drag Flareon out of the water)  
  
(Espeon concentrates for a bit. Vaporeon appears in a burst of light.)  
  
Vaporeon: AAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaa……  
  
Espeon: calm down, you're on land now.  
  
Vaporeon: Aw thanks Espie. ^_^ (Kisses Espeon, who blushes bright red)  
  
Jolteon: well, what do we do now?  
  
Umbreon: get something to eat?  
  
All: HELL YEAH!  
  
Narrator: and so our heroes went off to get something to eat.  
  
(Fifteen minutes later)  
  
Chansey Waitress: and so what would you five like?  
  
Vaporeon: whatever this is. (Points to most expensive item on menu)  
  
Jolteon: (squints to read the menu) La bombe?  
  
Vaporeon: well its expensive so it's gotta be good.  
  
Jolteon: um… yeah.  
  
Chansey waitress: ok, I'll be right back. (Leaves)  
  
(Pikachu Sandact6 walks in)  
  
Pikachu Sandact6: I am god. Worship me, mortals. (Leaves)  
  
Jolteon: not that character again…  
  
Umbreon: so what do we do now?  
  
Espeon: wait for the bombes to arrive.  
  
Umbreon: and that would be?  
  
Espeon: when Lccorp2 moves his butt and writes the next episode, and you know I can't read author's minds.  
  
Umbreon: sigh…  
  
Narrator: to be continued! ^_^  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Put any ideas you have in your reviews! ^_^ 


	5. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 5: Holiday part 3

Author's note: Bleach!!!!! Bleach!!!!! Bleach!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Oh no, someone's looking. Yeah, yeah…disclaimer same as before and whatnot… I plan to make this the longest series ever on fanfiction.net (receives stupid stares) -_-;; whatever. Pikachu Sandact6 if you are reading this good luck for your exams!! And now let's get on with the story!! ^_^  
  
Eskimo Jolteon episode 5: a short, silly brain-dead fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place in Johto, a place that is always sunny.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a cafe on one of four islands in the sea.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
Narrator: as you know, last episode our heroes went to the Whirl Islands for a holiday and they went to get something to eat, despite having eaten a Cloyster and the remains of Ash Ketchum.  
  
Jolteon: where're those Bombes we ordered?  
  
Espeon: well, since Lccorp2 has moved his fat butt and went to write this episode, in about 1/2 a minute.  
  
(Umbreon shrugs. The Chansey waitress comes back with a tray.)  
  
Chansey waitress: here's your food. (Sets the tray down on the table and walks away.)  
  
Flareon: (staring at the small cream dog) is that all?  
  
Vaporeon: looks like it.  
  
Flareon: doesn't look much for all that money. (Eats the thing in one bite. He instantly has the O_O look on his face.)  
  
Jolteon: what's the matter?  
  
Flareon: OH GOOD MEW! THIS HAS GOT TO BE WHAT THEY SERVE IN HEAVEN!!!  
  
Vaporeon: (taking a small bite) OH MY MEW HE'S RIGHT!!!  
  
Narrator: and so our heroes ate their bombes.  
  
(Ten minutes later. Our heroes are still in the café. The camera moves to reveal two figures in one corner.)  
  
Narrator: and now let me create a pointless diversion.  
  
(The camera moves closer to the two figures. They turn out to be Gordon Freeman and Adrian Shepard.)  
  
Gordon: I wonder why the G-man is paying us a hundred bucks a day to sit here and drink coffee. (Sips at coffee)  
  
Adrian: Dunno. Heard that he hates coffee. (Laughs)  
  
Gordon: really? But he drinks coffee at board meetings. (Continues sipping at coffee.)  
  
Adrian: that's only because he's required to do so. Duh.  
  
Gordon: (thinks for a moment) reckon we're drinking the G-man's coffee?  
  
Adrian: maybe. (There is a burst of green light and Gordon's coffee cup is refilled.)  
  
Gordon: oh look the G-man sent us more coffee.  
  
Adrian: yea. Bet you never thought you'd be doing this when he offered you that job.  
  
Gordon: neither did you. (Grins)  
  
(Gordon and Adrian laugh like Beavis and Butt-Head.)  
  
Narrator: and now let us zoom back to our heroes.  
  
Umbreon: so, what do we do now?  
  
Espeon: heard they've got an arcade here.  
  
Jolteon: well, seems like there's an obvious course of action.  
  
All: HELL YEAH!  
  
Narrator: and so our heroes went off to find the arcade.  
  
(Fifteen minutes later. Our heroes have found the arcade.)  
  
Flareon: wow. Such a big place.  
  
Jolteon: whatever. Let's go find the counter.  
  
(Fifteen seconds later. Our heroes are at the counter. Behind the counter is Ho-oh, who seems engrossed at a computer screen)  
  
Vaporeon: um…hello?  
  
(Ho-oh ignores her)  
  
Espeon: HELLO?  
  
Ho-oh: (grumpily) oh. Those five. Take this and scoot. (Holds out big bag of tokens.)  
  
(Our heroes take the tokens, split it up equally, and go their separate directions.)  
  
Ho-oh: (to self) oh great. Now I gotta go to the bathroom. Just when I was getting worked up. (Turns off computer monitor and leaves.)  
  
Espeon: (to Jolteon) want to see what he was looking at?  
  
Jolteon: why not?  
  
(The two of them go and turn on the monitor.)  
  
Jolteon: oh dear.  
  
Espeon: (reading computer screen) Raikou's Ultimate Hentai Website. (Sighs) I knew that freak was up to something. (Turns off computer monitor) well, let's leave this horny freak here and go play something. (Walks away)  
  
(Camera follows Jolteon as he walks around)  
  
Jolteon: (to self) what to do…what to do…  
  
(Camera follows Jolteon around. He sees a guy in a black hood and robe playing house of the pokemon 2 [Author's note: I don't own House of the dead 2, k? the storyline for house of the pokemon 2 can be read in my other fic "the incident", although it frankly sucks.] the guy is fighting Missingno.)  
  
Jolteon: hey, you're good.  
  
Guy: THANK YOU. I'M DEATH, ALTHOUGH I ONLY COME HERE ON MY OFFDAY. PEOPLE DON'T DIE HERE.  
  
(Jolteon shrugs and walks away. He sees Tracey Sketchit trying to rob a woman.)  
  
Tracey: why won't you gimme your purse. I need to buy pencils, ya know.  
  
Woman: HELP! HELP!  
  
(Jolteon uses thunder wave on Tracey, paralyzing him. Jolteon then drags Tracey away.)  
  
(Umbreon walks in from outside the camera.)  
  
Umbreon: hey. I blew all my tokens on Ninja Assault. (Notices Tracey) what's that you've got there?  
  
Jolteon: this freak was trying to rob a woman. Whatever shall we do with him?  
  
Umbreon: (grinning evilly) I have an idea.  
  
(Twenty minutes later)  
  
Umbreon: roll up! Roll up! Come and have the time of your life with Injure Tracey! Just 100 pokebucks for three attacks on Tracey Sketchit!  
  
(Two Cyndaquil walk by with a Typlosion.)  
  
Cyndaquil: (pointing excitedly) mommy, mommy, can I go hurt Tracey Sketchit?  
  
Typlosion: I think I need to hurt him myself. (Pulls out 300 pokebucks)  
  
(Jolteon takes the money and lets them in. Tracey Sketchit's screaming is heard not long after)  
  
Jolteon: he he he.  
  
Umbreon: ha ha ha.  
  
Jolteon: Simple way to make money, heh? (Grins)  
  
(A crowd of pokemon assemble outside)  
  
Crowd: we want to hurt Tracey! We want to hurt Tracey!  
  
Umbreon: let em in, but make sure they pay first.  
  
(Jolteon does so. Tracey's screams are heard once again, then stop.)  
  
Jolteon: seems like Tracey-boy couldn't take it (sniggers)  
  
Umbreon: (staring at the huge pile of cash) well, we made quite a bit.  
  
Jolteon: yea. Where're Vaporeon and Espeon?  
  
Umbreon: they left a bit earlier. Said they had something important to do.  
  
Jolteon: where's Flareon?  
  
Umbreon: left to buy some gas.  
  
Jolteon: guess we should be leaving with our loot.  
  
Umbreon: yea.  
  
Narrator: and so our heroes left the arcade.  
  
(Thirty minutes later. Our two heroes are walking on the path back to their cave when they see Flareon lying down on the sand with his gas can and looking into a pair of binoculars.)  
  
Jolteon: whatcha doing Flareon?  
  
Flareon: Shhhhhh. (Hands Jolteon the binoculars)  
  
Jolteon: (looking into the binoculars) OH MY! (Hands Umbreon the binoculars and rolls on floor laughing.)  
  
(Umbreon looks into the binoculars and sees Espeon and Vaporeon on the beach kissing.)  
  
Umbreon: (tries to stifle laughter) hehehehe… (Rolls on floor)  
  
Jolteon: Espeon and Vaporeon, on the beach,  
  
Flareon: K-I-S-S-I-N-G!  
  
Umbreon: first comes Love,  
  
Flareon: then comes marriage,  
  
Jolteon: then comes a cute Eevee in a baby carriage!  
  
(The three of them roll on the floor laughing insanely)  
  
Flareon: that was fun.  
  
Jolteon: yea. Better sneak back to our cave before they notice us.  
  
Flareon: by the way, where'd you get that big bag of cash?  
  
Jolteon: won it.  
  
Flareon: oh.  
  
(They begin walking back when Pikachu Sandact6 descends in a beam of light.)  
  
Pikachu Sandact6: I am god. Worship me, mortals. (Walks off)  
  
Umbreon: didn't we see that guy today?  
  
(Jolteon shrugs)  
  
Narrator: and so our heroes went back to their cave and went to bed, and so ends another stupid day in our heroes' lives! ^_^  
  
How'd ya like this silly story? Just put what you want to see in your reviews! ^_^ 


	6. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 6: Holiday part 4

Author's note: I don't own pokemon…so there! Thanks Crimson Lugia for including me in your "more random insanity" fic… and let's get on with the story! ^_^  
  
Eskimo Jolteon episode 6:  
  
A short, silly brain-dead fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place in Johto, a place that is always sunny.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a cave on one of four islands in the sea.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms in on one of the islands, then inside a cave. We see Jolteon waking up.)  
  
Jolteon: (yawning) Sigh. Another beautiful day. (Walks out of bedroom. We see Flareon and Umbreon in front of the TV.)  
  
Jolteon: (sleepily) WAZZZZZZZUUUPPP?  
  
Flareon: we're trying to watch TV, but this place has no good channels. (Waves paw in direction of TV.)  
  
Umbreon: yea. Even their Hentai channel hasn't got anything good.  
  
(Camera zooms in on channel list. Channel no. 666 is marked "Raikou's ultra Hentai channel".)  
  
Jolteon: where's Espeon and Vaporeon?  
  
Flareon: still sleeping. Guess they're tired out from last night. (Sniggers and gulps gas from can.)  
  
Jolteon: yea.  
  
Umbreon: I foresee many Eevees. (Grins evilly)  
  
(The three of them crack up and roll on the floor laughing hysterically)  
  
Jolteon: guess we have to go make our own entertainment. Anyone for a walk on the beach before breakfast?  
  
Flareon and Umbreon: HELL YEAH!  
  
Narrator: and so our heroes went out for a walk on the beach. Meanwhile…  
  
(Camera zooms in on another beach. Team rocket is on the beach with their Magikarp submarine.)  
  
Jessie: (looking into binoculars) This is the fourth time we've lost track of the twerps. Help me look for them, you two!  
  
James: (pathetically) but I just wanna eat my doughnut! (Waves doughnut around)  
  
Meowth: stop it! The reason we lost the twerps was because you wanted to stop at the dunkin doughnuts in Olivine!  
  
Jessie: SHUT UP AND HELP ME LOOK!  
  
Meowth: (picking something up) hey, isn't this the twerp's cap? (Holds it up)  
  
James: yea. What's it doing among those bones? (Points at a pile of bones against a palm tree.)  
  
Meowth: (picking something else up) hey, ain't these the twerp's clothes? Boy do they stink! (Holds nose)  
  
James: they've got pretty red paint on them.  
  
Jessie: Look for his belt! (They frantically search. Finally Jessie finds it with the pokeballs still attached)  
  
Jessie: oh look! (Holds them up)  
  
Team rocket: (holding hands in a circle and dancing stupidly) we got our first pokemon! We got our first pokemon!  
  
James: what happened to that twerp anyway?  
  
Meowth: I think he was eaten by something.  
  
Jessie: I always thought that Pikachu looked hungry all the time. (Author's note: yes, I am implying that they can be so stupid to think that Pikachu ate Ash.) Well, let's get going!  
  
(The three of them rush off to their submarine)  
  
Narrator: and now back to our heroes.  
  
(Camera zooms in onto our three heroes walking on the beach.)  
  
Jolteon: this is still kind of boring, isn't it?  
  
Flareon and Umbreon: yea.  
  
Jolteon: well, I suppose we could…  
  
Umbreon: (pointing) what's that?  
  
(Camera zooms in. We see an UFO flying towards our heroes. It extends a tractor beam and sucks our heroes up.)  
  
Jolteon: being kidnapped by aliens is NOT my idea of a holiday!  
  
(The scene changes and our heroes are in the UFO. Cats enters in from a door in the left.  
  
Jolteon: it's you!  
  
Cats: how are you gentlemen.  
  
Jolteon: (whispering to Umbreon) have you got any idea how to get rid of this freak?  
  
Cats: all your base are belong to us.  
  
Umbreon: (whispering back) no. Just try anything.  
  
Cats: you are on the way to destruction.  
  
Jolteon: (whispering to Flareon) gimme your gas can. (Takes the gas can)  
  
Cats: you have no chance to survive make your time. Ha ha ha ha…  
  
Jolteon: (splashes gas on Cats) TAKE THAT YOU MOTHERF***ER!  
  
Cats: I'M MELTING!!! I'M MELTING!!! (Melts into a gray puddle of slime)  
  
Umbreon: that was easy. Ding-dong, the cyborg is dead.  
  
Flareon: (taking back gas can) so what do we do now?  
  
Jolteon: look for a way out I suppose.  
  
(Our heroes try a door. Behind the door they find a room with many tanks, all filled with green liquid and clones of Tracey Sketchit.)  
  
Jolteon: OH MY MEW!  
  
Flareon: I must be drunk.  
  
Umbreon: first time you admitted that.  
  
Flareon: that freak must have been planning to invade the world with those!  
  
Jolteon: clones…  
  
Umbreon: of evil!  
  
All: WE'VE GOT TO STOP THEM!!!  
  
(They set to work breaking the tanks and destroying as many of the clones as possible. When they finally finish, our heroes are bloodstained all over.)  
  
Jolteon: All right, now how do we escape?  
  
Flareon: maybe we could bust a hole in the side? We're still near where we were picked up (points out of a window)  
  
Jolteon: and what do we do with this UFO?  
  
Umbreon: maybe smashing this would help. (Waves paw at a box labeled "power")  
  
Jolteon: oh whatever. (Sets to work blasting a hole in the wall with Flareon while Umbreon cuts all the wires in the power box.)  
  
Flareon: umm…perhaps we now could jump into the sea?  
  
Jolteon: let's just hope it's not deep. We can't swim.  
  
Flareon: thanks for reminding me. _  
  
(The three of them all down. Flareon manages to land on the beach.)  
  
Flareon: now we watch the pretty fireworks. (Chugs from gas can)  
  
Narrator: not very far away…  
  
(Camera zooms onto Team Rocket. They are resting on another beach.)  
  
Jessie: the boss is gonna be so pleased.  
  
James: yea.  
  
Meowth: (pointing upwards) what's that?  
  
Jessie: (looks up) James! It's a UFO! Take some pictures quick!  
  
James: if I do so, will you let me wear your pink frilly tutu?  
  
Jessie: WHATEVER! JUST TAKE SOME PICTURES!  
  
James: OH GOODY GOODY!!!!! (Pulls out camera and shoots away)  
  
Meowth: it's coming closer.  
  
Jessie: even better! We get to take the alien's pictures! We don't need Team Rocket to be rich and famous anymore!  
  
Meowth: I think it's too close for comfort. (Dives into water)  
  
(The UFO hits the Magikarp submarine and Team Rocket is promptly vaporized in the heat of the blast, leaving nothing but a few greasy stains on the surface of the water.)  
  
Narrator: and back to our heroes. (Camera zooms back to our heroes.)  
  
Umbreon: ooh, nice fireworks.  
  
Jolteon: guess we should be heading back.  
  
Flareon: yea.  
  
(The three of them walk off)  
  
Narrator: to be continued…  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please put any ideas in your reviews! ^_^ 


	7. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 7: Holiday part 5

Author's note: I don't own pokemon, nor do I own any characters not created by me. Ok? Seems like fanfiction.net has gone down for a week so this had to wait to be posted up. Now let's get on with the story!  
  
Eskimo Jolteon episode 7:  
  
A short, silly brain-dead fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place in Johto, a place that is always sunny.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a beach on one of four islands in the sea.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms in on the beach. We see Jolteon, Flareon and Umbreon walking towards their cave.)  
  
Jolteon: that walk on the beach was rather eventful.  
  
Flareon: I agree.  
  
(The three of them walk over to their deckchairs in front of their cave and plop down on them.)  
  
Jolteon: aaahhh…this is the life.  
  
Umbreon: whatever.  
  
(Suddenly, a snorlax holding a bag of loot runs past and turns to the left. A few seconds later, Mullah Omar (the ex-leader of Afghanistan I believe) rides a bicycle past them and turns to the right. Officer Jenny comes running along later also.)  
  
Officer Jenny: did you see a fat thief run past?  
  
Flareon: (points to the right) yea, but you'll never catch him on foot.  
  
Officer Jenny: thanks. (Runs in direction)  
  
(Espeon comes out of the cave)  
  
Espeon: (yawning) morning guys.  
  
Jolteon, Flareon and Umbreon: morning.  
  
Jolteon: where's Vaporeon?  
  
Espeon: she left to get something to eat at the café.  
  
Umbreon: which reminds me that I'm hungry.  
  
Jolteon: so why not head there also?  
  
All: HELL YEAH!  
  
Narrator: and so our heroes left to get something to eat.  
  
(Ten minutes later. We see our heroes walking towards the café when Brock comes in from outside the camera. He is holding a white cane.)  
  
Jolteon: hey, look at that blind man.  
  
Flareon: yea. I see him. What about him?  
  
Jolteon: (Grins evilly) let's have some fun with him.  
  
Umbreon: how?  
  
Jolteon: I'm not sure how myself.  
  
Espeon: I've got an idea. (Walks over to Brock)  
  
Espeon: (to Brock) here, let me lead you across the road. (Takes Brock's hand)  
  
Brock: thank you kind sir.  
  
Jolteon: (to Flareon) what's he doing?  
  
(Espeon leads Brock to the road. The time is 10:59)  
  
Espeon: rush hour should be beginning about…NOW! (Pushes Brock onto the road)  
  
Brock: AAAAAHHHH!!! (The road is suddenly filled with vehicles. Brock gets hit by a car, then by a van, and then is squashed underfoot by a multitude of 18-wheelers.)  
  
Umbreon: oh look at the pretty red stain on the road. (Giggles and points)  
  
Flareon: yeah. (Brock's head rolls over to him. He kicks it away, neatly landing it into a trash can full of cockroaches and flies.)  
  
Brock's head: AAAAHHH!!! GET OFF!!! GET OFF!!!  
  
Jolteon: GOAL!  
  
Umbreon: he he he.  
  
Flareon: ha ha ha.  
  
Umbreon: nice one Espeon.  
  
Espeon: my pleasure. (Grins)  
  
Umbreon: I think I can do something else. (Walks over to the dustbin and fishes out Brock's head with a net. He then pours honey on it and sets it down on an anthill. The ants immediately swarm onto it.)  
  
Brock's head: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Jolteon: good one Umbreon. (Cracks up)  
  
Espeon: well we gotta go get some food. Let's leave this loser here.  
  
Brock's head: AAAAHHHHH!!! NO!!! NO!!! DON'T LEAVE ME HERE!!!  
  
(They walk off)  
  
(Five minutes later. They are in the café.)  
  
Vaporeon: (from across the café) here guys!  
  
(Jolteon, Flareon, Espeon and Umbreon walk over and sit down at the table.)  
  
Vaporeon: I was waiting for you guys.  
  
Jolteon: well now that we're here what do we eat?  
  
Vaporeon: the second most expensive item I guess. (Points to something on the menu.)  
  
Jolteon: (reading it) Pikachu soup with potatoes?  
  
Flareon: I dunno. Guess I'll eat anything.  
  
(Espeon calls over a Chansey Waitress)  
  
Chansey waitress: and what would you like?  
  
Espeon: whatever this is. (Points to the item.)  
  
Chansey Waitress: ok, I'll be right back.  
  
(Our heroes wait for a while. Sounds of screaming can be heard from the kitchen.)  
  
Flareon: I wonder what's in that soup.  
  
(The Chansey waitress comes back with a tray.)  
  
Chansey waitress: enjoy your meal. (Walks off)  
  
Umbreon: (staring at the yellow watery stuff) doesn't look too appetizing to me.  
  
Vaporeon: (prodding something with her spoon) hey, there's a collar in my soup!  
  
Espeon: (fishing it out and reading it) if this lovable pikachu is found, please return to Ash Ketchum, 49 Pallet Town. (Flings it away) stupid jokes people play nowadays.  
  
Jolteon: oh well. Seems like we have to finish our soup. (Raises spoon)  
  
(Twenty minutes later)  
  
Vaporeon: (wiping mouth with tissue) that wasn't so bad.  
  
Umbreon: it was a bit bitter on the edge though.  
  
Jolteon: whatever. We gotta leave and do something else. (Rises from table and walks off. Our other heroes do the same.)  
  
(Ten minutes later. Our heroes are walking back to their cave.)  
  
Vaporeon: oh look! What's that doing there? (Points in a direction.)  
  
(The camera moves and we see a skull neatly placed on top of an anthill.)  
  
Vaporeon: I wonder what's that skull doing on top of that anthill. Do any of you guys know?  
  
Espeon: (keeping a straight face) no. (Behind him, the other three guys try to stifle their giggles.)  
  
Flareon: perhaps we should leave it there.  
  
Vaporeon: you're probably right.  
  
(Our heroes walk on back to their cave. After a while, they are back.)  
  
Jolteon: so, what you people wanna do now?  
  
Vaporeon: I'm going swimming in the pool. (Walks into her room)  
  
Umbreon: well I guess we have nothing to do except go back to our deckchairs.  
  
Narrator: and so our heroes went off to do whatever they wanted to do.  
  
(One hour later. Jolteon, Flareon, Espeon and Umbreon are on their deckchairs. Vaporeon has already gone swimming. Espeon has dozed off in the sun on his deckchair.)  
  
Espeon: (sleep talking) aaa…  
  
(Jolteon looks up from his reader's digest)  
  
Espeon: help…  
  
Jolteon: (whispering to Flareon and Umbreon) look, Espeon is talking in his sleep.  
  
Umbreon: perhaps he will divulge to us some secrets. (Rubs paws together and grins.)  
  
(The three of them crowd around Espeon.)  
  
Espeon: no…mommy…I didn't use Psychic to watch Vaporeon in the dressing room…  
  
Flareon: this is getting interesting.  
  
Espeon: please…mommy…don't spank me! (Feet make running motions)  
  
Jolteon: hehe.  
  
Espeon: all right mommy, I confess! I confess! I did use Psychic to watch Vaporeon in the dressing room! Please don't spank me!  
  
Jolteon: did you hear that?! (Giggles uncontrollably)  
  
Flareon: heh heh heh.  
  
Umbreon: huh huh huh.  
  
(The three of them giggle freakishly.)  
  
Flareon: what do we do now?  
  
Jolteon: wait till Lccorp2 writes the next episode, duh.  
  
Flareon: oh ok.  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Put any ideas in your reviews, they WILL be appreciated and perhaps even used! 


	8. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 8: Holiday part 6

Author's note: I don't own Pokemon…nor do I own any other characters I did not create myself. If I did, it wouldn't be a Fan-fic, right? Thanks all who reviewed this story…please put ideas in your reviews! ^_^  
  
Eskimo Jolteon episode 8:  
  
A short, silly brain-dead fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place in Johto, a place that is always sunny.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a beach on one of four islands in the sea.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
Narrator: as you know, our heroes were relaxing on the beach when Espeon started sleep talking. Jolteon, Umbreon and Flareon are eavesdropping on his speech.  
  
(Camera zooms in on beach. We see the three of them clustered around Espeon's deckchair.)  
  
Espeon: (Sleep talking) please…mommy don't spank me!  
  
Jolteon: why is he so obsessed with not being spanked?  
  
Umbreon: Ssh. This is getting interesting.  
  
Espeon: NO! I didn't steal Vaporeon's cotton candy!  
  
Umbreon: huh?  
  
Jolteon: I think I remember…  
  
Flareon: I think so too…it was that time when Vaporeon's mother took us to the funfair, right?  
  
(Flashback to 20 years ago. The camera is black-and-white. Jolteon, Flareon, Vaporeon and Umbreon were then young Eevee pups, but for the sake of familiarity I will call them by their names. Vaporeon's mother is trying to keep them under control.)  
  
Vaporeon's mother: stop it! (To Jolteon, Flareon and Umbreon) I promised your parents I'd bring you back in one piece, and I'll do it by hook or by crook! NOW BEHAVE!  
  
Jolteon, Flareon and Umbreon: (reluctantly) aww…  
  
Vaporeon's mother: (to Vaporeon) young lady, your shoelace is untied. Would you be so kind as to tie it now?  
  
(Vaporeon puts the cotton candy she was about to eat right-way up on a bench, then turns her back to it and ties her shoelace. When she reaches back for her cotton candy, it is gone.)  
  
Vaporeon: WAAAAAHHHH!!! MOMMY!!! SOMEONE STOLE MY COTTON CANDY!!! ;__;  
  
Vaporeon's mother: (sighs) young lady, I think if you don't take care of your cotton candy, I don't think you deserve to eat it. Now come along.  
  
Vaporeon: it wasn't my fault. *Sob* ;_; (Walks off slowly with them)  
  
(Flashback ends)  
  
Jolteon: boy, was she sad for days after that.  
  
Flareon: and our trip was ruined, she just wouldn't stop crying.  
  
Umbreon: that Espeon never told us he went to the funfair too.  
  
Flareon: well, do you think he really did steal Vaporeon's cotton candy?  
  
Jolteon: I dunno. Maybe.  
  
Umbreon: well, let's put this poor guy out of his misery. (Grabs Espeon's shoulder and shakes him roughly)  
  
Espeon: (sleepily) Wha…huh? I must have dozed off in the sun.  
  
Jolteon: you did.  
  
Espeon: thanks guys, I was having this really horrible nightmare.  
  
Umbreon: tell us about it. You were making so much noise that we were distracted.  
  
Espeon: (sheepishly) sorry.  
  
Jolteon: well, what do we do now?  
  
Flareon: I have no idea.  
  
Umbreon: I think I see something in the distance. (Points in direction)  
  
Narrator: not very far away…  
  
(Camera scene changes. We see Major Marco and Captain Tarma from Metal Slug walking along the beach.)  
  
Marco: do you think we landed in the right place?  
  
Tarma: no idea.  
  
Marco: I mean, we were briefed that there would be dozens of gigantic crabs waiting to kill us but there's nothing here.  
  
Tarma: why, you think HQ screwed us up again and landed us in the wrong place?  
  
Marco: probably. There's always something waiting to kill us.  
  
Tarma: well we could always call HQ to clarify our position. (Presses buttons on walkie-talkie. Nothing is heard but static.) F***.  
  
Marco: seems like HQ screwed us up big time.  
  
Tarma: well what do we do now?  
  
Marco: look for a phone booth?  
  
Tarma: good idea.  
  
(They walk off into the distance.)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile… (Camera zooms back to our heroes)  
  
Espeon: I think I see it too.  
  
Umbreon: they seem to be humans.  
  
Flareon: and they're coming our way.  
  
Umbreon: whatever.  
  
Narrator: meanwhile… (Camera zooms back to Marco and Tarma. Suddenly, a Togepi walks out from a bush.)  
  
Marco: hello, what's this?  
  
Togepi: Togeprrrrrrrrriiiiii!!! (Yet another two stupid humans)  
  
Tarma: it must be a creation of General Modern! Kill it!  
  
(Marco lowers his shotgun at the Togepi.)  
  
Togepi: Togepi? (Are you worshipping me?)  
  
(Marco pulls the trigger. The Togepi explodes in a cloud of eggshell.)  
  
Marco: now I've got egg white all over my face.  
  
Tarma: come on; let's go look for a phone booth. (They walk off)  
  
Narrator: and now back to our heroes.  
  
Espeon: well it seems like they're coming towards us.  
  
(Marco and Tarma walk in from outside the camera.)  
  
Marco: um, could anyone tell me if we are at the Beach Full Of Giant Crabs That Want To Kill You, game coordinates 66:19:91?  
  
Jolteon: no, you're at the Whirl Islands, game coordinates 16:61:99.  
  
Tarma: (grimly) I think I see why we landed here instead.  
  
Marco: I think I see it too.  
  
Tarma: (To Jolteon) got any inter-game phone we could use?  
  
Jolteon: Umbreon…  
  
Umbreon: umm…yea. (Pulls out cell phone and hands it to Tarma. Tarma takes it and feverishly begins pressing buttons.)  
  
Flareon: I never knew you had a cell phone Umbreon.  
  
Umbreon: bought it with the big bag of cash I had the other day.  
  
Tarma: (into cell phone) (Japanese profanities) (Japanese profanities) why on earth did that F***ing pilot have the slip of paper upside down? We could have been stranded in the middle of Half-Life for all you know!  
  
Marco: (to Flareon) got any beer I could buy off you? I'm dying for a drink.  
  
Espeon: um…they don't sell beer in this game.  
  
Marco: darn. _  
  
Tarma: (into cell phone) (Japanese profanities) (Japanese profanities) (Japanese profanities) (Japanese profanities) (Japanese profanities) (Japanese profanities).  
  
Espeon: your friend sure knows a lot of profanities right?  
  
Marco: umm…yeah. He doesn't usually speak a lot. Blame it on SNK.  
  
Umbreon: could I borrow your sniper rifle?  
  
Marco: whatever. Just return it later.  
  
(Umbreon takes the sniper rifle, and sets it to "Super-unrealistic zoom that can never be achieved in real life", and aims it at the pokemon center in Olivine. He waits till the red dot is over Nurse Joy's head, the pulls the trigger. The camera follows the bullet all the way, and it enters Nurse Joy's head, causing it to explode like a melon.)  
  
Nurse Joy: (from far away) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa………..  
  
Umbreon: (grinning) that was fun. (Hands the rifle back to Marco.)  
  
Tarma: (into cell phone) and this time, make sure you get it right! (Switches off cell phone and returns it to Umbreon) (To Marco) the chopper should be here in a few minutes.  
  
Marco: thank guys for your help.  
  
Jolteon, Flareon, Espeon and Umbreon: whatever.  
  
(A helicopter flies in from the distance and extends a rope ladder, which Marco and Tarma climb up. It then flies away.)  
  
Espeon: so what do we do now?  
  
Flareon: wait for Lccorp2 to write the next episode, duh.  
  
Espeon: ok.  
  
Narrator: to be continued…  
  
How'd you like this silly story? ^_^ Please review and tell me what you think and of any ideas! ^_^ 


	9. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 9: We Found A Rai...

Author's note: I do not own pokemon, or any characters I did not make up myself. Ok? Now on with the story! ^_^ Please, Sandact6, WRITE MORE WERE- POKISM!!!!! I CHECK EVERY DAY TO SEE IF IT'S UPDATED OR NOT!!!!!  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 9:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo near the sea.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera moves in into the igloo. We see Jolteon lying on his bed with a huge pile of dirty laundry in one corner of his bedroom. There is a knock at the door.)  
  
Jolteon: great. Just great. (Yawns, stretches and walks off to open the door. It is opened to reveal Vaporeon)  
  
Vaporeon: hiya! ^_^  
  
Jolteon: morning. Whatcha doing up so early?  
  
Vaporeon: why, it's not early, it's almost 10! Are you still tired from coming home yesterday?  
  
Jolteon: sorta.  
  
Vaporeon: that holiday was really GGGRRREEEEAAATTT!! ^_^  
  
Jolteon: um…yeah.  
  
Vaporeon: by the way, did you hear the latest news? The Nurse Joy in Olivine city mysteriously died!  
  
Jolteon: huh? 0_0 (Suddenly awake)  
  
Vaporeon: they said her head mysteriously exploded like a melon! Odd, isn't it?  
  
Jolteon: um…yes. (Has this horrible flashback of Umbreon playing with Marco's sniper rifle)  
  
Vaporeon: oh well, I'm off to visit Espeon! Take care! (Waltzes off and shuts the door)  
  
Jolteon: sigh… (Another knock is heard. Jolteon goes to open the door. Umbreon is revealed.)  
  
Umbreon: morning, dude.  
  
Jolteon: morning.  
  
Umbreon: I saw Vaporeon on my way here. She seemed really happy.  
  
Jolteon: I know. She came by here just now. And by the way, she ALWAYS looks happy.  
  
Umbreon: let me rephrase that…she looked extra happy. Where did she say she was going?  
  
Jolteon: to her lover's house. (Grins)  
  
Umbreon: that would explain it. (Grins)  
  
(They both laugh freakishly for a minute.)  
  
Umbreon: wonder what they're gonna do.  
  
Jolteon: dunno. What brings you here this morning?  
  
Umbreon: well I was walking among the ice floes last night, when I saw this! (Produces a thingamajig from behind his back.)  
  
Jolteon: what's that?  
  
Umbreon: dunno. It has "Railgun" inscribed on its side.  
  
Jolteon: Railgun? (Author's note: for those readers who do not play Quake 3 arena, a Railgun is an immensely powerful laser gun. Enough said.)  
  
Umbreon: I was hoping you knew what it was.  
  
Jolteon: so, why not take it outside and try it out?  
  
Umbreon: um… yeah.  
  
(One minute later)  
  
Jolteon: now how does this work?  
  
Umbreon: (holding Railgun) well…I du…AAH! (Slips and falls. The Railgun goes off with a "zap". Our heroes watch the blue laser beam fly off into the distance.)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile, far, far away…  
  
(The scene changes and we see the Wise Trio playing cards in front of the Tin Tower.)  
  
Sage#1: I'll see that and raise you.  
  
Sage#2: I fold. (Throws down cards)  
  
Sage#3: this is getting boring, isn't it? (Yawns)  
  
(Suddenly, there is a burst of blue light. Sage#3's head and torso explode in a red cloud, spraying blood and tissue all over the cards and other sages.)  
  
Sage#1 and Sage#2: 0_o  
  
Sage#1: it must be a sign from the gods! Ho-oh will return to the Tin Tower!  
  
Sage#2: we must warn the mortals and call them to repent!  
  
Sage#1: let's get our signs and go!  
  
Sage#2: yeah!  
  
(They set off, leaving the remains of Sage#3 to be eaten by the pidgeys and ratatas.)  
  
Narrator: and back to our heroes.  
  
Jolteon: I think you should be REALLY careful with that thing.  
  
Umbreon: um… yeah.  
  
Jolteon: come on; let me help you up. (Extends paw towards Umbreon)  
  
Umbreon: thanks. (Grabs Jolteon's paw. Unfortunately, Jolteon loses his balance and falls too. The Railgun fires another blast.)  
  
Jolteon: umm…  
  
Narrator: far, far away…  
  
(The scene changes and we see Sage#1 and Sage#2 walking in the streets of Ecruteak holding signs with "Repent" on them.)  
  
Sage#1: Repent! Repent!  
  
Sage#2: Listen, humans, and repent!  
  
(A little child walks by with his mommy.)  
  
Little child: (Pointing at the sages) mommy, mommy, what are they doing?  
  
Mother: They're just people who escaped from the loony bin. Officer Jenny will round them up later and send them back. Now let's be getting home or you'll miss lunch.  
  
(They walk off. A punk comes walks by.)  
  
Sage#2: (To punk) repent, youngster! The end is near!  
  
Punk: screw off, old geezer. I hate God.  
  
Sage#2: do not blaspheme, youngster! God will surely smite you!  
  
Punk. Hah. God sucks. So (Censored) (Censored) (Censored) (Censored), you old (Censored)!  
  
Sage#2: I warned you! Do not blaspheme!  
  
Punk: why you…(Raises fist to whack Sage#2. suddenly, there is a brief burst of blue light and the Punk explodes in a shower of blood.)  
  
Sage#2: (to Sage#1) did you see that? God has punished the sinner!  
  
Sage#1 and Sage#2: Repent! Repent!  
  
Narrator: and now we go back to our heroes.  
  
(We see Jolteon and Umbreon sprawled on the ice. They pick themselves up slowly and painfully.)  
  
Jolteon: (brushing snow off himself) so, what do you wanna do with this thing? (Indicates Railgun)  
  
Umbreon: don't know. Keep it I suppose.  
  
Jolteon: yea. That would be a good idea.  
  
Umbreon: hey, what's that? (Points to something in the distance. The camera zooms in to show Espeon walking)  
  
Jolteon: I think its lover-boy.  
  
Umbreon: wanna go poke fun at him?  
  
Jolteon: why not? (Grins)  
  
(They walk off towards Espeon)  
  
(Thirty seconds later. We see Espeon with a happy, dreamy look on his face.)  
  
Umbreon: hi there.  
  
Espeon: hi. (Smiles dreamily)  
  
Jolteon: heard that Vaporeon dropped by your place.  
  
Espeon: that's right. It felt so good…  
  
Jolteon and Umbreon: WHAT?!  
  
Espeon: she scratched behind my ears.  
  
Umbreon: (making disappointed face) is that all?  
  
Espeon: if you're not an Espeon, you'll never know how nice that can be…(Continues smiling happily)  
  
(Umbreon sighs)  
  
Espeon: we did some other things too.  
  
Jolteon and Umbreon: WHAT?!?! WHAT DID YOU TWO DO?!?! TELL US!!!  
  
Espeon: I'm not telling! ^_^ (Walks away happily)  
  
Jolteon: (to Umbreon) let's not jump to conclusions, shall we?  
  
Umbreon: heh heh heh.  
  
(They both crack up.)  
  
Umbreon: well, I gotta get back to my igloo and find a place to put this down.  
  
Jolteon: and I got a whole pile of dirty laundry to clean.  
  
Umbreon: bye.  
  
Jolteon: bye. (Umbreon walks away with the Railgun)  
  
(Jolteon walks back to his igloo and shuts the door.)  
  
Narrator: and so ends another stupid episode of Eskimo Jolteon! ^_^  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please put ideas in your reviews! And please, Pikachu Sandact6, WRITE MORE!!!!!!!!!! 


	10. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 10: Fighting Team...

Author's note: I do not own pokemon, nor do I own any other characters not created by me. Ok? Now let's get on with the story! ^_^  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 10:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo near the sea.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms in on Jolteon. We see him sipping coffee.)  
  
Jolteon: what a fine day. (A knock at the door is heard.)  
  
Articuno: mail's here! (She flies off)  
  
Jolteon: (sighs) civil servants. (Opens door and collects the mail.) Let's see…flame…bill…review…bill…Arctic Digest…sigh.  
  
(Jolteon puts the rest of the mail down and rips open the packaging of the Arctic Digest, then settles down to read it.)  
  
Jolteon: nothing like a good magazine over a cup of coffee.  
  
(A short note falls out from the magazine)  
  
Jolteon: (picks it up) hello, what's this? (Reading from note) dear sir, thank you for taking part in our last lucky draw. You have just won gift vouchers worth 50,000 pokebucks for the Goldenrod City Mall. Thank you and we hope that you will take part in our contests again.  
  
(Jolteon sits down and finishes his coffee.)  
  
Jolteon: maybe I should be telling the others about this. (Exits his igloo.)  
  
(Half an hour later, inside Umbreon's igloo.)  
  
Umbreon: #$@& computer…why on earth did you hang again? (Hears knock at door.) Come in!  
  
Jolteon: (entering) hey, could I borrow your cell phone for a while?  
  
Umbreon: whatever. You'll have to charge the batteries for me, they're flat. (Hands it to Jolteon.)  
  
Jolteon: 'k. (Takes the batteries out and jiggles them in his paw for a bit.) there, all done.  
  
Umbreon: (turning computer off) whatever.  
  
Jolteon: (into cell phone) hey, Vaporeon, could you ask the others to meet me at the newly built Ice Cave Magnet train station? I won a bunch of shopping vouchers I can't spend all by myself. K. Seeya there.  
  
(One and a half hour later. Our gang of five is on the Magnet train.)  
  
Espeon: I still don't understand why you're so generous.  
  
Jolteon: can you spend 50,000 pokebucks all by yourself in one day?  
  
Espeon: um…good point.  
  
Flareon: (chugging from gas can) I don't understand why you had to bring that Railgun, Umbreon.  
  
Umbreon: I like it.  
  
Vaporeon: WHATEVER!!! I LOOOVVVEEE SHOPPING!!! ^_^  
  
PA system: we have arrived at Goldenrod station. We hope to see you again.  
  
Flareon: (To Jolteon) by the way, how'd you get your hands on that rail pass?  
  
Jolteon: got it off a fat slowpoke.  
  
Flareon: oh.  
  
Espeon: well, let's get off.  
  
(Two hours later. Our heroes are at the Goldenrod City Mall.)  
  
Umbreon: are you sure you wanna buy that Quake III Arena CD?  
  
Jolteon: well you bought a Pokemon Silver cartridge, a GBA, a Gameshark, and a whole load of those green crates marked "Slugs". I don't see why I can't buy this.  
  
Flareon: all I want is gas. (Chugs from gas can.)  
  
Jolteon: yes, but I don't see why you had to buy a whole tanker of it.  
  
Umbreon: drunkard.  
  
Flareon: (slurring) shuddup. People were staring at your Railgun. (Drinks from Gas can.)  
  
Umbreon: I like it.  
  
Jolteon: (pointing) oh look here come the lovers.  
  
Flareon: (to Vaporeon) so, what did you two buy?  
  
Vaporeon: well, we…  
  
(Suddenly, evil laughter is heard crackling over the radio installed into the Mall's PA system.)  
  
PA system: I am Giovanni, leader of Team Gay-Ass Rocket. Fear me, people of Goldenrod. I will take over the whole world!!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Jolteon: oh look another stupid loser.  
  
Vaporeon: what say we go sort out this loser?  
  
All: HELL YEAH!  
  
(Half an hour later. Our heroes are outside the Radio Tower.)  
  
Jolteon: all right, so what do we do now?  
  
(Suddenly, we see the bots from Quake III Arena. They are walking down the street.)  
  
Umbreon: hey guys…  
  
Sarge: oh no. Don't ask us to fight. We're on our offday.  
  
Umbreon: no wonder I couldn't load my bots and my computer hung up on me.  
  
Visor: sorry, kid. Any way we can make it up to you?  
  
Jolteon: well, you could lend us your weapons. We're going off to fight Team Gay-Ass Rocket.  
  
Grunt: (pointing at Umbreon) hey, he has my Railgun!  
  
Umbreon: oops. Sorry. Want it back?  
  
Grunt: nah. Thanks to you, I've discovered my hidden talent with the lightning gun! Ya can keep it!  
  
Umbreon: thanks dude.  
  
Sarge: well, let's share our tools of death with these dudes here! Just return it later on, 'k?  
  
(The Bots produce their weapons and throw it in a large heap.)  
  
Stripe: well, help yourself.  
  
(Our heroes climb onto the pile of weapons and pick some out.)  
  
Jolteon: this looks nice. (Picks up Machinegun and a Gauntlet.)  
  
Flareon: I agree. (Picks up a Shotgun.)  
  
Vaporeon: well, you lot could use some heavy firepower. (Hoists Rocket Launcher onto her shoulder.)  
  
Espeon: oh look! A cool toy! (Lifts up Plasmagun.)  
  
Umbreon: I think I'll stick with this. (Waves Railgun about.)  
  
Visor: oh, yes. Just take this. You never know if you might need it. (Hands Jolteon a box.)  
  
Jolteon: what's in the box?  
  
Visor: it's a surprise.  
  
Jolteon: oh.  
  
(Suddenly, our heroes hear a voice out of nowhere.)  
  
Voice: You Are Tied For The Lead.  
  
Flareon: what's that?  
  
Stripe: we just call it the Voice. It erm, congratulates us.  
  
Flareon: 'k.  
  
Sarge, Stripe, Visor and Grunt: good luck!  
  
Jolteon, Flareon, Vaporeon, Espeon and Umbreon: GO GO GO!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(Five minutes later. The camera shows Umbreon perched on top of one of the buildings adjacent to the Radio Tower.)  
  
Jolteon: (through walkie-talkie) *kkkhhhhtttt* Umbreon, do you see those two Rockets stationed outside the main entrance? Take them out. Over. *Kkkhhhhtttt*  
  
Umbreon: *kkkhhhhtttt* roger that. Over. *Kkkhhhhtttt* (Takes aim with the Railgun, and fires. The first Rocket explodes in a spray of blood. He takes aim again, and fires before the Second Rocket has a chance to sound the alarm.)  
  
Voice: Impressive.  
  
Jolteon: *Kkkhhhhtttt* good job. We're going in. Cover us. Over. *Kkkhhhhtttt*  
  
Umbreon: *Kkkhhhhtttt* Roger that. Over. *Kkkhhhhtttt*  
  
(The camera zooms to our four heroes. They charge into the Radio Tower.)  
  
Jolteon: take that you vibrator-chewers! (Fires Machinegun wildly. Three Rockets are gunned down.)  
  
Voice: You Have Taken The Lead.  
  
Flareon: woohoo! This is fun! (Blasts away with shotgun.)  
  
Espeon: hey, Vaporeon watch it behind you! (Vaporeon turns round and sees two rockets trying to gang up on her.)  
  
Vaporeon: oh, trying to pick on the girl? (Fires a rocket. It hits them right on, turning them into unidentifiable pieces of meat.)  
  
Voice: Excellent.  
  
Espeon: this is a nice toy. (Fires Plasmagun into a doorway. Many Rockets are melted into liquid.)  
  
(A blue laser bursts in through a window and blows two Rockets to pieces.)  
  
Flareon: seems like Umbreon's not missing out on the fun.  
  
Flareon: Jolteon and Vaporeon, go up! Espeon and I will hold em off!  
  
(Vaporeon and Jolteon race up the stairs to the third level.)  
  
Jolteon: great. More Rockets.  
  
Vaporeon: kill em all! (Fires Rocket Launcher wildly in all directions. Soon, the room is filled with dead or dying Rockets.)  
  
Jolteon: now, what do we do about this door? (Gestures at the metal door.)  
  
Vaporeon: stand back. (Launches rocket at door. The door is blown into many pieces.) You go on ahead. I'll cover your back.  
  
(Jolteon goes up the stairs to the fourth level. It is empty, except for…)  
  
Jolteon: Barney the Dinosaur!  
  
Barney: (Happily) oh look! Another friend!  
  
Jolteon: AAH!!!!! NO!!!!! SPAWN OF SATAN!!!! BEGONE!!!!!  
  
Barney: come on, won't you give your friend a great big hug?  
  
Jolteon: (equips the Gauntlet and slowly moves towards Barney with the Gauntlet a-buzzing) yes, why of course I'll give you a great big hug!  
  
Barney: (strides over to Jolteon happily) goody! Come on; give your friend barney a great big hug!  
  
(Jolteon gives Barney a great big whack. The Gauntlet cuts through Barney's cranium, neatly slicing it in half. Barney slumps to the floor.)  
  
Voice: JUBILATION!!!!!  
  
Jolteon: that's one less horror on this earth. (Equips Machinegun again)  
  
(Jolteon races up the steps to the fifth floor, where he finds…)  
  
Jolteon: Giovanni!  
  
Giovanni: MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Worm, do you think you can defeat me? Prepare to die! (Brings out two Miniguns and starts firing. Jolteon ducks for cover behind a filing cabinet.)  
  
Giovanni: come out, ballless coward, and fight!  
  
Jolteon: well, this is an emergency. (Opens box. He is instantly encased in a shimmering blue light.)  
  
Voice: QUAD DAMAGE!  
  
Jolteon: cool! (Comes out and fires a few rounds at Giovanni. They miss and hit the table, which explodes in a shower of splinters.)  
  
Giovanni: NO FAIR! CHEATER! I WANT MY MOMMY! (Breaks down and cries)  
  
Jolteon: NO MERCY! (Pumps Giovanni full of lead.)  
  
(Vaporeon comes up)  
  
Vaporeon: I heard the noise and thought you might need some help…(eyes Jolteon up and down) hey…nice color.  
  
Jolteon: thanks. Let's go down and collect the others.  
  
(Fifteen minutes later. They are returning the stuff to the Bots.)  
  
Sarge: so, was that fun?  
  
Flareon: yea.  
  
Sarge: believe me…it's fun at first but when you do it day after day…  
  
Umbreon: nice color Jolteon.  
  
Jolteon: thanks. (The Quad Damage wears off.)  
  
Umbreon: then again, maybe not.  
  
Vaporeon: come on guys, we still have our shopping to do.  
  
(The five of them walk off.)  
  
Narrator: to be continued when I move my butt…  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! ^_^ 


	11. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 11: song time!

Author's note: I do not own pokemon, nor do I own any other characters not created by me. Ok? I was bored one night and came up with this. ^_^ Please, Pikachu Sandact6, continue on were-pokism! I need to know what happens next!  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 11: A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place in Johto, a place where two of our heroes have gathered.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a stage somewhere.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms in on the stage. We see Espeon and Umbreon on the stage.)  
  
Umbreon: hello, folks! Tonight, as Lccorp2 has had an idea, we shall sing a song.about.you! (Points to Espeon)  
  
Espeon: thank you.  
  
Umbreon: just sing this to the tune of "if you're happy".and now let's start!  
  
(Audience applauds.)  
  
Umbreon: If you're happy and you know it, whack Espeon! (Takes out a HUGE mallet and whacks Espeon on the head twice)  
  
(Audience laughs)  
  
If you're happy and you know it, whack Espeon! (Whacks Espeon twice again)  
  
Espeon: OUCH!  
  
Umbreon: If you're happy and you know it, and you really wanna show it, if you're happy and you know it, whack Espeon! (Whacks Espeon again)  
  
Espeon: AAAAaaaa!!! (Runs away)  
  
(The scene changes, and we see Espeon outside Vaporeon's cave, looking bruised. He knocks on the door. Vaporeon comes out.)  
  
Espeon: umm.could you hide me for a while? Umbreon keeps on whacking me with a great big mallet!  
  
Vaporeon: (Singing) if your boyfriend is a whiner yell at him, (Yells "GET OUT!" at the top of her voice, so loud that Espeon's fur is blown back)  
  
If your boyfriend is a whiner yell at him, (Yells at Espeon again)  
  
(Stuffing Espeon into a cannon) If your boyfriend is a whiner, send him off to Asia Minor, (ignites cannon. Espeon flies off screaming "AAAAUUUGGHHH!!!") if your boyfriend is a whiner yell at him (Yells "GET OUT!" after the rapidly disappearing Espeon.)  
  
(The scene changes, and we see Espeon, bruised and battered, limping up to Flareon's door. Flareon open's the door.)  
  
Espeon: please.could you hide me?  
  
Flareon: (Singing) if your buddy is a loser, wake him up. (Uses Flamethrower on Espeon)  
  
Espeon: YYYAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!  
  
Flareon: if your buddy is a loser, wake him up. (Uses Flamethrower again, with similar results)  
  
If your buddy is a loser, and he's really just a boozer, if your buddy is a loser wake him up. (Uses Fire Blast on Espeon. Espeon runs away screaming, engulfed in the flames.)  
  
(Audience laughs and applauds)  
  
(Espeon arrives at Jolteon's igloo, battered, bruised and charred. He crawls up to the front door and Jolteon opens it.)  
  
Espeon: please.people been hitting me, and yelling at me, and burning me all day.you ain't gonna do any of those to me right?  
  
Jolteon: of course not.  
  
Espeon: thank you so much. (Bursts into tears.)  
  
Jolteon: (Singing) If Espeon's a-coming zap him, (Zaps Espeon)  
  
Espeon: AAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!  
  
Jolteon: if Espeon's a-coming zap him, (Zaps Espeon again)  
  
If Espeon's a-coming and he really needs a whamming, if Espeon's a-coming zap him. (Zaps Espeon again.)  
  
(The scene changes, and all five of our heroes are on the aforementioned stage.)  
  
Jolteon, Flareon, Vaporeon and Umbreon: if you're happy and you know it do all four, (They perform their respective actions one by one on Espeon.)  
  
If you're happy and you know it do all four. (They do so again.)  
  
If you're happy and you know it, and you really wanna show it, if you're happy and you know it, do all four! (They do so again.)  
  
Espeon: (croaking) Plllleeeeaaassssseee...stop.(Blacks out and collapses face down on the floor)  
  
Vaporeon: umm.guys.I think we overdid it.  
  
Jolteon: let's get him to a Pokecenter.  
  
(They lift him onto a stretcher and walk off the stage.)  
  
How'd you like this silly song? I'll try to keep the episodes coming! ^_^ 


	12. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 12: song time 2!

Author's note: I don't own pokemon, ok? I just thought of another evil song last night and so I'm making the gang sing it! ^_^ Fanfiction.net is down again for some reason.ggrrrr!  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 11: A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place in Johto, a place where all of our heroes have gathered.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a stage somewhere.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms in on stage. We see our gang of five on the stage. Espeon is sitting in a wheelchair heavily bandaged.)  
  
Jolteon: well, hi, folks! Since Lccorp2 hasn't thought of another plot, we shall have to make do with singing another evil song!  
  
(Espeon whimpers and tries to wheel himself away.)  
  
Vaporeon: aw, stop there, silly billy! We're not going to hurt you! Here, you can play the guitar! (Hands him the guitar. Espeon takes it and strikes a chord.)  
  
Umbreon: if you folks at home don't know the tune, you still can have a good laugh at the lyrics!  
  
All: a one, a two, a one two three!  
  
Jolteon: professor Oak went down to the cellar to pray, He prayed all night, he prayed all day.  
  
(Chorus) All: I ain't gonna grieve, my lord no more. I ain't gonna grieve my lord, I ain't gonna grieve my lord, I ain't gonna gri-e-i-e-ve my lord no more.  
  
Flareon: oh you can't go to heaven with a big Snorlax, Cause a big Snorlax has a big fat ass.  
  
All: I ain't gonna grieve, my lord no more. I ain't gonna grieve my lord, I ain't gonna grieve my lord, I ain't gonna gri-e-i-e-ve my lord no more.  
  
Vaporeon: oh you can't go to heaven with that stupid Ash, Cause that stupid Ash ain't got a badge.  
  
All: I ain't gonna grieve, my lord no more. I ain't gonna grieve my lord, I ain't gonna grieve my lord, I ain't gonna gri-e-i-e-ve my lord no more.  
  
Umbreon: oh you can't go to heaven with that Misty bitch, Cause heaven ain't got place for a witch.  
  
All: I ain't gonna grieve, my lord no more. I ain't gonna grieve my lord, I ain't gonna grieve my lord, I ain't gonna gri-e-i-e-ve my lord no more.  
  
Jolteon: oh you can't go to heaven with that horny Brock, Cause he likes what's under ladies' frocks.  
  
All: I ain't gonna grieve, my lord no more. I ain't gonna grieve my lord, I ain't gonna grieve my lord, I ain't gonna gri-e-i-e-ve my lord no more.  
  
Flareon: oh you can't go to heaven on a long Furret, Cause Furrets ain't got wings yet.  
  
All: I ain't gonna grieve, my lord no more. I ain't gonna grieve my lord, I ain't gonna grieve my lord, I ain't gonna gri-e-i-e-ve my lord no more.  
  
Vaporeon: oh you can't go to heaven with that Tracey prick, Cause that Tracey prick ain't got a dick.  
  
All: I ain't gonna grieve, my lord no more. I ain't gonna grieve my lord, I ain't gonna grieve my lord, I ain't gonna gri-e-i-e-ve my lord no more.  
  
Umbreon: oh you can't go to heaven with Erika, Cause that ugly slut wears no bra.  
  
All: I ain't gonna grieve, my lord no more. I ain't gonna grieve my lord, I ain't gonna grieve my lord, I ain't gonna gri-e-i-e-ve my lord no more.  
  
Jolteon: oh you can't go to heaven with a Lanturn, Cause it'd rather stay and eat worms.  
  
All: I ain't gonna grieve, my lord no more. I ain't gonna grieve my lord, I ain't gonna grieve my lord, I ain't gonna gri-e-i-e-ve my lord no more.  
  
Flareon: oh you can't go to heaven with a Pikachu, Cause that evil rat wants to rape you.  
  
All: I ain't gonna grieve, my lord no more. I ain't gonna grieve my lord, I ain't gonna grieve my lord, I ain't gonna gri-e-i-e-ve my lord no more.  
  
Vaporeon: oh you can't go to heaven on the magnet train, Cause the magnet train goes to Spain.  
  
All: I ain't gonna grieve, my lord no more. I ain't gonna grieve my lord, I ain't gonna grieve my lord, I ain't gonna gri-e-i-e-ve my lord no more.  
  
Umbreon: oh you can't go to heaven with that Gary, Cause he thinks he's a sexy fairy.  
  
All: I ain't gonna grieve, my lord no more. I ain't gonna grieve my lord, I ain't gonna grieve my lord, I ain't gonna gri-e-i-e-ve my lord no more.  
  
Jolteon: oh you can't go to heaven with Champion Lance, Cause he don't wear underpants.  
  
All: I ain't gonna grieve, my lord no more. I ain't gonna grieve my lord, I ain't gonna grieve my lord, I ain't gonna gri-e-i-e-ve my lord no more.  
  
Flareon: oh you can't go to heaven with Ash's Muk, Cause that ugly freak only wants to fuck.  
  
All: I ain't gonna grieve, my lord no more. I ain't gonna grieve my lord, I ain't gonna grieve my lord, I ain't gonna gri-e-i-e-ve my lord no more.  
  
All: if you can't go to heaven, don't go to hell, Cause you can go down slowpoke well.  
  
I ain't gonna grieve, my lord no more. I ain't gonna grieve my lord, I ain't gonna grieve my lord, I ain't gonna gri-e-i-e-ve my lord no more.  
  
Jolteon: well, the song is over. Stay tuned for the next episode!  
  
How'd you like this evil song? Hope you like it! ^_^ 


	13. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 13: ADULT CONTENT...

Author's note: I don't own pokemon, nor do I own any characters not created by me. Ok? Now let's get on with the story! ^_^ Pikachu Sandact6, I worship you! Write more Were-pokism!  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 13: A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo near the sea.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera moves into igloo. We see Jolteon reading the newspaper.)  
  
Jolteon: aah.this is the life.  
  
(There is a knock at the door.)  
  
Jolteon: come in!  
  
(The door bursts open, and Flareon comes in. He is chugging from a can of gas.)  
  
Flareon: (Slurring) hiya bud.  
  
Jolteon: have you been drinking too much again?  
  
Flareon: (slurring) no! I'm not drunk!  
  
Jolteon: (sighs) I think I will do my duty as a friend and go take you to the Dependents Anonymous at Maghony Town. Come on, let's go. (Drags Flareon off.)  
  
Flareon: NO! I DON'T WANNA GO!  
  
(Two hours later. Jolteon and Flareon are outside the meeting place.)  
  
Jolteon: now, just go in there, and share your experiences. All the Pokemon in there are all dependent on various substances, just like you. Just go in and be good. Ok?  
  
Flareon: (grumbles) 'k.  
  
(Flareon goes in. We see a Chansey nurse, and seats arranged in a circle with various Pokemon sitting on them. One seat is empty and Flareon goes over and sits on it.)  
  
Chansey nurse: ok, now that our last member for today is here, we can start this meeting of the Dependents Anonymous you may begin. (Points at a Scizor.)  
  
Scizor: well, I'm addicted to Metal Coats. I just can't stop eating them! It's just like, wow.(trails on)  
  
Flareon: (raises paw) do I have to listen to this?  
  
Chansey nurse: um.yes.  
  
Flareon: oh. (Raises paw again) do I have to care?  
  
Scizor: and now, my trainer wants me to give up eating Metal Coats! She wants me to go Cold Turkey! (Bursts into tears)  
  
Chansey nurse: there, there. Cold Turkey isn't the end, you know.  
  
Flareon: (muttering) yeah, it's just the end for the Pokemon who goes Cold Turkey.  
  
Chansey nurse: ok; now we can hear the next Pokemon's experiences!  
  
Flareon: NNNNOOOOOO!!!!!!!! LET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(One hour later. We see Jolteon in the waiting room when Flareon comes out.)  
  
Flareon: I NEVER EVER EVER EVER want to go here again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! (Runs off)  
  
Jolteon: what's gotten into him? Hope he can find his way back. (Shrugs and walks off)  
  
(One hour later. Jolteon is back in his igloo watching television. There is a knock at the door.)  
  
Jolteon: (sighs) come in!  
  
(Vaporeon and Umbreon come in.)  
  
Vaporeon: hi! We were visiting Espeon, and I convinced Umbreon that we should stop here for a while! ^_^  
  
Jolteon: whatever. Wanna watch TV?  
  
Vaporeon: oh yes! ^_^  
  
(Vaporeon and Umbreon sit down on the couch.)  
  
Jolteon: how's Espeon?  
  
Umbreon: well, the nurse said he had multiple fractures, third-degree burns over most of his body, and massive internal bleeding due to repeated electric shocks. But with the help of Morning Sun, he'll be up and about in a few days.  
  
Jolteon: maybe you shouldn't have hit him so hard.  
  
Umbreon: I didn't do it! Lccorp2 made me do it!  
  
Narrator: hey, I resent that!  
  
Umbreon: bugger off loser. Get a life.  
  
Narrator: MY CREATIONS DO NOT SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT! (Zaps Umbreon badly) Now should I bugger off?  
  
Umbreon: (charred) no.  
  
Narrator: that's good. And I don't need another life; I've already got three.  
  
(Vaporeon giggles)  
  
Vaporeon: (sniffs the air) wait.do you smell something?  
  
Jolteon: its.berry juice, isn't it?  
  
Vaporeon: I think it's coming from outside.  
  
(Jolteon goes over and opens the door. We see Mewtwo and Lugia, arm in arm. They are evidently Mega-drunk, and slur really bad when they talk.)  
  
Mewtwo: hey.what's Jolty doing outside?  
  
Lugia: yeah, what's you be doing outside Unknown Dungeon?  
  
Jolteon: no. This is not Unknown Dungeon. You two are outside my igloo.  
  
Lugia: I think we made a wrong turn.  
  
Mewtwo: I TOLD you, fly RIGHT from Blackthorn City, but would you listen? No..  
  
Jolteon: you two better come inside. (Ushers them in.)  
  
Umbreon: (looking up) those two are here?  
  
Jolteon: Umbreon, give me your cell phone! This is an emergency!  
  
(Umbreon hands Jolteon his cell phone. Jolteon takes it and dials Mew's number.)  
  
Jolteon: (into cell phone) hello? Mew? I've got Mewtwo and Lugia here.yes, they ARE drunk, could you come and collect them? 'k. Thanks.  
  
(There is a knock at the door. Mew enters.)  
  
Vaporeon: wow, that was fast.  
  
Mew: I just got that Alakazam to teleport me here.  
  
Jolteon: well they're here. Do collect them.  
  
Mewtwo: (woozily) hiya Mewwie.  
  
Mew: YOU SAID YOU'D BE BACK BY 3! INSTEAD YOU WENT DRINKING WITH LUGIA! (Slaps Mewtwo)  
  
Umbreon: that's gotta hurt.  
  
Mew: (to Jolteon) well, thanks for holding them. Now how do we get back?  
  
Jolteon: well, the Pidgeot Airdrop at the Pokemart won't be here for another three days.and Lugia is too drunk to fly.guess I could ask Articuno to give you three a lift.  
  
(Jolteon goes outside)  
  
Jolteon: (Yelling) Articuno! Where are you!  
  
(A seel goes past.)  
  
Seel: didn't you know? It's her offday today. (Leaves)  
  
Jolteon: @!$@#$^$#%#$ civil servants.they're never around when you need them.(goes back inside)  
  
Mew: well?  
  
Jolteon: guess we could ask officer Jenny to help. (Picks up phone. After a short conversation, he puts it down.) Well, that's settled. She'll be here in four hours on her snowmobile.  
  
Mew: guess I can wait.  
  
Jolteon: if you don't mind, I'll be outside for a while. (Goes outside)  
  
Vaporeon: I think I'll be joining him. Want anything?  
  
Mew: I would like something to drink.  
  
Vaporeon: 'k. (Grabs something from Jolteon's berry juice cabinet at random and hands it to Mew, then dashes out of the door.)  
  
(The scene changes, and it is outside Jolteon's igloo. We see Jolteon sitting down on a mound of snow.)  
  
(Jolteon sighs. Vaporeon comes and sits beside him.)  
  
Vaporeon: rough day huh?  
  
Jolteon: I suppose so. Did Mew want anything?  
  
Vaporeon: she did say she wanted something to drink.  
  
Jolteon: and what did you give her?  
  
Vaporeon: something from your berry juice cabinet.  
  
Jolteon: (suddenly awake) what was the bottle like?  
  
Vaporeon: It was sort of funny shaped.  
  
Jolteon: NOOOOOOO!!!!! (Dashes back into igloo)  
  
(The camera moves to follow Jolteon. We see Mew draining the last drops from the bottle.)  
  
Mew: (slurring) hiya cutie.  
  
Jolteon: NOOOOOO!!!!! VAPOREON! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?!?!?!?!?!?  
  
Vaporeon: what have I done?  
  
Jolteon: (snatching bottle from Mew and pointing to label) look at this!  
  
Vaporeon: (Reading from label) triple-distilled authentic Shuckle-fermented berry juice with extra ethanol added. 80% ethanol. Serve only in doses not more than 50 ml.  
  
Jolteon: I'm not gonna be responsible for anything that goes on in here! (Runs out the door)  
  
Vaporeon: I think I need to use the bathroom.(edges out slowly, leaving Umbreon, Mew, Mewtwo and Lugia in the room.)  
  
(Nothing happens for a short while. Then.)  
  
Mew: I love you, 'two. (Kisses him)  
  
Mewtwo: I love you too. (Kisses her back)  
  
(Umbreon and Lugia stare at them.)  
  
Mewtwo: hey, what're you two doing? If you stare at my girlfriend one more time I will rip out your eyes and shove them up your ass, which I will also rip out!  
  
Mew: oh come on.don't get violent. (Hugs Mewtwo)  
  
Mewtwo: anything for my little Girlfriend. (Kisses her.) Do you want me?  
  
Mew OH YES! I WANT YOU BAD!!!!! (Grabs Mewtwo and they make out on Jolteon's couch)  
  
(Lugia begins to drool.)  
  
Narrator: after what seemed to be an eternity to Jolteon.  
  
(Scene changes to outside Jolteon's igloo. Officer Jenny arrives on her snowmobile.)  
  
Jolteon: finally! You're here!  
  
Officer Jenny: leave it to me. (Enters Jolteon's igloo and firmly strides over to Mew, Mewtwo and Lugia.) I'm putting you under arrest for being Drunk and Incapable and for Disorderly Behavior. Come along quietly. (Leads them away.)  
  
Jolteon: umm.what will happen to them?  
  
Officer Jenny: we'll hold them until they sober up. Then they can leave.  
  
Jolteon: umm.ok.  
  
(Officer Jenny speeds off with the three drunkards in the back seat of her snowmobile.)  
  
Vaporeon: (coming out) is it over?  
  
Jolteon: I think so. It's getting late. You and Umbreon should be getting home.  
  
Vaporeon: yeah. Come on, Umbreon.  
  
(They leave. Jolteon goes back in and shuts the door.)  
  
Narrator: and so ends another stupid, pointless day in our heroes' lives!  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Do put comments and ideas in your reviews! ^_^ 


	14. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 14: Poor Espeon! ...

Author's note: I don't own pokemon.so there! Nor do I own any other characters not created by me.WOOHOO! The Crimson Lugia wrote a fic inspired by this fic! Thanks a lot! You have earned a guest role this episode! Now let's get on with my story! ^_^ Warning: this episode may not be suitable for non-sadists. You have been warned.  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 14: A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo near the mountains..  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms in on Espeon. He is in his igloo humming a merry tune to himself. Unfortunately, about a third of his body is still bandaged (see episode 11). Suddenly, Jolteon runs onto the set.)  
  
Jolteon: HEY! I'M SUPPOSED TO BE THE MAIN CHARACTER! I SHOULD BE THERE!  
  
Narrator: if you stayed a bit longer, you'd be thankful you weren't him.  
  
Jolteon: I gotta see this. (Sits down next to me)  
  
Espeon: (to self) what a merry day. Perhaps I should go see Vaporeon.I dreamed about her again last night! ^_^ (Limps over to the door, opens it, and goes out.)  
  
Jolteon: (angrily)nothing bad happened to him!  
  
Narrator: hush. Meanwhile.  
  
(Camera zooms in on Umbreon's igloo. We see him fiddling with his Gameshark.)  
  
Umbreon: #%^@ thing.how does it work? (Finds the ON switch and flips it) there!  
  
(Suddenly, a huge, muscled humanoid with a shark's head pops out of the Gameshark.)  
  
Umbreon: cool!  
  
Humanoid: I am the Genie of the Gameshark. Your wish is my command, master, provided you know the codes.  
  
Umbreon: that's no problem. (Goes to GameFAQs and checks up all the codes.)  
  
Genie: are you ready for your wish, master?  
  
Umbreon: umm.yes. I would like 99 rare candies, code 00FF1264 (A/N: this is not a real Gameshark code, I made it up myself!)  
  
Genie: It is done! (Waves its hands about and a pile of rare candies appear.)  
  
Umbreon: and I would like the surrounding area to be full of traps. I don't feel safe today. Code 00FEX193.  
  
Genie: it is done! (Waves hands about) many traps have been planted in a 500-meter radius around thy dwelling!  
  
Umbreon: 'k. you can get back now.  
  
Genie: I cannot do that myself! You must flick the switch to the OFF position!  
  
Umbreon: oh yes. (Does so)  
  
Genie: thank you master! (Vanishes in a cloud of sparkly dust.)  
  
Umbreon: (chewing on a rare candy) that was nice. (Goes back to playing Quake III Arena.)  
  
Narrator: unfortunately for our poor Espeon, his path takes him past Umbreon's igloo! Ha ha ha.  
  
Jolteon: I see.  
  
(Camera zooms back onto Espeon. He is hobbling forward over the ice floes. Umbreon's igloo can be seen in the distance.)  
  
Espeon: (to self) why do I constantly have the feeling that something horrible is going to happen, I think.  
  
(Suddenly, he steps on an Ursaring trap. It snaps shut on his hind leg, drawing a notable amount of blood.)  
  
Espeon: OOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(Espeon concentrates and presses the air molecules around his leg together, forming a makeshift bandage. He then removes his foot from the trap and limps on, ignoring the pain.)  
  
Jolteon: (to me) that's gotta hurt.  
  
Narrator: yea, but he gets three times as much pay as you do.  
  
(The camera follows Espeon as he goes to cross a frozen river by the bridge.)  
  
Espeon: that darned brain of mine keeps on telling me that something is wrong.but what?  
  
(Espeon starts crossing the bridge carefully, when he steps on a plank that breaks and sends him through the ice on the frozen river. When he resurfaces, we see him neatly frozen in an ice block.)  
  
Espeon: (thinking to himself) no! I don't wanna become some preserved specimen! Come on, Espeon, you're a Psychic-type! Do something!  
  
(Espeon concentrates and manages to teleport himself to the other bank. He stands there for a while, watching the ice cube with a neat Espeon-shaped hollow float downstream. He then hobbles onwards.)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to Santa's workshop. Santa is shown in the center, while the elves around him hurry about their business.)  
  
Santa: (reading from a Christmas list) dear Santa, this year I want an Espeon soft toy.AAAUUGGGHHH!!! This is the 14,923,812th order we've had for an Espeon Soft toy! How on earth are we gonna get them ready for Christmas?!  
  
(Suddenly, an elf runs up to Santa.)  
  
Elf: sir, I thought you might want a look at what I found. (Holds up ice cube with the Espeon-shaped hollow inside.)  
  
Santa: (staring at it) WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT? GET IT INTO THE FREEZER NOW!  
  
Elf: (stammering) y.yes, sir! (Runs off)  
  
Santa: (to the other elves) drill a hole in that ice block and cut it in two! The rest of you, hurry and get the molten soft toy paste! We just got hope now! Come on, double timing! MOVE MOVE MOVE!  
  
Narrator: and so Espeon unknowingly helped many children get their Espeon soft toys for Christmas. If you got an Espeon soft toy from Santa, don't forget to thank Espeon! ^_^  
  
Jolteon: I got one too from my Aunt Edna.  
  
Narrator: whatever. Meanwhile.  
  
(The camera shifts and we see Espeon limping on. He is walking past the foot of a hill.)  
  
Espeon: I wonder how many things can happen now.  
  
(The camera shifts to the top of the hill. A snowflake happens to fall just so that it bounces off and rolls down the hill, as it rolls, it gets bigger and bigger until-)  
  
Espeon: (twitching his ears) what's that rumbling I he.(Sees the gigantic snowball and freaks out) YYYYAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!! (Desperately tries to run away in vain. He is picked up by the snowball and carried along with is until it hits a boulder. The snowball explodes and Espeon is slammed against the boulder.)  
  
Espeon: (groaning weakly) when.will.pain.stop.  
  
(Suddenly, The Crimson Lugia flies over.)  
  
Espeon: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!! NNNNNOOOOO!!!!!! PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!!!!!!!  
  
The Crimson Lugia: I'm not gonna hurt you. Where are you going?  
  
Espeon: to Vaporeon's.  
  
The Crimson Lugia: come up, I'll give you a lift.  
  
(Espeon painfully climbs up onto The Crimson Lugia's back, and they soar high into the sky. Unfortunately, Espeon is knocked off by a passing gust of wind and falls down to the ground.)  
  
Espeon: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.....  
  
The Crimson Lugia: hey, where'd he go?  
  
(Espeon lands on a landmine, which blows him far, far away.)  
  
Espeon: AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(Camera zooms back to Umbreon's igloo.)  
  
Umbreon: ho hum.fragging losers is so fun.  
  
Espeon: (from far away) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaa.....  
  
Umbreon: oh dear. (Turns the Gameshark on. The Genie pops out again.)  
  
Genie: what do you wish of me, master?  
  
Umbreon: could you undo the last code? The one about the traps?  
  
Genie: it is done! (Waves hands about)  
  
(Umbreon turns the Gameshark off. The Genie vanishes.)  
  
(The camera zooms back to Espeon. The force of the explosion propels him through to the air, and he lands right on Vaporeon's doorstep. With what little strength he has left, he raps on the door, then falls face first into the snow.)  
  
Vaporeon: (opening door) oh, you poor thing, coming all the way to see me! ^_^ Let's get you in with a blanket and a hot cup of tea, then I can scratch behind your ears.  
  
(Espeon smiles weakly)  
  
Vaporeon: and then perhaps we can do some other things! Come on, let's be getting you in! (Drags Espeon in and closes the door)  
  
Narrator: and so ends another stupid, pointless episode of Eskimo Jolteon!  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please do review! 


	15. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 15: Jolteon buys ...

Author's note: I do not own pokemon, nor do I own any other characters that do not belong to me. Grr.stupid Document Manager still refuses to accept my documents. -_- sorry for the long time no update.I hate it when I can't post up my stories. Sorry for the last few Episodes of Espeon-injuring.I just had a string of bad days and needed to get it off my chest. Now let's get on with the story! ^_^ Hey.if anyone is reading this from Microsoft Word on my com.GET OUT!  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 15: A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo near the sea.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into igloo. We see Jolteon watching Cartoon Network.)  
  
TV: No! Dee Dee, do not push that butto.(Explosion.)  
  
Jolteon: haha! Poor Dexter.  
  
(The TV shows static for a while, and then Joseph Stalin comes on TV.)  
  
Stalin: greetings, comrades. Here I have the latest invention of the U.S.S.R to sell to you!  
  
Jolteon: not another stupid commercial.  
  
Stalin: I introduce.the Thundergun! (Unveils a thingamajig.) Note its effectiveness! (Calls a Russian soldier over.)  
  
Russian Soldier: (with Russian accent) you called me, sir?  
  
Stalin: yes! (Points Thundergun at Russian soldier and pulls the trigger.)  
  
Russian soldier: AAAAAaaaaa!!! (Turns charred)  
  
Stalin: now you have seen for yourself the power of the Thundergun! Do not hesitate, pick up your phone and call 1200-666-USSR to order your own Thundergun! All major credit cards accepted. Batteries not included. That's 1200-666-USSR! Call now!  
  
Jolteon: wow! Cool! I gotta buy one! (Picks up phone and dials number. Shortly after, a voice is heard.)  
  
Voice: (with Russian accent) what would you be wanting?  
  
Jolteon: I want to order a Thundergun.  
  
Voice: yeh?  
  
Jolteon: you know, the portable electric-shooting thingy.  
  
Voice: ah. You be wanting to buy portable Tesla Coil, no?  
  
Jolteon: um.yeah.  
  
Voice: very well. Money be sent to our great leader Stalin's private coffers. Tesla Coil be sent by chronoshift. Please wait.  
  
(Jolteon puts down the phone. Suddenly, there is a funny sound outside, followed by the sound of something hitting the snow. Jolteon goes outside.)  
  
Jolteon: (picking up a parcel and tearing it apart) that was fast.  
  
(Eventually the parcel is opened to reveal a funny-looking thing.)  
  
Jolteon: now how does this work? (Looks around for the instruction manual and finds it. It is written in Russian.) Crap.  
  
(Jolteon takes the Thundergun and examines it. He finds a trigger and a hole marked "insert batteries here".)  
  
Jolteon: what the hell. (Sticks thumb into the hole and pulls the trigger. A white arc of electricity leaps from the front into the distance.) Cool!  
  
Narrator: some distance away.  
  
(The scene changes, and we see Espeon leaving Vaporeon's cave.)  
  
Espeon: thanks Vaporeon.  
  
Vaporeon: (cheerfully) don't mention it. After all, you came all the way to see me. How sweet it was of you.  
  
Espeon: well, I.(The arc of electricity leaps over and strikes Espeon.) AAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!! (Espeon falls flat on the floor, charred.)  
  
Vaporeon: (Looking down at Espeon) I think you should get back in before you're injured further. (Drags Espeon inside.)  
  
Narrator: and now back to Jolteon.  
  
Jolteon: was that a scream I just heard?  
  
(Umbreon walks over.)  
  
Umbreon: Wazzzzzzzzzzzuuuuuuppppppp, dude?  
  
Jolteon: I bought this new toy! (Waves Thundergun about)  
  
Umbreon: cool!  
  
Jolteon: hey, go back and get your Railgun and we'll go hunting! My larder is almost empty!  
  
Umbreon: sure, dude! (Runs off)  
  
Narrator: 30 minutes later.  
  
(We see Jolteon and Umbreon walking in a pine forest holding their weapons. Jolteon is stuffing his face with Mysteryberries.  
  
Umbreon: what're you doing that for?  
  
Jolteon: need to keep up my PP.  
  
(They come across two Stantler trying to eat the bark off a pine tree.)  
  
Umbreon: I bet you can't hit one of them from here.  
  
Jolteon: I bet you can't do the same.  
  
Umbreon: oh, really?  
  
Jolteon: yeah.  
  
Umbreon: then prove it!  
  
Jolteon: gladly.  
  
(They fire both their weapons at the same time. The Stantler explode in a shower of blood.)  
  
Jolteon: at least we don't have to carve them up. Come on, help me stuff the pieces into this sack.  
  
(Twenty minutes later. We see Jolteon and Umbreon roasting some Stantler meat over a fire.)  
  
Jolteon: so, what do we do while we wait for this to cook?  
  
Umbreon: let's make a bet.  
  
Jolteon: and that would be?  
  
Umbreon: (pointing to a figure in the distance) I bet you can't hit that human there.  
  
Jolteon: isn't that the very tall cliff?  
  
Umbreon: yeah.  
  
Jolteon: the one with the freezing river below?  
  
Umbreon: yeah. So, you take up the bet?  
  
Jolteon: sure! You're on! (Raises the Thundergun)  
  
Narrator: some distance away.  
  
(The scene changes, and we see Misty near the edge of the cliff)  
  
Misty: (to herself) wha.what happened? I was playing with that Abra.and next thing, I was here.  
  
(Suddenly, a white arc of electricity strikes her. She screams and falls over the cliff, and hits the frozen river, breaking the ice, which re- freezes over her.)  
  
Narrator: and now it's time for Professor Oak's science facts!  
  
(The scene changes, and we see Professor Oak in front of a blackboard with some ridiculous drawings on it.)  
  
Professor Oak: given that the law of conversation of energy holds true and there was no air friction, we can use the formula mass*gravity*height to find out how much energy Misty had. In this case, her mass was about 45 kg, gravity was 10m per second per second, and the height was 10000m. Therefore, we can conclude that Misty hit the Ground with 4500000 joules of energy, which caused her to die instantly and not drown to death under the ice.  
  
Narrator: um.ok. And now back to our heroes.  
  
Jolteon: HIT!!!  
  
Umbreon: 'k. the food is done.  
  
(They stuff themselves big time.)  
  
Jolteon: (with mouth full) ever wonder why we don't get fat or explode? I mean, we eat so much!  
  
Umbreon: (with mouth full too) dunno. Always had a good digestion.  
  
Jolteon: or it's just maybe that Lccorp2 won't let us.  
  
Umbreon: um.yeah. So, what you wanna do now?  
  
Jolteon: I gotta go to the bank at Maghony to deposit my pay from Lccorp2.  
  
Umbreon: 'k. see ya.  
  
(Three hours later)  
  
(The scene changes. We see Jolteon going into the bank, which is queerly named "The First Bank of Mom". He walks into it, which is crowded with pokemon, and joins the shortest queue, which isn't very short! ^_^)  
  
Jolteon: grr.I HATE lines.  
  
(Thirty minutes later)  
  
Jolteon: (to himself) must resist urge to kill everyone.must resist urge to kill everyone.  
  
(Suddenly, four figures wearing masks and holding guns leap into the bank.)  
  
First figure: everyone hands up! This is a robbery!  
  
Bank teller: aren't you the teletubbies?  
  
First figure: we used to be.until the BBC sacked us because Stinky Winky was GAY! Now we are the Terror Tubbies, faithful members of Al-Qooeda, founded by the holy Osama Bin Pika!  
  
Jolteon: how do we know you're for real?  
  
Second figure: look at our name tags! Duh!  
  
(The camera zooms in on their name tags. They are marked "Stinky Winky", "Dipshit", "Laah-Laah" and "Pojo".)  
  
First Figure: now stick 'em up and give me your cash!  
  
Jolteon: that's it. I'M DISSED!!! (Whips out Thundergun and Zaps them all. The Terror Tubbies fall onto the floor, twitching.)  
  
(Officer Jenny rushes in)  
  
Officer Jenny: what's going on in here?  
  
Jolteon: (pointing at the Terror Tubbies) officer, take them and make sure they spend at least twenty years in the slammer.  
  
Officer Jenny: 'k. (Drags them off)  
  
Jolteon: finally.some peace.  
  
(Camera fades out)  
  
Narrator: and so ends another stupid episode of Eskimo Jolteon!  
  
How'd you like this silly story? The review button is down there, PLEASE USE IT! I'M BEGGING YOU! 


	16. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 16: Pokemon court...

Author's note: I don't own pokemon, nor do I own any characters not created by me. Ok? Now let's get on with the story! Heh.I needed a balloon! If you are reading this from my com.go away! _  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 16: A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo near the sea.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into igloo. It is empty.)  
  
Narrator: wha.where's that guy? I pay him a hundred thousand pokebucks an episode!!! (Checks script) oh. Yeah. We shouldn't be here.  
  
(The scene changes. We see Jolteon and Umbreon in Ecruteak with a tour guide and a group of pokemon.)  
  
Tour Guide: and so.blah blah blah.  
  
Umbreon: (To Jolteon) I still don't understand why I let you convince me to come here.  
  
Jolteon: well, you're the only person that I could think of.Vaporeon and Espeon are busy with each other and Flareon's been refusing to talk to me ever since I brought him to the Dependants Anonymous.  
  
Umbreon: yeah.but still.  
  
Tour Guide: (gestures with hand) and here is the famous Burnt Tower, which burnt down 50 years ago in a mysterious fire.  
  
Jolteon: (rolls eyes) I think that tour guide is starting to get on my nerves.  
  
Tour guide: and we can go in and have a look around!  
  
Umbreon: didn't Lugia say this was his old home?  
  
(Jolteon shrugs)  
  
(The group walks into the Burnt Tower. Jolteon and Umbreon wander off away from the tour group.)  
  
Jolteon: (brushing away some cobwebs) Lugia sure did have a nice home.  
  
(Suddenly, the floorboards under Jolteon's feet give way and he falls into the cellar.)  
  
Umbreon: (peering into hole) are you all right in there?  
  
Jolteon: ouch.let me change what I just said.  
  
(Umbreon hops down into the hole)  
  
Umbreon: it's dark in here. Got a light?  
  
Jolteon: like I didn't notice.  
  
(Jolteon uses Flash, which illuminates the room. Three statues of dogs of some sort are revealed.)  
  
Umbreon: at least Lugia did have some sort of decoration in his cellar.  
  
Jolteon: well, he won't be needing it any more. (Kicks the "statues") hey, they're soft!  
  
(The "statues" groan)  
  
Jolteon and Umbreon: AAAAAAAAA!!!!!! THEY'RE ALIVE! (They run out of the cellar.)  
  
Narrator: thirty minutes later.  
  
(The camera is still in the cellar of the burnt tower. One of the "statues" groans and picks itself up, then goes over and shakes one of the other "Statues")  
  
Raikou: hey, Sui.wake up!  
  
(The other "statue" groans)  
  
Suicune: tell me.how long we been out?  
  
Raikou: (checks his watch) fifty years.  
  
(The third "statue" groans and rolls over.)  
  
Suicune: I TOLD you, we shouldn't have drunk so much berry juice, but would you listen? No.  
  
Raikou: shut up.  
  
Entei: I feel sick. (Walks off to a corner and pukes in it.)  
  
Suicune: yuck. _  
  
Raikou: well, let's go out and see what has happened in the last 50 years.  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(We see Cartman and Kenny outside the Burnt Tower.)  
  
Kenny: wow, I never knew such towers existed.  
  
Cartman: well.  
  
(The Burnt tower collapses with a crash onto Kenny.)  
  
Cartman: OH MY GOD! THE BASTARDS! THEY KILLED KENNY!  
  
(Cartman goes over and drags Kenny's body out of the wreckage.)  
  
Cartman: OH MY GOD! THE BASTARDS! THEY REALLY KILLED KENNY!  
  
Narrator: and so now you know how Kenny REALLY died.  
  
(The camera zooms back to the three dogs on the streets of Ecruteak)  
  
Suicune: hey, look at that banner.  
  
(Camera zooms in on banner. It reads "Professor Elm's great speech today in front of Tin Tower. Be there or be square!")  
  
Raikou: I don't think I'm square.  
  
Entei: maybe we should go take a look.  
  
(They walk off)  
  
(The scene changes. We see Professor Elm standing on a podium addressing a crowd.)  
  
Professor Elm: and so in conclusion, I say that the Legendary Pokemon do not exist. Any questions?  
  
Sage#1: (from crowd) yes! I think you just spoke a ton of crap!  
  
(Audience boos and throws rotten fruit and eggs at Professor Elm.)  
  
Professor Elm: but I PROVED it!  
  
(Suddenly, one of the roof tiles falls off and hits Professor Elm. His skull is crushed and he dies on the spot.)  
  
Sage#1: look! It is a sign from the gods! Repent! Repent!  
  
(The three dogs arrive on the scene.)  
  
Raikou: hey, where's this Professor Elm?  
  
Entei: maybe we should leave.  
  
Suicune: good idea.  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes and we see Lugia walking on the streets of Ecruteak.)  
  
Lugia: (To reader of Fan-Fic) for some reason, I feel compelled to visit Ho- oh today. (Suddenly notices the Three Dogs leaving the Tin tower)  
  
Lugia: (rushing up to Entei and strangling him) VANDALS! THIEVES! GIMME BACK MY HOME! (A/N: see Episode 4 if you're confused!)  
  
(Officer Jenny arrives)  
  
Officer Jenny: hey, chill out! Why are you strangling him?  
  
Lugia: those three burnt down my house! (Bursts into tears)  
  
Officer Jenny: well, you could always get them in court.  
  
Lugia: YES! THAT'S A GOOD IDEA! I'LL SEE YOU IN COURT!  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(Camera zooms back to Jolteon and Umbreon)  
  
Jolteon: hey, where's everyone going?  
  
Umbreon: beats me.  
  
Jolteon: well, let's follow the crowd.  
  
(They follow the crowd until they reach the courthouse.)  
  
Umbreon: that might give us a hint. (Points to Banner marked "today's public trial: Lugia VS the Three Dogs")  
  
Jolteon: hmm.  
  
(They walk in)  
  
Umbreon: now where do we go?  
  
Narrator: hey, over here! I saved seats for you two.  
  
(Jolteon and Umbreon walk over and plop down in the seats.)  
  
Narrator: now watch the fun.  
  
Umbreon: odd, no lawyers.  
  
Narrator: Lawyers don't exist in this game, duh. They're too evil. ^_-  
  
Umbreon: 'k.  
  
Uniformed Dude: all rise for His Honor Justice Sandact6!  
  
(Everyone in courtroom rises)  
  
(Sandact6 walks over to his spot)  
  
Sandact6: let's just get this over with. I've received much E-mail bugging me to continue on were-pokism.  
  
Jolteon: (whispering) haven't we seen this guy before?  
  
Uniformed Dude: take your seats.  
  
(Everyone in courtroom takes their seats)  
  
Sandact6: all right, now, Lugia, on what charges are you prosecuting them?  
  
Lugia: Your Honor, I'm prosecuting them on charges of Willful Trespass on Private Property, Being Drunk And Disorderly In A Public Place, Vandalism, and Arson!  
  
Sandact6: hmm.and do you have any evidence to support your case?  
  
Lugia: well, Your Honor, we can always go to my old house and see "Entei wuz here" scorched on one of the walls, dated on the night of the fire!  
  
Sandact6: yes.and do you have any witnesses?  
  
Lugia: you could ask anyone who is at least 60 years old, Your Honor.  
  
Sandact6: ok. Now for the defense.  
  
Entei: well, we did it, but we were drunk.  
  
Raikou: -_-;;;  
  
Sandact6: ok. I call a recess to allow the jury to reach a verdict.  
  
(The jury files out of the courtroom)  
  
(One minute later. The jury files back in.)  
  
Sandact6: and have you reached a verdict?  
  
Jury: yes, Your Honor.  
  
Sandact6: and that would be?  
  
Jury: we find the defendants guilty on all counts.  
  
Sandact6: and now for the sentence.(flicks through a big book) ah. I sentence the three of you to three month's imprisonment.  
  
Suicune: whew.  
  
Sandact6: as Pokemon of Eusine!  
  
(All gasp in horror)  
  
Suicune: NOOO!!! PLEEAASSEE!! 20 YEARS IN THE SLAMMER! 50 YEARS! JUST DON'T DO IT!!!!!  
  
Sandact6: okay.6 months! (Grins evilly)  
  
(All gasp in horror again)  
  
The Three Dogs: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(The Uniformed Dude opens a door and Eusine appears)  
  
Eusine: oh goody goody! (Rubs hands together)  
  
(Eusine takes and net and throws it over The Three Dogs, and drags them off kicking and screaming)  
  
Sandaxct6: court is dismissed. (Bangs Gavel)  
  
Jolteon: that was weird.  
  
(Umbreon shrugs)  
  
Narrator: and so ends another episode of Eskimo Jolteon!  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Hope you like! 


	17. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 17: an evil fairy...

Author's note: I don't own Pokemon.AAA! Why am I writing this disclaimer? I'm not making money from it am I? I'm mega-bored today, so I decided to try a fairy tale! ^_^  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 17: A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized cave near the sea.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into cave. We see Vaporeon sitting on a chair holding a BIG book)  
  
Vaporeon: (cheerfully) hello, little pups out there! I'm going to read you a story today from this book! ^_^  
  
(Camera zooms in onto book. It is entitled "Grim Fairy Tales")  
  
Vaporeon: well, today I am going to read-  
  
(Flareon bursts in, and runs around crazily)  
  
Flareon: AAAUUUGGHH!!! I'M ON FIRE!! SOMEONE HELP ME!!!  
  
Vaporeon: (calling out to back) Espie, could you help me with this poor thing here? ^_^;;  
  
Espeon: (from off camera) 'k  
  
(Flareon is surrounded by a blue glow and is pushed out of the camera)  
  
Vaporeon: well, today I am going to read you a story entitled "the shortest story ever"  
  
Espeon: odd title.  
  
Vaporeon: (reading from book) once upon a time, there was a Stupid Kid with a Stupid Hat, a Redhead, a Blind Man and a Yellow Rat and they were walking along the road one day when a ten-ton truck fell out of the sky and crushed them all into a bloody pulp. The end.  
  
Espeon: that was odd.  
  
Narrator: wrong story! Wrong story!  
  
Vaporeon: oops, silly me ^_^  
  
Narrator: try to get it right this time, ok?  
  
Vaporeon: well, ok.this story is entitled Ash and the three Ursarings.  
  
Espeon: 0_o  
  
Vaporeon: well, here we go.one day Ash was lost in the forest again.  
  
Espeon: (cough) loser (cough)  
  
Vaporeon: Espie.  
  
Espeon: oh, all right.  
  
Vaporeon: when he saw a cottage. He was hungry and tired so he went in and looked around. There was no one but he saw three glasses of lemonade on a table, he tried the first one and it was too sour, the second one was too sweet, and the third one was just right. Then, he saw big, medium, and small pizzas on the kitchen counter. The big one had too much chili pepper, the second one had too much cheese, and the third one was just right. But he ate them anyway because he was hungry and did not have much brains anyway. Then, Ash looked for a place to sleep and saw Big, Medium and Small couches. He could not decide which one to sleep on, so he decided to stack them on each other instead! He had just finished and was about to lie down when the three Ursarings came home. They were very angry and divided Ash into Big, Medium and Small pieces, and put them into Big, Medium and Small blenders. Meanwhile, they made Big, Medium and Small jugs of lemonade, and later the contents of the Big, Medium and Small blenders were emptied into the Big, Medium and Small jugs of lemonade. The next day, they had a lemonade party, and all of the guests agreed that it was the best lemonade they ever had, and they all lived happily ever after. The end.  
  
Espeon: what kind of a story is that? 0_o  
  
Narrator: one that I wrote myself. Duh.  
  
Espeon: um.ok. Can I have my paycheck for the last 7 episodes now?  
  
Narrator: why not? (Hands him a check for 50,000 pokebucks)  
  
Espeon: (kissing the paycheck) thanks dude.  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(Camera zooms in onto Lccorp2's pokemon character in Goldenrod)  
  
Character: what the.??? Why are 50,000 pokebucks missing from my wallet???  
  
Narrator: heh. ^_^;; and so ends another silly episode of Eskimo Jolteon!  
  
How'd you like this story? Please review! 


	18. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 18: uh ohhiccup!

Author's note: I don't own pokemon, nor do I won any characters not created by me.sigh -_- heh.I'm back from Ilex forest looking for my cast.they were busy drinking berry juice under the big oak there.and anyway it seems that today I had a really bad case of the hiccups, and I just got this idea! Read on! ^_^  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 18: A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a happy little Pokemart near the sea.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into the Pokemart. We see Jolteon, Flareon, Espeon and Umbreon sitting in a section marked "pub. No entry for pokemon under level 20." There is a Delibird behind the counter, evidently the barman.)  
  
Umbreon: (slurring) as I was saying.(Gulps down remaining berry juice in his glass)  
  
Jolteon: hey, my mug is empty!  
  
(Delibird takes the mug from Jolteon and refills it with berry juice)  
  
Jolteon: that's more like it. (Polishes off contents)  
  
(Umbreon slumps onto the counter)  
  
Espeon: (grabbing Umbreon and holding up two fingers) Umbreon! How many fingers am I holding up?!  
  
Umbreon: (slurring really bad) eleven?  
  
Flareon: oh my.even I don't get that drunk, I see at most five fingers.  
  
Espeon: I'll get this invalid home. (Hoists Umbreon onto his shoulders)  
  
(Suddenly, a ten-ton weight falls on Espeon and Umbreon)  
  
Narrator: what the.??  
  
(A hatch on Lccorp2's watch opens and a speaker pops out)  
  
Watch: * beep beep beep * Warning: unauthorized author influence detected.  
  
Narrator: oh my.I'll be back shortly. (Walks out of door)  
  
Jolteon: weird.  
  
Delibird: CLEAN UP IN THE PUB!  
  
(A cleanup crew arrives and carefully picks up the ten-ton weight. They then scrape off the flattened Espeon and Umbreon with a spatula and toss them out the back door)  
  
Flareon: are they gonna be all right? (Finishes off the rest of his gas)  
  
Jolteon: well, Lccorp2 won't let people die.besides, Espeon will play an important role in Episode 25. (A/N: spoiler!)  
  
Flareon: that's good.(hiccups)  
  
Jolteon: seems you caught the hiccups. Try holding your breath for a few seconds.  
  
(Flareon does so, and then hiccups again)  
  
Flareon: that didn't (hiccup) work. (Hiccup)  
  
Jolteon: DELIBIRD! WE NEED A GLASS OF WATER!  
  
(Delibird arrives with a glass of water. Flareon drinks it.)  
  
Flareon: that didn't work. (Hiccups again. A small cloud of steam rises out of his mouth)  
  
Jolteon: heh.instant fog machine! DELIBIRD! WE NEED A LARGER GLASS OF WATER!  
  
(Delibird arrives with a huge fish tank with a few Magikarp swimming in it. Flareon drinks all the water, swallowing the Magikarp in the process)  
  
Flareon: that didn't seem to work. (Hiccups again. A dense cloud of steam rises out of his mouth)  
  
Jolteon: maybe Vaporeon will know what to do  
  
(Narrator rushes in)  
  
Narrator: all done! Unauthorized author influence removed!  
  
Jolteon: right on time! Could you help us with this?  
  
Narrator: (smirks) nope. Well, I will eventually, but not now. (Vanishes)  
  
Flareon: evil selfish prick. (Hiccups again)  
  
Jolteon: come on, let's be going.  
  
Delibird: how bout settling your tab?  
  
Jolteon: um.yes. (Pulls out handful of coins and flings them at Delibird)  
  
Delibird: (censored) (censored) (censored)!  
  
(Jolteon and Flareon rush out the door)  
  
Narrator: some time later.  
  
(The scene changes, and Jolteon and Flareon are in Vaporeon's cave)  
  
Vaporeon: ok.what's the problem?  
  
(Flareon hiccups)  
  
Vaporeon: I see.  
  
Flareon: please.can you help me? (Hiccups again)  
  
Vaporeon: well.maybe some miracleberries might help.(goes over to a cupboard and takes out some berries. Flareon swallows them)  
  
Jolteon: (to Flareon) well, did it work?  
  
(Flareon hiccups again)  
  
Vaporeon: I can't believe it! Miracleberries are supposed to cure everything!  
  
Jolteon: seems like this case is an exception.  
  
Vaporeon: well, what should we do?  
  
Jolteon: maybe scaring Flareon might work. I heard it does.  
  
Vaporeon: Oooh! I know what to use! (She runs off)  
  
(Flareon hiccups again)  
  
(Vaporeon comes back holding a box)  
  
Jolteon: what's that?  
  
Vaporeon: (to Jolteon) I used to be terrified of these when I was a pup.  
  
(Vaporeon hold the box in front of Flareon and opens it)  
  
Flareon: (recoils from the box) AAA! NOT THE RABID POLKA-DOTTED CARROTS FROM DIMENSION X!!! GET IT AWAY FROM ME!!!  
  
Jolteon: 0_o  
  
Vaporeon: (closing the box) it's a dark stone.anyone looking at it will see what he or she fears most.  
  
Jolteon: ah. So did it work?  
  
(Flareon hiccups again)  
  
Vaporeon: evidently not.maybe professor oak could help?  
  
Jolteon: well.  
  
Narrator: a few hours later.  
  
(The scene changes, and Jolteon and Flareon are in Professor Oak's lab)  
  
Professor Oak: and you say he won't stop hiccupping?  
  
Jolteon: that's right.  
  
Professor Oak: hmm.I want you to hold this power socket.  
  
(Jolteon grabs it)  
  
Professor Oak: now let's try my as yet unproven, untested technique! (Brandishes cattle prod)  
  
Flareon: well, I'll do it, if it gets rid of my hiccups.I can't enjoy my gas if I keep on hiccupping.  
  
(Professor Oak zaps Flareon with the cattle prod, leaving him all charred)  
  
(Flareon hiccups again)  
  
Professor Oak: hmm.that didn't work  
  
Jolteon: what should we do?  
  
Professor Oak: I'll call a convention. This is an amazing case!  
  
(A few hours later. Our heroes are in some kind of Lecture Theater.)  
  
Professor Oak: and now, fellow scientists and prominent authors, I present the most resilient Pokemon affliction ever! (A curtain swings open to reveal Flareon)  
  
(Flareon stares dumbly at the audience)  
  
Professor Oak: (to Flareon) go on, show them!  
  
(Flareon tries to hiccup, but fails)  
  
Professor Oak: it's a miracle! He's cured!  
  
(Audience boos and throws rotten eggs at Professor Oak)  
  
Professor Oak! Wait! Stop! I can explain!  
  
(Audience continues to boo and throw rotten eggs. Sandact6 throws a pumpkin, while The Crimson Lugia throws a snorlax)  
  
Narrator: heh. (Teleports Flareon out of the place) and so ends another silly, pointless episode of Eskimo Jolteon!  
  
How'd you like this silly story? The review button is there, use it please! I'm begging you! 


	19. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 19: temporary emp...

Author's note: I don't own pokemon, nor do I own any characters not created by me.sigh. Yay! I got added to a favs list.so anyway I was bored in class today and I just thought of this while I was daydreaming while my teacher was talking about trigonometry! :P well, hope you like this! ^_^  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 19: A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo near the sea.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into igloo. We see Jolteon reading the newspaper. He looks up)  
  
Jolteon: hey, bud; can I have my paycheck for this month in advance?  
  
Narrator: why?  
  
Jolteon: because I drank it all away?  
  
Narrator: (holds up GBC) well, you'll have to wait for a few more days. It takes time to rob the people on the SS.Aqua of their money, you know.  
  
Jolteon: but I'm broke!  
  
Narrator: too bad. Perhaps you could look for some other form of temporary employment?  
  
Jolteon: that's a good idea! (Flips through "temporary employment" section of newspaper)  
  
Narrator: good. Now leave me in peace. (Turns away)  
  
(Jolteon continues flipping through the pages)  
  
Jolteon: (reading aloud) Janitor needed at pewter museum of science. Staring salary 1 pokebuck a day??? O_o I don't think so.  
  
(More pages are flipped)  
  
Jolteon: (reading aloud) test subject required by Professor Oak, will pay any amount to know how much pain a pokemon can take before massive internal injury occurs. Apply at Pallet town. Hmm.no. (Shudders at the thought of that miltank prod)  
  
(More pages are flipped)  
  
Jolteon: (reading aloud) Acting Warden needed for one day at Safari Zone until old warden gets back from holiday, apply Fuchsia city. Salary 100,000 pokebucks a day. Oh my! I gotta see this! (Rushes out of door)  
  
Narrator: but wait.how are you going to get there?  
  
Jolteon: umm.good point.  
  
Narrator: no problem! I'll just teleport you there! (Taps fingers on keyboard)  
  
(The scene changes and we see Jolteon outside the Safari Zone)  
  
Jolteon: neat. (Walks in)  
  
(The camera follows Jolteon in. We see a dude behind the main entrance counter)  
  
Dude: hey, can't you wait? The warden will be back tomorrow!  
  
Jolteon: um.I'm here for the job.  
  
Dude: all right, let me check with the manager! (Walks into door behind counter)  
  
(Five minutes later. The Dude comes back holding a ton of stuff)  
  
Dude: all right, here's your uniform, and the keys to the jeep.  
  
Jolteon: (taking the keys and putting on the uniform) all right, now what am I supposed to do?  
  
Dude: well, the boss over there says that some Professor Oak wants three types of pokemon for research. Go get them using the rope and net on the jeep!  
  
Jolteon: wouldn't it be easier to use pokeballs instead?  
  
(The dude mutters something about wage costs)  
  
Jolteon: um.I'll just be going, ok?  
  
(The scene changes, and we see Jolteon sitting in the jeep)  
  
Jolteon: (to self) how ironic. Pokemon catching Pokemon. Maybe I should have played more Jambosafari. Well, we're off! (Steps on the gas pedal)  
  
(Jolteon cruises on the savannah in the jeep until he spots a Pink scyther)  
  
Jolteon: ooohh! Look! A Shiny scyther! I gotta get it! (Speeds off in direction)  
  
Pinkscyther: wha.? (Looks into distance and sees Jolteon approaching in his jeep)  
  
(Jolteon fires the net and neatly catches Pinkscyther in it)  
  
Pinkscyther: I'M AN AUTHOR! LET ME OUT! YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR THIS!!!  
  
Jolteon: shut up and get in the boot. (Stuffs Pinkscyther into the boot of the jeep)  
  
(Jolteon has just finished closing the boot when-)  
  
Narrator: Rhydon stampede!!!!! (Giggles evilly)  
  
Jolteon: NOO!!!! (Frantically tries to climb into the jeep, but his efforts are futile and he is stomped into pancake by 10,000 Rhydons)  
  
Jolteon: now I know why the warden wanted a holiday that bad. (Groans)  
  
(Narrator comes over and inflates Jolteon with an air pump)  
  
Narrator: feel better?  
  
Jolteon: (clutching his head) slightly.  
  
(Muffled screams and thumps come from the boot of the jeep)  
  
Narrator: maybe you should get back before something else happens to you.  
  
Jolteon: umm.yeah. (A Snorlax falls onto Jolteon)  
  
Narrator: I reinstate my case. (Lifts the Snorlax off Jolteon)  
  
(Jolteon and Lccorp2 get into the jeep and they drive off to the entrance/exit)  
  
Jolteon: I wonder if Espeon is ashamed that his girlfriend is taller than him. (Grins)  
  
Narrator: he never noticed.  
  
Jolteon: why not? Vaporeon's 3'3 and Espeon's only 2'7! It's rather obvious!  
  
Narrator: that's because I made it so. (Laughs evilly) it's great to have author powers.  
  
Jolteon: 0_o  
  
Narrator: well, we're back.  
  
(Jolteon opens the boot and takes out the ensnared Pinkscyther)  
  
Pinkscyther: nooo! Let me go! (Struggles)  
  
Dude: back already? Where's the pokemon?  
  
(Jolteon shows the Dude Pinkscyther)  
  
Dude: ooohhh!!! I gotta show the boss! (Grabs the net)  
  
Jolteon: hey, where's my paycheck?  
  
Dude: here. (Hands Jolteon a check for 100,000 pokebucks and runs off with Pinkscyther)  
  
Jolteon: now how do we get back?  
  
Narrator: same way that we came! (Presses keys on keyboard)  
  
(The scene changes and they are back in Jolteon's igloo)  
  
Jolteon: well, my financial worries are over.  
  
Narrator: good. And so ends another episode of Eskimo Jolteon, except for-  
  
(The scene changes to Professor Oak's lab. We see Pinkscyther chained to a table, with Professor Oak bending over while holding a miltank prod and giggling insanely)  
  
Pinkscyther: I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS!!!!! (Professor Oak zaps Pinkscyther) AAAAAAUUUUGGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!  
  
(Camera fades out)  
  
How'd you like this silly story? The review button is down there, use it please! 


	20. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 20: pots of gold!

Author's note: I don't own pokemon, nor do I own any other characters not created by me. Ok? Sigh.I had a logathrims test today and now my brain is freaked out because I don't understand it at all! Oops.got carried away. Well, I have somehow found the time to produce another episode! Hope you like! ^_^  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 20: A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo near the sea.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into igloo. We see Jolteon waking up)  
  
Jolteon: (to self) finally.that blizzard died down. It was roaring away the whole night!  
  
(Jolteon yawns and stretches)  
  
Jolteon: (to self) well.I don't feel like going back to sleep.so how about a short walk outside?  
  
Narrator: good idea. Get going.  
  
(The scene changes and we see the first rays of the sun breaking over the horizon as Jolteon walks by a snowman)  
  
Jolteon: (looking at the snowman) wow, I hope that was no one I knew. (Shudders and walks away)  
  
(A few seconds after Jolteon leaves, the snowman crumbles to reveal Umbreon inside. He spits out the carrot that was in his mouth and runs away giggling freakishly)  
  
Narrator: now what's that evil freak up to now?  
  
(The scene changes, and we see Jolteon walking under a big pine tree when a snowball falls right in front of him)  
  
Jolteon: what the.?! (Looks up to see a whole ton of snowballs fall onto him)  
  
(The camera moves up the tree to show Umbreon with a wheelbarrow by his side)  
  
Umbreon: (grinning) it's that moment of dawning comprehension that I live for. (Leaps onto the ground and runs away)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes, and we see Vaporeon and Espeon in Espeon's igloo)  
  
Espeon: the blizzard's over.you can go home now.  
  
Vaporeon: (sitting on the bed) no, Espie.I want to stay here.with you.  
  
Espeon: 0_O  
  
Vaporeon: (seductively) come here on the bed.I'll do something that's.nice. ^_~  
  
Espeon: (happily) are you going to scratch behind my ears?  
  
Vaporeon: similar.but better.  
  
(Espeon goes over and lies on the bed, and to his shock, Vaporeon reaches her paw down to his erm.personal spot and rubs it gently. Espeon's initial shocked expression quickly melts into one of pleasure.)  
  
Vaporeon: you like? ^_~  
  
(Espeon whines)  
  
Vaporeon: I'll take that as a yes. ^_^ (Continues rubbing)  
  
Narrator: however, as my English teacher may be reading this, and to keep the rating of PG-13, I must declare this portion.  
  
[CENSORED]  
  
Narrator: heh heh heh. And now back to Jolteon.  
  
Jolteon: (brushing the snow off himself) come back here! (Shakes his fist)  
  
(Suddenly, a little man springs out from behind a pine tree)  
  
Jolteon: and who would you be?  
  
Little man: well, I'm a leprechaun, and since you found me out, I gotta give you a pot of gold!  
  
Jolteon: really?! O_O  
  
Leprechaun: really! (Waves his hands about. A pot of nuggets appears.)  
  
Jolteon: wow! Thanks!  
  
Leprechaun: no problem, dude. It's a century-long custom.  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes, and we are back at Espeon's igloo. Vaporeon is washing her paws with a water gun)  
  
Espeon: that felt so good.  
  
Vaporeon: don't mention it. ^_~  
  
Espeon: well, at least you could let me walk you home.  
  
Vaporeon: ok. ^_^  
  
Narrator: and back to Jolteon.  
  
Jolteon: (staring at the pot of gold) there must be al least a million pokebucks worth of nuggets in there! How am I gonna spend it all in one episode?  
  
Leprechaun: well, it's not my business.  
  
(Espeon and Vaporeon come by)  
  
Vaporeon: ooh! Who's that little man Jolteon's talking to?  
  
Leprechaun: I'm a leprechaun, milady, and since you found me out, I gotta give you two a pot of gold each as well! (Waves hands and two pots of gold appear)  
  
Espeon and Vaporeon: WOW! ^_^  
  
Leprechaun: well, seems like my work here is done. (Rubs hands and disappears in a cloud of sparkly dust)  
  
Espeon: what a large windfall.  
  
Vaporeon: so, what are we gonna do with this colossal sum amount of cash?  
  
Espeon: I don't know, but I'm not going to deposit it in the First Bank of Mom. The queues there are so long that people grow old and die while waiting to cash their checks.  
  
Jolteon: maybe we could buy something to eat?  
  
(Suddenly, the Delibird pops out of nowhere with one of those pop-up instant stalls)  
  
Delibird: well, the most popular food at the Pokemart is-  
  
Espeon: hey, where did you come from?  
  
Delibird: well, salesmen are everywhere! As I was saying, the most popular food is.YELLOW HONEY-COATED FLUFFY CAKES!!! (Unveils a picture of a slice of cake) for only 5 pokebucks you can taste this delicious treat! It is-  
  
Jolteon: all right, all right.I'll buy it.  
  
Delibird: and how many would you be buying?  
  
Jolteon: as many as this will buy (Shows Delibird the pot of nuggets)  
  
Delibird: (eyes growing wide) wow! (Pulls out walkie-talkie and screams into it) Bill! Get the whole (censored) supply of those (censored) cakes over right now! Yes! The WHOLE supply! I don't care how you do it, just get it here!  
  
Jolteon: Vaporeon and Espeon: 0_o  
  
(A pidgeot flies over and drops a shipping container straight onto Delibird)  
  
Jolteon: are those our cakes?  
  
Delibird: (struggling out from under the container) I think so, if Bill didn't mess it up.  
  
Jolteon: well, here's the cash. (Holds out the pot of nuggets)  
  
Delibird: that'll do nicely. By the way, would you be interested in-  
  
Espeon: you already sold us some stuff, now go away!  
  
Delibird: all right, all right. No need to be rude. (Walks away)  
  
Vaporeon: now how do we open this? (Paws at the container)  
  
Espeon: push this button, I believe. (Presses a button on the side. The same side of the container collapses, revealing a small mountain of cakes and squashing Espeon in the process.)  
  
Vaporeon: you poor thing! Come out from under there! (Drags Espeon out)  
  
Jolteon: is it safe to eat ALL of this?  
  
Espeon: (clutching his head) well, Lccorp2 won't let us get fat or burst, so I assume it's ok.  
  
Vaporeon: (picking one up and gobbling it) they are yummy! ^_^  
  
Jolteon: well, it's a free for all! See you in the middle! ^_^  
  
(The three of them dive headfirst into the pile of yellow honey-coated fluffy cakes. Various munching sounds are heard as the mountain slowly grows smaller)  
  
Narrator: well, well, well! Just look at them at it! Well, and so ends another silly episode of Eskimo Jolteon! Hope you like!  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Hope you like and the review button is down there! 


	21. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 21: yet another e...

Author's note: sigh.physics test today.pressure in a liquid equals height multiplied by density multiplied by acceleration due to gravity.sigh. Oh well. Now that I'm at my com, everything will change! ^_^ I just thought of an evil song!!! ^_- Oh yes! If you have any ideas for an evolved form of Espeon, do post it in a review! I will need it for episode 25!  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 21: A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place in Kanto, a place named Pallet Town.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on the main street.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms in onto the main road. It is empty, but an ominous rumbling is heard)  
  
Narrator: finally! They're here!  
  
(A tank rumbles into view. Vaporeon pops out of the hatch, puts on a CD, and starts singing to the music)  
  
Vaporeon: (singing) M1A1 rolling down the street, The Eeveelutions take a little trip. Today we've come to Pallet Town, And we're gonna burn the whole place down.  
  
(The tank rumbles on)  
  
Vaporeon: now why come here, you might think? Well, Lccorp2 puked down the sink. After watching a cartoon including Ash, And he thinks that pipsqueak's head is full of trash.  
  
(The tank rumbles on and stops in front of Ash's house)  
  
Vaporeon: now that we've reached Ash's home, This place is now an official war zone. Umbreon, if you would do the honor, Go and make Ash a goner.  
  
(The tank's turret depresses and aims at Ash's house)  
  
Umbreon: count of four, count of four, I'll blow it up at the count of four!  
  
All: ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR!  
  
(The tank fires a round at Ash's house. The second story is completely blown off. Bits of plaster fall onto the ground.)  
  
Umbreon: heh heh heh heh.  
  
(Flareon leaps out of the tank and kicks at Ash's door)  
  
Flareon: (singing) if this door don't open wide, I got a big crowbar inside. If it still doesn't open wide, Then Ash's in for a jolly good ride. (Holds up C4 bomb)  
  
(Ash bursts out of the back door, and tries to run away)  
  
Vaporeon: (signaling to Flareon) hurry, let's go chase that Ash, Before he disappears in a flash. Then let's go after his yellow rat, And make that creep go right splat.  
  
(The tanks speeds off after Ash)  
  
(Camera zooms into Umbreon at the gunner's post)  
  
Umbreon: (singing) come here, Ash, get in my sight, Now let me lock on- that's right. Now whether you go to heaven or hell, I don't care-it's just as well.  
  
(Umbreon pushes a button, and a rocket is launched. It hits Ash right on target, leaving a nice red-stained crater in the ground)  
  
Vaporeon: now let's go after that yellow mouse, I'll bet it's still hiding in that house. Come on, all; let's get back, Then we can wring that rodent's neck.  
  
(The tank speeds off)  
  
(The scene changes, and we are back at Ash's house. Pikachu is right in front of the tank)  
  
Vaporeon: look at that silly, stupid rat. It's so ugly, it's so fat. Although it will make kiddies sad, Now it's time to fill you with lead.  
  
(Vaporeon pulls out two Uzi 9mms and pumps Pikachu full of bullets.)  
  
Narrator: here comes Misty!  
  
(Camera zooms into on Jolteon in the driver's seat.)  
  
Jolteon: (singing) oh look, here comes Ash's girlfriend Misty, I always thought she was bitchy. If you don't want to be filled with lead, I suggest you get under my tank treads.  
  
(Jolteon drives the tank over Misty, turning her into roadkill)  
  
Vaporeon: M1A1 rolling down the street, The Eeveelutions took a little trip. Now that Ash is dead and gone, This episode is over-we have won.  
  
(The tank rumbles away into the distance. Camera slowly fades out.)  
  
How'd you like this song? Please review! ^_^ 


	22. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 22: attack of the...

Author's note: I don't own pokemon, nor do I own any other characters not created by me.sigh. I really hate Saturdays. Well, seems I'm back after yet another boring stretch of time.during which I got another evil, freakish, twisted idea! Enjoy! ^_^  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 22: A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo near the sea.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms in onto Jolteon. He is reading the newspaper.)  
  
Jolteon: (to self) I don't feel like doing anything today.  
  
Narrator: wrong. You're going for a walk.  
  
Jolteon: why? _  
  
Narrator: because I'm the narrator and the script requires it. (Waves script around)  
  
Jolteon: (grumbling) 'k.though I don't see why I have to do so.  
  
Narrator: and so a while later.  
  
(The scene changes and we see Jolteon walking along the ice floes)  
  
Jolteon: (to narrator) all right, now that I'm out here, what am I supposed to do?  
  
Narrator: keep walking.  
  
Jolteon: whatever. (As he climbs over a mound of snow, he sees-)  
  
Narrator: a HUGE army of evil mutant broccoli that is trying to take over the pokemon world!  
  
Jolteon: OH MY MEW! (Rushes off)  
  
(The scene changes, and we see Jolteon frantically pounding on Umbreon's door.)  
  
Jolteon: Umbreon! Open up! The broccoli are attacking!  
  
Umbreon: (from inside) what? 0_o Jolteon, have you finally snapped?  
  
Jolteon: no! It's true! A whole army of evil mutant broccoli is marching on to take over the pokemon world!  
  
(Jolteon rushes in and drags Umbreon to the aforementioned snow mound)  
  
Umbreon: (seeing the army of broccoli) OH MEW! Quick! Jolteon, rush back and get your Thundergun! I'll get my Railgun and maybe we can hold them off for a moment!  
  
(They rush off)  
  
Narrator: a very short while later.  
  
(The scene changes and we see Jolteon and Umbreon armed to the teeth)  
  
Jolteon: (aiming Thundergun at the advancing wall of broccoli) target locked!  
  
Umbreon: FIRE!  
  
(They open fire on the army of broccoli with their weapons. Bits of broccoli fly in all directions)  
  
Umbreon: damn, there's just too many of them!  
  
Jolteon: well, what should we do?  
  
Umbreon: you go get help! I'll try to hold them off as long as I can!  
  
(Jolteon runs off)  
  
Narrator: and so.  
  
(The scene changes and Jolteon is outside Vaporeon's cave. Jolteon knocks on the door. Nothing happens.)  
  
Jolteon: didn't she hear me? (Tries the door. It is locked.) hey, Vaporeon's door is NEVER locked!  
  
(Jolteon puts a ear to the door and hears faint squeals and whines coming from inside.)  
  
Jolteon: (slowly backing away from door) I don't think it would be a good idea to interrupt their erm, activities. (Runs off)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes and we see Umbreon valiantly trying to fight off the tide of broccoli. The wave of broccoli is almost upon him.)  
  
Umbreon: JOLTEON!!! WHERE ARE YOU!  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes and we see Jolteon outside Flareon's igloo)  
  
Jolteon: (banging on door) Flareon! Open up! The evil mutant broccoli are attacking!  
  
Flareon: (opening the door) what?  
  
Jolteon: I said, the evil mutant broccoli are attacking!  
  
Flareon: (going into frenzy) BROCCOLI?! WHERE?! LEMME AT THEM!!!  
  
Narrator: to understand why broccoli would provoke Flareon into such a rage, we must take a little trip into the past.  
  
(The scene changes and we see Flareon as an Eevee pup of about 7 years old sitting down at the table having dinner. He is about to get up and leave when his mother stops him.)  
  
Flareon's Mother: have you forgotten something?  
  
Flareon: (wiping mouth) no.  
  
Flareon's mother: you forgot to eat your broccoli.  
  
Flareon: (making disgusted face) no eat broccoli. Broccoli yucky.  
  
Flareon's mother: (picking Flareon up and setting him back in his chair) well, I spent over three hours cooking this, and you can jolly well stay there until you eat it!  
  
Narrator: and so poor Flareon had to sit there, day and night, until the Murkrows came and ate the broccoli off his plate. Needless to say, they died a few hours after eating the broccoli. And so this happened every time broccoli was served, which was quite often. Therefore, it left a permanent loathing of broccoli in Flareon.  
  
(The scene changes back to Jolteon and Flareon)  
  
Jolteon: hey, chill, man!  
  
Flareon: (trashing about frenziedly) BROCCOLI! WHERE?! KILL BROCCOLI!  
  
Jolteon: maybe it would help if you had a weapon.  
  
Flareon: YES! WEAPON KILL BROCCOLI GOOD! (Rushes back in and returns with a two-meter Katana.)  
  
Jolteon: (staring at the Katana) where'd you get that? 0_o  
  
Flareon: bought it in an auction. NOW WHERE BROCCOLI?! SHOW ME!  
  
Narrator: I will attempt to explain the origins of that Katana.and so, quite some games away.  
  
(The scene changes and we see Guren and Gunjo from Ninja Assault. They are eating sushi when a Namco Employee walks along.)  
  
Namco Employee: all right! Lunch break is over! Let's get back to filming!  
  
Gunjo: but wait.where are our Katanas?  
  
Namco Employee: (shifting uncomfortably) well, Namco is so poor; we had to auction them off to provide money for making games.  
  
Guren: you WHAT?! How are we supposed to save Princess Koto without weapons?  
  
Namco employee: well, the scriptwriters have made an exception.you can use these leftovers from Time Crisis II. (Tosses them two handguns)  
  
Gunjo: (waving handgun about) but these are.GUNS!  
  
Namco Employee: and your point is.?  
  
Guren: guns didn't exist in medieval Japan!  
  
Namco Employee: well, look at it this way.at least we painted them to make them LOOK ancient.  
  
Guren: but.  
  
Namco Employee: look, do you two still want your jobs?  
  
Guren and Gunjo: (empathically) YES!  
  
Namco Employee: so pipe down and get up. You're on in three minutes.  
  
Narrator: and so this is why Ninja Assault is a gun game instead of a sword fighting game. And now back to our heroes.  
  
(The camera zooms back to Jolteon and Flareon)  
  
Flareon: KILL BROCCOLI! (Dips the Katana in gas and spits an ember on it. The katana goes "woomph" and bursts into flame like a bar of magnesium.)  
  
Jolteon: cool! All right, the broccoli's that way. (Points)  
  
Flareon: KILL BROCCOLI! (Runs away in a cloud of smoke)  
  
Jolteon: I better catch up with him.(runs off)  
  
(The scene changes back to Umbreon)  
  
Umbreon: (Punching a stalk of Broccoli) JOLTEON! WHERE ARE YOU!!!  
  
(Suddenly, a red streak of flame that is the freaked-out Flareon bursts in and begins disseminating the broccoli.)  
  
Umbreon: whew.  
  
Flareon: BROCCOLI! DIE!!!  
  
(They work at killing the broccoli)  
  
Jolteon: (zapping a stalk of broccoli) it's no good! They just keep coming!  
  
(Suddenly, The Crimson Lugia walks in)  
  
The Crimson Lugia: broccoli! Yummy! ^_^ (Gobbles up all the broccoli and flies away)  
  
Umbreon: what was THAT?  
  
Jolteon: I don't know.but I guess now we have to find the responsible party.  
  
(Suddenly, a milktruck flies in)  
  
Flareon: a flying milktruck! Who could have built that?  
  
(The side window of the milktruck opens and Tracey Sketchit pokes his head out)  
  
Jolteon: it's you!  
  
Umbreon: you're not dead!  
  
Tracey: (shaking his fist at our heroes) I can't believe you've stopped me in the middle of my plans! But it's not over yet! I won't forget any of your faces and I SHALL return and have my revenge one day! (Flies off)  
  
Jolteon: what the.  
  
(Camera fades out)  
  
Narrator: and so ends another silly episode of Eskimo Jolteon!  
  
How'd you like this silly story? The review button is down there, I'm begging you to use it! 


	23. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 23: another evil ...

Author's note: I don't own pokemon.yeah yeah. Whatever. Well, I just came up with two more freakish ideas while I was lying in bed last night, so I jotted them down on a piece of paper and now I'm putting them here! Enjoy! ^_^  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 23: A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo near the mountains.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into igloo. We see me pacing around in circles)  
  
Narrator: where are Vaporeon and Espeon?! They said they would be here!  
  
(The door opens and Vaporeon and Espeon stumble in, evidently drunk.)  
  
Vaporeon: I'm soooo drunk.  
  
Narrator: I suppose you two would not be filming this episode in you present state would you?  
  
(The two of them ignore Lccorp2 and stumble into the bedroom)  
  
Narrator: oh well. Since the original script isn't going to work, I suppose we've got to amend it a bit.with my handy-dandy SPY CAM! (Laughs evilly and turns on a TV monitor. The screen shows the interior on Espeon's bedroom. Camera zooms in onto the TV monitor.)  
  
Narrator: well, something interesting might happen. (Hears the bedroom door's lock click)  
  
(The monitor shows Espeon and Vaporeon French kissing on the bed, until-)  
  
Vaporeon: (suddenly alert) Espie!  
  
Espeon: (slurring) what?  
  
Vaporeon: I think there's someone trying to peep at us through the curtains!  
  
Espeon: I'll settle it. (Walks over to the window and draws the curtains to reveal.Tracey Sketchit!)  
  
Tracey: (looks up) AAAAAAHHHH!!! (Picks up his sketchbook and tries to run away)  
  
Espeon: I don't think you're getting away! (Uses disable on Tracey) now let's see what he was drawing.  
  
(Espeon takes the sketchbook out of the frozen Tracey's hands and flips through the pages. The camera shows for a moment the title: "the mating habits of Eeveelutions". On the last page is a half finished sketch of Espeon and Vaporeon kissing)  
  
Espeon: (face going very red) why you.(rips up sketchbook and uses Psychic on Tracey. Tracey flies over the horizon.)  
  
Narrator: (giggling) hee hee hee.  
  
(Espeon and Vaporeon continue with their erm, activities for some more time)  
  
(Suddenly, the picture on the TV screen is replaced with "censored" written in big letters)  
  
Narrator: whoops, there goes the automatic Pg-13 rating censorship.  
  
Vaporeon: (feeling the effect of alcohol and hormones) I CAN'T WAIT ANY LONGER, ESPIE! LET'S DO IT RIGHT HERE AND NOW!  
  
(The sound is abruptly cut off)  
  
Narrator: and there goes the microphone. Well, what should I do now while waiting for them to sober up? (Looks out at reader of Fan-Fic.)  
  
Reader of Fan-fic: (Insert Your Response Here)  
  
Narrator: oh, yes. But I'd rather go read the Encyclopedia Gameia. (Produces a HUGE book and starts reading)  
  
(Some time later)  
  
Narrator: and so, the quadratic formula is minus B plus or minus the square root of B squared minus 4AC over.(Feels a tap on shoulder. I look up and see Wild Dog from Time crisis II)  
  
Wild Dog: Dear God! Hire me! Please!  
  
Narrator: hey, what're you doing in my fic?  
  
Wild Dog: Namco fired me because I wasn't popular anymore and so I'm unemployed! Do you have a job? I can shoot really well and I've got a prosthetic arm.  
  
Narrator: no, but check back tomorrow.  
  
Wild Dog: I get the same response everywhere.(Walks away)  
  
Narrator: that was weird. (Goes back to reading Encyclopedia Gameia)  
  
(A very long time later.)  
  
(The camera shows me sleeping next to my filming apparatus.)  
  
Narrator: (feeling something wet and warm on his face) mmmmffff.wha? (Opens eyes and sees Vaporeon licking him on the face) AAA! FACE LICKER! FACE LICKER! GET OFF! GET OFF! (A/N: yes, I really hate it when dogs do that when I'm sleeping over at someone else's house)  
  
Vaporeon: there's no need to get hysterical.  
  
Narrator: (picking himself up) all right.now can we start filming?  
  
Vaporeon: yes! ^_^  
  
Narrator: where's Espeon?  
  
Vaporeon: still in bed! ^_^  
  
Narrator: all right, give me a minute to set everything up.  
  
(Some time later)  
  
Vaporeon: hello, again, little pups! ^_^ Today I'm going to read you a story from this book! (Holds up the same book from Episode 17.)  
  
(Suddenly, Jolteon bursts in)  
  
Jolteon: hey! Last Saturday there was a really big army of broccoli.  
  
Narrator: we know.now come here and sit down and you can watch me film.  
  
(Jolteon comes over and sits down)  
  
Vaporeon: this story is entitled "Mistyrella"! ^_^  
  
Jolteon: ok.  
  
Vaporeon: (reading from book) once upon a time, there was a redhead named Mistyrella. Mistyrella had two sisters who really tried to be civil to her, but since she was such a stuck-up prick, her sisters got fed up and locked her in the cellar for a day as punishment. Unfortunately for Mistyrella, that day was the day of the prince's lemonade party, and she wanted to go. So she whined and whined and whined until even the walls got sick of hearing her whine. Suddenly, a man appeared and introduced himself as Mistyrella's Hairy Godfather. He said that he was sick and tired of her whining and that she could go to the party in her best dress, provided she was back by midnight or something bad would happen. So he waved a wand and poof! She was at the party. However, she was having such a good time at the party she did not notice the clock strike twelve, and so the Hairy Godfather's words came true: her dress simply disappeared and she was left standing butt naked in the middle on the place. Mistyrella instantly died of shame, and one of her sisters married the prince, and they all lived happily ever after, with the exception of Mistyrella and the 25 lemon pies she ate at the party. The end. And the moral of the story is: don't whine excessively and respect curfews.  
  
Jolteon: what kind of story WAS that? 0_o  
  
Narrator: one that I wrote myself.  
  
Jolteon: umm.  
  
Narrator: well, that wraps it up for now. I gotta get going to a press conference. (Rushes off)  
  
Narrator: And so ends another Episode of Eskimo Jolteon with the exception of.  
  
(The scene changes and we see Lccorp2 being hounded by reporters.)  
  
Reporter#1: sir, are you confident that you can make Eskimo Jolteon the longest FF.net series in history?  
  
Narrator: well, if the people who make Days Of Our Lives can come up with a seemingly never-ending story, so can I.  
  
Reporter#2: when are Espeon and Vaporeon getting married?  
  
Narrator: I'm sorry, but I can't disclose any plot details. Yes, it will happen, but I won't say when. Think for yourself.  
  
Reporter#1: but we want to know!  
  
Reporter#2: yeah!  
  
Crowd of reporters: (chanting) we want to know! We want to know!  
  
Narrator: now look, why don't you lot go down the block to Corrector9Yui and The Crimson Lugia and bug them instead? They're just down the block!  
  
Crowd of reporters: HELL YEAH! (They rush out)  
  
Narrator: heh heh heh.  
  
(Camera fades out)  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! 


	24. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 24: Wheel of Just...

Author's note: I don't own pokemon, nor do I own any other characters not created by me. Sigh.what a day. I hate trigonometry. Oh well, I'm here, and today there're quite some author's notes, so listen up! ^_^ Firstly, thank you Sandact6 for reading my fic, it is indeed an honor to have you do so! ^_^ Next, Corrector9Yui, I took the personality test on your website and it seems that I am most like.Falkner! (I was surprised, really!) Well, now that that's over with, on with the story! ^_^  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 24: A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo near the sea.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms on into the igloo. We see Jolteon sorting through the mail.)  
  
Jolteon: bill.bill.flame.flame.letter?  
  
(Jolteon rips open the letter)  
  
Jolteon: (reading from letter) dear sir, you have been recommended to us by an acquaintance of yours and so we have decided to invite you on the game show "Wheel of Justice". All transport arrangements will be settled. Yours sincerely, the TV company.  
  
(Jolteon is quiet for a while)  
  
Jolteon: WHO COULD HAVE DONE THIS??  
  
Narrator: I did.  
  
Jolteon: WHY?? I JUST WANT TO LAZE AROUND!  
  
Narrator: because it says so in the script. Let's go.  
  
(A few days later. We see Jolteon standing outside a door marked "studio 28")  
  
Narrator: now just go in there and win some money, ok?  
  
Jolteon: (grumbling) whatever.  
  
Narrator: good. Now let's get going.  
  
(Jolteon walks into the studio. We see a huge crowd of pokemon in the audience area. Jolteon goes over to his spot and waits)  
  
Director: all right, folks! The show is starting in a while!  
  
(The other two contestants file in)  
  
Director: 3.2.1.all right! You're on!  
  
(Cameraman turns camera in direction of the contestants)  
  
Director: ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to the most popular game show in the whole of Johto.Wheel of Justice!  
  
(Cheering and applause from the audience)  
  
Director: and now introducing our hostess.Corrector9Yui!  
  
(Corrector9Yui walks out from backstage and waves to audience)  
  
Director: and our torturer, Sandact6!  
  
(Sandact6 walks out and waves to audience)  
  
Corrector9Yui: and now let me introduce tonight's contestants: Jolteon!  
  
(Jolteon does a half-hearted wave)  
  
Corrector9Yui: Lance!  
  
(Lance waves)  
  
Corrector9Yui: and last but not least.THE CRIMSON LUGIA!  
  
(The Crimson Lugia waves enthusiastically)  
  
Corrector9Yui: and now let me explain how this game is played. First, the contestant spins the main wheel, which decides the amount of money or the prize the contestant will receive! Then, the contestant will have to spin.  
  
Audience: THE WHEEL OF JUSTICE!  
  
Corrector9Yui: that is right! Bring out the victim!  
  
(Two Machokes appear and bring out a slab with Osama bin Laden chained to it)  
  
Corrector9Yui: as you know, last week Osama bin Laden was captured by U.S. forces in Afghanistan and has received the death penalty. Therefore, the game will continue until Osama either dies due to injury or the "Die!" section of the wheel hits the pointer! Let us begin!  
  
Osama: noo! Allah strike down these infidels!  
  
(Laughter from audience)  
  
Corrector9Yui: Jolteon, you may begin.  
  
(Jolteon spins the main wheel, and it lands on the 1000 pokebuck space. He then spins the wheel again and hits.)  
  
Audience: the stick! The stick!  
  
(Sandact6 picks up a big stick and whacks Osama 10 times, causing Osama to squeal in pain)  
  
Corrector9Yui: Lance, it's your turn.  
  
(Lance spins the main wheel. It lands on the 2500 pokebuck space. He then spins the wheel and hits.)  
  
Audience: lose a leg! Lose a leg!  
  
(Sandact6 picks up an axe and chops off Osama's right leg. The audience cheers)  
  
Corrector9Yui: The Crimson Lugia, it's your turn.  
  
(The Crimson Lugia spins the wheel, and it lands on the space marked "cookies")  
  
Corrector9Yui: congratulations! You have just won a year's supply of cookies!  
  
The Crimson Lugia: YUMMY! COOKIES! ^_^  
  
Corrector9Yui: now spin the Wheel of Justice!  
  
(The Crimson Lugia spins the Wheel of Justice again, and this time it lands on-)  
  
Audience: sulfuric acid! Sulfuric acid!  
  
(Sandact6 goes over to Osama and dabs Osama all over with concentrated sulfuric acid. Osama squeals like a pig.)  
  
(And so this goes on for quite a while, with Osama losing various body parts and generally suffering a great deal of pain and with our contestants winning quite a sum of money, until-)  
  
Corrector9Yui: uh-oh, I think you just hit the 'die' space, The Crimson Lugia.  
  
(Suddenly, a huge mob of people burst into the studio)  
  
Mobster: there's the Crimson Lugia that stole our money! Get her! (See "Legendary Doggone it! By The Crimson Lugia, Chapter 5, for more details)  
  
The Crimson Lugia: wait! It wasn't me that stole your money! It was ANOTHER Crimson Lugia!  
  
Corrector9Yui: SECURITY!  
  
(Whitney appears)  
  
Mobster: AAARRGGGHH!! It's Whitney! RUN! (The mob runs off)  
  
Corrector9Yui: and now back to where we left off.since you hit the "die" space, you get to whack Osama's head off!  
  
(Sandact6 passes The Crimson Lugia the axe. The Crimson Lugia swings the axe and neatly chops Osama's head off.)  
  
The Crimson Lugia: (passing the axe back to Sandact6) that was fun.  
  
Corrector9Yui: well, now to tally up the score! Jolteon won 50,000 pokebucks, Lance won 45,000 and The Crimson Lugia won 73,000 pokebucks and so The Crimson Lugia gets to play the bonus round! ^_^ (Leads The Crimson Lugia off)  
  
(Camera zooms back to Jolteon. We see him exit the studio.)  
  
Narrator: so, did you have fun?  
  
Jolteon: sort of. I'm just 50,000 pokebucks richer.  
  
Narrator: that's good. Now we can be getting back. Meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes and we see Espeon and Umbreon watching TV.)  
  
Umbreon: I wonder why we didn't get invited to play "Wheel of Justice".  
  
Espeon: because Lccorp2 didn't let us. Where's Flareon?  
  
Umbreon: he went out with a can of gas, said he had to pour it on Lccorp2's radio shack.  
  
Espeon: Lccorp2's not going to be very happy, is he?  
  
Umbreon: nope.  
  
Espeon: I guessed as much. Pass the popcorn.  
  
(Umbreon swings the popcorn bowl and accidentally hits Espeon on the nose. Espeon cries out in pain)  
  
Espeon: (noticing a trickle of blood from his nose) AAARRRGGHH!!! I'VE GOT A NOSEBLEED!  
  
Umbreon: try pinching your nose.  
  
(Espeon pinches his nose and waits for a while. The blood starts coming out of his mouth instead.)  
  
Espeon: (getting hysterical) it didn't work! I'm gonna die of blood loss!  
  
(Vaporeon comes in from outside the camera)  
  
Vaporeon: what's the matter?  
  
Umbreon: Espeon here has a nosebleed.  
  
Vaporeon: is that all? Try stuffing it with cotton wool. (Walks off giggling)  
  
Umbreon: it's worth a try. (Gets cotton wool and stuffs it up Espeon's nose. The cotton wool merely gets saturated and starts dripping)  
  
Espeon: AAAUUUGGHHH!!! IT DIDN'T WORK!  
  
Umbreon: stop it! I've got blood all over my paw! Why, I should.  
  
(Camera fades out)  
  
Narrator: and so ends another silly episode of Eskimo Jolteon!  
  
How'd you like this silly story? ^_^ Please review and thanks for reading.Episode 25 coming out soon! ^_^ 


	25. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 25: the digidesti...

Author's note: I don't own pokemon, nor do I own any other characters not created by me. Well, here's the first 'milestone' episode! I'm not really very good at romances but I gotta do this for the sake of keeping the plot on track.so I'll do my best! Enjoy! ^_^ By the way, FF.net seems to interpret my 3 dots as a single full stop.yeah, you see. Don't be surprised.  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 25: A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo near the sea.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into igloo. We see Jolteon sipping coffee)  
  
Jolteon: all right, now what am I supposed to do? (Looks out at me)  
  
Narrator: go for a walk, as usual. That's how I start most plots. ^_-  
  
Jolteon: ok (Walks outside and closes the door)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes and we see the Digidestined behind a snow mound)  
  
Tai: ok, now we gotta do as the boss says, or we don't get our cash.  
  
Izzy: I don't see why they had to give us the sack soon after Season 1.  
  
Matt: guess we weren't popular anymore.  
  
Tai: All right, here are the weapons. (Passes around stun guns) now remember, we gotta pull this invasion off or the boss won't give us our pay and then we can't party.  
  
T.K.: I don't think I wanna do this.  
  
Matt: we gotta get our cash, little brother.  
  
Tai: all right, now let's rock and roll!  
  
(They charge off)  
  
Narrator: I suppose you can see where this is leading, don't you? Well, back to Jolteon.  
  
(The scene changes back to Jolteon. We see him looking through a pair of binoculars)  
  
Jolteon: I wonder if it's going to snow, it's co cloudy. (Suddenly stops as he sees the DigiDestined charge over the ice floes) WHAT?!  
  
Narrator: it's time to duke it out! Go tell the others!  
  
Jolteon: good idea! (He rushes off)  
  
(The scene changes, and we see Jolteon frantically knocking on Flareon's door)  
  
Jolteon: Flareon!  
  
Flareon: (From inside) what?  
  
Jolteon: the DigiDestined are attacking!  
  
Flareon: NOT ANOTHER INVASION! WHY CAN'T WE LIVE PEACEFULLY?  
  
Jolteon: just get out!  
  
(Flareon rushes out with a 12-gauge shotgun)  
  
Flareon: ok! I'll go tell Espeon and Vaporeon, you go tell Umbreon!  
  
Narrator: a short while later.  
  
(The scene changes and we see the gang of five assembled outside Jolteon's igloo)  
  
Espeon: so, the Digidestined are attacking?  
  
Umbreon: (fingering his Railgun) seems like it.  
  
Espeon: well, we need weapons.  
  
Umbreon: that's easy. (Pulls out Gameshark and flicks the 'on' switch. The genie appears)  
  
Genie: what is it you want of me, master?  
  
Umbreon: we need weapons, now!  
  
Genie: as you wish! (Rubs hands together. A whole arsenal of weapons falls to the floor)  
  
Vaporeon: (Picking up a RPG launcher) I'll take this.  
  
Espeon: this looks nice. (Hoists up a Gatling gun)  
  
Jolteon: all right, now that we're all set, let's repel this invasion!  
  
All: HELL YEAH!  
  
Narrator: and so.  
  
(The scene changes and we see the gang of five entrenched among the snow mounds)  
  
Umbreon: lock on targets!  
  
(The gang of five lift up their weapons and take aim)  
  
Umbreon: FIRE!  
  
(The Eeveelutions open fire on the DigiDestined. The Digidestined instantly duck for cover and return fire)  
  
Jolteon: (narrowly dodging a stun ray) man, these guys are good!  
  
(The battle rages on. The sky is illuminated by flashes of light from the weapons)  
  
Flareon: (being hit by a stun ray) AARRGGHH! (Passes out)  
  
Umbreon: (censored)! Man down! Man down!  
  
(The battle rages on, with both sides chipping away at one another. By now, only Umbreon, Vaporeon and Espeon are left standing)  
  
Umbreon: grr.they already took two of our team down!  
  
(Vaporeon gets hit by a stun ray and rolls over in the snow, whimpering)  
  
Umbreon: make that three down.  
  
Espeon: (rushing over to Vaporeon and cradling her in his arms) Vaporeon! Are you all right?!  
  
Umbreon: (desperately returning fire) hey, don't leave me here alone! Come back!  
  
Espeon: (ignoring Umbreon) please.Vaporeon.speak to me.(shakes her gently)  
  
(Vaporeon tries to say something, but goes limp in Espeon's arms)  
  
Umbreon: ESPEON! STOP FOOLING AROUND AND COME BACK HERE!  
  
(A teardrop rolls down Espeon's cheeks)  
  
Espeon: no.(gives a long, mournful howl of despair) NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! (Thunder and lightning in background) (A/N: yes.I know.but I'm not really good at this kind of writing.)  
  
Umbreon: (desperately) ESPEON!  
  
(Espeon starts to glow with a white light)  
  
Narrator: what? Espeon is evolving! (Heh heh, thanks Corrector9Yui! ^_^)  
  
Umbreon: (staring at the evolving Espeon in shock) oh my.  
  
(The DigiDestined stop their barrage for a while, unsure of what to do)  
  
Narrator: Espeon evolved into Espex! (Heh! ^_-)  
  
Espex: (Snarling in fury) I WILL AVENGE MY BELOVED! YOU WILL PAY!  
  
Umbreon: (to self) I don't think I ever want to make Espeon this mad.  
  
(A pillar of blue fire bursts out of the ground and engulfs the DigiDestined. Their screams are highly audible as they are burned into extremely fine soot.)  
  
Espex: (sadly) it is done.(slowly devolves into an Espeon again)  
  
Umbreon: (Staring at the scorched earth and the fine powdery remains of the DigiDestined) oh my.  
  
(Espeon limps over and gently picks up Vaporeon's still form)  
  
Espeon: (sobbing bitterly) please.come back.I love you.  
  
Narrator: (to reader) sad, isn't it?  
  
(Suddenly, Death appears)  
  
Espeon: (Staring at Death) NO! GO AWAY! GO AWAY! (Hurls a snowball)  
  
Death: CHILL! I'M JUST HERE FOR THE SOULS OF THE DIGIDESTINED. OH, WAIT. THEY SOLD THEIR SOULS TO THE DEVIL LONG AGO. SILLY ME. (Disappears)  
  
Espeon: (gently stroking Vaporeon) wake up.please.(A teardrop falls and splashes onto Vaporeon's face)  
  
(Vaporeon groans softly and her eyes slowly open)  
  
Espeon: (relieved) how do you feel? Thank mew you're all right! I thought I'd lost you forever!  
  
Vaporeon: (weakly) what happened? (Struggles to her feet)  
  
Umbreon: Espeon here was so upset by your demise that he evolved and saved us all.  
  
Vaporeon: (hugging Espeon tightly) oh.  
  
Espeon: (gently stroking her) it's all right now.  
  
Vaporeon: Espie, I have something to say.  
  
Espeon: (softly) speak.  
  
Vaporeon: I can't live without you, Espie. I've loved you ever since we were pups, ever since I first saw you. (A/N: aww.heh! ^_-)  
  
Espeon: neither can I do without you, my love.  
  
(Romantic music plays)  
  
Vaporeon: oh, Espie.  
  
Espeon: say no more.  
  
(Vaporeon and Espeon kiss passionately)  
  
Jolteon and Flareon: (Regaining consciousness) what the.  
  
Umbreon: (quickly rushing over and silencing Jolteon and Flareon) don't spoil their mood.  
  
Espeon: I suppose this is the best time to say this.  
  
Vaporeon: what is it?  
  
Espeon: (taking a deep breath and getting down on one knee) Vaporeon, will you marry me?  
  
(Vaporeon pauses, slightly startled by this question, and then blushes)  
  
Readers of Fan-fic: go on! Go on!  
  
Vaporeon: oh yes, Espie! I will marry you!  
  
Espeon: (smiling happily with tears in his eyes) thank you, my love.  
  
(Vaporeon and Espeon embrace each other and kiss again)  
  
(Camera fades out)  
  
Narrator: and so ends another episode of Eskimo Jolteon, except for.  
  
(The scene changes and we see Tracey Sketchit sitting down in his headquarters)  
  
Tracey: (banging his fist onto the table) DARN! I'll never use hired mercenaries again!  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Hope you like! 


	26. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 26: water park! o...

Author's note: I don't own pokemon, nor do I own.blah blah blah. Well, it seems I'm back and up! Trigonometry is the most evil topic ever!  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 26: A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo near the sea.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into igloo. We see Jolteon sleeping in bed.)  
  
Narrator: hey, wake up!  
  
Jolteon: (sleepily) what?  
  
Narrator: I said, WAKE UP!  
  
Jolteon: (mumbling) okay, okay. No need to get nasty.  
  
Narrator: good. Now pack your stuff and call Flareon and Umbreon. We're going to a water park.  
  
Jolteon: what about Vaporeon and Espeon?  
  
Narrator: let them be, after all, they've had the spotlight for the last few episodes.  
  
Jolteon: 'k. (Rushes off)  
  
Narrator: and so some time later.  
  
(The scene changes and we see Jolteon, Flareon and Umbreon outside a happy water park)  
  
Umbreon: (reading sign over entrance) mount mortar water park. (Consults map) yep, this is the place.  
  
Jolteon: (in a little sing-song voice) why are we waiting? Why are we waiting?  
  
Flareon: all right, I get your drift.  
  
(They walk to the admission counter)  
  
Jolteon: (to cashier) how much is it for a day pass, unlimited rides?  
  
Cashier: 75,000 pokebucks per pokemon. Food not included.  
  
Umbreon: whatever. (Fishes out 225,000 pokebucks out from wallet)  
  
Cashier: (placing passes on counter) that's very nice. Now.  
  
(Umbreon scrunches up the money into a ball, grabs the passes, and hurls the ball at the cashier.)  
  
Cashier: (CENSORED)!  
  
(Our heroes run off)  
  
Flareon: what did you do THAT for?  
  
Umbreon: if you can't haggle down freakishly high prices, at least make sure they know you don't like it.  
  
Jolteon: whatever. Now lets go in.  
  
(They flash their passes at the security guard at the entrance and enter.)  
  
Jolteon: all right, what do we do now?  
  
Umbreon: (checking map) well, we could always try this (Points on map)  
  
Jolteon: (reading) go over the high waterfall in a flimsy barrel into a deep plunge pool with sharp rocks that will cut you to pieces and a Kingdra that will swallow you up if you don't get cut to pieces?  
  
Umbreon: that's right.  
  
Flareon: um.I think I'll pass on this one.  
  
Umbreon: see ya later. (Rushes off with Jolteon)  
  
Narrator: and so.  
  
(The scene changes and we see Jolteon and Umbreon in front of the aforementioned water ride.)  
  
Umbreon: (reading sign) you must be at least level 15 to take this ride. Do so at your own risk as we cannot guarantee your safe return. The management takes no responsibility whatsoever for any loss of limbs or life sustained while using this ride.  
  
Jolteon: what are you waiting for? Let's go!  
  
(They rush up)  
  
Blissey: all right, you two, get into your seats. (Leads them to two small barrels)  
  
(Jolteon and Umbreon get into the barrels. The Blissey nails them shut. And pushes them on the ride.)  
  
Umbreon: hey, this isn't so ba-  
  
(The barrels go over the waterfall)  
  
Jolteon and Umbreon: (from inside the barrels) AAAUUUGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!  
  
(The barrels eventually come to a stop and bob in the water)  
  
Umbreon: (breaking out of the barrel) that wasn't so nice.  
  
Jolteon: (Breaking out of his barrel) I agree. (Notices something floating in the water) what's that?  
  
(They go forward and look. On closer inspection, it turns out to Bruno floating face down.)  
  
Jolteon and Umbreon: AAAAAAA!!!! (They run off in fright)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(We see Flareon sitting on a bench beside a tank with Gyrados in it. He is eating chips and drinking gas.)  
  
Flareon: (reading sign on tank) please do not feed me. Keep away from the sides at all times or you may fall in and I will eat you. You have been warned.  
  
(Flareon suddenly hears a furious thumping. He looks up and sees Koga desperately hitting on the side of the tank, with a Gyrados right behind him.)  
  
Flareon: how sweet. (Throws empty bag of chips into a litterbin and walks away.)  
  
(Jolteon and Umbreon walk in)  
  
Flareon: so, how did it go?  
  
Jolteon: um.not too bad.  
  
Umbreon: well, wanna try that ride over there? (Points)  
  
Jolteon: the "black hole"?  
  
Flareon: why not?  
  
(They walk off)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes and we see me, The Crimson Lugia, Corrector9Yui and Kuromew by a pool marked 'Authors only')  
  
Narrator: all right, who's going to freeze themselves first?  
  
Kuromew: not me.  
  
Corrector9Yui: I wish they heated these pools. (Pouts)  
  
The Crimson Lugia: (toeing the water) I don't know.  
  
Corrector9Yui: then I'll help you make up your mind! ^_- (Pushes The Crimson Lugia into the pool)  
  
The Crimson Lugia: (hitting the freezing water) noooo!  
  
Narrator: here come the cookies!  
  
Corrector9Yui: oh look! They're Lugia-shaped! (Munches one)  
  
The Crimson Lugia: NO! COOKIES MINE! (Rushes out of water and gobbles all the cookies)  
  
Narrator: well, seems like we'll have mountain dew then.and back to our heroes!  
  
(The scene changes and we see Jolteon, Flareon and Umbreon outside the water ride)  
  
Flareon: (reading from sign) this ride is completely pitch-black and will cause nauseating for the next three hours. Ride at your own risk. Do not ride if you do not want others to see what you ate for your last meal.  
  
Umbreon: what are we waiting for? Let's go!  
  
(Our heroes climb into the water ride and slide down a very Very VERY bendy tube and finally emerge into a shallow pool of water)  
  
Umbreon: (clutching head) I don't feel too well.  
  
Flareon: neither do I. (Pukes into the pool)  
  
Jolteon: come on; let's get out of here before they notice you puked into the pool.  
  
Umbreon: by the way, eating too many chips is bad for you.  
  
Flareon: whatever.  
  
(They walk on until they see a soft toy vendor.)  
  
Soft toy vendor: hi, would you like to buy a soft toy?  
  
Jolteon: (groggily) are they good to puke on?  
  
Soft Toy Vendor: (startled) um.yes.  
  
Jolteon: good. We'll have one each. (Fishes out pokebucks)  
  
Soft Toy Vendor: (Taking money) um.good. (Picks out three soft toys at random. By some freakish chance, they all are Espeon soft toys.)  
  
Umbreon: (squinting at Espeon soft toy) hey, this looks EXACTLY like Espeon! (A/N: see Episode 14)  
  
Flareon: whatever.  
  
(They walk on until they see Falkner selling cookies)  
  
Umbreon: what are YOU doing here?  
  
Falkner: this is my part-time job, stupid. What do you think I do when no one is challenging me at the gym?  
  
Flareon: got any cookies?  
  
Falkner: nope. Some Crimson Lugia came and bought my whole supply.  
  
Flareon: darn.  
  
Jolteon: come on, let's go.  
  
(They walk off. Camera fades out)  
  
Narrator: and so ends another silly episode of Eskimo Jolteon, except for-  
  
(The scene changes and we see me, Corrector9Yui and Kuromew in the Authors Only pool. The Crimson Lugia is sitting at the poolside gobbling cookies by the bagful.)  
  
Narrator: when are you going to finish your cookies?  
  
The Crimson Lugia: (ripping open another bag of cookies) NEVER! COOKIES COOKIES COOKIES COOKIES COOKIES! (Throws the bagful down her throat.)  
  
Kuromew: if you don't chew properly you'll get indigestion.  
  
(Narrator sighs)  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! ^_^ 


	27. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 27: The Hunt!

Author's note: I don't own pokemon, nor do I own any other characters not created by me. Oh well, sorry for the long time no update, but I've been working on a website. Well, I'm back again, to present you with.  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 27: A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo near the sea.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into igloo. We see Jolteon watching Cartoon Network on TV.)  
  
Jolteon: (to self) this sure is a lazy day. (Stretches and yawns)  
  
(There is a knock at the door. Jolteon goes over and opens it to reveal Morty.)  
  
Jolteon: what are YOU doing here at 6.am in the morning?  
  
Morty: hello, sir. I'm your new milkman. Would you like a pint of extra creamy-  
  
Jolteon: GO AWAY! (Slams door in Morty's face)  
  
Morty: (from outside) well, there's a 5 percent discount on-  
  
(Jolteon turns up the volume until he can't hear Morty)  
  
(There is another knock at the door)  
  
Jolteon: (grumbling) if it's that milkman I'll- (Opens door to reveal Umbreon)  
  
Umbreon: thought you might want to go for a walk.  
  
Jolteon: (shrugging) why not? (Turns off TV and walks along)  
  
Narrator: and so.  
  
(The scene changes and we see Jolteon and Umbreon outside Espeon's igloo.)  
  
Jolteon: are you sure you want to put that snowball on Espeon?  
  
Umbreon: well, a little harmless mischief never hurts. No one ever expects snow in their bed, do they?  
  
Jolteon: I suppose not.  
  
Umbreon: (scooping up a pawful of snow) come on, let's go in. (Lifts up window)  
  
(The two of them climb into Espeon's bedroom. We see Espeon sleeping in bed hugging his pillow.)  
  
Jolteon: all right, now what?  
  
Espeon: (sleep talking) mmmmffff.(Rolls over)  
  
Umbreon: (whispering) look, Espeon is talking in his sleep.  
  
Espeon: (sleep talking) Vaporeon.my love.come here and let me give you a hug.(squeezes pillow)  
  
Umbreon: (muffling giggles) did you hear that?  
  
Jolteon: does he really love her that much? By the way, keep that snowball away from the bed until you're ready to put it there, will you?  
  
Umbreon: (holding up snowball) but it's right here!  
  
Jolteon: (pointing) then what's that damp patch I see on the bed over there?  
  
Umbreon: I have no idea.  
  
Jolteon: I'll find out. (Rubs a finger on the damp patch) it feels.sort of slimy.sticky?  
  
(Jolteon and Umbreon stare at each other for a while)  
  
Umbreon: are you thinking what I'm thinking?  
  
Jolteon: I think so too.  
  
Umbreon: I suggest you wash that finger.  
  
Jolteon: I concur.  
  
Umbreon: (tipping the snowball on the bed) all right, let's leave.  
  
(They climb out through the window.)  
  
Narrator: needless to say, Espeon was awakened rudely from his happy dream by a small river of freezing cold water that had come from the melting snowball. But anyway, back to Jolteon and Umbreon.  
  
(The scene changes, and we see Jolteon and Umbreon walking among the ice floes.)  
  
Jolteon: so, what do we do now?  
  
Umbreon: no idea.  
  
(Suddenly, I walk along)  
  
Narrator: hi.  
  
Jolteon and Umbreon: hi. Where are you going at this time of day?  
  
Narrator: well, I'm going on a hunt with my fellow authors!  
  
Jolteon and Umbreon: ooooohhhh! Can we come?  
  
Narrator: well, I suppose so, if you two don't cause trouble.  
  
(We walk off)  
  
(Twenty minutes later, at Fan Fiction.net)  
  
(We see seated around a small table The Crimson Lugia, Corrector9Yui, Sandact6 and Pyrovulpix. I walk over to the last empty chair and sit down.)  
  
Narrator: now, friends, today we are gathered here for.  
  
All: the hunt!  
  
Narrator: yes! And for the hunt, we must have.  
  
All: WEAPONS!  
  
Narrator: yes! (Goes over and Unlocks a huge vaulted door marked "armory". The camera moves inside and we see weapons of all kinds neatly arranged in rows.)  
  
(The authors all rush in)  
  
The Crimson Lugia: (grabbing a chainsaw) yay! Killing time! ^_^  
  
Corrector9Yui: that's not a ladylike weapon, TCL.  
  
The Crimson Lugia: then what is?  
  
Corrector9Yui: (brandishing stiletto daggers) these are. (Does an experimental swing)  
  
Pyrovulpix: (crazily) I LIKE FIRE! I LIKE FIRE! (Sweeps a whole shelf of Molotov cocktails off, then hoists up a flamethrower and fives it a test. A jet of blue-green flame rises and scorches the ceiling)  
  
Sandact6: (grabbing two M4A1 Colt Carbines) be careful with that thing. (Fixes silencers on)  
  
Narrator: (hearing a scrabbling at the window) what's that? (Goes over and checks)  
  
(The window is opened to reveal a whole crowd of characters from all the five Author's fics.)  
  
Crowd: let us in! We want to kill!  
  
Narrator: all right.(opens door. The crowd swarms in and starts picking the armory clean)  
  
(Twenty minutes later. All the abovementioned people are gathered is some huge room.)  
  
Crowd: KILL! KILL!  
  
Narrator: all right.release the Tracey Clones!  
  
(Huge doors open on the other side of the room and hundreds of Tracey clones come out. They mill around dumbly, deprived of their sketchbooks.)  
  
Narrator: Let the hunt.BEGIN!  
  
(The crowd rush forward and start to annihilate Tracey clones)  
  
Corrector9Yui: (stabbing a Tracey clone) this is fun! ^_^  
  
The Crimson Lugia: (Slicing a Tracey clone's head off with the chainsaw) you said it!  
  
Pyrovulpix: (tossing a Molotov cocktail at a group of Tracey clones) BURN BABY BURN! (Sets the nearest clone on fire with the Flamethrower. It runs around screaming for a while until its charred body collapses)  
  
(Suddenly, there is a rumbling noise. I burst in with a howitzer.)  
  
Narrator: LOOK OUT! (Bombards the place with the howitzer. Bits of Tracey fly all over the place.)  
  
(We work for two hours destroying the Tracey clones. Finally, the last Tracey clone collapses.)  
  
Narrator: well, that's it. THIS HUNT IS NOW OFFICIALLY OVER!  
  
(Cheers and whistles from the crowd)  
  
The Crimson Lugia: well, what do we do with these leftovers? (Holds up a leg)  
  
Narrator: I don't know.how about letting our characters eat them?  
  
Corrector9Yui: yuck.  
  
Narrator: Tracey clones do provide some very important protein. And now, we can go to.McDonalds!  
  
Authors: YAY!  
  
(They all leave)  
  
Narrator: and so ends another silly episode of Eskimo Jolteon, except for.  
  
(The scene changes and we see the 5 authors at McDonald's.)  
  
Pyrovulpix: NO FAIR! I WANNA MILKSHAKE!  
  
The Crimson Lugia: (eating a cheeseburger) pipe down and eat.  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! 


	28. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 28: The gang go s...

Author's note: if you haven't seen my bio yet, then please listen up: could you please tell me where to get Humanist BT Roman (the font)? I need it.(coughs and wheezes desperately) the zip file I downloaded from pokemonzeo.com apparently doesn't seem to have it.and I tried Humanist BT and condensed in all forms (Normal, bold and italic) and it doesn't seem right.or am I having eye problems? Oh well. Please help a poor loser down on his luck, please? (Looks at you with big puppy eyes like Espeon) oh well, enough rambling.on with the story!  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 28:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo near the sea.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into igloo. We see Jolteon and Umbreon watching television.)  
  
Jolteon: this is boring. (Flips through the channel.)  
  
Umbreon: (munching popcorn) I concur.  
  
Jolteon: (looking out at me) well, do you have any idea what we should do?  
  
Narrator: maybe we could go.snowboarding?  
  
Umbreon: do you know how to snowboard in the first place?  
  
Narrator: oh, yes. (Goes to website and shows them picture of the times)  
  
Umbreon: you just ripped that off gamescreenshots.com.  
  
Narrator: well, I- (makes mental note to get Umbreon later)  
  
Jolteon: (grabbing a snowboard from a cupboard) come on, let's call the others and go.  
  
Narrator: and so, some time later.  
  
(The scene changes and we see our gang of five hanging out in a ski lodge's café.)  
  
Umbreon: I thought we were here to go snowboarding.  
  
Espeon: yes, but first, we eat.  
  
(A chansey waitress arrives)  
  
Chansey Waitress: all right, here are your five super-duper-ultra-hyper- jumbo-king-sized meals.  
  
Jolteon: (staring at the huge mound of food) how are we going to finish this all?  
  
Vaporeon: (giggling) this is a fic, silly! ^_^ The normal rules of physics don't apply here!  
  
Flareon: oh well. Let's eat.  
  
(They tuck into the food)  
  
Narrator: a very short distance away.  
  
(The camera moves to the café counter and we see The Crimson Lugia in conversation with the guy behind the counter.)  
  
The Crimson Lugia: all right, now I want to buy up your whole supply of cookies, NOW!  
  
Guy: all right, all right. Now let me look for-  
  
(Suddenly, the door of the café bursts open to reveal-)  
  
Narrator: Darth Gary! (Star wars Empire music plays)  
  
(Darth Gary steps in, clothed in a black cloak and helmet)  
  
Jolteon: is this weird, or what?  
  
Darth Gary: (in hollow, monotonous voice) attention. I represent the great emperor Tracey Sketchit. I have been ordered to stockpile all the cookies for no apparent reason. Surrender your cookies now.  
  
The Crimson Lugia: NEVER! (Hugs bags of cookies protectively)  
  
Darth Gary: you refuse? (Pulls out laser pistol) feel the wrath of the great emperor Tracey! (Fires a volley of shots at The Crimson Lugia. Some of the shots hit the bag of cookies and the contents fall out onto the floor.)  
  
The Crimson Lugia: (nimbly dodging the shots) MY COOKIES! ;_; WHY YOU LITTLE !@#$, I'LL BREAK YOUR NECK.(fires Crimson Aeroblast at Darth Gary. It hits him right on.)  
  
(Darth Gary is blasted by the force of the Crimson Aeroblast through the roof and out)  
  
Darth Gary: I'll.be.back.(vanishes from sight)  
  
The Crimson Lugia: now I can have my cookies! (Picks up cookies from the floor and shovels them into her mouth.)  
  
Vaporeon: that was odd.(continues eating)  
  
Narrator: and so.  
  
(One hour later. Our heroes have finished eating and are outside with their snowboards.)  
  
Jolteon: all right, see you all later. (Kicks off the snowboard and slides down)  
  
Vaporeon: well, Espie and I are going that way. (Points) we'd better get going. (They kick off too)  
  
Umbreon: well that leaves me and.Flareon? (Hears a snoring noise and looks down to see Flareon asleep in the snow.)  
  
Narrator: I'll handle him.  
  
Umbreon: oh well, I guess that meal was too heavy for him. (Kicks off)  
  
(The camera follows Umbreon as he snowboards down the slope)  
  
Umbreon: (to self) yep, what a great day to be alive.  
  
Narrator: Umbreon?  
  
Umbreon: yes?  
  
Narrator: look-oh, never mind  
  
Umbreon: what was that f- (sees a tree looming way too close for comfort for him)  
  
Narrator: this is gonna be ugly. (Shields eyes)  
  
(Umbreon smacks head-first into the tree trunk. His snowboard bounces across the snow and comes to a stop near a snow mound, and his head is stuck through the tree trunk.)  
  
Umbreon: ouch.(realizes the position he's in) oh great. (Tries to pull his head out, to no avail) oh no.  
  
Narrator: well, this is where I leave you. (Walks off)  
  
Umbreon: hey, come back and get me out of here!  
  
Narrator: maybe you should look in the other direction. (Laughs evilly and walks off)  
  
Umbreon: huh? (Turns head and sees Tracey Sketchit approaching) OH NO! DEAR MEW, PLEASE SPARE ME! ANYHTING BUT THAT!  
  
Tracey: (getting out sketchbook) hi, are you an Umbreon? Why do you have your head stuck through a tree trunk? Do you like cheese? Can I sketch you? Why are your eyes red? Do you have a mate? What do you think of McDonald's?  
  
Umbreon: (screaming) PLEASE STOP! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!! PLEASE!!! THE PAIN!!!  
  
Narrator: hee hee hee. Meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes and we see Espeon and Vaporeon in what shall we call.a secluded spot.)  
  
Espeon: My love, I've got something for you.  
  
Vaporeon: (rubbing against Espeon) what is it, Espie? ^_^  
  
Espeon: (producing a small bouquet of roses from behind his back) here.  
  
Vaporeon: (squealing happily) oh! They're so pretty.  
  
(To Espeon's amazement, she takes a rose, chews, and swallows.) (A/N yes, most ladies don't do that, but they're POKEMON, remember? :p)  
  
Vaporeon: (continuing sentence) and yummy as well! How DID you know I loved to eat flowers ever since I was a pup?  
  
Espeon: well, I.  
  
Vaporeon: oh, you're so sweet. (Kisses Espeon)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes and we are back at Umbreon. A crowd has already gathered around and is "ooh"ing and "aah"ing.)  
  
Tracey: how do you like cell phones? Do any of your relatives have the pokerus? Do you own a magic sword? How does moonlight feel on your skin?  
  
Umbreon: (Tearing and Screaming Hysterically) I CONFESS! I CONFESS! I PUT ITCHING POWDER ON ESPEON'S BED! I ALSO STOLE THE CHEESE-NIPS FROM PYROVULPIX! PLEASE LET ME GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Tracey: if a woodchuck could chuck wood how much would it chuck? Do pizzas make good blankets? Did you really kill Kenny?  
  
Umbreon: (Dangerously close to snapping) AAAAAUUUUUGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(Suddenly, a bright blue beam of light descends from the sky and fries the tree and unfortunately, Umbreon as well. Umbreon frantically limps off)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes and we see three scientists working in some top-secret government lab.)  
  
Scientist#1: I think we went off aim.  
  
Scientist#2: I TOLD you, move the ion cannon a little to the left, but would you listen?  
  
Scientist#3: (taking a piece of paper from Scientist#1's hands) you've got the aiming coordinates upside down.  
  
Scientist#2: that would explain it.  
  
Scientist#1: oh well, back to the calculation board.  
  
Narrator: and so.  
  
(The scene changes back to the burnt remains of the tree. The crowd is dispersing.)  
  
Tracey: hey come back, I haven't finished yet!  
  
(Suddenly, Corrector9Yui leaps out from the crowd in her Corrector Yui Battle Suit)  
  
Corrector9Yui: die, evil Tracey! (Draws dual pistols)  
  
Tracey: AAAHH! (Runs inside the Levitating Milktruck of Doom and flies off)  
  
Corrector9Yui: come back here, you coward! (Fires pistols wildly)  
  
Narrator: oh well.and so.  
  
(The scene changes and we see Jolteon standing outside the ski lodge. Umbreon arrives, burnt, bruised and battered.)  
  
Jolteon: hey, what happened to you?  
  
Umbreon: it's a long story.  
  
Jolteon: well, you can tell me about it inside. Flareon, Vaporeon and Espeon are already back.  
  
Umbreon: good idea.  
  
(They walk in and close the door)  
  
Narrator: and so ends another silly episode of Eskimo Jolteon!  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! 


	29. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 29: time travelli...

Author's note: sorry for the break.I've been having a string of very bad days.oh well.I don't own pokemon, nor do I own any other characters not created by me. So there. Now let's get on with the story!  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 29:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo near the mountains.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into igloo. We see me reading the Encyclopedia Gameia while sitting by my filming apparatus and a door.)  
  
Narrator: (flicking through a whole stack of pages) why do I always have to wait for those two to finish?  
  
Vaporeon: (from behind the door) (moaning) oh, OH, OHHHHHHH!!!!  
  
Narrator: (angrily slamming Encyclopedia Gameia shut) well, seems like I've got to postpone that evil fairy tale, because it'll take forever for those two to finish playing with each other. And so.  
  
(The next morning. We see Jolteon sorting out through his mail while sipping at his coffee.)  
  
Jolteon: (ripping through a parcel and finding something) hello, what's this? It seems to be a card of some kind.  
  
(Camera zooms in onto the card. We see some sort of picture of a Crimson Lugia on it.)  
  
Jolteon: (to self) I wonder what this is. (Hears a knock at the door. He walks over to open it. It opens to reveal Vaporeon, looking slightly worried.)  
  
Jolteon: what's up? You don't look your cheerful self.  
  
Vaporeon: (walking in and sitting down at the table) I've got something to say.but I'm not sure whether I should do so. Will you promise to keep a secret for a while?  
  
Jolteon: well, ok. Shoot. (Sips at coffee)  
  
Vaporeon: (taking a deep breath) I think I'm pregnant.  
  
(In shock, Jolteon spits out the coffee. The contents of the coffee cup spill onto the table, forming a small brown puddle.)  
  
Jolteon: (not believing what he heard) WHAT DID YOU SAY?  
  
Vaporeon: I said, I think I'm pregnant.  
  
Jolteon: wha.what makes you think that? Why tell me this?  
  
Vaporeon: (patting her slightly swollen tummy) well, it's beginning to show, and although it's supposed to be a surprise for Espie on our wedding day, I just had to tell someone.  
  
Jolteon: (evidently dazed) um.  
  
Vaporeon: maybe I should leave. (Gets up and leaves)  
  
(Eventually, Jolteon manages to recollect himself and continues to sort out the mail.)  
  
Jolteon: (to self) I wonder why this card has "the cookies are mine" inscribed on it. (Rubs the lettering)  
  
(Suddenly, a ton of cookies materialize directly over Jolteon and squash him.)  
  
Jolteon: ouch. Someone get me out from under here!  
  
(Umbreon walks in through the door)  
  
Jolteon: help me!  
  
Umbreon: has it been one of those days again? (Tries to dig Jolteon out)  
  
Narrator: while Umbreon is digging out Jolteon, let us have a quick peek.  
  
(The scene changes to Tracey Sketchit HQ. We see Tracey and Darth Gary in front of some machine.)  
  
Darth Gary: are you sure this will work, master?  
  
Tracey: of course it will work! If I can't take over the world now, I will try taking over it in the past! Then I will rule the world! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!  
  
Darth Gary: oh, all right. (Pulls a lever on the machine. A purple vortex opens and Tracey Sketchit steps into it.) Oh well, now to play solitaire until master returns.  
  
Narrator: and now back to our heroes.  
  
(The scene changes and we see Umbreon still trying to dig out Jolteon)  
  
Umbreon: this doesn't seem to be working.  
  
(Suddenly, The Crimson Lugia appears)  
  
The Crimson Lugia: excuse me, I think these are mine. (Picks up the card and shovels the cookies into her mouth. In a matter of seconds, the whole pile of cookies is gone.)  
  
Jolteon: (brushing cookie crumbs off himself) all right, what are you here for?  
  
The Crimson Lugia: yes, I am here on a matter of great importance! The Evil Tracey Sketchit has gone to the past to try and take over the world, and you two must stop him!  
  
Umbreon: why us?  
  
Narrator: because the script says so. (Waves script around.)  
  
Umbreon: oh, all right. Can we first get our weapons?  
  
Narrator: duh.  
  
(Jolteon and Umbreon rush off and return a few moments later with their respective weapons.)  
  
Jolteon: all right, now how do we get to the past?  
  
The Crimson Lugia: I'll handle that. (Waves her wings and a purple vortex appears. Jolteon and Umbreon dive into the vortex, which closes after them.)  
  
Narrator: well, that's done. The special-effects guy is gonna charge me a bomb for this.  
  
The Crimson Lugia: whatever. Got any cookies?  
  
Narrator: sure. (Hands her a huge bag)  
  
Morty: (from outside) would you two like some milk with those cookies? They say strawberry milk is good with chocolate chip cookies.  
  
Narrator: oh, brother. Meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to Olivine 15 years ago. Jolteon and Umbreon land in a heap.)  
  
Umbreon: (rubbing the spots that ache most) that was NOT a smooth ride.  
  
Jolteon: (dusting himself off) I agree.  
  
Umbreon: this place really brings back old memories, no? Look, the old mall is there.  
  
Jolteon: later, we've got a mission to accomplish.  
  
Umbreon: but where do we start looking for Tracey? This place is so large!  
  
Jolteon: good point, although I have the feeling he'll probably want a dramatic appearance.  
  
Umbreon: well, we could always start at the mall! I remember the ice cream shop the five of us used to hang around.  
  
Jolteon: (rolling his eyes) oh, all right.  
  
(Some time later. We see our heroes at the mall.)  
  
Jolteon: Tracey doesn't seem to be here.  
  
Umbreon: look, that's us! (Points)  
  
(The camera swings to show two Eevee pups, although somewhat different, still unmistakably Jolteon and Umbreon.)  
  
Jolteon: oh, no no no. We're not going and meet ourselves.  
  
Umbreon: did I really look that nerdy?  
  
(Suddenly, a huge robot strides over. Standing on its shoulder is the figure of Tracey. Pokemon flee in all directions.)  
  
Umbreon: oh no, it's him!  
  
Tracey: attention, people of Olivine. I am the great emperor Tracey Sketchit. Prepare to be subjugated.  
  
(The two Eevees that are Jolteon and Umbreon stand in wonder at the robot, not comprehending the danger that they are in.)  
  
Jolteon: oh no! Why are we so dumb!?  
  
Tracey: (noticing the two Eevee watching him) hey, what are you staring at? Get out of my way! (Raises the robot's leg to squash them both.)  
  
Jolteon: hey, I wonder what happens to us if they die.  
  
Umbreon: I don't know, but I'm not going to find out the hard way. (Shouts) HEY, YOOHOO! TRACEY! OVER HERE!  
  
Tracey: WHAT?! It can't be.never mind, I will finish the both of you here! (Two machineguns pop out of the robot and fire wildly at them. Jolteon and Umbreon dive for cover and return fire.)  
  
Umbreon: it's no use! The robot just absorbs our shots!  
  
Tracey: HA HA HA! I AM INVUNERABLE!  
  
(Suddenly, the chance collision of five hundred million air molecules onto a single molecule marked "do not pull out this molecule" causes it to shift out of place.)  
  
Tracey: (feeling the robot tremble) WHAT?! (The robot crumbles into very fine dust)  
  
Umbreon: ha ha ha.  
  
Tracey: (standing in the midst of the dust cloud) it's not over! I shall return and have my revenge one day! (Opens a portal and dives into it)  
  
Jolteon: well, what about those two? (Points to the younger version of themselves)  
  
(Jolteon and Umbreon walk over and pick up the younger versions of themselves)  
  
Jolteon: it's all right now. Run home to mommy.  
  
Eevee (U): hey mister, you're so cool! You actually destroyed the robot!  
  
Jolteon: um.yeah.  
  
Eevee (J): yeah, where did you come from?  
  
Umbreon: (searching his mind for a honest but deceptive answer) um.from up north.  
  
Eevee (J): wow! I want to move up there too and be like you!  
  
Eevee (U): me too!  
  
Umbreon: all right, now go home or your mommies will be getting worried. (Watches them scamper off into the distance)  
  
Jolteon: I wonder if we set our fates.  
  
Umbreon: I don't know.  
  
(Suddenly, a portal appears and The Crimson Lugia's voice can be heard.)  
  
The Crimson Lugia: hurry up and come back! I can't keep it open forever!  
  
Umbreon: oh well, there goes my chance of reliving my memories.  
  
(They dive into the portal. Camera fades out)  
  
Narrator: and so ends another episode of Eskimo Jolteon, except for-  
  
(The scene changes and we see Tracey Sketchit return through the portal, bruised and battered.)  
  
Darth Gary: I suppose things didn't go too well, master.  
  
Tracey: shut up and help me think of another evil plan.  
  
(Camera fades out)  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! ^_^ 


	30. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 30: more evil son...

Author's note: I don't own pokemon, nor do I own any other characters not created by me. Ok? Now let's get on with the song! ^_^  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 30:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place, a place with a stage.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a happy stage with spotlights..  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms in on stage as Flareon and Espeon walk on stage.)  
  
Flareon: hello, all! Today as lccorp2 has had an evil idea, I'm going to sing you all a song!  
  
(Espeon strums a guitar he is holding.)  
  
Flareon: well, you folks at home can sing along too! The tune is from the first verse of 'jingle bells'!  
  
(Espeon starts playing a tune)  
  
Flareon: jungle bells, jungle bells, ASH IS DEAD! LUGIA USED AN AEROBLAST AND SHOT HIM IN THE HEAD! Pikachu, pikachu, tried to save his life, BUT G.I JOE FROM MEXICO STABBED IT WITH A KNIFE!  
  
Flareon and Espeon: jungle bells, jungle bells, ASH IS DEAD! LUGIA USED AN AEROBLAST AND SHOT HIM IN THE HEAD! Pikachu, pikachu, tried to save his life, BUT G.I JOE FROM MEXICO STABBED IT WITH A KNIFE!  
  
Flareon: jungle bells, jungle bells, ASH IS DEAD!  
  
LUGIA ATE HIS BODY AND WHAT WAS LEFT OF HIS HEAD! Pikachu, pikachu, was stabbed in the brain, And I can say that it was in pain.  
  
Flareon and Espeon: jungle bells, jungle bells, ASH IS DEAD! LUGIA USED AN AEROBLAST AND SHOT HIM IN THE HEAD! Pikachu, pikachu, tried to save his life, BUT G.I JOE FROM MEXICO STABBED IT WITH A KNIFE!  
  
Flareon: jungle bells, jungle bells, ASH IS DEAD! NO ONE MISSED HIM OR HIS STUPID EMPTY HEAD! Pikachu, pikachu was buried six feet down, And we can all agree that it's better underground.  
  
Flareon and Espeon: jungle bells, jungle bells, ASH IS DEAD! LUGIA USED AN AEROBLAST AND SHOT HIM IN THE HEAD! Pikachu, pikachu, tried to save his life, BUT G.I JOE FROM MEXICO STABBED IT WITH A KNIFE!  
  
Flareon: LUGIA USED AN AEROBLAST AND SHOT HIM IN THE HEAD!  
  
(Cheers and applause from the audience)  
  
Espeon: thank you. Thank you.  
  
Flareon: that was good, no?  
  
Espeon: well, at least I didn't get hurt this time.  
  
Flareon: well then, hold this. (Thrusts a stick of dynamite into Espeon's paws and runs away.)  
  
Espeon: huh?  
  
(The dynamite explodes, leaving Espeon charred.)  
  
Narrator: oh well. And so ends another evil song!  
  
How'd you like this? Please review! ^_^ 


	31. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 31: the assault o...

Author's note: I don't own pokemon, nor do I own any other character not created by me. Oh well.now that I've spoofed some clerks; let's get on with the story! ^_^ (Rubs bandaged leg) ouch. ^_^;  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 31:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo near the mountains.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into igloo. We see the gang of five watching TV.)  
  
Jolteon: this is soo boring.  
  
Espeon: (flicking through the channels) I agree.  
  
Vaporeon: well, can you think of anything else to do? (Nuzzles against Espeon)  
  
Espeon: well.  
  
(Suddenly, there is a knock at the door.)  
  
Jolteon: I'll get it. (Walks over to door)  
  
(The door opens to reveal me.)  
  
Jolteon: oh. Hi. What are YOU here for?  
  
Narrator: well, FF.net is holding an assault on Tracey HQ, and as characters of my fic, you are invited to go along!  
  
Umbreon: wow! That HAS got to beat watching TV at 3 pm.  
  
Narrator: come on, let's go. (Waves hand)  
  
Flareon: nice shades.  
  
Narrator: (growling) shut up.  
  
(Flareon shrugs and walks on)  
  
(Half an hour later, at FF.net base. We see TCL, C9Y and PV sitting down at a table. The characters of all our fics are gathered around us. The crowd parts to let me through.)  
  
Narrator: friends, authors, characters. Today we are gathered here for a special and memorable event.  
  
All: THE ASSAULT ON TRACEY HQ!  
  
Narrator: yes. And to do so, we must have.  
  
All: weapons!  
  
Narrator: um.yes. Authors first.  
  
(I go over and unlock the door marked 'armory'. The authors (including me) walk inside)  
  
The Crimson Lugia: I think I'll rely on my Crimson Aeroblast, but just in case.(grabs a chainsaw with her name etched on it)  
  
Corrector9Yui: how bout this? (Picking up 5.56-mm commando rifle and donning her Corrector Yui battle suit)  
  
Pyrovulpix: NO! I LIKE FIRE! (Hoists flamethrower and clears shelves of all the Molotov cocktails)  
  
Narrator: I'll go with my old favorite. (Picks up two Ingram Mac-10s from a rack)  
  
The Crimson Lugia: all right! Now all the characters can come in!  
  
(Huge masses of characters file in and pick the armory clean)  
  
Narrator: all right, now that we're suitably equipped, let the assault begin!  
  
All: HELL YEAH!  
  
(One hour later. We are standing on a grassy plain. In the distance looms the dark and forbidding shape of Tracey HQ.)  
  
Corrector9Yui: all right, according to our map, Tracey HQ is right in front of us.  
  
The Crimson Lugia: what are we waiting for? CHARGE!  
  
(We charge towards the distance. Suddenly, lots of Ash Ketchum clones appear, armed with handguns.)  
  
Pyrovulpix: they must have sent a strike force to counter us!  
  
Narrator: (blasting away with Ingram Mac-10s) KILL EM ALL!  
  
All: YEAH!  
  
The Crimson Lugia: whoo-ee! (Blasts away with Crimson Aeroblast. Bits of Ash fly all over the place.)  
  
Pyrovulpix: smoking! (Flames the nearest Ash clone, then scatters Molotov cocktails everywhere. The clones burst into flame and turn into very large cinders.)  
  
Corrector9Yui: Die! Morty is good! (Fires rifle wildly)  
  
(The battle rages on for three hours)  
  
Corrector9Yui: we're running out of ammo!  
  
Narrator: roger. (Pulls out a walkie-talkie and yells into it) hey, base! We need an ammo drop ASAP!  
  
Corrector9Yui: (firing a burst of bullets) that's it, I just finished my last rounds. What do we do?  
  
The Crimson Lugia: HAND-TO-HAND COMBAT! (Pulls out chainsaw and starts it up)  
  
Corrector9Yui: I concur. (Fixes bayonet onto her rifle and charges)  
  
(I wander off behind a bush)  
  
Pyrovulpix: hey, where're you going?  
  
Narrator: off for a while.  
  
(Pyrovulpix shrugs and joins in the melee combat)  
  
(Camera shifts back to TCL and C9Y as they engage in melee combat with the clones)  
  
The Crimson Lugia: (hacking and slashing away with chainsaw) yippee!  
  
(From the corner of her eyes, she sees a shiny Umbreon sinking its teeth into a clone's neck.)  
  
The Crimson Lugia: seems like Lc's not missing out on the fun.  
  
(The battle continues, until the last clone falls)  
  
Pyrovulpix: (surveying the destruction) cool. Where is the lot of them?  
  
(TCL and C9Y arrive on the scene)  
  
Corrector9Yui: where's Lc?  
  
(A whimper comes from behind a bush. It eventually turns into a voice.)  
  
Narrator: could someone please throw me my clothes?  
  
The Crimson Lugia: here, catch. (Tosses my clothes behind the bush)  
  
Narrator: (coming out from behind bush) does anyone happen to have some mouthwash, by any chance?  
  
Pyrovulpix: (handing me a bottle of Listerine) here.  
  
Narrator: thanks. (Gargles and spits) I think those clones don't even know the meaning of the word 'bath'.  
  
The Crimson Lugia: let us go on!  
  
All: YEAH!  
  
(The whole crowd charges on, the four of us at the lead.)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to the interior of Tracey HQ. We see Tracey in deep thought. Darth Gary comes in.)  
  
Darth Gary: reporting sir. The authors are headed this way. They seem to want to kill you.  
  
Tracey: I am in the midst of formulating my latest plan to take over the world. Don't let them get in my way.  
  
Darth Gary: do not worry, master. They will be stopped by the mighty Power Vacuum. (Walks off) ha ha ha.  
  
(The scene changes back to our heroes. They have made their way to the main tower when.)  
  
Narrator: a giant four-story Vacuum drops from the sky!  
  
Vacuum: (in mechanic voice) are you the fools who dare to start a fight against the Emperor Tracey? I am in charge of killing intruders. You all shall die here! (Fires a barrage of bullets at us. We duck for cover and return fire.)  
  
The Crimson Lugia: it's no good! There 're just too many bullets flying around!  
  
Narrator: I have an idea. Pyro, give me all your Molotov cocktails.  
  
Pyrovulpix: whatever. (Hands me the whole bundle tied together)  
  
Narrator: (taking the whole lot) thanks. (Steps out into the barrage)  
  
Corrector9Yui: hey, what are you doi-  
  
(A few bullets thud into me. They smart, but don't really hurt.)  
  
Vacuum: (clearly surprised) what the.  
  
Narrator: maybe you should have used silver or fire instead. (Lights all the Molotov cocktails and hurls them) catch.  
  
(The whole bundle fly into the vacuum. Nothing happens for a while, then-)  
  
Clunk.  
  
(The authors and characters emerge from their hiding places and charge forward into the main tower.)  
  
The Crimson Lugia: umm.you ok?  
  
Narrator: it'll heal rather quickly.  
  
(The scene changes to Tracey's private chambers. The door bursts open, knocking both Darth Gary and Tracey out, as they were standing behind the door. The authors rush in.)  
  
Narrator: hello, where's- (notices Tracey and Darth Gary on the floor) oh.  
  
The Crimson Lugia: oh well. What do we do now?  
  
Corrector9Yui: maybe that should get your attention. (Points to a door marked 'treasury')  
  
Pyrovulpix: ok. (Torches the door open)  
  
(The authors stare at what they see behind the door, not believing their eyes.)  
  
The Crimson Lugia: wow.  
  
Corrector9Yui: I must be in heaven.  
  
(Before their eyes lie the greatest heaps of gold and gems, cookies, Morty collectables and barrels of Jet fuel that mankind has ever seen)  
  
Authors: (bouncing up and down) REJOICE! WE HAVE THE TREASURES OF THE EVIL EMPEROR!  
  
(All the authors and characters charge in and help themselves to the vast hordes of loot)  
  
The Crimson Lugia: lets cart it all home! (Stuffing as many cookies as she can into a huge sack)  
  
All: YEAH!  
  
(In a few moments, the treasury is empty)  
  
Narrator: mission accomplished! We can all go home!  
  
All: yay!  
  
(They all leave. Camera fades out.)  
  
Narrator: and so ends another silly episode of Eskimo Jolteon, except for-  
  
(The scene changes and we see Tracey Sketchit lying in the smoking ruins)  
  
Tracey: (groaning) Darth Gary!  
  
Darth Gary: you called me, master?  
  
Tracey: yes. Shut up and help me put this brick on that other brick.  
  
(Camera fades out as the pitifully try to rebuild the place)  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! ^_^ 


	32. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 32: The quest for...

Author's note: sorry for the break in Episode making.but I have a very evil big sister (5 years older than me) oh well. I don't own pokemon. If I did, I wouldn't have to put up with an evil big sister. By they way, I am saving up for a GBA. According to my calculations, at my present rate of saving, I will have saved enough when pokemon ruby and sapphire are released. Now let's get on with the story! ^_^  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 32:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo near the sea.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into igloo. We see Jolteon and Umbreon fiddling with a computer. Empty boxes surround them.)  
  
Umbreon: no, you plug in the mouse over there.  
  
Jolteon: really?  
  
Umbreon: (fiddling with the back of the CPU) yes.  
  
Narrator: this is boring, isn't it?  
  
Jolteon: yes, but once we get this fixed up, it won't be very boring.  
  
Narrator: I don't think I wanna film this boring scene.  
  
(TCL walks into the set, holding a bag of cookies)  
  
TCL: (crunching cookies) whatcha doing?  
  
Narrator: well, as you can see, I'm waiting for them to do something interesting so I can make this episode.  
  
TCL: oh.  
  
Narrator: (checking watch) will you look at the time, it's nearly 10:30 PM and I gotta get my bike home before I won't even be able to pedal it any more. Could you look after them for a while?  
  
TCL: (shrugging) whatever. I don't think that would be much of a problem.  
  
Narrator: thanks. (Leaps onto bike and starts pedaling furiously)  
  
(The camera follows me as I ride, until I am a few blocks from my home when- )  
  
Officer Jenny: (from behind) hold it right there, young man!  
  
Narrator: oh great. (Stops and puts kickstand down) may I help you?  
  
Officer Jenny: yes. You were speeding. Why were you riding so fast?  
  
Narrator: (feeling teeth starting to lengthen) um.it's a long story.could you just give me my ticket and go?  
  
Officer Jenny: no. As a police officer I have to establish the cause of your offence.  
  
Narrator: (feeling fur starting to grow) please.you don't really wanna know.  
  
Officer Jenny: you, young man, are a very rude bo-  
  
Narrator: (hearing the first bone snap) oh no.  
  
(The cracking and snapping continues for some time)  
  
Officer Jenny: (staring) AAIIEEE!!! (Faints)  
  
(Suddenly, a van with 'Goldenrod Mental Hospital' pulls up next to us. Two paramedics jump out, bundle Officer Jenny into the van, leap back in and the van drives off)  
  
Narrator: (struggling out of clothes) that was weird. Now how am I going to get my bike back home in this shape?  
  
(Just then, Melody walks by)  
  
Melody: (petting me on the head) oh, you're so cute!  
  
Narrator: please do not pet me. If you keep on petting me I will be forced to bite you and ruin your nighttime social life forever.  
  
Melody: (withdrawing hand) oh, it's you.  
  
Narrator: yes. Could you please help me to bring my bike home? It's just a few blocks down the road.  
  
Melody: oh. 'k. What about your clothes?  
  
Narrator: I'll just take 'em with me. (Lopes off)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(Camera zooms back to Jolteon, Umbreon and TCL. Jolteon and Umbreon are still fiddling with the computer.)  
  
TCL: I wonder when Lc is coming back.  
  
Narrator: I'm here! Right in front of you!  
  
TCL: (staring into empty space) I don't see you.  
  
Narrator: (snapping out of Faint Attack) now you do! ^_-  
  
TCL: (crunching on cookies) all right, what do I do now?  
  
Narrator: sit behind and watch me film. Could you please adjust the camera down to my new height?  
  
TCL: ok. (Adjusts camera)  
  
Narrator: and back to our heroes.  
  
Jolteon: (groaning in infuriation) I just can't seem to get this to work! Stupid machine! (Kicks computer)  
  
Umbreon: all right, if you're not going to try fixing this up, what are we gonna do?  
  
Jolteon: I wish I hadn't had those ten cups of coffee.  
  
Umbreon: come on, maybe a walk will do you some good. Then we can try fixing that thing up again.  
  
Jolteon: maybe you're right.  
  
Narrator: and so.  
  
(The scene changes and we see Jolteon and Umbreon walking among the ice floes)  
  
Jolteon: I still don't feel better.  
  
(Suddenly, a white Gengar walks out from behind a snow mound.)  
  
Gengar: I'm the ghost of the avalanche. Boo.  
  
(Two huge piles of snow materialize form thin air and drop onto Jolteon and Umbreon)  
  
Umbreon: (buried under the pile of snow) hey, what did you do THAT for?  
  
Ghost: because the script says so. Boo.  
  
(More snow drops onto Jolteon and Umbreon.)  
  
Jolteon: will you please stop that?  
  
Ghost: nope, my contract says I can't stop. Boo.  
  
(Yet more snow drops onto our heroes.)  
  
Umbreon: all right, what do we have to do to make you go away?  
  
Ghost: well, I'd go away if you gave me some sugared cake. I like sugared cake.  
  
Jolteon: but where are we to find sugared cake in the middle of the night?  
  
Ghost: that's your business. Boo.  
  
(More snow drops onto our heroes. By this time, they are buried under a huge mountain of snow.)  
  
Jolteon: all right, all right. We'll find you some sugared cake.  
  
(Jolteon and Umbreon crawl out from under the mountain of snow and rush off)  
  
Narrator: and so.  
  
(The scene changes to the Pokemart. Delibird is gleaning the counter when Jolteon rushes in at light speed.)  
  
Jolteon: (breathlessly) GIMME! GIMME!  
  
Delibird: hey, cool it! What do you want?!  
  
Jolteon: SUGARED CAKE!  
  
Delibird: I'm sorry, but Vaporeon came in and bought up my whole supply a half an hour ago.  
  
Jolteon: AAAAA!!!!! (Rushes off)  
  
Narrator: therefore.  
  
(The scene changes and we see Vaporeon sitting under the tree, surrounded by lots of empty cake boxes. As she inserts the last slice of cake into her mouth and chews, Jolteon rushes over.)  
  
Jolteon: NOOOOOOO!!!!!  
  
Vaporeon: (looking quizzically at Jolteon) what's the matter?  
  
Jolteon: SUGARED CAKE!!!!!!  
  
Vaporeon: oops.sorry.but my babies have been crying out to me for sugared cake all night.  
  
Jolteon: AAAAA!!!!! (Runs off)  
  
Vaporeon: sometimes, I really wonder if he is sane.  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes and we see Umbreon walking among the ice floes)  
  
Umbreon: now where to get sugared cake.(looks out at TCL and me) would you have any?  
  
Narrator: do I look like I have any sugared cake?  
  
TCL: nope. Only got cookies. (Munches on them)  
  
Umbreon: oh, all- (trips over something) ouch!  
  
(On closer inspection, it proves to be a gold bar. Umbreon picks it up.)  
  
Umbreon: all right, now what am I supposed to do with this?  
  
(Just then, Morty walks over.)  
  
Morty: ooooooohhhhh! A gold bar! Can I have it?  
  
Umbreon: and what will you give me?  
  
Morty: well, I can give you a 8x10 glossy of myself. (Produces a photograph.)  
  
Umbreon: oh, whatever. (Hands Morty the gold bar and takes the photo.)  
  
Morty: I'm rich! I'm rich! (Runs off into the night screaming happily)  
  
TCL: did you really use real gold?  
  
Narrator: nah, it's just tin painted gold with lead weights inside.  
  
TCL: oh.  
  
(Just then, C9Y walks over.)  
  
C9Y: does anyone here have any Morty collectables?  
  
Umbreon: well, I've got a 8x10 glossy.  
  
C9Y: ooohhh! (Snatches photograph and produces.)  
  
Umbreon: a slice of sugared cake! (Grabs it)  
  
Narrator: (staring hungrily at C9Y's leg) blood.Blood.BLOOD..  
  
TCL: (grabbing and shaking me) hey, snap out of it!  
  
Narrator: (shaking head) what just happened?  
  
TCL: well.  
  
Narrator: whatever.  
  
Umbreon: YES! I HAVE SUGARED CAKE! (Runs off with it)  
  
Narrator: let's have some fun with him, shall we?  
  
(Suddenly, Umbreon trips and lets go of the sugared cake. It bounces down and falls down a cliff.)  
  
Umbreon: NNOOOO!!!!  
  
(The camera follows the slice of sugared cake as it falls down and hits Pyrovulpix's head.)  
  
PV: ouch! (Rubs head) what's this? (Holds up the slice of cake) it's not a cheese nip, so it can't be important. (Hurls it away)  
  
(The camera follows the slice of sugared cake as it continues to fall, and by some amazing coincidence, it lands right in front of the Ghost.)  
  
Ghost: sugared cake! Yummy!  
  
Narrator: some time later.  
  
(Jolteon and Umbreon meet up with each other, equally breathless.)  
  
Umbreon: (panting) so, did you find any sugared cake?  
  
Jolteon: nope. Did you?  
  
Umbreon: no.  
  
(Just then, the Ghost walks by)  
  
Ghost: well, it seems that I've found some sugared cake, so I'll stop bothering you and go away. Bye. (Walks off)  
  
(Jolteon and Umbreon stare at each other for a while and burst into freakish giggles)  
  
Narrator: and so ends another episode of Eskimo Jolteon! ^_^  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! ^_^ 


	33. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 33: we hijacked a...

Author's note: I don't own pokemon, nor do I own any other characters not created by me. Now that that's settled, on with the story! Thank you all for taking my quiz! ^_^ *is very very happy*  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 33:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo near the sea.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into igloo. We see Jolteon and Umbreon watching TV.)  
  
Umbreon: I hate the insidious manipulation of individual's desires for commercial purposes. (A/N: otherwise known as advertisements)  
  
Jolteon: well, it could be worse.  
  
Umbreon: how?  
  
(Suddenly, Barney the dinosaur comes on TV.)  
  
Barney: I love you, you love me, we're one happy family.  
  
Jolteon and Umbreon: AAAAAAA!!!!! (They run around crazily until Jolteon trips over the TV cable. The TV blips and turns itself off.)  
  
Umbreon: That was close.  
  
(Suddenly, Espeon comes in.)  
  
Jolteon: what's the matter?  
  
Espeon: (looking frazzled) Vaporeon's HUNGRY!  
  
Umbreon: is that all?  
  
Espeon: well, to make it clearer, if her previous appetite could be expressed as X, her current appetite is X to the power of 10.  
  
Jolteon: I never really understood algebra.  
  
Umbreon: by the way, where did she go?  
  
Espeon: I think she went to the sea to get something to eat.  
  
Jolteon: want to lie down for a while?  
  
Espeon: I suppose so. (Stretches out on the couch.)  
  
(Suddenly, a ten ton weight falls on Espeon.)  
  
Jolteon: (looking out at me) do you really have to do that all the time?  
  
Narrator: I'm a sadist, remember?  
  
Jolteon: oh.  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes and we see Tracey Sketchit and Darth Gary by the sea. Behind them are many crates of pickles and a submarine.)  
  
Darth Gary: are you sure this will work, master?  
  
Tracey: of course it will! With these pickles I will DESTROY THE SUN! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!  
  
Darth Gary: (rolling eyes) all right, master. What do we do now?  
  
Tracey: I will go read the manual 'how to destroy the sun with pickles'. You stay here and guard the pickles.  
  
Darth Gary: all right, master.  
  
Tracey: (walking off and laughing evilly) WITH THE POWER OF THE PICKLES THE WORLD SHALL BE MINE!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Narrator: some time later.  
  
(The scene shows Darth Gary sleeping, leaning against the submarine. Vaporeon wanders onto the set.)  
  
Vaporeon: OOHH! PICKLES!!! (Empties the crates of their contents and devours them so fast she is a blur. Once the crates are all empty, she leaps into the sea.)  
  
(Just then, Tracey comes back.)  
  
Tracey: Darth Gary! Where are the pickles?  
  
Darth Gary: (yawning) what? They're.(notices empty crates strewn about) oh.  
  
Tracey: NO! MY PLAN HAS FAILED!  
  
Darth Gary: and what will become of me, master?  
  
Tracey: the usual!  
  
Darth Gary: NOOOO!!!!! ANYTHING BUT.  
  
Tracey: YES! YOU SHALL BAKE THE BLUEBERRY MUFFINS TONIGHT! AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!  
  
(Tracey drags Darth Gary off, leaving the crates and submarines behind.)  
  
Narrator: and back to our heroes.  
  
Jolteon: (looking down at the flattened Espeon) what do we do about this?  
  
Narrator: I'll handle it. (Produces spatula)  
  
Umbreon: and what do WE do?  
  
Jolteon: go for a walk, I suppose.  
  
Umbreon: I suppose.  
  
Jolteon: (to narrator) by the way, when you get Espeon up, could you ask him for me whether I can be the best man at his wedding?  
  
Narrator: all right. Now scoot.  
  
(Jolteon and Umbreon walk out the door)  
  
Narrator: and so.  
  
(The scene changes and we see Jolteon and Umbreon walking by the sea, when- )  
  
Jolteon: (pointing) look! A submarine!  
  
Umbreon: so?  
  
Jolteon: perhaps we could go for a ride?  
  
Umbreon: are you sure it's safe to hijack it?  
  
Jolteon: who cares? (Leaps into sub)  
  
Umbreon: (looking at empty crates strewn all over) why do I have the feeling Vaporeon passed through here? Oh well.(leaps into sub)  
  
(The hatch closes and the waters descend over it)  
  
Narrator: shortly after.  
  
(The scene changes and we see Tracey and Darth Gary returning)  
  
Tracey: imbecile! Why did you not tell me we left the submarine there?  
  
Darth Gary: you didn't ask, master!  
  
(Tracey looks around and does not see the submarine anywhere)  
  
Tracey: FOOL! First you lost the pickles and now you lost the submarine! For this you shall bake more blueberry muffins!  
  
Darth Gary: NOOO! HAVE MERCY!  
  
Narrator: and now back to our heroes.  
  
(The scene changes and we see Jolteon and Umbreon in the submarine)  
  
Jolteon: this is fun, isn't it?  
  
Umbreon: I suppose so. (Shrugs)  
  
Jolteon: (pointing) look! There's Vaporeon!  
  
(Vaporeon notices them and guiltily tries to hide a half-eaten Magikarp behind her back.)  
  
Umbreon: oh, just leave her alone.  
  
(The sub sails on)  
  
Umbreon: wonder of wonders!  
  
Jolteon: what?  
  
Umbreon: (pointing) look! A treasure chest!  
  
(The camera swivels to reveal a large treasure chest.)  
  
Jolteon: oooOOOoohhhh. (Presses button marked 'remote manipulator arms'. Two arms extend from the submarine and bring the treasure chest into the submarine.)  
  
Umbreon: (opening treasure chest) I wonder what it holds?  
  
Jolteon: (looking disappointed) it's just a cartridge of some sort.  
  
Umbreon: the label on it reads.pokemon Ruby and Sapphire?  
  
(A white light appears from nowhere, engulfing the cartridge. An angelic chorus sings.)  
  
Jolteon: hello, there's a note too. (Picks it up and reads) to whoever may find this, this cartridge has been sent from the future. I was (censored) angry at the long waiting time for these two games to be released, but I have decided to lend a helping hand to Game Freak and put you people out of your misery. Please push this button to send this cartridge to Nintendo, so it can just hurry up and finish that (censored) (censored) (censored). Thank you.  
  
Umbreon: oh-kay. (Presses button. The cartridge vanishes in a flash of light.)  
  
Jolteon: what was that?  
  
Umbreon: dunno.  
  
Jolteon: well, we'd better be getting home.  
  
Narrator: and so ends another silly episode of Eskimo Jolteon, except for-  
  
(The scene changes and we see The Crimson Lugia eating cookies while watching the news.)  
  
TV: and now for the headlines. The fish stocks in the arctic region have dropped drastically, especially the Arctic Magikarp, which has dropped by 66 percent. The Arctic Magikarp is a main source of a very important ingredient of cookies, and with the decline of the Arctic Magikarp, less cookies have been produced. Although we do not know where all the fish have been going, this is being studied by many of our top scientists. Cookie manufacturers have estimated that their current supplies will only last 2 more days, after which they will not be able to make more cookies. Next on the headlines.  
  
TCL: NO COOKIES?! EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! (Faints)  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! ^_^ 


	34. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 34: The power of ...

Author's note: I don't own pokemon, nor do I own any other characters not created by me. Ok? Sorry about the break in writing.but Super Mario Advance 2 is so addictive! ^_^ Go Yoshi! ^_^  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 34:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo near the sea.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into igloo. We see Jolteon watching TV.)  
  
Jolteon: (to self) what was that all about? (If you don't know what I'm talking about, see TCL's "A seriously twisted fic crossover")  
  
(Suddenly, Espeon and Vaporeon walk in again)  
  
Jolteon: now what?  
  
Vaporeon: (fidgeting nervously) well, I've come to say sorry for calling you a grouch.  
  
Jolteon: (Waving paw) whatever. I think I've got it worked out.  
  
Espeon: huh?  
  
Jolteon: yes. I think somebody's impersonating you two.  
  
Vaporeon: imposters? Us?  
  
Jolteon: (looking out of window) I still think I can see them on the horizon.  
  
Vaporeon: (with evil glint in her eye) I think we should talk to them.  
  
Espeon: I agree, love.  
  
(The two of them zoom out so fast they're a blur)  
  
Jolteon: oh well. (Goes back to watching TV)  
  
(Not long after, he hears the general sounds of fighting from outside)  
  
Jolteon: (looking out of window and seeing a combat cloud in the distance) I wonder if Vaporeon should fight, she's pregnant.  
  
(Jolteon sees the combat cloud grow bigger)  
  
Jolteon: or maybe it's just made her nastier. (Goes back to watching TV)  
  
Narrator: some distance away.  
  
(The scene changes and we see Vaporeon and Espeon standing victoriously over their um, opponents)  
  
Vaporeon: (dusting herself off) now, what should we do with these two, Espie?  
  
Espeon: I've got an idea. (Scratches away some snow to reveal a chute marked "trash")  
  
Vaporeon: oh.you're so bad.I like you that way. (Kisses him)  
  
Espeon: (blushing slightly) well, let's put those two where they belong. (Opens chute and throws them in, then shuts it.)  
  
Vaporeon: well, that's settled it.  
  
Espeon: wanna go back and cuddle?  
  
Vaporeon: (squealing happily) oh yes! ^_^  
  
(They walk off)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes and we see Jolteon still watching TV.)  
  
Jolteon: (rapidly flicking through channels) this is soooo boring.  
  
(Suddenly, the door opens and Umbreon and Flareon come in.)  
  
Flareon: mind if we join you?  
  
Jolteon: nope. Have a seat.  
  
(Umbreon and Flareon walk over to the couch and plop down)  
  
Umbreon: got that computer of yours fixed up yet?  
  
Jolteon: shut up.  
  
Umbreon: hey, I was just asking.  
  
(Suddenly, the picture on the TV flickers. Tracey Sketchit comes on the screen.)  
  
Tracey: attention, people and pokemon. I, the great emperor Tracey Sketchit, will take over the world in three hours. You cannot stop me. Prepare to be subjugated. Ha ha ha. (Laughs evilly)  
  
Jolteon, Flareon and Umbreon: 0_o  
  
Umbreon: (sighing) doesn't he ever learn?  
  
Flareon: well, it seems like we've got to stop him!  
  
All: HELL YEAH!  
  
(Two and a half hours later, in Goldenrod city)  
  
Jolteon: all right, now where do we find Tracey?  
  
Umbreon: I don't know.  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to the radio tower. We see Tracey Sketchit and Darth Gary with some sort of thingamajig.)  
  
Darth Gary: are you sure this will work, master?  
  
Tracey: OF COURSE IT WILL WORK! I have been reading my fics, unlike you. (Waves finger) UNVEIL MY GREATEST CREATION!  
  
Darth Gary: yes, master. (Pulls a rope)  
  
(The cloth lifts up to reveal.a huge wheel of cheese!)  
  
Tracey: YES! With the power of cheese I will take over the world! AHAHAHAHA!!!!!  
  
Darth Gary: all right.  
  
Tracey: (looking at watch) come! The time is near! Release the cheese!  
  
Darth Gary: yes, master. I shall release the cheese. (Presses a few buttons on a control panel)  
  
(The huge wheel of cheese slowly lands on the antenna of the radio tower.)  
  
Darth Gary: the cheese has been released, master.  
  
Tracey: excellent! Unleash the power of the cheese!  
  
Darth Gary: (frantically pushing buttons) the power has been released, master.  
  
Tracey: AHAHAHAHA!!!! I AM NOW THE RULER OF THE WORLD!!!!!  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
Umbreon: look at that! (Points)  
  
(The camera swings to show the giant wheel of cheese being lowered.)  
  
Jolteon: oh no!  
  
(They run)  
  
(Suddenly, people come out onto the streets. They are all glassy-eyed.)  
  
Crowd: we must obey Master Tracey.we must obey Master Tracey.  
  
Jolteon: oh no! We're too late!  
  
Umbreon: (looking puzzled) but why are we not hypnotized?  
  
Jolteon: I don't know.  
  
(Jolteon and Umbreon turn their heads to see Flareon munching on a piece of garlic bread.)  
  
Jolteon: NOOO!!! Don't let him finish that!!!!  
  
(Umbreon snatches the garlic bread away.)  
  
Flareon: (bursting into tears) WWWAAAAHHH!!! MINE!!!!!  
  
Umbreon: shut up and chew on this. (Stuffs a gas-flavored lollipop into Flareon's mouth.)  
  
Jolteon: hurry! We must stop the evil Tracey!  
  
Narrator: some distance away.  
  
(The scene changes and we are back to Tracey and Darth Gary)  
  
Tracey: (looking down at the crowd worshipping him) YES! I AM THE RULER OF THE WHOLE WORLD!!!!! (Laughs evilly)  
  
Darth Gary: your plan has worked most perfectly, master.  
  
Tracey: no.it can't be.  
  
Darth Gary: what ails you, master?  
  
Tracey: stupid Eeveelutions! Why aren't you hypnotized?  
  
Jolteon: (from below) because.we have protection against the power of evil cheese! (Holds up garlic bread)  
  
Tracey: NOOO!!!!  
  
(The garlic bread emits a beam of white light, which hits the giant wheel of cheese. The antenna of the radio tower slowly creaks and bends, until it finally snaps, sending the wheel of cheese tumbling down.)  
  
Tracey (shaking fist) it's not over yet! I shall have my revenge!  
  
(Tracey and Darth Gary climb into the Levitating Milktruck of doom and fly off)  
  
Umbreon: (looking down at the huge wheel of cheese in the main street) I think we have to get rid of this, so that no one may ever misuse it again.  
  
Jolteon: I agree.  
  
(Suddenly, a green dinosaur runs over to them. Closely following behind is a plumber.)  
  
Umbreon: I think I know those two from somewhere.  
  
Mario: Yoshi! Bad boy! Come back!  
  
(Yoshi runs over to the giant wheel of cheese and swallows it.)  
  
Mario: (catching up) how many times have I told you not to run away, Yoshi?)  
  
Yoshi: (happily) glorp!  
  
Mario: I'm sorry, but this guy will eat anything remotely edible.  
  
(Just then, Pyrovulpix walks by)  
  
Yoshi: (catching Pyrovulpix with tongue and swallowing him) glorp!  
  
Mario: see?  
  
Pyrovulpix: (from inside Yoshi) hey, it's dark in here. Who turned out the lights? LET ME OUT OF HERE!  
  
Mario: oh well. (Leads Yoshi away)  
  
Umbreon: that was odd.  
  
Jolteon: oh well, we better be getting home.  
  
(The three of them walk off)  
  
Narrator: and so ends another episode of Eskimo Jolteon, except for-  
  
(The scene changes and we see me walking along the road when TCL catches up with me.)  
  
TCL: hey, two of my characters were beaten up pretty badly; do you know anything about it?  
  
Narrator: (rolling eyes and whistling merry tune) I can say with all honesty that I've never laid a finger on them.  
  
TCL: oh, okay. (Flies off)  
  
Narrator: yep, it's true, I didn't even touch them! (Laughs evilly and walks off)  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! ^_^ 


	35. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 35: read on to fi...

Author's note: I don't own pokemon, nor do I own any other characters not created by me. Ok? Now let's get on with the story! ^_^  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 35:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place that is somewhat warmer than where our heroes live.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a happy little building that looks somewhat religious.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera starts zooming in onto the building, when-)  
  
Narrator: hold it!  
  
(The camera instantly stops)  
  
Narrator: before we start this episode, I think we'll have a short Q and A session.  
  
(The scene instantly changes and we see me sitting down at a desk. Someone passes me some papers.)  
  
Narrator: so now, I'll try to answer some questions.  
  
(I flick through the stack of papers)  
  
Q: why are you so insane?  
  
Narrator: well, insanity is a natural gift, but an artificial state can be achieved by consumption of chlorinated bleach.  
  
(I look at the next sheet)  
  
Q: when's the wedding?  
  
Narrator: it's this episode, you clot. Next.  
  
Q: when will the baby be born? Is it a boy or a girl? What's it going to evolve into?  
  
Narrator: I can't give away many details, as those would spoil the plot. All I'll say at this moment is that I'm thinking of twins.they won't be born anytime soon. I'll drop hints every now and then, hope you can notice them.  
  
Q: wow you're so good how do you make such a fic?  
  
Narrator: easy. Take the product of an insane mind's daydreaming, add a few characters, half a pint of violence, a pinch of romance and some authors. Shake well, and serve. Ta-da! You have a fic!  
  
Q: why have you not been writing so often now?  
  
Narrator: well, I have a life outside Fanfiction.net, I have a GBA, and Mario demands my attention. Homework also counts.  
  
(I shuffle more papers)  
  
Narrator: well, that seems to wrap it up. Back to the story.  
  
(The scene changes back to where we left off. The camera continues zooming in.)  
  
Narrator: I'm sorry if this episode isn't much.but I'm merely 15 years old. Have a good day.  
  
(Camera continues zooming in. We see Jolteon and Espeon standing at an altar. The whole place is packed with pokemon, evidently relatives or friends of some sort. Me, TCL, C9Y, Pyrovulpix, Melody, and Chaos sit down at the Author's bench in the front.)  
  
Espeon: I feel odd in this outfit.  
  
Jolteon: come on, it's your big day.  
  
Espeon: yup yup yuppers!  
  
Jolteon:???  
  
Narrator: (turning to TCL) ok, I've satisfied your request. Happy?  
  
TCL: yeah. I wish his thing would end; I'm dying for a cookie.  
  
Narrator: oh, would you see what I'm going to write for the next episode.  
  
Voice: (from outside) the bride is here!  
  
(A hush falls over the crowd. Wedding music plays. Vaporeon walks through the door, followed by her father.)  
  
TCL: I gotta have a cook-  
  
C9Y: SSH!  
  
(Vaporeon and her father walk on and stop beside Espeon.)  
  
Vaporeon's father: (slapping Espeon on the back) hey, take good care of my daughter, will you?  
  
Espeon: sure thing.  
  
Vaporeon's Father: that's good to know. (Walks off to his seat.)  
  
(Articuno steps out from wherever she was and takes her place)  
  
Articuno: all right, let's get this over with. I've got much to do.  
  
(All is quiet for a while)  
  
Articuno: all right.Vaporeon, do you accept Espeon as your lawfully wedded husband, to love and care for him in health and sickness, in good times and bad?  
  
Vaporeon: I do.  
  
Articuno: very well.Espeon, do you accept Vaporeon as your lawfully wedded wife, to love and care for her in health and sickness, in good times and bad?  
  
Espeon: I do.  
  
Articuno: I now pronounce you two man and wife. It's kisstomary to cuss the bride.  
  
Espeon and Vaporeon: WHAT?!  
  
Articuno: oops.it's customary to kiss the bride.  
  
Jolteon: that's better.  
  
(Espeon and Vaporeon kiss passionately. The whole room erupts in loud cheers.)  
  
Espeon: (taking Vaporeon by the paw) come on, love, let's leave.  
  
(They walk off down the main aisle)  
  
C9Y: hey, where do we put our gifts?  
  
Narrator: oh? Just tell me what they are in a review and I'll make sure they get it.  
  
C9Y: oh-kay. (Wanders off to write a review)  
  
Melody: that was sorta fast.  
  
Narrator: well, I'm only 15 years old. Sue me.  
  
TCL: can I PLEASE have a cookie now?  
  
Narrator: sure. (Throws her a bag of Milanos)  
  
TCL: are you SURE these are safe? 0_o  
  
Narrator: what do you think? And so ends another braindead episode of Eskimo Jolteon!  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! ^_^ 


	36. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 36: Trip to Cooki...

Author's note: this has been a very VERY bad week for me.sigh.oh well. I don't own pokemon, nor do I own any other characters not created by me. Ok? Now let's get on with the story!  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 36:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo near the sea.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into igloo. It is nighttime. We see Jolteon, Umbreon and Flareon sipping berry juice.)  
  
Jolteon: where's that guy?  
  
Umbreon: yeah, he said he would be here to film another episode.  
  
Flareon: guess we can go on drinking.  
  
Jolteon: why not? (Polishes off last of berry juice.)  
  
Umbreon: I wonder why Espeon and Vaporeon were so in a rush to get going on their honeymoon.  
  
Jolteon: well, you can't blame them.  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes and we see me in my were form struggling in a blizzard.)  
  
Narrator: great. I wonder why I'm doing this in this weather. That's it. I'm waiting this one out. (Ducks behind a snow mound)  
  
(The wind howls on)  
  
Narrator: (feeling itch) great. Stupid fleas. (Scratches. Something falls off.)  
  
Thing: (in little squeaky voice) Aaa! Don't squish me!  
  
Narrator: huh? (Produces magnifying glass and looks. It turns out to be TCL)  
  
TCL: (in little squeaky voice) it's me! TCL! Don't you recognize me?  
  
Narrator: TCL? What are you doing in this shape?  
  
TCL: I've been like this ever since I ate those Milanos you gave me!  
  
Narrator: oh.why were you on me?  
  
TCL: I was trying to get your attention!  
  
Narrator: okay.the effects should be wearing off soon.  
  
TCL: that's good! (Pops back to her normal size)  
  
Narrator: see?  
  
(Two hours later. We see Jolteon, Flareon and Umbreon still sitting around. TCL and I walk in through the door)  
  
Jolteon: you're finally here.  
  
Flareon: yeah, what's this episode about?  
  
Narrator: well, since you all have been working so hard, I thought it would be appropriate to give you all a holiday to.Cookie Mountain! (Produces a poster. On it there is a picture of a large mountain made out of lightly baked cookie dough, with two bridges and a lake.)  
  
TCL: (drooling) COOKIES.(tries to snatch the picture from me)  
  
Narrator: (swatting her with paw) back! It is only a picture!  
  
TCL: (disappointedly) oh.  
  
Jolteon: seems like a nice place.  
  
Umbreon: when can we set off?  
  
Narrator: why, now, of course.  
  
Flareon: great! Let's go pack up!  
  
(The three of them run off)  
  
Narrator: some time later.  
  
(The scene changes and we see Jolteon, Flareon and Umbreon with their luggage)  
  
Jolteon: we'd like to book a flight for.  
  
Receptionist: we don't do inter-game flights. You'll have to go there by coach. (Points)  
  
Umbreon: great.  
  
(They run off)  
  
Narrator: and so.  
  
(The scene changes and we see Jolteon, Flareon and Umbreon at a bus depot.)  
  
Flareon: three tickets to Cookie Mountain, please.  
  
Guy behind counter: (Taking money) that'll do nicely. It's a 12-hour ride. Enjoy.  
  
Jolteon: 12 HOURS?!  
  
Guy: well, it is a distance to there.  
  
Umbreon: the inefficiency of our transport system.  
  
Jolteon: oh well. Let's go.  
  
(They walk around until they find their bus, board, and get seated.)  
  
Flareon: this is gonna be a looonnnggg wait.  
  
Narrator: not very far away.  
  
(The camera moves to the first-class section of the bus. We see me, TCL and C9Y sitting down.)  
  
TCL: (still drooling) Cookie.Mountain.  
  
C9Y: has she been like that all day?  
  
Narrator: ever since I said 'Cookie Mountain'.  
  
C9Y: (passing bag of cookies to TCL) here, let these shut you up for a while.  
  
(TCL starts munching the cookies)  
  
Narrator: so, what are you going to do for the 12-hour ride?  
  
C9Y: hug my collection of Morty plushies! (Gets one out and huggles it tightly)  
  
Narrator: 0_o guess I'll play my GBA then. (Pulls it out and starts playing)  
  
(4 hours later. The scene changes back to our heroes)  
  
Jolteon: all right, how about this one: if a Japanese man holds a sword, what is he called?  
  
Flareon: a samurai.  
  
Jolteon: and if an English man holds a sword, what is he called?  
  
Umbreon: a knight.  
  
Jolteon: and if Ash Ketchum holds a sword, what is he called?  
  
Flareon and Umbreon: um.  
  
Jolteon: a bloody mess!  
  
Umbreon: that wasn't so funny.  
  
Jolteon: look, we're running out of jokes.  
  
Flareon: and things to do.  
  
Umbreon: hey, anyone up for another game of 'I spy'?  
  
Jolteon: um.no.  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes back to the authors.)  
  
Narrator: oh no! My batteries have gone flat!  
  
C9Y: and I've hugged all my Morty plushies 3 times!  
  
TCL: (finishing off cookies and starting to drool again) cookie.mountain.  
  
Narrator: have you got any more cookies?  
  
C9Y: no.  
  
Narrator: someone get a bucket in here!  
  
C9Y: (putting bucket under TCL's head) there.  
  
Narrator: that's better.  
  
(8 hours later. We see our heroes, all fast asleep. It is daytime outside.)  
  
Jolteon: snore.  
  
Flareon: snore.  
  
Umbreon: snore.  
  
Driver: Cookie Mountain! Everyone who's getting off get off!  
  
Jolteon: wha.(blinks)  
  
Driver: I said, EVERYONE WHO'S GETTING OFF GET OFF!  
  
Jolteon: all right, no need to be nasty. (Wakes Flareon and Umbreon up)  
  
(The three of them make their way down amid a crowd of pokemon tourists.)  
  
Flareon: (looking at the light brown mountain on the other side) that looks yummy.  
  
Umbreon: (holding up map) all right, according to this, there's a bridge nearby.  
  
Jolteon: what are we waiting for?  
  
(They rush off)  
  
(The scene changes to a bridge made out of cheese, broken in two. Our heroes arrive on the scene.)  
  
Umbreon: hello, what's this?  
  
Flareon: (reading sign) The cheese bridge is out. Some stupid freak went and carved a hunk out of it one night. Please use the butter bridge not far away.  
  
Jolteon: (remembering Tracey's giant wheel of cheese) um.  
  
(The camera follows them as they walk on and finally arrive at the butter bridge)  
  
Umbreon: (reading sign) bridge weight limit: 100 lbs. If anything exceeding this weight limit is put on the bridge, it will sink through the butter and fall into the soda lake. Cross at your own risk.  
  
Jolteon: none of us weigh more than 100 pounds, do we?  
  
Flareon: nope.  
  
(They walk across the bridge)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes back to the authors standing by the butter bridge.)  
  
Narrator: hey, TCL's bucket is full!  
  
C9Y: at least she won't be needing it much longer. (Points to Cookie Mountain)  
  
TCL: cookies! (Flies over in a blur and starts attacking the mountain)  
  
C9Y: come on, let's go. (Starts to walk over the bridge)  
  
Narrator: hey, but there's a weight limit notice.  
  
C9Y: who cares? (Continues walking, but starts to sink into the soft butter) oh dear. (Falls with a splash into the soda lake below.)  
  
Narrator: I told you so.  
  
C9Y: how would you feel if you just fell into a lake of Mountain Dew?  
  
Narrator: come on, let me take the luggage across and pull you up, then we can set up camp and look for TCL.  
  
C9Y: seems good to me. Hurry up, the Mountain Dew's freezing!  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes back to our heroes. They are at the camping grounds.)  
  
Flareon: that's odd. I don't see any tents.  
  
Umbreon: (pointing to some holes) I think we're supposed to eat it out.  
  
Jolteon: well,-(foot hits something) what's this? (Picks it up. It appears to be an egg of some sort.)  
  
(Cracks start forming across the eggshell. The shell cracks open to reveal.)  
  
Narrator: Pyrovulpix?  
  
Pyrovulpix: (to Jolteon) hey thanks dude! I thought I would be trapped in that dinosaur forever! (Walks off)  
  
Umbreon: 0_o  
  
Jolteon: that was weird.  
  
Flareon: come on, let's get started. (Scoops out a pawful of cookie and munches on it. Our other two heroes do the same.)  
  
Jolteon: (chewing happily) chocolate chip! My favorite!  
  
Narrator: and so ends another episode of Eskimo Jolteon, except for-  
  
(The scene changes back to me and C9Y. We wander around, looking for TCL.)  
  
Me: TCL!  
  
C9Y: where are you!  
  
(A groan comes out from behind a cliff. We run over and find TCL, bloated.)  
  
C9Y: oh dear.  
  
TCL: I feel sick.  
  
Narrator: how much of the mountain did you eat?  
  
TCL: I dunno, maybe a quarter.  
  
Narrator: that would explain it.  
  
C9Y: won't the mountain run out?  
  
Narrator: nah, it'll regenerate by tomorrow.  
  
TCL: I think I'm gonna barf.  
  
Narrator: oh, dear mew, DON'T! PLEASE!  
  
C9Y: so, what do we do with her?  
  
Narrator: well, since she's too heavy to fly or be pushed, I guess we'll have to leave her here until she digests the cookies.  
  
C9Y: good idea.  
  
(We walk away)  
  
TCL: no!!!! Don't leave me here!!!!!  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review and keep reading for the next part! 


	37. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 37: Trip to Cooki...

Author's note: GAAAA!!! My mom threw away my pillow! ;_; WAAAHHHH!!!!! sigh.I don't own pokemon, nor do I own any other characters not created by me. Ok? Now let's get on with the story!  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 37:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture some funny place in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a large, light brown mountain.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a little makeshift hole in the mountain's campgrounds.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into hole. We see Jolteon waking up)  
  
Jolteon: what a nice day. (Shakes Flareon and Umbreon awake)  
  
Umbreon: (yawning) can't you let a poor guy sleep in?  
  
Jolteon: it's time for breakfast.  
  
Flareon: by the way, I noticed there isn't any sort of food outlet here.  
  
Jolteon: who needs cafes and McDonald's when you can just eat the mountain? (Scrapes some cookie off the roof)  
  
Flareon: I suppose so.  
  
(They start munching)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes, and we see C9Y and me waking up)  
  
C9Y: I wanna go for a swim!  
  
Narrator: maybe we should check on TCL.  
  
C9Y: but I wanna go for a swim!  
  
Narrator: later.  
  
C9Y: all right. _  
  
(We walk off)  
  
Narrator: and so.  
  
(The scene changes to where we left TCL last episode. Over the night, she has digested a fair amount of cookies and is now merely as big as a house.) (No offense! :P)  
  
TCL: finally! You're back!  
  
Narrator: (eyeing TCL up and down) I think she's light enough to be rolled.C9Y?  
  
(C9Y is nowhere in sight)  
  
Narrator: oh well.  
  
TCL: look, are you gonna help me or not?  
  
Narrator: okay.(puts shoulder to TCL and rolls her along)  
  
TCL: hey, be more careful! You're getting cookie crumbs all over me!  
  
Narrator: (sighs) meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes and we see C9Y by the soda lake with her swimwear)  
  
C9Y: (reading sign by lake) yesterday's flavor: Mountain Dew. Today's Flavor: Vanilla Coke! Yippee! (Jumps into lake without even bothering to change. The water level of the lake falls by a small but noticeable amount.)  
  
Narrator: and back to our heroes.  
  
(The scene changes back to Jolteon, Flareon and Umbreon. They are still eating when Umbreon spits something out.)  
  
Umbreon: yuck!  
  
Jolteon: what's the matter?  
  
Umbreon: I tasted rice pudding!  
  
Flareon: rice pudding? But this place is Cookie Mountain!  
  
Jolteon: yeah, that's right. How could there be rice pudding?  
  
Umbreon: (Scraping stuff off the roof) there! See for yourself!  
  
Jolteon: it looks like rice pudding, it feels like rice pudding, and it smells like rice pudding! It IS rice pudding!  
  
Flareon: how could this happen?!  
  
Jolteon: maybe we could all think why this could be happening!  
  
(They all sit down and think)  
  
(One hour later)  
  
Umbreon: I've got it!  
  
Jolteon and Flareon: what?  
  
Umbreon: I have pinpointed the source of the evil rice pudding!  
  
Jolteon and Flareon: where?  
  
Umbreon: (leads them out of the hole and points) there!  
  
(The camera swings to follow Umbreon's paw. A castle is revealed. The sky grows dark and a spotlight falls on the castle. Lightning and Thunder. Sinister music plays.)  
  
Jolteon and Flareon: AAAAHHH.  
  
Umbreon: time is short! We must hurry and stop the evil rice pudding!  
  
All: HELL YEAH!  
  
(They run towards the castle)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes and we see me rolling TCL along when Pyrovulpix comes along)  
  
Pyrovulpix: hello.  
  
Narrator: hello.  
  
Pyrovulpix: watcha doing?  
  
Narrator: (points to the as-large-as-a-house TCL) what do you think? Why are you here?  
  
Pyrovulpix: dunno. Just found myself here. Mind if I tag along?  
  
Narrator: why not? (Continues rolling TCL along. Pyrovulpix follows from behind.)  
  
Narrator: and back to our heroes.  
  
(The scene changes and we see our heroes arriving at the castle.)  
  
Jolteon: (reading sign near door) Brock's Castle. Go away.  
  
Flareon: that's not very likely.  
  
Umbreon: (looking into distance) I wonder why that hill has a bandage on it.  
  
(The portcullis covering the entrance rises, revealing the interior of the castle.)  
  
Jolteon: well, seems like we've been invited in.  
  
(They walk in. the portcullis drops shut with a clang behind them.)  
  
Flareon: WAAAHHH!!!!! We're trapped!  
  
Jolteon: well, seems like there's no way but to go on.  
  
(They proceed on cautiously)  
  
Umbreon: why do I have a bad feeling.  
  
(Suddenly, the ceiling starts to fall!)  
  
All: AIIIEEEE!!!! THIS IS NOT GOOD!!!!!  
  
(They run for dear life and manage to duck under a door)  
  
Umbreon: (dusting himself off) whew.  
  
Flareon: (pointing) look!  
  
(The camera swings around to reveal the evil rice pudding machine)  
  
Jolteon: we must stop it!  
  
Sinister Voice: (from the shadows) oh no, you won't.  
  
(All turn around. A figure steps out of the shadows, and it is-)  
  
All: BROCK!  
  
Brock: Yes! Ha ha ha, you meddling fools! With this machine I will turn Cookie Mountain into Rice Pudding Mountain, and everyone will have to eat health food forever! AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!  
  
Umbreon: no! This shall not be! (Jumps on top of Brock and squashes him)  
  
(The three of them pick up the flattened Brock and chuck him into the rice pudding machine. Much screaming is heard from the machine. Eventually, some red-colored pudding comes out of the machine.)  
  
Jolteon: heh.Brock pudding!  
  
Flareon: we must stop the machine!  
  
Umbreon: yup yup yuppers! (Pulls a big lever marked 'off'. The production of rice pudding stops immediately)  
  
Jolteon: now how do we get out?  
  
Flareon: well, there's this button marked 'emergency exit'.  
  
Jolteon: I see. (Pushes button. The wall swings around to reveal a secret door.)  
  
Umbreon: (opening door) well, what are we waiting for?  
  
(They walk out into the daylight)  
  
Jolteon: all right, now how do we get rid of the evil rice pudding machine so no one can ever misuse it?  
  
Flareon: I have no idea.  
  
Umbreon: I wonder what this button is for.oh well.(pushes button)  
  
(To their greatest surprise, the whole castle lifts up like a rocket and flies up, but eventually slams into the aforementioned hill. Another bandage appears on the hill.)  
  
Jolteon: ooh, another bandage.  
  
Umbreon: I wonder where those bandages come from?  
  
Flareon: oh well. Let's get back and continue our breakfast.  
  
Jolteon: agreed.  
  
(They walk off. Camera fades out.)  
  
Narrator: and so ends another silly episode of Eskimo Jolteon! ^_^  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! ^_^ 


	38. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 38: Trip to Cooki...

Author's note: I don't own pokemon, nor do I own any other characters not created by me. Ok? If you have any ideas, feel free to pitch in and give some ideas in a review! Now let's get on with the story! ^_^  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 38:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture some funny place in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a large, light brown mountain.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a little makeshift hole in the mountain's campgrounds.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into hole. We see Jolteon, Flareon and Umbreon sitting around.)  
  
Jolteon: so, what are we gonna do today? I mean, it's our last day here!  
  
Flareon: I have no idea. Let's just laze around.  
  
Umbreon: I concur.  
  
(They lie back down and try to fall asleep.)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to the Author's camp. We see me and TCL, finally back to normal size. C9Y is still sleeping in the tent.)  
  
Narrator: all right, what have you learnt from this?  
  
TCL: I will not try to eat a whole mountain of cookies at least 10 times larger than me all in one go.  
  
Narrator: good.  
  
(Pyrovulpix walks on the scene)  
  
Pyrovulpix: hi.  
  
Narrator: hi.  
  
TCL: hi.  
  
Pyrovulpix: wanna see my latest invention?  
  
Narrator: fine.show us.  
  
Pyrovulpix: (producing a huge stone block) it's a writer's block! You just put it on wherever you want to write and you can't write there anymore!  
  
Authors: 0_o  
  
Pyrovulpix: (sighs) I must be years ahead of my time. (Pushes block away)  
  
TCL: so, what do we do now?  
  
(Suddenly, Salamander3 arrives on the scene.)  
  
Salamander3: hi.  
  
Narrator: who're YOU?!  
  
Salamander3: why, your latest fan, of course.  
  
Narrator: and what would you be here for?  
  
Salamander3: look at what I found! (Produces a feather.)  
  
TCL: and what would it be for?  
  
Salamander3: this! (Suddenly has a cape and flies around)  
  
(We watch Salamander3 fly away.)  
  
TCL: odd.  
  
Narrator: oh well. Anyway, back to our heroes.  
  
(The scene changes back to our heroes. They are fast asleep when Jolteon feels something on him)  
  
Jolteon: (sleepily) shove off.get back to your side.(opens eyes and sees a fluffy pink bunny) AAAAA!  
  
Flareon: (waking up) what's the matte.(sees fluffy pink bunny too) AAAAA!!!!!  
  
Umbreon: can't a guy get some.(sees fluffy pink bunny) AAAAA!  
  
Narrator: I wonder why are they so freaked out? It's just fluffy pink bunnies!  
  
Jolteon: oh no.my worst dream has come true.  
  
(They rush out of the hole to find.)  
  
Narrator: that the whole mountainside is covered with a mass of fluffy pink bunnies! (Cackles evilly)  
  
(Jolteon, Flareon and Umbreon are swept off their feet and carried away by the advancing tide of fluffy pink bunnies. By some miracle, they manage to reach a cookie outcrop out of the reach of the tide of fluffy pink bunnies)  
  
Jolteon: so what do we do now?  
  
Umbreon: try to find out what is causing the fluffy pink bunnies?  
  
Flareon: good idea.  
  
(They sit down and think)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to the Author's camp. C9Y is now awake and eating cookies.)  
  
TCL: look at that! (Points to the approaching tide of fluffy pink bunnies)  
  
Narrator: yep, I see them.  
  
TCL: I'll handle this. (Crimson Aeroblasts a trench around the author's camp. The fluffy pink bunnies hop into the trench and are diverted away.)  
  
Narrator: nice one.  
  
TCL: any time, anywhere.  
  
C9Y: (grabbing a fluffy pink bunny and hugging it tight) they're so cute! ^_^  
  
TCL: 0_o  
  
Narrator: oh well. Back to our heroes.  
  
(The scene changes back to our heroes. They are still stuck there.)  
  
Flareon: any idea who might have done this?  
  
Jolteon and Umbreon: nope.  
  
(Suddenly, The Ghost arrives.)  
  
Jolteon: it's you!  
  
Ghost: yes, it's me. So what?  
  
Umbreon: are you the one causing all this?  
  
Ghost: YES! AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!  
  
Flareon: I thought you were the ghost of the avalanche.  
  
Ghost: NOT ANY MORE! I AM NOW THE GHOST OF THE FLUFFY PINK BUNNIES! AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!  
  
Jolteon: all right, what do we have to do to make you go away?  
  
Ghost: the usual: give me sugared cake.  
  
Umbreon: but where are we to get sugared cake?  
  
Ghost: that's your problem. AHAHAHA!!!! (Throws down another fluffy pink bunny)  
  
Flareon: all right.  
  
Ghost: I shall await your return.(Cackles evilly and flies away.)  
  
Jolteon: all right, now how are we to find sugared cake in this sea of fluffy pink bunnies?  
  
Umbreon: I have no idea.  
  
Flareon: well, we still gotta get across the sea of fluffy pink bunnies.  
  
Jolteon: hmm.  
  
Umbreon: I got three helium balloons here.  
  
Jolteon: where'd you get them?  
  
Umbreon: from some insane Raichu.  
  
Flareon: it just might work. (Takes balloon from Umbreon and starts to float away, just above the sea of fluffy pink bunnies)  
  
Jolteon: all right, it works. Give me one. (Takes balloon and floats away.)  
  
(The camera follows Jolteon as he floats around and eventually ends up in the Author's camp.)  
  
Jolteon: (letting go of balloon and watching it float away) all right, the authors should be able to help.  
  
Narrator: (coming forward) all right, what is it this time? Another pay rise?  
  
Jolteon: nope. Do you have any sugared cake?  
  
Narrator: do I look like I have any? (Turns to TCL) do you have any?  
  
TCL: nope, I only eat cookies. C9Y?  
  
C9Y: I suppose not.but you can have Pyro's Writer's block. (Points)  
  
Jolteon: but what am I supposed to do with it?  
  
Authors: that's your business. (Head back into the tent)  
  
Jolteon: oh well.(goes over to examine the Writer's block, and finds a button marked 'push me') hello, what's this? (Pushes the button)  
  
(The Writer's block unfolds to reveal.)  
  
Jolteon: sugared cake! (Grabs it)  
  
(Suddenly, the Ghost flies over)  
  
Ghost: (taking sugared cake from Jolteon) well done, mortal. I shall keep my promise and remove the fluffy pink bunnies. (Floats down and starts to collect the pink bunnies)  
  
Jolteon: (Watching the fluffy pink bunnies vanish) oh well.now to find Flareon.  
  
Narrator: here's a telescope. (Hand Jolteon it)  
  
(Jolteon looks over the mountain and sees Flareon hanging over the soda lake, clinging on for dear life)  
  
Jolteon: oh well.rushes off)  
  
Narrator: and so ends another silly episode of Eskimo Jolteon, except for-  
  
(The scene changes to inside the Author's tent. TCL is watching her portable color television.)  
  
Guy on TV: a few hours ago, a Pidgeot crashed into Ash Ketchum's home, causing it to be totally destroyed. No one was hurt in the incident, except for Ash, who was incinerated by a gas pipe leak. The cause of the crash is still unknown, but the pilot said that a (censored) flying caped Raichu was blocking the windshield. He is now being sent to goldenrod mental hospital for treatment for hallucinations.  
  
TCL: boring.  
  
Guy on TV: next, for the headlines. There has been a mysterious rain of fluffy pink bunnies on the indigo plateau. All people and pokemon please stay away form the area as it is swamped with fluffy pink bunnies. The fate of the elite four and Lance is still unknown, but hopefully it will be revealed in 'All In A Day's Insanity'. Thank you for watching.  
  
TCL: (gets out laptop and starts typing) hee hee hee.  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! ^_^ 


	39. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 39: The wierdest ...

Author's note: YAY!!!!! 100 reviews! (Is very VERY happy) ok.I don't own pokemon, nor do I own any other characters not created by me. I got caught in a rainstorm today.that's why I decided to write this Episode! Ok? Now let's get on with the story!  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 39:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo near the sea.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into igloo. We see Jolteon, Flareon and Umbreon watching TV, as always.)  
  
TV: and now for the regional news. Yesterday, Luigi's mansion mysteriously disappeared, and in its place was a much larger mansion marked 'Mario's mansion'. People living in the area reported that they heard a loud thump in the middle of the night. When Mario was questioned if it had anything to do with him, he said "no comment".  
  
Flareon: boring.  
  
TV: next, Star Road has been temporarily closed for repair works. (PS: TCL, did you know that 'Camino' means "road" in Spanish? "Star Road" translates as "Camino Estellar" in my GBA.Freakish coincidence or intentional plan? :)) please stay away for the rest of the week.  
  
Umbreon: well, since Espeon and Vaporeon aren't back from their honeymoon, I don't see how we can tease them.  
  
Jolteon: I wish we could have stayed longer at Cookie Mountain.  
  
TV: we interrupt this program for an urgent announcement. Hurricane 'Oh- dear-I-lost-my- underwear' is approaching the Northern area of Johto at an appalling speed. All residents of that area are strongly advised to stay indoors or risk being blown away. The Hurricane is expected to last for 18 hours. End of announcement. Thank you.  
  
Jolteon: 0_o  
  
Flareon: (closing windows) I think we'd better get ready.  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(We see the authors having a cookout among the ice floes.)  
  
Radio: .End of announcement. Thank you.  
  
Pyrovulpix: (dropping his burger) AIEEEE!!! I DON'T WANNA BE BLOWN AWAY!  
  
C9Y: neither do I!  
  
Narrator: well, we can always go to the.(dramatically) emergency bunker! (Points)  
  
(The camera swings around to reveal a small building with a sign 'emergency shelter' on it.)  
  
TCL: that's odd; I don't remember that being there.  
  
Narrator: well, it's there now. Let's go!  
  
(TCL, C9Y, Pyrovulpix, Melody, Salamander3 and I drop everything and enter the shelter, descending the steps. Salamander3 shuts the door.)  
  
Melody: boy, it's dark in here.  
  
Salamander3: (finds the light switch and flicks it on) there.  
  
Narrator: (going around the shelves and marking stuff on the Author survival list) Tinned Rations.check. Bottled water.check. Chlorinated bleach.check. Essence of sugar.check. Morty plushies.check. Cheese nips.check. GBA.check. Batteries.check. Cookies.  
  
TCL: well?  
  
Narrator: (Waving list around) I think we've run out of cookies.  
  
TCL: NO COOKIES FOR 18 HOURS?! EEEEeeeeee! (Faints)  
  
(C9Y goes over and tries to revive TCL)  
  
Narrator: oh well. Back to our heroes.  
  
(The scene changes back to our heroes. They are all waiting.)  
  
Jolteon: (hearing the wind howl outside) I wish we'd stayed at Cookie Mountain for longer.  
  
Umbreon: yeah.  
  
(It starts to rain golf balls outside. A few of them bounce off the igloo.)  
  
Jolteon: NOW I'm REALLY wishing we'd stayed there.  
  
(A very surprised and confused golfer lands in the snow about 10 feet from the igloo.)  
  
Flareon: at least we're not out there.  
  
Umbreon: (looking out of the window and seeing the golfer being swept away again) I concur.  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes back to the authors. TCL is still out cold, with C9Y still trying to revive her.)  
  
Narrator: (staring at something) hmm.  
  
Salamander3: (walking over) whatcha doing?  
  
Narrator: (still staring at wherever I'm staring at) I have to make a very important decision.one can mean either joy or sadness for me.  
  
Salamander3: oh. What is it?  
  
Narrator: yes. (Points to whatever I was staring at) should I eat this chocolate chip cookie, or should I dissolve it in concentrated Sodium Hydroxide while laughing maniacally?  
  
Salamander3: 0_o  
  
TCL: (waking up at the very mention of cookies) AAAAAA!!!!! (Rushes over and gobbles the lone cookie, then faints again)  
  
Salamander3: seems like TCL decided for you.  
  
Narrator: (picking up GBA) oh well. And back to our heroes.  
  
(The scene changes back to our heroes. It has started to rain Magikarp outside. A few of them are golden, while one of them is black)  
  
Flareon: (pointing out of window) look1 the legendary Black Magikarp! (See TCL's 'my obsession with cookies')  
  
Jolteon: I can't be bothered with your jokes now.  
  
Flareon: really! I saw the Black Magikarp!  
  
(Umbreon sighs. The rain of Magikarp stops and it starts to rain cookies outside.)  
  
Umbreon: I'm hungry.  
  
Jolteon: help yourself.  
  
Umbreon: (walking over to the fridge) (I don't know why there's a need to have a fridge in a polar region. Don't ask me.) there's only orange juice and some kind of thick yucky chocolate-flavored nutrient drink.  
  
Flareon: not very appetizing, I see.  
  
Umbreon: I think I'll starve, if it's all right with you.  
  
Jolteon: why don't you go outside and take some of those cookies?  
  
Umbreon: and get blown away? No thanks.  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes back to the authors. TCL is still suffering from cookie withdrawal symptoms. C9Y is busy hugging a Morty plushie. Pyrovulpix is suffering from an overdose of cheese nips. Melody is eating tinned spam, while Salamander3 is still looking for a multi-colored hand grenade. I sit down in a corner, as the batteries of my GBA have gone flat long ago.)  
  
Salamander3: here, hand grenade, come!  
  
Narrator: (feeling hungry) oh well. He can go on looking for that hand grenade. (walks over to shelves and gets a tin of Campbell's chunky soup (yes, I like it! ^_^) and opens it.)  
  
Salamander3: come out, wherever you are!  
  
Narrator: (suddenly noticing the time) oh no! 10:29! (Runs behind some crates. And after a few minutes, emerges in my were form.)  
  
TCL: (groaning) must have cookies.must have cookies.  
  
Narrator: oh well. Back to our heroes.  
  
(The scene changes back to our heroes. The wind continues to howl outside. It has begun to rain Fic characters outside.)  
  
Jolteon: (seeing Evil Whitney fly by outside) this is the weirdest weather ever.  
  
Flareon: (noticing all the characters of 'Lightning life' do 360-loop-the- loops before being carried away) yeah.  
  
Umbreon: (finding a Pidgey and a Rattata frozen to the window glass) I really hope this ends soon.  
  
Jolteon: (seeing Koga and Bruno fall into the icy sea) I agree completely.  
  
Flareon: (observing Lasrea bounce around on the snow) Espeon and Vaporeon are sooo lucky to be away.  
  
Jolteon: yeah. While we're freezing and starving in here.  
  
Narrator: the next morning.  
  
(The scene changes to the next morning. Our heroes have woken up.)  
  
Jolteon: (opening door and stepping outside) finally! The hurricane has lef-  
  
(A Miltank falls on Jolteon, squashing him.)  
  
Umbreon: I think not.  
  
Miltank: moo?  
  
(Camera fades out as Umbreon tries to lift the Miltank off Jolteon)  
  
Narrator: and so ends another silly Episode of Eskimo Jolteon!  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! ^_^ 


	40. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 40: just some stu...

Author's note: I don't own pokemon, nor do I own any other characters not created by me. Ok? Now let's get on with the story! TCL, when are you gonna update?  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 40:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo near the sea.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
Camera zooms into igloo. We see Jolteon watching TV, as always.)  
  
Jolteon: (flicking through the channels) why do you always make me do this?  
  
Narrator: because I frankly suck at beginnings. Now shut up.  
  
Jolteon: bleah.  
  
(Suddenly, Vaporeon walks in. her belly is somewhat swollen.)  
  
Vaporeon: hi! I just wanted you to know Espie and I are back from our honeymoon! (Walks out)  
  
Jolteon: (Watching Vaporeon leave) so, what are you gonna make me do in this episode?  
  
Narrator: wait and see. Meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to Tracey HQ. We see Tracey Sketchit pacing around the room. Darth Gary comes in, holding a parcel)  
  
Darth Gary: the mail is here, Master. (Hands Tracey a parcel)  
  
Tracey: (Taking parcel and frantically unwrapping it) YES! THE DAY HAS COME!  
  
Darth Gary: for what, master?  
  
Tracey: For me to take over the world.WITH THE AMAZING LEATHER WALLET OF DESTRUCTION! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!! (Holds it up)  
  
Darth Gary: yes, master. Maybe you should read the instruction manual over there. (Points)  
  
Tracey: WHO CARES?! THE WORLD IS OURS NOW! AHAHAHAHA!!!!!  
  
Darth Gary: (muttering) all right.  
  
Tracey: quick! Prepare the levitating milktruck of doom!  
  
Darth Gary: I am sorry master, but the engine developed a leak last night.  
  
Tracey: never mind, then. WE SHALL GO STEAL A CAR! AHAHAHA!!!!!  
  
Narrator: and now let me create a pointless diversion.  
  
(The scene changes to Ash and pikachu in the middle of some forest)  
  
Ash: (noticing something on the ground) aww wouldz ya look at the purty berry. (Picks it up)  
  
Pikachu: pika!  
  
Ash: aww piggachoo wouldz ya like a putry berry fer yummie?  
  
Pikachu: pikapi!  
  
Ash: oh lawk itz even got a nice purty ring on it. (Pulls it out and gives the 'berry' to pikachu)  
  
Pikachu: (taking 'berry' and swallowing it) pika!  
  
(After a few seconds, pikachu explodes in a bloody mess)  
  
Ash: aww naw piggachoo dieded I dawnt wanna leev anymaw. (Runs headfirst into a big tree and bashes his own skull in)  
  
Salamander3: (from hiding behind tree) hee hee hee.  
  
Narrator: and back to where we left Tracey.  
  
(The scene changes and we see Tracey and Darth Gary outside a diner.)  
  
Tracey: (surveying a multitude of vehicles) now, which one shall we steal?  
  
Darth Gary: how about that one, Master? (Points to a clown copter)  
  
Tracey: yes, that would do nicely.  
  
(They climb into the clown copter and fly off. A few moments later, Bowser Koopa emerges from the diner.)  
  
Bowser: THEIVES! GIVE ME BACK MY CLOWN COPTER!  
  
Narrator: ha. Meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to the authors in the FF.net Author's lounge.)  
  
Narrator: (holding head in hands) I think I just might have done the stupidest thing ever.  
  
TCL: and what would that be?  
  
Narrator: I sent an e-mail to Dawn the Espeon with a character idea.  
  
TCL: oh.  
  
Narrator: ah, never mind. Would you help me to solve a problem?  
  
TCL: and what would that be?  
  
Narrator: (pointing) should I eat that apple, or should I dissolve it in the concentrated phosphoric acid while laughing maniacally?  
  
TCL: this is indeed a hard problem.  
  
(The two of us strike up a thinker's pose)  
  
Narrator: oh well. Back to our hero.  
  
(The scene changes back to Jolteon. He is still watching TV)  
  
Jolteon: (to self) this is so boring.maybe I should go fishing. (Switches off TV.)  
  
Narrator: and so our hero went off fishing.  
  
(The scene changes to the sea. Jolteon is fishing.)  
  
Jolteon: come on, stupid fish.bite.  
  
(One hour later)  
  
Jolteon: grr.STUPID FISH WHY DON'T YOU BITE ARGH ARGH ARGH!  
  
(Yet another hour later)  
  
Jolteon: that's it. I give up.  
  
(Suddenly, Tracey and Darth Gary arrive in the Clown copter.)  
  
Jolteon: oh no. Not those freaks again.  
  
Tracey: YES! IT IS ME! AHAHAHA!!! PREPARE TO DIE!!!!! (Holds up amazing leather wallet of destruction)  
  
(Nothing happens)  
  
Tracey: darn. Do you know how to operate this thing?  
  
Darth Gary: no, master. I thought you read the instruction manual.  
  
Tracey: but I thought YOU read it!  
  
(The argument rages on)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to Bowser Koopa, still outside the diner.)  
  
Bowser: oh well.seems like they aren't coming back.(pulls out anti-theft device and presses button on it, then walks back into the diner.)  
  
Narrator: and so.  
  
(The scene changes back to where we left them. Tracey and Darth Gary are still arguing, while Jolteon looks on in mild amusement)  
  
Tracey: chowderhead!  
  
Darth Gary: fleabag!  
  
Tracey: moron!  
  
Darth Gary: barface!  
  
(Suddenly, the Clown Copter begins to smoke)  
  
Tracey: what the.  
  
(The clown copter explodes, sending Tracey and Darth Gary flying high into the atmosphere.)  
  
Jolteon: oh well.(gathers up rod and leaves)  
  
(Camera fades out)  
  
Narrator: and so ends another silly episode of Eskimo Jolteon, except for-  
  
(The scene changes back to the authors. TCL and I are still in our thinker's pose.)  
  
TCL: this problem is so hard.  
  
Narrator: yeah.  
  
(C9Y arrives on the scene)  
  
C9Y: hiya! Whatcha doing?  
  
Narrator: please be quiet, we're trying to think.  
  
C9Y: oh. What is it?  
  
Narrator: TCL, tell her.  
  
TCL: should we eat that apple over there, or should we dissolve it in concentrated phosphoric acid while laughing maniacally?  
  
C9Y: (sitting down) indeed.this is a baffling problem.(strikes her thinkers pose)  
  
(Camera slowly fades out)  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! ^_^ 


	41. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 41: The Amazing S...

Author's note: I don't own pokemon, nor do I own any other characters not created by me. Ok? Now let's get on with the story! ^_^  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 41:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo near the sea.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into igloo. We see Jolteon watching TV yet again.)  
  
Jolteon: yet another boring TV show that makes absolutely no sense at all whatever. (Turns off TV.)  
  
(Suddenly, Umbreon comes in.)  
  
Jolteon: hiya. Whtacha doing today?  
  
Umbreon: look at what I found while taking my nightly walk! (Holds up box marked 'essences of sugar')  
  
Jolteon: OOOooohhhh. (Opens box)  
  
(Inside the box are 8 happy sweet items)  
  
Jolteon: yummy! (Pops a sugar cube into his mouth and starts to bounce off the walls at high speed.)  
  
Umbreon: (watching Jolteon bounce around like a rubber ball) maybe I should join him. (Pops milk chocolate into his mouth and bounces around like Jolteon)  
  
(Our two heroes have fun bouncing around until all the essences of sugar are gone.)  
  
Umbreon: that was fun.  
  
(Suddenly, Yui comes in)  
  
Yui: AIIEEEE! YOU ATE THE ESSENCES OF SUGAR! NOW I'LL NEVER GET TO DATE MORTY!!!!! (Runs out crying)  
  
(Suddenly, C9Y appears)  
  
C9Y: (catching hold of Yui) come on, get back into your fic. (Leads her off and comes back again)  
  
Jolteon: what have we done?  
  
Umbreon: I have no idea.  
  
C9Y: then I'll tell you: by eating the essences of sugar, you two have rid the world of hyperactivity and the world will become dull and boring!  
  
Jolteon: just like what's always on TV.  
  
Umbreon: oh no.  
  
Jolteon: then, how can we restore hyperactivity to the world?  
  
C9Y: you must travel to the Valley of Sugar and bring back the holy cake icing! Only then will hyperactivity be restored to the world!  
  
Jolteon and Umbreon: 0_o  
  
C9Y: -_-;  
  
Umbreon: all right.how are we to get there?  
  
C9Y: easy. (Hands them a map)  
  
Jolteon: (studying map) so.to get to the Valley of Sugar, we must cross the Donut Plains, through the Jelly Cave and across Chocolate Island?  
  
C9Y: yep, that's about it.  
  
Jolteon: I wonder why we always do the stupidest things.  
  
Narrator: because I make you do so.  
  
(Jolteon and Umbreon glare at me)  
  
Narrator: um.ok.and so, our heroes set out on their quest for the holy cake icing.  
  
(The scene changes and we see Jolteon and Umbreon walking along the Donut Plains, which evidently, is made out of Donuts, with rivers of coffee flowing)  
  
Jolteon: (walking along) this quest is easy.  
  
Umbreon: maybe not. I hear this place is very popular with members of the police force.  
  
Jolteon: whatever.  
  
(Suddenly, two giant Donuts come out and start chasing our heroes!)  
  
Jolteon and Umbreon: AAAHHH! (They run away)  
  
(They run along for a while, with the giant Donuts chasing them)  
  
Jolteon: hey, why ARE we running! They're donuts!  
  
Umbreon: why didn't we think of that before?  
  
(They turn around and start eating the donuts)  
  
Jolteon: (taking a huge bite) yummy! Strawberry jam!  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to the FF.net author's lounge. I and TCL are still thinking about the problem.)  
  
Narrator: I've got it!  
  
TCL: what?  
  
Narrator: the answer to the problem!  
  
TCL: and what would it be?  
  
Narrator: well, since the apple has gone bad since it's been left there for so long, the only option left is to dissolve it in the concentrated Phosphoric acid!  
  
TCL: AAAHHH...  
  
Narrator: well, here goes! (Drops the apple into the concentrated phosphoric acid and laughs evilly while watching it fizzle)  
  
TCL: (staring at me) your evil laugh is really creepy.  
  
Narrator: thanks.  
  
(C9Y, Pyrovulpix, Salamander13 and Dawn come into the lounge.)  
  
TCL: good, you're all here! Let me show you my latest acquisition! (Pulls out some funny thing)  
  
Dawn: what's that?  
  
TCL: it is.(dramatic pause) the Flash Liquidation Ultra Dousing Device, or FLUDD, for short!  
  
(Author's note: if you don't play Super Mario Sunshine then you probably won't know about this. Just think of it as a high-tech water cannon.)  
  
Pyrovulpix: AAAAA! (Tries to run away)  
  
TCL: ahahaha! (Sprays Pyrovulpix)  
  
(Pyrovulpix runs around in circles)  
  
TCL: ahahaha! (Sprays everyone and cackles evilly)  
  
Narrator: (shaking water out of fur) oh well. Back to our heroes.(gets hit by another jet of water) ow!  
  
(The scene changes back to our two heroes. They walk on until a castle looms in front of them, blocking their way.)  
  
Jolteon: (reading sign) Misty's castle. Tea time is 5 pm. Go away.  
  
Umbreon: odd.now what are we supposed to do?  
  
Narrator: why, go into the castle, of course!  
  
Jolteon: oh well. (Walks in front of portcullis. It opens, revealing a long dark hallway.)  
  
Umbreon: are you sure going in is a good idea?  
  
Jolteon: well, it's the only way we can go on.  
  
Umbreon: I mean, why can't we just walk around the castle or something?  
  
Jolteon: well.  
  
Narrator: just shut up and go in!  
  
Umbreon: (grumbling) okay.  
  
(They walk into the dank, dark castle. Nothing happens for a while, then.)  
  
Narrator: a giant sugar coated donut rolls down after them! (Cackles evilly)  
  
Jolteon and Umbreon: AIEEE! (They run for dear life)  
  
(They continue to run, with the giant sugar coated donut rolling after them. They eventually make it to a doorway and duck in as the giant sugar coated donut rolls past them.)  
  
Jolteon: whew.  
  
Umbreon: wanna try this door?  
  
Jolteon: why not? (Opens door. Behind it is a platform linked to two bridges. There is a door at the other end of the room. Our heores make it to the platform in the middle when-)  
  
Narrator: the two bridges break!  
  
Umbreon: oh no! We're trapped!  
  
(Suddenly, a sinister voice comes from the shadows.)  
  
Voice: ha ha ha.fools! Do you wish to retrieve the Holy Cake Icing from the Valley of sugar? Not if I can help it!  
  
(From the shadows, out steps.)  
  
Jolteon and Umbreon: Misty!  
  
Misty: yes! Ahahahahahaha! I shall have my revenge! (Evil witch cackle)  
  
Jolteon: I don't think so.(runs forward and pushes Misty into the boiling lake of tea below. Misty disappears with a splash into the tea and does not resurface.)  
  
Umbreon: well, that's settled it, how do we get out?  
  
Narrator: I'll handle that.  
  
(There is a flash of light and our heroes find themselves outside the castle.)  
  
Jolteon: you know, you could just teleport us to the Valley of Sugar.  
  
Narrator: if I did that, there'd be no story.  
  
Jolteon: (mumbling) stupid authors.  
  
(Suddenly, TCL appears)  
  
TCL: (noticing the castle) ooooh! A practice target! (Blasts away with FLUDD until all that is left is rubble)  
  
Jolteon: 0_o  
  
Umbreon: (stepping over the rubble) look, there's a door in the side of the mountain!  
  
Jolteon: whatever.  
  
(They enter the door)  
  
Narrator: Misty, of the Donut Castle, is now a mere memory. The next area that our heroes have to pass through is the underground Jelly Cave, where the Evil Whitney resides and holds Morty prisoner. What dangers await our heroes in the next episode? Will they be able to defeat the Evil Whitney and rescue Morty?  
  
(Camera fades out)  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! ^_^ 


	42. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 42: The Amazing S...

Author's note: I don't own pokemon, nor do I own any other characters not created by me.. I own nothing but my mangled, deranged brain, so don't sue. Ok? Now let's get on with the story! ^_^  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 42:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture some funny place in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place where stuff is made out of sugar.  
  
Narrator: now focus into a cave..  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into cave. We see Jolteon and Umbreon walking along.)  
  
Narrator: as you know, last episode our heroes set out on their quest to the Valley of Sugar to retrieve the Holy Cake Icing and restore hyperactivity to the world! In this episode they are journeying in the Jelly Cave.  
  
Jolteon: hey, it's dark in here!  
  
Umbreon: duh.  
  
Narrator: (handing Jolteon a flashlight) there.  
  
(Our heroes carefully proceed along)  
  
Narrator: not very far away.  
  
(The scene changes to the Evil Whitney in her tower. She is looking through a pair of binoculars)  
  
Evil Whitney: ha ha ha.two fools are coming this way.  
  
Morty: (from inside cage) let me go!  
  
Evil Whitney: no one shall rescue you, Oracle of Candies! Not those two, nor that foolish girl Yui! I will be the only one who is hyper! (Laughs evilly)  
  
Evil fluffy pink bunny: shall I activate the traps, Mistress?  
  
Evil Whitney: Yes! Ahahahahahahahhahahahahahaha!  
  
Narrator: and anyway, back to our heroes.  
  
(The scene changes back to Jolteon and Umbreon. They are walking down a flight of steps when-)  
  
Narrator: all the steps sink in to form a slope! (Grins maniacally)  
  
(Our heroes slide down the slope and end up in a heap at the bottom)  
  
Jolteon: ouch.  
  
Umbreon: (picking himself up and dusting himself off) well, I suppose- (Takes another step. The ground beneath his feet crumbles, leaving him hanging by his paws over a pit of sharpened spikes.)  
  
Jolteon: I suppose we were supposed to fall into that?  
  
Umbreon: shut up and help me up.  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to FF.net author's lounge. I am sitting on the couch when C9Y comes in. TCL is still happily blasting away with FLUDD in the background.)  
  
C9Y: hey, can you not steal my characters?  
  
Narrator: what?  
  
C9Y: I mean, I invented evil Whitney and the Oracle of Candies!  
  
Narrator: but my disclaimer says that I don't own any characters not created by me.  
  
C9Y: oh.  
  
TCL: (blasting away with FLUDD) hahaha! (Sprays us)  
  
Narrator: (shaking water out of fur) I really need a break.oh well. Back to our heroes.  
  
(The scene changes back to our heroes, who are cautiously walking along when suddenly, there is a flash of light.)  
  
Jolteon: what the.  
  
Power rangers: We're the Mighty Morphing Power Rangers! Go go Power Rangers!  
  
(A thunderbolt flies out from nowhere and hits the Power Rangers, turning them into dust.)  
  
Narrator: stupid TV shows.  
  
Umbreon: what was that? 0_o  
  
Jolteon: I have no idea.  
  
(Suddenly, the Ghost appears)  
  
Jolteon: not you again!  
  
Ghost: quick! The Evil Whitney knows of your arrival.  
  
Umbreon: hey, why are you so friendly now?  
  
Ghost: I had a guilt attack after eating that last piece of sugared cake.  
  
Umbreon: oh.  
  
Ghost: as I was saying, the Evil Whitney knows of your arrival! To defeat her evil fluffy pink bunnies you must have this! (Produces two longswords)  
  
Jolteon: oohhh. (Picks longsword up and does an experimental slash)  
  
Ghost: just ahead is the tower of the Evil Whitney! Good luck!  
  
(Our heroes rush on until they reach a large cavern with a tower in the middle)  
  
Jolteon: so, that must be the tower of the Evil Whitney.  
  
(Suddenly, pink lightning bolts drop from both sides of the cavern, trapping our heroes!)  
  
Umbreon: oh no! We're trapped! (Runs around in circles)  
  
(The Evil Whitney appears at the battlements of her tower)  
  
Evil Whitney: ha! Fools, do you think you can actually rescue the Oracle of Candies?  
  
Jolteon: but we're not here to rescue the Oracle of Candies!  
  
Evil Whitney: (looking puzzled) huh? Then what are you here for?  
  
Umbreon: oh, we're just passing through on our way to the Valley of Sugar to get the Holy cake icing so we can restore hyperactivity to the world?  
  
Evil Whitney: WHAT?! NEVER! I SHALL BE THE ONLY ONE WHO IS HYPER!!!!! ATTACK!!!!!  
  
(Swarms of fluffy pink bunnies come out from the tower and advance upon our heroes!)  
  
Jolteon: oh no, you've done it this time.  
  
Umbreon: it's just like Cookie Mountain all over again.  
  
(They hack and slash at the pink bunnies with their longswords until the last one falls.)  
  
Evil Whitney: seems like I'll have to deal with you two myself! (Leaps down and attacks. A fierce swordfight ensues.)  
  
Jolteon: I can't hold out for much longer! She's just too powerful!  
  
Umbreon: (thinking fast) wait! There's a pimple on your face!  
  
Evil Whitney: AAA! WHAT?! WHERE?!  
  
Umbreon: I said, there's a pimple on your face!  
  
Evil Whitney: (holding up mirror and noticing pimple) AAAIIIEEEE!!!! MY BEAUTIFUL FACE IS RUINED!!!!!! (Bursts into tears and starts to disintegrate)  
  
Jolteon: (watching Evil Whitney disintegrate) good thinking, man. 0_o  
  
Umbreon: I didn't expect it to have that effect.  
  
Jolteon: oh well.  
  
Voice: (from inside tower) help.  
  
Umbreon: did you hear something?  
  
Jolteon: yeah.  
  
(They go inside the tower and find the caged Morty)  
  
Morty: I thought Yui would be coming to save me?  
  
Umbreon: look. Do you want to be saved or not?  
  
Morty: YES!  
  
Jolteon: good. (Hacks the cage open)  
  
Morty: thank you for rescuing me.now I must go look for Yui and ask her if she's free on Saturday night.(Wanders off)  
  
Jolteon: that was odd.  
  
(They step back out. The pink lightning bolts covering the exit have faded away.)  
  
Umbreon: (pointing) that appears to be the exit.  
  
Jolteon: let's go, then.  
  
(They walk off)  
  
Narrator: through their quick wits, our heroes have overcome the Evil Whitney and rescued Morty in the Jelly Cave. Onward, to the deliciously dangerous Chocolate Island, where the mysterious and eccentric Will Wonka has his factory!  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! ^_^ 


	43. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 43: The Amazing S...

Author's note: I don't own pokemon, nor do I own any other characters not created by me. Ok? YAYAYAY I spoke to the Great Sandact6 over MSN last night!!!!! *is so happy* oh well, on with the story! ^_^  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 43:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture some funny place in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place where stuff is made out of sugar.  
  
Narrator: now focus into a happy road leading to a isle made of chocolate.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms in onto Jolteon and Umbreon walking along)  
  
Narrator: as you know, our heroes are on their quest for the Holy Cake Icing, which is needed to restore hyperactivity to the world! In this episode, our heroes have reached the dangerously delicious chocolate isle!  
  
Umbreon: you know, I'm really beginning to hate this.  
  
Narrator: (pulling out contract) under section 2447, clause 1923, you are bidden to do what I say. (Laughs evilly)  
  
Jolteon: whatever. Look over there! (Points)  
  
(The camera swings around to reveal a brown island)  
  
Umbreon: that must be the chocolate island!  
  
Jolteon: what are we waiting for? Let's go!  
  
(They run across to the bridge)  
  
(Camera zooms in onto the bridge. We see Dawn the Espeon standing in the middle of the bridge.)  
  
Dawn: greetings, travelers. Are you headed for Chocolate Island?  
  
Umbreon: sorta.yeah.  
  
Dawn: then you must have this! (Produces something from behind her back and hands it to Jolteon)  
  
Jolteon: (fingering it) what's this?  
  
Dawn: it's am electric heater!  
  
Jolteon: and what am I supposed to do with it? Poke Espeon with it?  
  
Dawn: NO! You use it to attack! All chocolate monsters fear its power!  
  
Jolteon: aahhhh.  
  
Dawn: all right, now that I've done this, bye. (Teleports away)  
  
Umbreon: weird.  
  
Jolteon: aah, never mind.  
  
(They walk on and cross the bridge into Chocolate Island.)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to the FF.net author's lounge)  
  
Narrator: (skipping happily) I talked to Sandact6! I talked to Sandact6!  
  
(Salamander3 comes in)  
  
Salamander3: hi.  
  
Narrator: oh nice talking to you yesterday.  
  
Salamander3: thanks. Would you like a berry? (Holds up hand grenade painted red)  
  
Narrator: (eyeing the hand grenade) Nah. How about you try giving it to Pyrovulpix?  
  
Salamander3: all right! (Skips off happily)  
  
Narrator: whew.  
  
(Suddenly, TCL comes in)  
  
TCL: have you seen C9Y?  
  
Narrator: nope.  
  
TCL: if you do see her, tell me. I gotta spray her. (Flies off)  
  
Narrator: (pulling out his own FLUDD) hehe. (Sets FLUDD to 'hover' and flies away)  
  
Narrator: and before we get back to our heroes, let me create a pointless diversion.  
  
(The scene changes and we see Ash and Brock lost in some forest)  
  
Ash: aww naw look piggachoo wa luzt in a furest agan.  
  
Brock: duuuhhhh.(drools like a Mongolian idiot)  
  
Ash: aaa wayll never get aut of theez furest ever! (Bursts into tears)  
  
Brock: duh daah daah duh.(drools some more)  
  
Ash: ah knoe! If we all dieded we wunt hafta stie in da furest anah maw! We kan go to hafan!  
  
(Ash takes a knife and stabs Brock, Pikachu and Himself)  
  
Ash: (waking up) waw eet seemz taw bee rally hot in here.  
  
Narrator: hee hee hee. And back to our heroes.  
  
(The scene changes back to Jolteon and Umbreon. They are walking along Chocolate Isle when.)  
  
Narrator: the evil chocolate monsters attack! XD  
  
Jolteon: (seeing the evil chocolate monsters ooze towards them) this is not good.  
  
Umbreon: (drawing longsword) die! (Slashes the nearest monster. The sword merely passes through it)  
  
Jolteon: eep! (Remembers Dawn's words and pulls out the heater)  
  
Umbreon: (holding off the evil chocolate monsters) hurry up.  
  
Jolteon: (fumbling with the heater) now how do I turn this on.  
  
Umbreon: (fending off the evil chocolate monsters) HURRY!  
  
Jolteon: ah! Got it! (Stabs the nearest chocolate monster with the heater. It howls and melts into a gooey puddle)  
  
Umbreon: whew.  
  
(They work at melting all the evil chocolate monsters, tossing the heater between them. Eventually the last Evil chocolate monster falls)  
  
Jolteon: (turning off heater) let's go!  
  
(They run off)  
  
Narrator: not very far away.  
  
(The scene changes to Will Wonka's factory. We see Will Wonka looking through a telescope)  
  
Will Wonka: so.they managed to defeat my monsters.seems like I'll have to use.THE EVIL BOUNCY GOBSTOPPERS! (Cackles evilly)  
  
Narrator: and now back to our heroes.  
  
(The scene changes back to Jolteon and Umbreon. They are walking along a stream of melted chocolate.)  
  
Jolteon: (pointing) look over there!  
  
(The camera swings to show a huge factory with a signboard stating "Will Wonka's amazing sweet factory")  
  
Umbreon: that must be our next target.  
  
Narrator: yup yup yuppers!  
  
Jolteon: all right.let's go!  
  
(They proceed cautiously towards the factory)  
  
(Suddenly, huge evil gobstoppers come bouncing down in all directions, threatening to squash our heroes!)  
  
Jolteon and Umbreon: AAAAA! (They run for cover. Unfortunately, there is none, so they just run in circles.)  
  
(Eventually, the last of the gobstoppers bounce away.)  
  
Umbreon: whew.  
  
(They run on towards the evil factory)  
  
Will Wonka: ha ha ha!!! Fools! Do you dare challenge the great Will Wonka?  
  
(Suddenly, TCL comes on)  
  
TCL: (spotting Will Wonka) there you are1 I've been looking all over for you!  
  
Will Wonka: AIEEE!!! NO!!! (Runs and tries to hide)  
  
TCL: (grabbing hold of Will Wonka) yes! Now get back into all In a day's insanity like a good character! (Drags Will Wonka off, kicking and screaming.)  
  
Jolteon: (watching TCL drag Will Wonka off) that was weird.  
  
Umbreon: and easy too.  
  
(Suddenly, Will Wonka's evil factory explodes, sending chocolate and sugar flying everywhere.)  
  
Jolteon: at least it's raining chocolate.  
  
Umbreon: (spotting a yellow glucose road beyond the evil factory) look!  
  
Jolteon: that must be the way to the Valley of Sugar!  
  
Umbreon: let's go!  
  
(They set off. Camera fades out.)  
  
Narrator: by sheer luck and chance, our heroes have put an end to Will Wonka's days of producing chocolate in Chocolate Island. They now see the challenge that lies before them. There is a yellow glucose road that seems to be the threshold of the dreaded Valley of Sugar, where the ultimate goal of our heroes' quest lies. Will they be able to retrieve the Holy Cake Icing and restore hyperactivity to the world?  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to some funny place. TCL has got C9Y cornered.)  
  
TCL: yes! Write more Oracle of Candies or I'll spray you! AHAHA!!!!!  
  
C9Y: EEeee!  
  
(I come along)  
  
Narrator: whatcha doing?  
  
TCL: I'm just trying to 'persuade' C9Y to continue wiring Oracle of Candies.  
  
Narrator: um.ok. (Takes out own FLUDD and sprays TCL all over with Essence of Cookie.)  
  
TCL: (in a trance) cookies.(starts to lick herself)  
  
C9Y: hey, thanks. (Runs away)  
  
(Camera fades out with me spraying TCL with more Essence of Cookie while C9Y escapes.)  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! ^_^ 


	44. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 44: The Amazing S...

Author's note: I don't own pokemon, nor do I won any other characters not created by me.hey Salamander3 that was quite a weird conversation we had this morning, hey? Now I know where all those little pikachu came from.oh well. I wonder what I'm doing writing with only 4 hours of sleep.On with the story! ^_^  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 44:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture some funny place in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place where stuff is made out of sugar.  
  
Narrator: now focus into a yellow glucose road which leads on..  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms in onto the yellow glucose road. We see Jolteon and Umbreon walking along.)  
  
Narrator: as you know, last episode our heroes defeated the Mysterious Will Wonka in Chocolate Island and have now reached their destination: the dreaded Valley of Sugar. What dangers await our heroes in the final area of their quest? Will they be able to obtain the Holy Cake Icing and restore hyperactivity to the world?  
  
(Camera follows Jolteon and Umbreon as they finally arrive at the Valley of Sugar.)  
  
Jolteon: (looking out at the Valley) oh, glittery.  
  
Umbreon: come on, there's no time to lose!  
  
(They climb down into the Valley)  
  
Narrator: and now let me create a pointless diversion.  
  
(The scene changes to Ash Ketchum in hell, still evidently more confused than usual.)  
  
Ash: (sweating) daahhh.eetz rheally hawt in here.  
  
(Just then, the Evil Weasel comes along. I don't have to introduce him, do I?)  
  
Ash: duuhhh.howdy, mister. Ahm ah in hell?  
  
The Evil Weasel: yes.  
  
Ash: duuhhh.tawt so.  
  
The Evil Weasel: don't worry, I have noted your achievements in evil and have acted appropriately!  
  
Ash: duuh?  
  
The Evil Weasel: you know.the word's going round that I should make you Secretary of State for Hell.  
  
Ash: daahh.wut did I do taw git dat?  
  
The Evil Weasel: oh, you just dragged the reputation of Pokemon as a mature, well-thought RPG to kiddie stuff. Come on, I'll notify of your new duties as Secretary of State for Hell. (Leads Ash off)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to FF.net author's lounge. I am sitting down on the couch, while TCL is munching cookies again. Dawn is frenziedly trying to finish her homework)  
  
Dawn: AIEEE!!! I'LL NEVER FINISH MY HOMEWORK!!!!! (Bursts into tears)  
  
TCL: (hands her a cookie) here, this will help.  
  
Dawn: how?  
  
TCL: by a study undertaken by TCL, cookies have been proven to temporarily boost author's intelligence.  
  
Dawn: ooohhhh.(grabs whole bag of cookies and shovels them down her mouth)  
  
TCL: (trying to snatch the cookies back) I didn't say you could take my cookies!  
  
(Salamander3 comes in)  
  
Salamander3: hey.  
  
Narrator: hey.  
  
Salamander3: that was a weird conversation we had just now, heh?  
  
Narrator: um.yes.  
  
Salamander3: especially the bit when you noticed-  
  
Narrator: (hurriedly stuffing a Chocolate muffin into Salamander3's mouth) NO! NO! CHEW ON THIS!  
  
Salamander3: (chewing on muffin) mmmmmmm.  
  
TCL: (evil glint in her eye) what were you about to say?  
  
Salamander3: (muffled noise due to muffin in his mouth)  
  
TCL: speak up, I can't hear you!  
  
Narrator: (hurriedly shoving a bran muffin into Salamander3's mouth) um.he said nothing.  
  
Salamander3: (More muffled noises)  
  
Narrator: (pulling out shipping container full to the brim with muffins) here..don't say a word.  
  
Salamander3: mmmfff. (Nods.)  
  
Narrator: whew. And now back to our heroes.  
  
(The scene changes back to Jolteon and Umbreon as they make their way across the Valley of Sugar.)  
  
Jolteon: (studying C9Y's map) according to this map, this area has freak weather.  
  
Umbreon: I don't care.I'm hungry.  
  
Narrator: fortunately for our heroes, it has begun to rain muffins!  
  
Jolteon and Umbreon: ooohhhh.(look up at sky expectantly)  
  
Narrator: unfortunately, the muffins each weigh a ton! (Cackles evilly. A/N: Salamander3, this one is for you! ^_^)  
  
Jolteon: and Umbreon: aiieee! (Run around in circles. Umbreon gets flattened by a giant muffin.)  
  
Umbreon: (from under muffin) I'm really beginning to hate this quest.  
  
Jolteon: (trying to lift the muffin off Umbreon) well, we're nearly done, so just bear with it for a little longer.  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(the scene changes back to FF.net. Dawn is doing her homework much faster thanks to the intelligence-boosting cookies. TCL has long lost interest in what I said, but I'm still stuffing muffins into Salamander3's mouth, just to be safe.)  
  
TCL: (staring at a coconut) I've tried everything. This coconut simply WILL NOT OPEN.  
  
(A/N: TCL, to open a coconut, you don't hit it with your fist or slam it against a tree. You take a big knife and hack it open. And I mean big as in a meat cleaver or one of those jungle-slashing-clearing thingies. I know, since I've opened a few myself.)  
  
Salamander3: (mouth filled with muffins) mff mmmfffff.  
  
Narrator: tried jumping up and down on it?  
  
TCL: yea.  
  
Narrator: how about Crimson Aeroblasting it?  
  
TCL: yep.  
  
Narrator: hmm..have you tried singing 'I'm a little teapot' over and over again?  
  
TCL: yep. It cracked a little, but still won't open.  
  
Narrator: oh well. Back to our heroes.  
  
(The scene changes back to Jolteon and Umbreon. Before them looms a huge, ancient building.)  
  
Jolteon: according to the map, this is the ancient temple of penny candy, and the Holy Cake Icing is in there!  
  
Umbreon: what are we waiting for?  
  
(They rush into the temple.)  
  
Narrator: and so.  
  
(The scene changes and we see our heroes walking along a corridor lined with statues made of rock sugar.)  
  
Umbreon: why do I have a bad feeling.  
  
(Suddenly, all the statues come to life and chase our heroes!)  
  
Jolteon and Umbreon: AAAAA!! (They run into a door at the end of the hallway.)  
  
(Beyond the door is a large room, decorated with ancient carvings. On a pedestal in the middle of the room, lies-)  
  
Umbreon: THE HOLY CAKE ICING! (Reaches out to take it)  
  
Voice from the shadows: I don't think you will be doing that.thieves.  
  
Jolteon: huh?  
  
(Out of the shadows steps.)  
  
Narrator: Karen! (Sorry, but 4 hours of sleep have put a dent in my creativity.)  
  
Karen: yes, it is me, the Guardian of the Holy Cake Icing! Ahahahahha!!! You thieves will perish!!!!!! (Laughs evilly)  
  
Jolteon: um.(fumbles for a weapon. By some freakish chance, he pulls out a super-jumbo size packet of Milanos.)  
  
Karen: WAIT! ARE THOSE MILANOS?!  
  
Jolteon: um.yes.  
  
Karen: AAAAAaaa! (Snatches Milanos and starts eating them. In no time she has shrunk down to the size of an electron.)  
  
Jolteon: that should hold her off.  
  
Umbreon: well, I just want to end this quest! (Removes Holy Cake Icing from pedestal)  
  
(Jolteon and Umbreon disappear in a flash of light and find themselves back in Jolteon's igloo. C9Y is standing over them.)  
  
C9Y: well done. Now give me the Holy Cake Icing so that I may restore hyperactivity to the world!  
  
(Umbreon hands her the Holy Cake Icing)  
  
C9Y: (chucking the whole tube into her mouth) mmmm..(Starts bouncing around at high speed, out the door and into the distance.)  
  
Umbreon: hey, where's she going?  
  
C9Y: (from far away) HA HA HA!!! Fools! I just wanted the Holy Cake Icing so I could become hyper! WHEEEEEEEE!!!!! (Bounces away)  
  
Jolteon: I think the title of 'two dumbest pokemon of the millennium' has been conferred upon us.  
  
Umbreon: yeah.  
  
Jolteon: so, what we gonna do now?  
  
Umbreon: dunno. Watch TV I guess.  
  
Jolteon: yeah.  
  
(Camera fades out)  
  
Narrator: and so our heroes' amazing sugary quest has come to an end, along with this episode.  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! ^_^ 


	45. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 45: Death by Panc...

Author's note: I don't own pokemon, nor do I own any other characters not created by me. Well, this A/N is gonna be a bit long.firstly, I would like to thank all my dedicated fans whom have made the success of this series.they are, in order of appearance: TCL, C9Y, Pyrovulpix, Melody the Lynx, Salamander3, Dawn the Espeon, Pinkdragonflame and Espeon2. Thank you all for reading and sticking to this series ^_^. Next, I would like to notify you of a sorta joint fic by me and Salamander3, (75% work of Salamander, 25% mine, I think :P he writes the thing, I supply ideas, proofread and give comments.) it's called "On the run",do look out for it! ^_^ also, Dawn, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR USING MY CHARACTER IDEA!!!!! *takes out bongo drums and starts banging* well, that's all for about now.let's get on with the story!  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 45:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo near the sea.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into igloo. We see Jolteon watching TV, as always.)  
  
Jolteon: WHY DON'T YOU HAVE ANOTHER OPENING SENTENCE?!  
  
Narrator: well, I am not feeling really creative, especially when I have spent some of my sleeping time chatting on MSN and role-playing with Salamander3.  
  
Jolteon: um.ok.  
  
Narrator: after all, I am "helping" in with a joint fic.  
  
Jolteon: AAA! YOU'RE DOING A JOINT FIC? WAHHHH!!!!  
  
Narrator: (growls) shut up.  
  
Jolteon: (mumbles something)  
  
Narrator: oh well. Meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to Tracey HQ. We see the Evil Tracey pacing around his room. Darth Gary comes in.)  
  
Tracey: Come, I want to show you my latest plan to take over the world!  
  
Darth Gary: what is it, oh great Master?  
  
Tracey: YES! (Holds up box of pancakes) WITH THESE I WILL TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!  
  
Darth Gary: (taking box from Tracey) Captain Crayon Instant Pancakes?  
  
Tracey: well, if you minion can think of a better name.  
  
Darth Gary: all right.but how are you going to take over the world with pancakes, master?  
  
Tracey: AHAHAHA!!!!! THAT IS THE INGENUITY OF IT!!!!! INSIDE EACH OF THESE PANCAKES IS A MICRO-MACHINE THAT WILL BRING THE VICTIM UNDER MY CONTROL!!!!! AHAHAHA!!!!!  
  
Darth Gary: but how do they work?  
  
Tracey: (holding up bread stick) ALL I HAVE TO DO IS TO POINT, AND THE VICTIM IS HELPLESS! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!  
  
Darth Gary: all right.  
  
Tracey: The time has come for me to take over the world!!!!!!! (Evil witch cackle)  
  
Narrator: oh dear.back to our heroes.  
  
(The scene changes back to Jolteon, still watching TV.)  
  
Jolteon: (hearing stomach growl) darn.of all the times to get hungry.(walks over to fridge)  
  
(As mentioned in episode 39, there's only orange juice and some nutrient yuck. Of course, they are in various stages of decomposition.)  
  
Jolteon: oh well, hate to go grocery shopping, but it's that or starve to death.Espeon is so lucky to have someone shop for him.(walks off)  
  
Narrator: and so.  
  
(The scene changes to the Pokemart. We see Jolteon struggling with a half filled shopping cart.)  
  
Jolteon: (grumbling) why you (censored) shopping cart why don't your (censored) wheels (censored) move?!  
  
Narrator: hee hee.  
  
Jolteon: (picking up the cart) I give up. This is the only way I can get it to move in the direction I want.  
  
Narrator: and so our lone hero went on, until.  
  
Jolteon: (noticing something) hello, what's this? (Picks it up and reads from label) Captain Crayon Instant Pancakes. Just pop in your toaster for 5 minutes and ready to serve. Ingredients: sugar, salt, grease and burnt crunchy bits.  
  
Narrator: hee hee.(rolls eyes and whistles)  
  
Jolteon: (putting it in the shopping cart) ahh.the four food groups.:P  
  
Narrator: one hour later.  
  
(The scene changes back to Jolteon's igloo. Umbreon comes in.)  
  
Jolteon: hi.  
  
Umbreon: hi. Whatcha doing?  
  
Jolteon: well, I'm about to go make instant pancakes.  
  
Umbreon: ooh.can I have some?  
  
Jolteon: why not? As soon as I.(notices empty spot where the pancakes are supposed to be) hey, they're gone!  
  
Umbreon: that's odd.  
  
(Jolteon looks outside and sees a Seel lying in the snow with the half- eaten box of pancakes)  
  
Seel: (in a trance) must obey Master Tracey.must obey Master Tracey.  
  
Umbreon: (staring at the Seel) maybe it's a good thing we didn't eat any of those pancakes.  
  
Jolteon: yeah.  
  
Umbreon: quick! We must stop the Evil Tracey and his evil pancakes!  
  
Jolteon: yeah!  
  
(They rush off)  
  
Narrator: and so.  
  
(The scene changes to New Bark Town. Tracey is flying around in the levitating milktruck of doom.)  
  
Townspeople: oh great master Tracey.we worship you.  
  
Darth Gary: your plan has worked beautifully, master.  
  
Tracey: YES!!!!! THE POWER OF THE MASS MEDIA HAS GREATLY HELPED BY ADVERTISING!!!!! TODAY, NEW BARK, TOMORROW, THE WORLD! AHAHAHAAHAHAHA!!!!!  
  
Darth Gary: (rolling eyes) maybe we should have a little fun with them, master.  
  
Tracey: of course! (Points breadstick at Prof. Elm) Professor Elm, waddle around like a duck!  
  
Prof. Elm: (waddling around like a duck) quack.quack.  
  
Tracey: (rolling on the floor with laughter) AHAHAHA!!!!!  
  
Hiro: squeak?  
  
Tracey: (pointing breadstick at Hiro) stop that infernal squeaking!  
  
Hiro: squ.(shuts up)  
  
Tracey: AHAHAA!!!!! WORSHIP ME!!!!!  
  
Townspeople: yes, oh great one.(continue worshipping Tracey)  
  
(Just then, our heroes arrive on the scene)  
  
Jolteon: look! (Points at the flying milktruck of doom)  
  
Tracey: HAHAHAHA!!!!! You meddling fools! Did you seriously think you could defeat me? (Points breadstick) destroy them!!!!  
  
(The townspeople start advancing threateningly towards our heroes)  
  
Jolteon: oh no.this is not good.  
  
Umbreon: well, it's now or never.(Raises Railgun and fires. The laser beam hits the breadstick, shattering it into its component molecules. The townspeople, released from their hypnotized state, mill around in confusion.)  
  
Tracey: NO!!!!!! MY BEAUTIFUL PLAN IS RUINED!!!!! (Flies away in levitating milktruck of doom)  
  
Umbreon: whew.  
  
Jolteon: come on, our work here is done.  
  
(Our heroes walk off)  
  
Narrator: and so ends another silly episode of Eskimo Jolteon, except for-  
  
(The scene changes and we see TCL, C9Y, PV, Melody, Salamander3, Dawn, Pinkdragonflame and Espeon2 sitting down at a table.)  
  
C9Y: I wonder why Lc invited us here.  
  
Salamander3: do you smell something cooking?  
  
Dawn: (sniffing) sorta.  
  
Salamander3: well, I hope it's muffins.  
  
(Meanwhile.)  
  
(The scene changes and we see me tipping a whole sack of white powder into a bowl of pancake batter. Don't ask me how it can fit into the bowl.rules of physics don't apply here.)  
  
Narrator: hee hee.(puts sack away and sticks some sort of meter into the batter.)  
  
Meter: sugar content: ninety-five percent.  
  
Narrator: perfect! (Tips batter into frying pan and starts cooking)  
  
(Some time later.)  
  
(The guest authors are all seated at the table, although they look rather bored by now.)  
  
TCL: how much longer do we have to wait.  
  
(I come out with a steaming mound of pancakes)  
  
Narrator: all right.to express my gratitude for all my loyal fans, I would like all of you to share in the pancakes!  
  
All: yay! (Start grabbing pancakes)  
  
Espeon2: (chewing) wait.  
  
Dawn: (reaching out for another pancake) what's up?  
  
Espeon2: these taste a bit odd.  
  
Salamander3: yeah.sorta sweet.  
  
(All the authors suddenly become super-hyper and start bouncing off the walls at high speed)  
  
Narrator: (watching everyone bounce around the room) maybe I did add a little too much sugar.oh well. It looks fun.maybe I should join them. (Eats a pancake and starts to bounce around.)  
  
(Camera fades out with all the authors bouncing around.)  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review!!! ^_^ 


	46. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 46: Never Teach A...

Author's note: I don't own pokemon, nor do I own any other characters not created by me. Now that's the usual stuff's settled, on with the odd stuff.firstly, Salamander, when are you gonna get up the first chap of "on the run"? Next.too bad for FF.net's downtime.I was dreaming in history class and just happened to think of this.have a good day! ^_^ Enjoy! Warning: you WILL be offended by this if 1: you are pro-communist. 2: you are a communist. There.  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 46:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo somewhere.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into igloo. We see Flareon searching through a pile of old stuff.)  
  
Flareon: (muttering) I really should have cleaned out the old stuff dad sent me.(Paw hits against something) hello, what's this?  
  
(Flareon picks up the thing. It turns out to be a book.)  
  
Flareon: (reading title) Communist Manifesto? (Dusts off cover, flips it open and begins to read) ooohhhh.  
  
(A few days later.)  
  
(The scene changes to Jolteon in his igloo, reading the newspaper. Umbreon comes in.) (A/N: see! I made Jolteon do something else other than watch TV!)  
  
Umbreon: hi.what's up?  
  
Jolteon: (putting down newspaper) um.not much.  
  
Umbreon: wanna go visit Flareon?  
  
Jolteon: (getting up) why not?  
  
(They walk off.)  
  
(The scene changes to Flareon's igloo. We see Jolteon and Umbreon outside.)  
  
Jolteon: (reading sign on door) for sale?  
  
Umbreon: I don't believe it! He moved away without telling us!  
  
Jolteon: oh well.wanna go to Espeon's?  
  
Umbreon: guess so.  
  
(They walk off.)  
  
(The scene changes to Espeon's igloo. Jolteon knocks on the door, which Espeon opens.)  
  
Espeon: oh.hi.  
  
Jolteon: where's Vaporeon?  
  
Espeon: (pointing at couch) she's there sleeping.don't wake her up.  
  
Umbreon: oh.ok.  
  
Espeon: by the way, have you read the latest news?  
  
Jolteon: what?  
  
Espeon: (holding up newspaper) here.  
  
Jolteon: (reading from newspaper) yesterday, there was a bloody revolution at the indigo plateau. It has broken away and declared itself the "Communist Indigo Plateau Republic". We will follow up this article as events progress.  
  
Umbreon: 0_o  
  
Jolteon: (holding newspaper thoughtfully) I wonder if Flareon has had anything to do with this.  
  
Narrator: meanwhile, quite far away.  
  
(The scene changes to the Indigo Plateau. We see Flareon leading the E4/Lance onward.)  
  
Flareon: yes, fellow revolutionaries! We have overthrown the old government and shall now set a new Communist regime where all shall be equal! The ease that we took it over with shows the might of communism!  
  
Bruno: (muttering) yeah.if it's only because there's no one here.  
  
Flareon: (seemingly nor hearing Bruno) now, I declare the formation of the CIPR with me as party general!  
  
Karen: ok.  
  
Flareon: now.what should I do? (Thumbs through Communist Manifesto) Nothing. Darn.  
  
Will: maybe you could appoint party officials.  
  
Flareon: yes.all right! Bruno, you can be Minister of War!  
  
Bruno: yippee!!!! (Runs around in circles)  
  
Flareon: and Koga, you can be the Minister of Propaganda!  
  
Koga: wheeee!!!  
  
Flareon: as for you two, Karen and Will, you two can be Ministers of the Economy!  
  
Karen: ummm.  
  
Lance: hey, what about me?  
  
Flareon: well, you can be chief of the secret police force!  
  
Lance: but there isn't a secret police force.  
  
Flareon: well, there is now!  
  
Lance: ok.  
  
Flareon: well, what should I do now.(thumbs through book) strengthen the economy using raw materials. Do we have any raw materials?  
  
Will: well, all we got is that building.  
  
Flareon: just a simple "no" will do. So, how do we get natural resources?  
  
Karen: well, I heard that Blackthorn city has got many natural resources.  
  
Flareon: excellent! Bruno!  
  
Bruno: yes, Secretary-General?  
  
Flareon: make plans to invade Blackthorn at once!  
  
Bruno: yes!  
  
(Camera fades out)  
  
Narrator: and so.  
  
(The scene changes to Blackthorn City. We see Bruno talking with Clair.)  
  
Bruno: all right, we gotta deal you can't resist.  
  
Clair: and what would it be?  
  
Bruno: all right, you can sell us weapons at 0.2 cents apiece.  
  
Clair: what?! NO.  
  
Bruno: or we'll invade and raze the place to the ground.  
  
Clair: oh, all right.  
  
Bruno: (smiling happily) I'm glad you saw reason. By the way, we'll be stationing soldiers here.  
  
Clair: WHAT?!  
  
Bruno: we can always invade.  
  
Clair: (groaning) fine.  
  
Bruno: thank you for making the right decision. I'm sure we can work out more agreements in the future. By the way, I've just upped my demands. We now want your economy, which means that everything imported, produced, or exported here is ours. Do you agree?  
  
Clair: (faints)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes back to Jolteon. He is watching TV.)  
  
TV: just a few hours ago, CIPR has attempted to invade Blackthorn City. An "agreement" has been reached between the two sides, however, the future remains in doubt. The agreement states that everything imported, produced and exported into or from Blackthorn City is now property of the CIPR. Thank you.  
  
Jolteon: boring.  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to Flareon at the Indigo plateau. Lance comes in.)  
  
Lance: hey, sir, I just had a thought.  
  
Flareon: hurry up, I'm drawing up tomorrow's battle plans to invade the place and eliminate capitalism all over the world.  
  
Lance: would it be all right to set up concentration camps?  
  
Flareon: what for?  
  
Lance: well, to put dissidents, dangerous individuals and enemies of the state.  
  
Flareon: well, I guess it won't hurt.  
  
Lance: heh.(rubs hands and cackles with glee)  
  
(Karen comes running in)  
  
Karen: aiee!  
  
Flareon: what?  
  
Karen: we have a civil war on our hands!  
  
Flareon: do we?  
  
(Agatha comes in)  
  
Agatha: I've lived for more than twice you have, and I'm not standing for this newfangled Communist stuff! Stop it!  
  
Lance: ooohhh! An enemy of the state! Can I take her to the concentration camp please please please?  
  
Flareon: oh well, why not?  
  
Lance: wheeee!!!! Come on to the Gulag.AHAHAHA!!!!!(Drags Agatha off kicking and screaming)  
  
Flareon: all right.  
  
Karen: here's the latest report from Bruno.  
  
Flareon: (taking report and reading it) AHAHAHA!!!!! YES!!!!! TODAY, BLACKTHORN, TOMORROW, THE WORLD!  
  
Will: your communist state is working perfectly, oh great party leader.  
  
Flareon: HAHAHAHA! I WILL RID THE WORLD OF CAPITLISM!!!!!AHAHAHA!!!!! (Evil joker laugh)  
  
Will: (rolling eyes) ok.  
  
Flareon: send Koga out with these posters, will you?  
  
Will: (taking posters) sure thing.  
  
Flareon: I'm on my way to world domination!!!!!  
  
Narrator: and so.  
  
(The scene changes and we see Koga driving along in a little van with bullhorns blaring "Communism is good". Every now and then , he comes out and puts up a few posters. Camera zooms in on two Steelix reading a poster.)  
  
Steelix#1: (reading) by order of our great leader Flareon, all pokemon aged 14 and over must now enlist in the military, regardless of species, type or gender. All pokemon not complying will be sent to the Gulag.  
  
Steelix#2: that's it, I'm getting the hell out of victory road.  
  
Steelix#1: yeah, me too.  
  
(They shuffle off.)  
  
Narrator: and so ends another episode of Eskimo Jolteon, where Flareon has become communist and tries to take over the world! What will happen in the next episode? Will Flareon take over the world under the shadow of communism? Keep watching!  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! ^_^ 


	47. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 47: Never Teach A...

Author's note: I don't own pokemon, nor do I own any other characters not created by me. Ok? Now what else..thanks Sal, for posting "on the run"! well, that's all for now.enjoy!  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 47:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo somewhere.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into igloo. We see Jolteon watching TV.)  
  
TV: yesterday, the area surrounding the CIPR was flooded with massive numbers of refugees swarming in from Victory Road, allegedly attempting to escape from the new Communist regime. They have.  
  
Jolteon: now this is boring.  
  
TV: and now, we ask for an interview with the Party General of CIPR, Flareon.  
  
Jolteon: huh? FLAREON?! So that's where he went.  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to the CIPR. We see Flareon pacing around.)  
  
Will: that interview went well, leader.  
  
Flareon: oh well. First things first. Where's the shipment of weapons we're supposed to receive?  
  
Will: umm.it isn't here.  
  
Flareon: (angrily) why not?  
  
Will: because they can't do much with the 10 pokebuck budget you give them?  
  
Flareon: hmm.you're right. We need more money. Where can we get more money?  
  
Will: um.  
  
Flareon: well, know any places with a ton of cash that we can just grab and blame it on their government?  
  
Will: well.Goldenrod city looks rich to me.  
  
Flareon: excellent! Bruno!  
  
Bruno: (running in) yes?  
  
Flareon: make plans to invade Goldenrod at once!  
  
Bruno: yes.  
  
Flareon: AHAHAHA!!!!! ANOTHER STEP TO COMPLETE WORLD DOMINATION!!!!!  
  
Narrator: and so.  
  
(The scene changes back to Jolteon. Umbreon comes in.)  
  
Umbreon: hey, did you hear-  
  
Jolteon: I know.  
  
(They sit in silence for a while.)  
  
Umbreon: maybe we should go try persuade Flareon to give up this Communism thing.  
  
Jolteon: yeah.  
  
(They walk off)  
  
Narrator: and now let me create a pointless diversion.  
  
(The scene changes to Ash Ketchum, evidently very lost in a forest.)  
  
Ash: ah wunder why dat eevl weezul dude kicked us outta hell.  
  
Pikachu: pika pika!  
  
(Suddenly, a tower of flame shoots out from the ground, turning Ash and pikachu into very fine ash.)  
  
Voice: (coming out of nowhere) there! And stay out of hell; you're too evil to be allowed in there!  
  
Narrator: heh heh heh. And anyway.back to the story.  
  
(The scene changes back to Flareon in the main hall. Karen comes in.)  
  
Karen: hey, there're two pokemon outside requesting to see you. Will you see them?  
  
Flareon: why not?  
  
(Jolteon and Umbreon come in.)  
  
Flareon: oh, it's you two. Whaddya want?  
  
Jolteon: um.you know about this Communism thingie.are you sure it's a good idea?  
  
Flareon: HOW DARE YOU INSULT COMMUNISM! THROW THEM OUT!  
  
(Two Machoke guards grab Jolteon and Umbreon and throw them out.)  
  
Flareon: (from inside) and if you two come again I'll put you in the Gulag!  
  
Umbreon: seems like he's made up his mind about this thing.  
  
Jolteon: yeah.  
  
(They walk off.)  
  
(A few days later.)  
  
(The scene changes and we see Jolteon and the gang watching TV, as usual.)  
  
TV: Goldenrod city has just been invaded by the CIPR. There is much fighting on the streets, and various CIPR soldiers have attempted to loot banks. We shall provide you with constant updates as they come.  
  
Jolteon: that Flareon is really insane.  
  
Espeon: yeah.(shudders)  
  
Umbreon: well, I think we've gotta stop him!  
  
Vaporeon: and how would you be going about that?  
  
Umbreon: good point.  
  
Jolteon: well, maybe we could help resistance groups.Vaporeon?  
  
(Vaporeon, fast asleep, gives a contented snore.)  
  
Umbreon: I never knew anyone could fall asleep that easily.  
  
Espeon: she tires easily now.  
  
Jolteon: (looking at Vaporeon's swollen belly) yeah.  
  
Umbreon: so, where were we? Ah, yes.  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes back to Flareon.)  
  
Flareon: how's Koga's propaganda campaign going?  
  
Karen: very well, sir. 100% of pokemon interviewed said "we are very happy under our leader Flareon".  
  
Flareon: good!  
  
Karen: (muttering under breath) if it's only because we threatened them with being sent to the gulag.  
  
Flareon: oh well. Is there anywhere we can invade while waiting for Bruno to come back?  
  
Will: well, you could always try Ecruteak city.  
  
Flareon: what's in there?  
  
Will: well, they have historic stuff.  
  
Flareon: boring.  
  
Will and they have a nice big tower!  
  
Flareon: GREAT! INVADE AT ONCE!!!!!  
  
Will: yes, sir! (Runs off)  
  
Flareon: what to do now.  
  
Karen: well, there are always domestic economic policies.  
  
Flareon: yeah! (Gets out a bit of paper and starts scribbling furiously)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to Jolteon reading the newspaper in his igloo.)  
  
Jolteon: (reading from newspaper) yesterday, CIPS soldiers invaded Ecruteak, razing the place to the ground. The Tin Tower has also been seriously damaged. Casualties are unknown.  
  
Umbreon: that does it, we need to stop Flareon!  
  
(Suddenly, our heroes hear a mysterious voice behind them.)  
  
Voice: I agree.  
  
Jolteon: who's that?  
  
Voice: I am the representative of the anti-Communist underground resistance group, and we need your help.  
  
Jolteon: huh? How can we help?  
  
Voice: um.I don't really know.  
  
Narrator: I'll think of that later. Just say yes.  
  
Umbreon: um.ok.  
  
Voice: good. We'll get back to you later.  
  
Narrator: and so.  
  
(The scene changes back to Flareon)  
  
Flareon: (holds up list of policies) here! My masterpiece!  
  
Karen: (taking the list) I'll make sure they're implemented.  
  
Flareon: by the way, get me Bruno on the phone.  
  
(Flareon picks up the phone and dials Bruno's number.)  
  
Flareon: how go things, commander?  
  
Bruno: (seeing a whole squad of CIPR soldiers fall) very well, sir.  
  
Flareon: so, we are not losing?  
  
Bruno: (evidently lying) nope  
  
Flareon: good! When can I expect the money?  
  
Bruno: not really soon.  
  
Flareon: WHAT! I'M RUNNING OUT OF THREATS TO THREATEN PEOPLE WITH!  
  
Bruno: really, sir?  
  
Flareon: of course! I've only got Mr. Chainsaw, Mr. Shotgun, Mr. RPG launcher, Mr. Gatling gun, Mr. Instant thundercloud, Mr. Flamethrower, Mr. ICBM, Mr. Laser Satellite, Mr. Ion cannon, Mr. Anthrax and Mr. VX Gas!  
  
Bruno: (coughing) all right.I'll get as much money as soon as possible.  
  
Flareon: good! (Slams phone down) now I'd like to see the concentration camps.  
  
Karen: all right.(flicks on monitor)  
  
(The monitor shows Lance, whip in hand, supervising a few prisoners.)  
  
Lance: YES! SLAVES, WORK! AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! (Uses whip on unfortunate prisoner) IF YOU DO NOT FINISH YOUR WORK QUOTA, YOUR RATION WILL BE CUT IN HALF!!!!!AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!  
  
Flareon: I note he works with brutal efficiency.  
  
(Camera fades out.)  
  
Narrator: and so ends another silly episode of Eskimo Jolteon. Flareon has attempted to spread Communism further. Will our heroes, together with the Underground resistance, be able to restore Flareon to his senses? Stay tuned to find out!  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! ^_^ 


	48. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 48: Never Teach A...

Author's note: well, here's Episode 48.what else.seems like some people have been complaining about the growing seriousness of this fic.I intend to put that right with the next episode. ^_-. What else is there to say.oh well, have a good time in here! ^_^  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 48:  
  
Narrator: stop! We haven't done the disclaimer yet!  
  
(The camera freezes)  
  
Narrator: (to self) now, who should I pick to do the disclaimer.ah, I know! I'll get one of my fans! (Drags out Dawn the Espeon)  
  
Dawn: (muttering) what is it?  
  
Narrator: do the disclaimer.  
  
Dawn: why should I? Do it yourself.  
  
Narrator: I'm too lazy. And make me if you can. (Smirks)  
  
Dawn: (smirking back) fine. (Points Espeon Stick of control at me)  
  
(Nothing happens)  
  
Narrator: heh.that doesn't work on me.and since you ate my pancakes.(points breadstick at her)  
  
Dawn: (in a monotone) Lccorp2 does not own pokemon, nor does he own any other characters not created by him. However, he does own his mangled brain, and he does own Eskimo Jolteon, and he did use to own Lionel Darkstar, before he gave that character to me for use in my fics. Thank you.  
  
Narrator: good. (Vanishes using Faint Attack and eats the breadstick)  
  
Dawn: (being released from hypnotized state) huh? Gotta work on my fics.(wanders off)  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 48:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo somewhere.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into igloo. We see Jolteon reading the newspaper.)  
  
Jolteon: (tossing down newspaper) CIPR this.CIPR that.Flareon sure is crazy.  
  
Narrator: as you know, in the last two episodes Flareon founded the Communist Indigo Plateau Republic and is trying to achieve complete world domination.  
  
(Umbreon comes in)  
  
Jolteon: hey have you heard about.  
  
Umbreon: yeah. Flareon just tried to take over the Seafoam Islands.  
  
Jolteon: we did have a nice holiday there.  
  
Umbreon: um.yeah.  
  
Jolteon: well, seems like we've gotta stop him!  
  
Voice: (from behind our heroes) that is right.  
  
Umbreon: lemme guess.you're the guy from the Anti-Communist resistance coalition?  
  
Voice: yes. And now the Narrator has decided what the heck he is going to write for this episode.  
  
Jolteon: ok.what can we do for you?  
  
Voice: I'll tell you that later. For now, I'll take you to see the others.  
  
(There is a 'pop' and our heroes find themselves in some kind of conference room. Around them we see quite a few familiar faces.)  
  
Mario: and so, in conclusion, I say that Communism is a threat to the whole world and that we won't stand for it!  
  
Angry people of the pile of rubble that used to be Ecruteak City: YEAH!  
  
TCL: and I sure won't be putting up with it in my fics!  
  
Angry people of the pile of rubble that used to be Ecruteak City: YEAH!  
  
Mario: and so what must be done?  
  
Angry people of the pile of rubble that used to be Ecruteak City: WE MUST INVADE THE CIPR AND OVERTHROW FLAREON!  
  
Mario: yes!  
  
TCL: (noticing Jolteon and Umbreon) oh, hi.  
  
Umbreon: so, what are we here for?  
  
TCL: well, since this wouldn't be Eskimo Jolteon without you two, we, the authors, have decided to include you in the attack.  
  
Yoshi: glorp! (Eats TCL's big bag of cookies)  
  
TCL: WAAAAA!!!!! NOOOO!!! (Pries open Yoshi's mouth and tries to get back her cookies)  
  
Jolteon: (staring at TCL frantically trying to retrieve her cookies) oh well.  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to the CIPR. We see Flareon sitting down in his usual chair, having his nails filed down by Koga.)  
  
Flareon: so, how goes the economy?  
  
Karen: (shuffling through a pile of reports and sees the words "economy failing") very well, sir.  
  
Flareon: great! And how go the invasions?  
  
Karen: (rolling eyes and whistling a merry tune) very well, sir.  
  
Flareon: can you say anything other that "very well, sir"?  
  
Karen: very well, sir.  
  
Flareon: I'm on my way to complete world domination! AHAHAHA!!!!!  
  
(Suddenly, Will bursts in)  
  
Will: ack! An invading force is here!  
  
Flareon: what?! Mobilize all available units immediately!  
  
Will: (fidgeting nervously) umm, sir, I don't think we have available units.we deployed them all in our invasions.  
  
Flareon: WHAT?!  
  
Will: (shuffling towards door) um.hee.  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes and we see the members of the Anti-Communist Resistance Coalition by the huge building of the CIPR)  
  
TCL: (shouting through megaphone) all right, Flareon! This is your first and last chance to surrender before we attack!  
  
Flareon: (appearing at a window) never! You can't get in anyway! AHAHAHAHA!!!!!  
  
Mario: I'll handle this. (Eats lots of super mushrooms)  
  
(Everyone watches in amazement as Mario gets Super-duper big)  
  
Jolteon: gee.I never knew that guy could get so big.  
  
Super Duper Big Mario: (whistling a merry tune) ho-hum.come out now.(Lifts up the whole CIPR building and drop-kicks it away, leaving a very confused Flareon.)  
  
Flareon: (looking up at the 150-foot Mario) squeak? (Runs away)  
  
Umbreon: HA HA!!!!! I NOW HAVE THE POWER OF THE CHAINSAW!!!!! (Chases Flareon around with chainsaw)  
  
Angry people of the pile of rubble that used to be Ecruteak City: let's get them! (Chases the E4/Lance around)  
  
Jolteon: hey, wait for me! (Chases Flareon around as well)  
  
(Nothing much happens, except that everyone is chasing everyone around, with the exception of TCL, who is spraying everyone with FLUDD)  
  
Jolteon: (catching up with Flareon) hey, stop there!  
  
(A fistfight ensues)  
  
Yoshi: glorp! (Sticks out tongue and swallows Jolteon and Flareon)  
  
Everyone else: AIEEE!!! YOSHI ATE THEM!  
  
Umbreon: I'll handle this. (Steps forward with chainsaw)  
  
Narrator: due to the massive amount of blood, the camera cannot handle this scene. Please wait until Umbreon's operation is over.  
  
(Screams in background. Eventually, the scene changes, and we see Jolteon and Flareon, with an ambulance speeding away in the distance.)  
  
Mario: you know-a, you didn't-a have to-a cut up-a Yoshi.  
  
Umbreon: who cares?  
  
Flareon: I've been thinking.maybe this Communism thing isn't as cracked up as it's supposed to be.  
  
Jolteon: it took you THREE EPISODES to realize that?  
  
Flareon: um.yea.  
  
Jolteon: come on, let's go home.  
  
(Our heroes walk off, with the Angry people of the pile of rubble that used to be Ecruteak City chasing the E$/Lance around the flat plain that used to be the Indigo Plateau.)  
  
Narrator: and so our heroes have restored Flareon to his senses. WHEEE!!!!  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! ^_^ 


	49. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 49: poor, poor Jo...

Author's note: I don't own pokemon, nor do I own any other characters not created by me. All right.I was super bored.and I just happened to think of this.so.enjoy! ^_^ wheee! By they way, if you want to advertise your fic on this space, say so in a review, e-mail me of drop me a line on MSN! ^_^ *goes off to play TPPC*  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 49:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized pokemon center somewhere.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into pokemon center. We see Jolteon reading a newspaper in some sort of waiting room)  
  
Jolteon: (sighing) at least I'm not reading the newspaper or watching TV.  
  
Narrator: so?  
  
Jolteon: it's sad how some people can't handle a little variety. I wonder why I actually agreed to come along with Umbreon for his medical checkup. (Goes back to reading magazine)  
  
(Just then, Jolteon notices a plate with two pink muffins on it.)  
  
Jolteon: ooohhh! Pink muffins! (Grabs them both and eats them)  
  
(Just then, Nurse Joy and Umbreon come out)  
  
Nurse Joy: thank you, and I hope to see.(notices empty plate) AIIIEEEE!!!!!  
  
Umbreon: what's the matter?  
  
Nurse Joy: (pointing a trembling finger at the empty plate) THE SACRED MUFFINS OF INSANITY HAVE BEEN EATEN!  
  
Jolteon: olly wolly pollywoggy ump bump fizz?  
  
Umbreon: Jolteon, speak properly!  
  
Nurse Joy: ack! He's got a bad case of Your-talking-crapius!  
  
Jolteon: sfjkbvsjklh?  
  
Nurse Joy: see?  
  
Umbreon: ok.what do we have to do to cure him?  
  
Nurse Joy: the only cure is the amazing Kit Kat bars sold at the mysterious British Petrol gas station somewhere in the UK!  
  
Umbreon: I see.how are we going to get there?! That's practically a dimension away!  
  
Jolteon: weeble weeble sclup!  
  
Nurse Joy: never fear, this pokecenter has just purchased the amazing.(drum roll) space traveler!  
  
(Camera swings around to reveal a mysterious machine)  
  
Jolteon: wvhkslghk?  
  
Umbreon: shut up. All right, let's go, or you'll never get cured.  
  
Jolteon: ipwjofwofn!  
  
(They get into the machine)  
  
Nurse Joy: all right, here goes! (Pulls a big lever. There is a brief flash of light and our heroes are gone)  
  
(Just then Salamander3 comes in and notices the empty plate)  
  
Salamander3: WAAA!!!! SOMEONE STOLE MY MUFFINS!!!!! (Runs out crying)  
  
Narrator: oh well.and now let me create a pointless diversion.  
  
(Scene changes to some freakish place that you need not know about.)  
  
Narrator: at way high up, the engines of flight SQ 457 explode for absolutely no reason, leaving the plane spiraling down in a plume of smoke!  
  
Narrator: meanwhile, the Magnet Train hits a penny on the tracks and leaps into the air at 80 miles per hour, dragging 40 tons of metal behind it!  
  
Narrator: above the train is a crate-sized meteorite, streaking flame as it hurtles down through the atmosphere!  
  
Narrator: by some freakish coincidence, these three deadly bodies are homing in on one spot, where tectonic plates in the earth's crust have begun to shift!  
  
Narrator: this spot is the house of Delia Ketchum, whom is currently blissfully unaware of a gas leak as she attempts to light her stove!  
  
Narrator: as she strikes the match, she casually glances out of the kitchen window.  
  
Narrator: her eye twitches involuntarily.  
  
Narrator: KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!! (Cackles evilly)  
  
Narrator: oh well. And back to our story.  
  
(The scene changes back to Jolteon and Umbreon)  
  
Umbreon: what.where are we?  
  
Jolteon: (points at signboard) gheyievwrheb?  
  
Umbreon: ah.(reads) the New York City Pokemon Center. Odd, I never knew there was a place called New York.  
  
(Just then, a whole mass of kids come out of the place)  
  
Kids: OOoooooOhhhh! A Jolteon and an Umbreon! Hug em! (Rush forward)  
  
(Our heroes get squashed by the sheer weight of the kids)  
  
Umbreon: (gasping and choking) ack.need air.  
  
Nurse Joy's Voice: oops.sorry about the wrong placing.I'll have you where you want to be in a jiffy.  
  
(Our heroes vanish in a flash of light, leaving ordinary New Yorkers to wonder why there is a pile of kids on the sidewalk)  
  
Narrator: and so.  
  
(Our heroes find themselves deposited on a sidewalk)  
  
Umbreon: all right, now how do we know this is the UK?  
  
Jolteon: (shrugging) dvfhwakejgr.  
  
Narrator: (waving script around) it's so because the script says so. Shut up.  
  
Umbreon: all right.  
  
Jolteon: ergsetghs.  
  
Umbreon: come on, let's go.  
  
(They walk off)  
  
Narrator: quite a few hours later.  
  
(The scene changes to our heroes. They are still plodding on)  
  
Jolteon: sfafkjwrwukgfskbvzsmnvashfahgqeykgdfka!  
  
Umbreon: (sighing) it's not my fault, it's this stupid map's fault.(holds up map)  
  
(Camera zooms in onto map. It is just a blank piece of paper with two red dots on it, one which is marked 'you are here' and the other 'the mysterious British Petrol gas station')  
  
Jolteon: wkfawghkfgwry.  
  
Umbreon: all right, maybe that Nurse Joy wasn't too smart.  
  
Jolteon: (pointing) ipjlonljnjnhkbv!  
  
Umbreon: (peering into distance) yes, I think I see something too.  
  
(Our heroes rush forward. It appears to be some sort of signboard.)  
  
Umbreon: (reading) to get to the mysterious British Petrol gas station which sells the amazing kit kat bars which cure Your-talking-crapius, spin jump here.  
  
Jolteon: dfgvergawrat?  
  
Umbreon: well, it's worth a try.(spin jumps)  
  
Jolteon: (watching Umbreon sink into the ground like a drill) fladnbf. (Shrugs and sits down)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile, very far away.  
  
(The scene changes to two Chinese peasants working in their rice fields. Suddenly, Umbreon bursts out in a shower of dirt.)  
  
Umbreon: all right, where's-(notices his surroundings) oh dear.  
  
Peasant #1: (noticing Umbreon) (in broken, halting English) hello, you be American?  
  
Umbreon: um.  
  
Peasant #2: are you being having money?  
  
Umbreon: (backing away) AAAAA!!! (Leaps into the hole he came through)  
  
(The Chinese peasants look at each other in silence for a while)  
  
Peasant #1: perhaps we say wrong thing?  
  
Peasant #2: (shrugging) maybe he no like rice.  
  
(The peasants go back to working)  
  
Narrator: oh well.and so.  
  
(The scene changes back to Jolteon, still sitting down. Umbreon comes back through the hole)  
  
Umbreon: dear mew! You shoulda seen-  
  
Jolteon: (pointing at the signboard, which is shaped like an arrow pointing down) jbvskbagkl.  
  
Umbreon: all right, my mistake. (Walks over to the signboard and spin jumps there, revealing the entrance to a huge cavern.)  
  
Jolteon: aasdgasg. (Walks in)  
  
Umbreon: oh well.(follows Jolteon)  
  
(The camera follows them as they walk on. Suddenly, before them is a large British Petrol gas station.)  
  
Umbreon: that must be the place! Hurry!  
  
(Our heroes rush forward and enter the gas station. Behind the counter is Pinkdragonflame)  
  
PDF: all right, what would you like?  
  
Jolteon: ajgfevweyr.  
  
PDF: what? Speak up!  
  
Umbreon: we want a kit kat bar.  
  
PDF: ok.(hands a kit kat bar to Jolteon, who wolfs it down)  
  
Umbreon: how ya feeling?  
  
Jolteon: I can speak! I can speak! (Does some sort of freakish dance)  
  
Umbreon: all right.now that you're cured, how are we gonna get back to FF.net?  
  
Jolteon: I have no idea.  
  
Umbreon: well, we gotta find some way! I don't wanna be trapped here forever!  
  
(Just then, Salamander3 comes in)  
  
Salamander3: boohoo.my muffins.(sniffles) hey, what's Lc's characters doing here? Get back! (Gives them a kick, which semds them all the way to FF.net. how that was achieved I do not know.)  
  
Jolteon: ouch.  
  
Umbreon: well, at least we got home.  
  
Jolteon: yea.  
  
(Camera fades out)  
  
Narrator: and so ends another silly episode of Eskimo Jolteon!  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! ^_^ 


	50. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 50: the attack of...

Author's note: well, my fics will be slowed down a little, as my finals are coming. (They start on 30/9) AAAAA!!!!! I'M GONNA DIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!!!! WHEEEE!!!! 50th Episode!!!!!! ^_^ Oh well, what else.well, I suppose not! On with the story! ^_^  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 50:  
  
Narrator: wait! We haven't done the disclaimer yet!  
  
(Camera freezes)  
  
Narrator: now who should I get.aha! (Drags out Dawn)  
  
Dawn: what now?  
  
Narrator: do the disclaimer.  
  
Dawn: why me again?  
  
Narrator: dunno. Maybe we sparked off some sorta "disclaimer wars"  
  
Dawn: (shrugging) I don't know. Anyway I'm not doing it.  
  
Narrator: oh yes, you will! I have the Amazing Apple Pie of whatnot! (Holds it up)  
  
Dawn: mmmmm.apple pie.  
  
Narrator: yes! I will give you the apple pie if you do the disclaimer!  
  
Dawn: wheeeee! Lccorp2 does not own pokemon, nor does he own any other characters not created by him. However, he owns this fic and he also owns his Game Boy Advance and his Super Mario Advance 2 cartridge.  
  
Narrator: good. (Tosses the apple pie to Dawn, who runs away with it)  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 50:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo somewhere.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into igloo. We see Jolteon drinking some unidentified substance. Whatever that is, I don't wanna know.)  
  
Jolteon: ahh, nothing better than a drink on a nice day. (Sips from glass)  
  
(Umbreon comes in)  
  
Umbreon: hey, dude. Whatcha doing?  
  
Jolteon: I'm recovering from the effects of Your-talking-crapius, or in other words, being bored out of my skull.  
  
Umbreon: um.ok.so, wanna go to Celadon?  
  
(The world grows dark. A spotlight falls on Jolteon)  
  
Jolteon: (in dramatic voice) WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT BEFORE?!!!!  
  
Narrator: maybe it's because your tiny brain, too muddled with the random and freakish events that have been cast upon you, has eventually given up and shut down operations?  
  
Umbreon: come on, let's go call the others.  
  
(They walk off)  
  
Narrator: and now let me create a pointless diversion.  
  
(The scene changes to Ash walking in some forest yet again.)  
  
Ash: duuhhh.wai are I being luzt in some furest again. (Sees a Shiny Marill) oooOOOoohhh ah Shiny Marill! Ah must haf it! (Runs after the Shiny Marill)  
  
(Ash chases the Shiny Marill around)  
  
Ash: cum bak here, you leetle thingie!  
  
(Suddenly, the ground beneath ash gives way to reveal a pit full of sharpened spikes, on which Ash impales himself on)  
  
Salamander3: (sitting on cloud above) heh heh. (Retrieves clockwork Shiny Marill and winds it up)  
  
Narrator: all right, back to the story.  
  
(The scene changes to our gang of four as they walk along the streets of Celadon)  
  
Vaporeon: wheee! This is so fun. Isn't it, Espie?  
  
Espeon: yes, dear.  
  
Jolteon: can we move on now? Vaporeon's been staring into that restaurant window all day!  
  
Umbreon: sshhh.  
  
(Suddenly, an ominous rumbling starts)  
  
Jolteon: what's that?  
  
Espeon: I have no idea.  
  
Umbreon: (watching people flee in all directions) I have a feeling this isn't gonna be good.  
  
(Suddenly, a huge arcanine steps out of the rubble)  
  
Terrified people of Celadon City: AAIIIEEE!!!!! IT'S DOGZILLA! (They run around in circles)  
  
Dogzilla: woof? (Wags tail and smashes a few more office blocks)  
  
Umbreon: what did I tell you?  
  
Jolteon: that you had a bad feeling?  
  
Espeon: hey guys, wouldn't it be better if we took cover?  
  
Jolteon: good idea.  
  
(They move into the restaurant)  
  
Umbreon: (sitting down on a chair) all right, what do we do now?  
  
Vaporeon: eat! ^^ (Wanders off to find something to eat)  
  
Jolteon: we're in the mid-  
  
Espeon: oh, let her be. She has to eat for more than one, after all.  
  
Jolteon: you're just saying that because she's your wife!  
  
Espeon: (rolls eyes)  
  
Umbreon: hey, cool it! Maybe we could try to think up a plan to stop Dogzilla?  
  
Jolteon: good idea.  
  
(They all sit down and think, amid the destruction that is going on outside)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to FF.net author's lounge. We see everyone just sitting down.)  
  
TCL: I'm bored.  
  
Salamander3: me too.  
  
C9Y: there's simply nothing to do!  
  
Narrator: I agree.  
  
Dawn: I know!  
  
Authors: what?  
  
Dawn: we can have a contest to see who can do the stupidest things!  
  
Pyrovulpix: sounds like a good idea to me.I'll start.  
  
(Pyrovulpix spin jumps around, landing in a sponge cake with icing. How that sponge cake got there cannot be explained by the laws of conventional physics.)  
  
C9Y: I can do better! (Sings "I'm a little teapot" while balancing a car on her head.)  
  
Narrator: heh.(sticks arm into blender and turns it on) wheee! (Hands the blender with it's contents to C9Y) wanna drink?  
  
C9Y: (staring at the place where my arm used to be) um.  
  
Narrator: don't worry, it'll heal all right. So, wanna drink?  
  
C9Y: (faints)  
  
Sal: (eating his clockwork Marill) look, ma! No hands! (Jumps over the Niagara Falls)  
  
(Dawn eats an apple pie)  
  
Sal: how's that supposed to be stupid?  
  
Dawn: I'm so stupid I have no idea what's supposed to be stupid!  
  
Sal: 0_o  
  
TCL: and now, for the grand finale.a presentation by the undisputed queen of insanity!  
  
Sal: is she?  
  
TCL: shut up!  
  
(Suddenly, TCL's Yoshi runs up and swallows her, despite TCL being much larger than the Yoshi.)  
  
Narrator: I don't think that was in the act.  
  
Dawn: (staring) yea.  
  
(TCL's Yoshi lays an egg)  
  
Pyrovulpix: aww, ain't that cute.  
  
(The egg starts to hatch)  
  
Dawn: I wonder.  
  
(The egg hatches, and out pops.)  
  
Narrator: a baby version of TCL?  
  
Dawn: oh dear.  
  
Mini-TCL: (whatever sound baby Lugias make)  
  
Sal: maybe we could restore her with our author powers?  
  
Pyrovulpix: nah, that'd be too easy.  
  
Mini-TCL: (whatever continuous, loud noise baby Lugias make when they are distressed)  
  
Dawn: (slamming paws on her ears) dear Mew! THAT IS AWFUL!  
  
Narrator: my ears are bleeding! (Runs around in circles)  
  
Sal: Get her to stop! I don't care how!  
  
Pyrovulpix: (taking duct tape and taping Mini-TCL's mouth shut) there, all done.  
  
Narrator: whew.(releases paws from ears) oh well. Back to our heroes.  
  
(The scene changes back to our heroes, still in the restaurant.)  
  
Jolteon: so, got any idea how to stop that overgrown Arcanine?  
  
Espeon: nope.  
  
(Camera moves to show Dogzilla in a pile of rubble. By now, the army has arrived, although they do nothing more than annoying Dogzilla.)  
  
Jolteon: where's Vaporeon?  
  
Espeon: I think she's still looking for anything remotely edible.  
  
Umbreon: (pointing) isn't that her out there?  
  
Espeon: (glancing out of window) AAAAA!!!!!  
  
(Camera shifts to show Vaporeon right in front of Dogzilla)  
  
Vaporeon: (in firm, commanding voice) BAD DOG! GO HOME!  
  
(Dogzilla stares at Vaporeon for a while, then runs away, whimpering.)  
  
Espeon: (running out to Vaporeon) dear, what were you doing out here?  
  
Vaporeon: well, it just occurred to me that Dogzilla might be a big dog, but it was still a dog.  
  
Espeon: you could have gotten yourself hurt.  
  
Vaporeon: I know.  
  
Espeon: (hugging Vaporeon) I just don't want to lose you or the babies.  
  
Vaporeon: (nuzzling against Espeon) mmm.  
  
Jolteon: (walking up) well, seems like we can't do much with this place anymore.  
  
Umbreon: so let's go to Saffron!  
  
All: YEAH!  
  
(They walk off)  
  
Narrator: and so ends another episode of Eskimo Jolteon, except for-  
  
(The scene changes back to FF.net. Mini-TCL is still being shut up using duct tape)  
  
C9Y: (flicking through a book titled "taking care of a baby Lugia") wow, this book is really thick.  
  
Narrator: how are we gonna get TCL back to her former self?  
  
Dawn: yeah, or she'll never write another installment of AIADI.  
  
C9Y: will you guys shut up? This bit is interesting.  
  
(Camera fades out)  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! ^_^ 


	51. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 51: All Your Fudg...

Author's note: well, seems like here's the 51th episode.sigh.wonder if script-based fics are counted as chatroom-style fics.I think not.but well.ESKIMO Jolteon IS MY LIFE! IF I LOSE IT, LIFE WILL HAVE NO MEANING! Oh well, enough rambling.  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 50:  
  
Narrator: wait! We haven't done the disclaimer yet!  
  
(Camera freezes. I drag Dawn out.)  
  
Dawn: what now? I thought we ended the disclaimer wars!  
  
Narrator: yes, but now I wish to start.the disclaimer treats!  
  
Dawn: huh?  
  
Narrator: yes! For doing the disclaimer, I will give you.this! (Holds up a big cake with rainbow frosting. Much sugar. Not for diabetics.)  
  
Dawn: (eyes grow wide) ooohhh. (reaches out, then hesitates)  
  
Narrator: it's fat free, you know.  
  
Dawn: oooohhh! (Grabs cake and starts stuffing her face with it)  
  
Narrator: now will you do the disclaimer?  
  
Dawn: (mouth full of cake) mmmmmffff. Mf mf mf. Mmmmmmm.  
  
Narrator: all right.(sighs) I don't own pokemon, nor do I own any characters not created by me. I do own this fic, though.  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 51:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo somewhere.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into igloo. We see Jolteon reading the newspaper.)  
  
Jolteon: first it was watching TV, now it's reading the newspaper! Don't you have any imagination?  
  
Narrator: shut up. If I didn't have any imagination you wouldn't exist, and the world wouldn't have such a thing as Eskimo Jolteon.  
  
(Jolteon grumbles)  
  
Narrator: quite some distance away.  
  
(The scene changes to the Lavender Radio Tower. We see the Director sitting in a chair in front of some sort of screen.)  
  
Director: what happen?  
  
Employee #1: someone set us up the tower.  
  
Employee #2: we get signal.  
  
Director: what?  
  
Employee #2: main screen turn on.  
  
(Tracey's image appears on the screen)  
  
Director: it's you!  
  
Tracey: how are you gentlemen. All your fudge are belong to us. You are on the way to boredom.  
  
Director: (burying face in hands) what you say?  
  
Tracey: you have no chance to be hyper make your time. Ha ha ha ha.  
  
Director: oh no! we have to tell the world about this horror!  
  
Employee #1: I'll go get the stuff ready. (Walks off)  
  
Narrator: and so.  
  
(The scene changes back to Jolteon in his igloo. Sitting down with him are Umbreon and Flareon.)  
  
TV: and now for a special report. Tracey has taken over the World Fudge Organization and is blackmailing the world for ten million pokebucks for the continued supply of fudge to the population of the pokemon world. And now.  
  
Flareon: what? No fudge? I need it to stay sane!  
  
Umbreon: yea, after the psychiatrist put you on it after that communism thing.  
  
Jolteon: when will that Tracey ever learn?  
  
Umbreon: well, seems like we have to stop the Evil Tracey!  
  
All: HELL YEAH!  
  
(They run off)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to the authors in the FF.net lounge. Mini-TCL is writing out another episode of All In A Day's Insanity by hopping around on the keyboard, while C9Y is reading "taking care of a baby Lugia")  
  
Pyrovulpix: (watching Mini-TCL hop around) well, at least we know she hasn't lost her brain power.  
  
Flower Powerer: (tickling mini-TCL's chin) yea.  
  
Sal: so, found any way to restore TCL back to her original form?  
  
Narrator: well, I thought about Milanos, but after seeing what they did to Koga, I surmised that all they'd do would be to make her a big baby.  
  
Sal: a simple 'no' would be enough.  
  
(Mini-TCL finishes hopping around on the keyboard and tries to open a pack of cookies as large as herself)  
  
C9Y: hey, this is interesting. Baby Lugia should eat a balanced diet of fish and whatever yucky seafood you can find. Only very occasionally let your baby Lugia eat anything sweet, and never let it eat cookies. (Looks up and notices Mini-TCL trying to open the bag of cookies) hey, don't eat that! (Takes it away)  
  
Mini-TCL: squeak? (Tears start to well up in her eyes)  
  
Narrator: OH NO! EVERYONE HIT THE DECK! (Throws self down onto floor and covers ears)  
  
(Everyone else does the same)  
  
Mini-TCL: squeak.(bursts into tears and emits a horrifying loud, high- pitched wail. The room starts to vibrate and everything made of glass spontaneously shatters into millions of tiny fragments)  
  
Flower Powerer: (hands tightly fixed to ears) C9Y! Just give her the cookies, for the love of Mew!  
  
C9Y: (seemingly oblivious to the noise) ok.(rips open the pack and gives a cookies to mini-TCL, whom immediately stops crying.)  
  
Narrator: (taking paws off ears) whew.and back to our heroes.  
  
(The scene changes back to our heroes, whom are now outside the World Fudge Organization building.)  
  
Jolteon: are you sure this is the place?  
  
Umbreon: well, if this map isn't defective.  
  
Flareon: (points up at signboard) well, the sign says so.  
  
Jolteon: all right. So we go in and stop Tracey from taking over the world's supply of fudge. Is that the plan?  
  
Umbreon: well, yes.  
  
Jolteon: all right.let's go in.  
  
(They walk in. There is a signboard)  
  
Flareon: (reading signboard) to stop the Evil Tracey and Darth Gary from taking over the world's supply of fudge, go this way.  
  
Jolteon: all right.  
  
(They follow the signs, and eventually come to a large room with transparent walls.)  
  
Umbreon: that's odd, I don't see Tracey anywhere.  
  
(Suddenly, the doors at either end of the room slam shut. Tracey and Darth Gary appear at the other end of the glass wall.)  
  
Darth Gary: your plan has worked most excellently, Master.  
  
Tracey: AHAHAHA!!!! FOOLS! DO YOU THINK YOU CAN STOP ME? PREPARE TO MEET YOUR DOOM! AHAHAHA!!!!!  
  
(Molten fudge starts pouring into the room in which our heroes are trapped in)  
  
Jolteon: (feeling the sticky fudge cling to his ankles) Great. Just what we needed.  
  
Tracey: TOMORROW EVERYONE SHALL BE EATING EEVEELUTION-FLAVORED FUDGE! AHAHAAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!  
  
(Tracey and Darth Gary walk out)  
  
Umbreon: now what do we do? (Runs around in the knee-deep fudge)  
  
Jolteon: Flareon, have you still got those extra-strong fudge pills the Doc gave you?  
  
Flareon: yea. Why?  
  
Jolteon: hand me them.  
  
Flareon: all right.(Hands Jolteon the pills)  
  
Jolteon: I hope this works.(carefully unscrews the pill, releasing a small blob of fudge. The blob of fudge hops over to the wall extends a fist, and smashes a hole in the wall.)  
  
Flareon: (staring) the Doc wasn't kidding when he said the fudge was extra- strong.  
  
Jolteon: come on, let's go after those two.(Runs off, dragging the still freaked-out Umbreon behind him)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to Tracey and Darth Gary as they walk around the World Fudge Organization building)  
  
Tracey: finally! I have gotten rid of those pesky Eeveelutions! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!  
  
Darth Gary: do you hear something, Master?  
  
Tracey: I think I hear it too.  
  
(They turn around to see a huge wave of Fudge swamp over them and wash them away)  
  
Narrator: and back to our heroes.  
  
(The scene changes back to our heroes in the WFO building)  
  
Flareon: well, we've looked all around, and those two are nowhere to be found.  
  
Umbreon: can we go home now?  
  
Jolteon: guess so.  
  
(They walk off)  
  
Narrator: and so ends another episode of Eskimo Jolteon, except for-  
  
(The scene changes to Dawn in wherever her weighing-scale is kept.)  
  
Dawn: all right, you know you gotta do this.(takes a deep breath and steps on scale)  
  
(Slow-motion as the dial spins)  
  
Dawn: AAAAAAAAA!!!!! I GAINED TEN POUNDS!!!!! (A/N: for your info, the average Espeon weighs about 57 pounds)  
  
(Dawn runs to the kitchen, where she takes the empty cake box and reads the label)  
  
Dawn: saturated fat: 80%. Unsaturated fat: 20%. HE LIED!!!!!! THE CAKE I'SNT FAT FREE!!!!!! (Runs off Wailing)  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! ^_^ 


	52. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 52: the attack of...

Author's note: well, here's something I made up to keep the evil spirits known as "boredom" away.sigh. Dawn, you sure are imaginative to come up with new Eeveelution names.what else.well, not much. Oh well, on with the story! ^_^  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 52:  
  
Narrator: wait! We haven't done the disclaimer yet!  
  
(Camera freezes)  
  
Narrator: (taking out Mini-TCL) all right.  
  
Mini-TCL: (waddling aimlessly on floor) eatj oeatj gaaa. Wagga eatoi iwufh.  
  
Narrator: (sighs and picks up Mini-TCL and feeds her a cookie) oh well, seems like we have to rely on our good old friend.(drags out Dawn)  
  
Dawn: (sighing) why me.(looks at me) hey, where'd all your fat go? (See Emerald Destiny: The Johto Journey by Dawn the Espeon chapter 6 Disclaimer)  
  
Narrator: I have author powers, and you're in MY fic, so I can do what I want.  
  
Dawn: all right, what do I get if I do your disclaimer?  
  
Narrator: well, let's see.(pulls out trampoline) I suppose you can go bounce around on the amazing trampoline of bounciness.  
  
Dawn: (leaps onto trampoline and starts bouncing) Lccorp2 does not own pokemon, nor does he own any other characters not created by me. However, he owns this fic, together with his pokemon silver cartridge and his shiny Umbreon and sandslash.  
  
Narrator: (watching Dawn defy the law of conversation of energy and air friction in order to bounce higher) okay.  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 52:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo somewhere.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into igloo. We see Jolteon eating a hamburger.)  
  
Jolteon: finally1 I'm doing something other than watching TV or reading the newspaper!  
  
Narrator: (rolling eyes) yeah...meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to the Author's lounge in FF.net. C9Y is nowhere to be seen. The authors are all having fun dumping whatever remotely edible thing into Mini-TCL's mouth.)  
  
Narrator: (shoving a whole sack of potatoes into Mini-TCL's mouth) I suppose C9Y would freak out if she saw us doing this.  
  
Pinkdragonflame: (Feeding Mini-TCL a chocolate bar) I suppose so.  
  
Pyrovulpix: hurry up, I want to have my turn too! (Impatiently waves bag of cheese nips around)  
  
Narrator: wait a bit, can't you see I'm feeding her those-(turns around and sees Mini-TCL swallow the sack of potatoes whole) all right, you can have your turn.  
  
Pyrovulpix: wheee! (Walks up and gives the cheese nips one by one to Mini- TCL)  
  
Pinkdragonflame: I wonder how she can eat so much, she's just like a black hole.  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to Espeon and Vaporeon, who are standing by a somewhat small swimming pool.)  
  
Espeon: well, at last we got our indoor heated swimming pool.  
  
Vaporeon: (squealing happily) oh! I wanna go in!  
  
Espeon: well, just be careful, dear.(watches Vaporeon jump in) (mutters to self) I should really thank Lccorp2 for this.  
  
Narrator: just think of it as the long-overdue hazard pay for episode 14.  
  
Espeon: (watching Vaporeon paddle around) oh well, I don't think I should disturb her.(walks off)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to a health-food store. We see some sort of evil clown walking around.)  
  
Donald McRonald: yes, it is me, Ronald McDonald's evil twin! And now I shall be making all people eat health food! Ahahahah! (Pulls lever on machine)  
  
Narrator: and back to our hero.  
  
(The scene changes back to Jolteon, still eating his hamburger. Suddenly, the hamburger changes into a rice cake.)  
  
Jolteon: (spitting out rice cake) YECK! What happened to my burger?  
  
(Jolteon stares at the rice cake for a moment)  
  
Jolteon: oh well, suppose I could go to McDonalds.  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes back to the swimming pool. We see Espeon coming back.)  
  
Espeon: funny, I don't see Vaporeon anywhere.(cups paws to mouth) where are you, dear?  
  
Vaporeon: (seemingly from nowhere) (sleepily) I'm in the pool, Espie.  
  
Espeon: funny, I don't see you.  
  
Vaporeon: oh no.I must have fallen asleep in the pool again.  
  
Espeon: so?  
  
Vaporeon: I think I've dissolved.  
  
Espeon: 0_o  
  
(A/N: according to my R/B version, [can't remember which] Vaporeons do have a cell structure similar to water molecules and can dissolve if they get too relaxed. Freakish but true.)  
  
Espeon: how are you feeling, love?  
  
Vaporeon: quite comfortable, except for the fact I can't see myself.I could do with dinner, though.  
  
(Suddenly, professor Oak appears.)  
  
Professor Oak: to get Vaporeon back, you could use electrolysis or boiling.  
  
Espeon: I think I'd like something that leaves my wife comfortable.  
  
Professor oak: or you could just wait for the water to evaporate.  
  
Espeon: all right.(walks off to get Vaporeon's dinner)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to Jolteon at the McDonalds)  
  
Jolteon: what do you mean, you haven't got any more fast food?  
  
Ronald McDonald: well, all our hamburgers turned into rice cakes, all our fries have turned into seaweed strips and the coke has turned into concentrated broccoli juice.  
  
Jolteon: (howls in terror) NOOOOOO!!!! WHO COULD HAVE DONE THIS?!  
  
Ronald McDonald: well, the only person I know who could have done this is.  
  
(Suddenly, the doors of the McDonald's swing open)  
  
Donald McRonald: your evil twin, Donald McRonald!  
  
Ronald McDonald: you evil jealous freak! It's not my fault people don't like eating health food!  
  
Donald McRonald: so what? I'm sooo jealous! Wheat cracker attack!  
  
(Wheat crackers appear from nowhere and fly towards Ronald.)  
  
(Jolteon watches on in mild amusement)  
  
Ronald McDonald: is that all you can do? Grease attack!  
  
(Grease blobs appear out of nowhere and hit Donald, whom starts to melt)  
  
Donald McRonald: nooooo!!!!!! (Melts into puddle of green goo)  
  
(All the aforementioned fast food turn back into their former selves)  
  
Jolteon: now can I buy a burger?  
  
Ronald McDonald: why not?  
  
Jolteon: yay! ^_^  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to two seel talking to each other.)  
  
Seel #1: that's it. Espeon is a freak.  
  
Seel #2: what makes you say that?  
  
Seel #1: well, I saw him talking to his swimming pool this afternoon.  
  
Seel #2: all right.  
  
Seel #1: and he tipped a perfectly good dinner and cake into it! The cake looked delicious.  
  
Seel #2: his wife seems to be a nice person.  
  
Seel #1: oh well, our neighborhood is full of wierdos.  
  
Seel #2: well, suppose so.  
  
Narrator: and so ends another episode of Eskimo Jolteon, except for-  
  
(The scene changes to dawn still bouncing away on the trampoline, until she finally goes up and doesn't come down.)  
  
Dawn: huh? (Looks down and sees the pokemon world below her) oops, maybe I did bounce a bit too high.well, maybe being a satellite would be fun for a while.  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! ^_^ 


	53. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 53: Super Jolteon...

Author's note: NOOOOO!!!!! MY FINALS START NEXT TUESDAY!!!!! WAAAAA!!!!! So.what else is there to say.I'm on IPGS! Yay! ^_^ all right, on with the story! ^_^ (Btw: I don't mind people stealing my intro, I actually got it from "Wings" by Terry Pratchett.)  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 53:  
  
Narrator: stupid fool! How many times do I have to say that you should never start the fic without doing the disclaimer first?  
  
(Camera freezes)  
  
Narrator: all right.now to get Dawn down.(takes out Espeon magnet and points it at the sky)  
  
(Dawn comes hurtling down towards the magnet at a god fraction of the speed of light)  
  
Dawn: (dusting herself off) all right, you want me to do the disclaimer again, right?  
  
Narrator: yes. Go to it, and I'll lend you my evil binoculars that will allow you to see evil things that will seriously corrupt your mind or make it explode if it is already corrupted.  
  
Dawn: um.  
  
Narrator: just say it.  
  
Dawn: Lccorp2 does not own pokemon, nor does he own any other characters not created by him. However, he owns this fic and he also owns his evil binoculars that will allow you to see evil things that will seriously corrupt your mind or make it explode if it is already corrupted.  
  
Narrator: thank you. (Hands her binoculars)  
  
Dawn: wheeee! (Runs off)  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 53:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo somewhere.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into igloo. We see Jolteon sitting on the couch doing nothing.)  
  
Narrator: as we can see, Jolteon is very bored.  
  
Jolteon: thank you for stating the obvious.  
  
Narrator: shut up.  
  
(Suddenly, Umbreon comes in)  
  
Umbreon: hey, want to go somewhere?  
  
Jolteon: well, I don't mind.  
  
Umbreon: good! (Holds up poster)  
  
Jolteon: (reading poster) visit the sunny, sandy tropical Isle Defino?  
  
Umbreon: well, the travel agency was doing an advertising spree.  
  
Jolteon: all right, let's go.  
  
(They walk out)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to the FF.net author's lounge. Everyone is feeding Mini- TCL)  
  
Flower Powerer: has anyone got any more food?  
  
Pyrovulpix: nope, we all ran out.  
  
Pinkdragonflame: then what shall we do with her?  
  
Narrator: I know!  
  
Everyone else: what?  
  
Narrator: go and get everything you don't need! She won't know the difference anyway, she's just a baby!  
  
All: yay! (Runs off to get stuff)  
  
Flower Powerer: (coming back with a huge bundle of paper) now you can eat my homework.  
  
Mini-TCL: fud! (Swallows all the homework)  
  
Tsunami Shadow: (coming back with a pail full of yuck) come on, open wide!  
  
(Mini-TCL swallows all the yuck)  
  
Flower Powerer: where did you get THAT from?  
  
Tsunami Shadow: my mom's compost heap. Why?  
  
Flower Powerer: 0_o;  
  
Pyrovulpix: (coming back with a metal bucket of lava) hope you like this.  
  
(Mini-TCL drinks all the lava and squeals happily)  
  
(Mewchu11 comes in, dragging Mewchu4 behind him)  
  
Mewchu4: (struggling desperately) no no no no no no no no!  
  
Mewchu11: shut up. (Stuffs Mewchu4 down Mini-TCL's gullet)  
  
(Mini-TCL burps happily)  
  
Pinkdragonflame: give way! (Drives a forklift full of Kit-Kat bars into the room)  
  
Mini-TCL: coco bar! (Hops over and attacks the Kit-Kat bars)  
  
Narrator: (returning with a bottle of chlorinated bleach) she should like this.  
  
(Just as Mini-TCL finishes the bottle of bleach, C9Y comes in)  
  
C9Y: (surveying the scene) NOOOO!!!! WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN FEEDING HER?!  
  
(Suddenly, Mini-TCL hiccups)  
  
(Everyone stares)  
  
(Mini-TCL hiccups again)  
  
(Some of the authors take cover behind the furniture)  
  
(Three little squeaks come out of Mini-TCL's mouth, and she explodes.)  
  
C9Y: (charred) now look at what you've done!  
  
Narrator: well, seems like we have to use our author powers now.(rolls up sleeves)  
  
(We set to work rebuilding TCL)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes back to our heroes, whom are at the docks of Isle Defino.)  
  
Jolteon: (looking around) this doesn't seem like the place in the poster.  
  
Umbreon: (looking around) yea.  
  
(Camera moves around to show puddles of goo and graffiti everywhere.)  
  
Jolteon: that's it. I'm gonna sue the travel agency.  
  
Umbreon: and where are you going to find a lawyer?  
  
Jolteon: um.  
  
(Suddenly, the islanders turn up)  
  
Islander #1: hey! It's the guy who's been spreading all the yuck over our island!  
  
Islander #2: let's go teach him a lesson!  
  
Jolteon: huh? What? I didn't spread all that gunk, I just came here!  
  
(The islanders ignore him and form a mob.)  
  
Umbreon: this does NOT look good.  
  
Jolteon: uh-huh.  
  
(The mob descends on them. General sounds of fighting are heard.)  
  
Narrator: due to the excessive violence, this segment cannot be shown. Please wait for this scene to end.  
  
(The scene changes to the courthouse. We see Jolteon on trial.)  
  
Judge: and for defiling our beautiful island, I sentence you to-DEATH!  
  
Jury: yay!  
  
(Some guy comes up and whispers into the Judge's ear)  
  
Judge: all right, that sentence was for the guy with the annoying voice who just whispered into my ear.  
  
(Two cops appear and drag the guy into an electric chair)  
  
Judge: and for defiling our beautiful island, I sentence you to clean up all the crap with only this freakish machine!  
  
Jury: aww.  
  
(The Judge hands Jolteon the FLUDD)  
  
FLUDD: hello. I am FLUDD. I hope to be of service.  
  
Jolteon: wow! This machine talks!  
  
FLUDD: powering up.  
  
Umbreon: I don't feel very comfortable with a talking machine.  
  
FLUDD: power up complete. Scanning users.User 1 identified as Jolteon. (Shudders in fear) User 2 identified as Umbreon. Conclusion: someone please destroy me now, for the love of Mew!  
  
(Jolteon puts FLUDD on)  
  
FLUDD: NOOOOO!!!! SAVE ME!!!!!  
  
(Our heroes walk off)  
  
Narrator: and so.  
  
(The scene changes to outside. We see our heroes standing around.)  
  
Umbreon: all right, now we have to clean up the stuff.  
  
(Jolteon ignores him)  
  
Umbreon: Jolteon? (Turns around to see Jolteon raise a goo-covered finger to his mouth) AAAAA!  
  
Jolteon: (sucking happily on finger) yummy! Cotton candy!  
  
FLUDD: data analysis confirms that Jolteon is an idiot.  
  
Umbreon: um.I think you're supposed to clean that stuff up, not eat it.  
  
Jolteon: aw.  
  
FLUDD: every moment I spend on this guy is pure agony.  
  
(Camera fades out)  
  
Narrator: and so ends another silly episode of Eskimo Jolteon, except for-  
  
(The scene changes to Dawn, who is looking out of a high-rise window with the evil binoculars that will allow you to see evil things that will seriously corrupt your mind or make it explode if it is already corrupted.)  
  
Dawn: (noticing the camera) hey, what're YOU looking at? You can have your turn later! (Smashes camera lens)  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! ^_^ 


	54. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 54: Super Jolteon...

Author's note: YAY! Ripped off the 200-review mark!!! ^_^ I'm actually in the middle of my exams.using study time for this.so remember to review! (Fends off a Physics paper) so what else.enjoy!  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 54:  
  
Narrator: no, No, NO! DO THE DISCLAIMER FIRST!  
  
(Camera freezes)  
  
Narrator: all right, now to get my old friend out.(drags Dawn out)  
  
Dawn: NO! I don't want to do your disclaimer again!  
  
Narrator: all right, if you do the disclaimer, I'll give you an Aeroeon!  
  
Dawn: huh? That doesn't exist!  
  
Narrator: neither do Frosteon and Verndaeon.  
  
Dawn: all right. Lccorp2 does not own pokemon, nor does he own any other characters not created by him. However, he does own his exam marks, be they good or bad.  
  
Narrator: good. (Hands her a pokeball) now you're free.  
  
Dawn: wheee! (Runs off with pokeball)  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 54:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo somewhere.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
Narrator: as you know, last episode our heroes went to the not-so-beautiful Isle Defino in search of a holiday. However, it seems that someone has been framing Jolteon!  
  
(Scene opens at Defino Plaza. We see Jolteon and Umbreon talking.)  
  
Jolteon: all right, now that I've cleaned up all the goo in this area, what do I do?  
  
Umbreon: I have no idea.  
  
(They sit down and think for a while)  
  
FLUDD: (sighing) maybe you could go look for who's behind this?  
  
Jolteon: Yeah! Good idea!  
  
Umbreon: come on, let's go!  
  
(Jolteon switches the FLUDD to hover mode)  
  
FLUDD: warning: weight limit: 1 person.  
  
Umbreon: darn.  
  
Jolteon: well, you can stay here.(flies off)  
  
Umbreon: (watching Jolteon fly off) now where does that leave me?  
  
(Suddenly, a female Eevee sidles up to Umbreon and starts rubbing against him)  
  
Umbreon: huh?  
  
Eevee: hiya, cutie! Looking for a good time?  
  
Umbreon: um, well.all right. (Nuzzles her back)  
  
Narrator: not so far away.  
  
(The scene changes to the other side of Defino plaza. We see Sal walking around.)  
  
Sal: ooohhh! Thick starchy goo that your common sense dictates that you should not even go near! Yummy! (Starts shoveling the pink goo into his mouth at an amazing rate)  
  
Voice: (from the shadows) darn! I should've put some poison into the goo and made it less tasty!  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to the FF.net author's lounge. The ladies are in one corner trying to put TCL back together again)  
  
Flower Powerer: I told you, the hip bone's connected to the thigh bone!  
  
C9Y: all right, so I was wrong! Sue me!  
  
Flower: I will! (Gets out lawyer in a bottle)  
  
C9Y: ooohhh.  
  
Lawyer: you have just broken author conduct rule no.4563576657 and therefore have to pay a fine of one dollar.  
  
Flower: hey, that wasn't what I took you out for!  
  
Lawyer: do I care? It's the money!  
  
Flower: (shoving the lawyer back into the bottle) all right.maybe we can fit these together.  
  
(Mewchu11 comes in through the door on the other side of the wide lounge. Behing him trail Mewchus 1-10)  
  
Mewchu11: (noticing a pair of binoculars on the floor) hello, what's this? (Picks it up and looks through it at the other authors) AAAAA! MY MIND HAS BEEN IRREVERSIBLY CORRUPTED!  
  
3: what's the matter?  
  
Mewchu11: I HAVE SEEN THE UNSEEABLE!!!!! (Runs around in circles)  
  
(The other Mewchus take the binoculars and look through them. By the time all 10 of them are done, the floor is glistening with drool.)  
  
10: why I do declare, this pair of binoculars are absolutely great!  
  
1: amazing!  
  
2: super!  
  
3: very good!  
  
4: wonderful!  
  
5: nice!  
  
6: cool!  
  
7: wonderful!  
  
8: fantastic!  
  
9: yoghurt!  
  
10: yoghurt?  
  
9: oops, sorry.  
  
Mewchu11: well, I think we should keep this.  
  
(All of them file out of the lounge. After a short while, I come in.)  
  
Narrator: hi.  
  
Ladies: hi.  
  
Narrator: still trying to repair TCL?  
  
C9Y: yeah.we don't know where to put what.  
  
Narrator: can I help?  
  
Flower: don't see why not.  
  
Narrator: good. (Pulls out a spray can marked 'author restorer' and sprays the bits of TCL with it)  
  
C9Y: I don't see any change.  
  
(Suddenly, TCL appears in a puff of smoke)  
  
TCL: (clutching her head) what happened in between those two big knocks?  
  
Narrator: um.not much.  
  
Flower: yeah.  
  
TCL: well, if that's the case, I'll be going.(flies off)  
  
Narrator: oh well. Meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to Jolteon as he flies over Isle Defino)  
  
FLUDD: water level low. Please top me up.  
  
Jolteon: oh no! Where am I to find water right next to a big lake?  
  
FLUDD: data analysis re-confirms that Jolteon is an idiot.  
  
(They fly on for a while)  
  
FLUDD: water level now empty. You will fall down and break your neck. Thank you for choosing FLUDD from GADD Science, Inc.  
  
Jolteon: (plummeting down) oh no.  
  
(Jolteon hits the ground and forms a nice Jolteon-shaped crater.)  
  
Jolteon: (picking self out of crater) now which way should I go?  
  
Wrecked remains of FLUDD: finally.I can die in peace.  
  
Jolteon: (noticing a signboard and reading it) to get to the secret hideout of the evil villain that has been framing you, go this way. All right.  
  
(Jolteon walks in the direction pointed out by the signboard)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to me relaxing in an armchair. Flareon sidles over and paws at my leg)  
  
Narrator: what?  
  
Flareon: I'm bored. I don't have any line in this episode.  
  
Narrator: and so what do you want me to do about it?  
  
Flareon: give me something to do? (Looks hopefully)  
  
Narrator: all right. (Hands Flareon a bottle) go take a bath or something.  
  
Flareon: (looking at bottle) extra cooling mint shampoo?  
  
Narrator: what you're given is what you get and it's no good whining. Now go away.  
  
(Flareon walks off)  
  
Flareon: (grumbling) it's not fair! I should have more lines!  
  
(Camera follows Flareon as he walks along the corridor)  
  
Flareon: (suddenly stopping as he notices something) that's odd, I haven't seen this door before.(reads sign on door) Dawn's top secret Eon research lab. Do not enter.  
  
(Following the laws of personality, Flareon pushes open the door and walks in.)  
  
Flareon: (walking past all sorts of Eevee and Eons) wow, I'd hate to be in here.  
  
(Finally, for some unknown reason, Flareon stops at one particular cage)  
  
Flareon: (reading sign off cage) unstable specimen. Reminder to self: be cautious with this one.  
  
(The Eevee inside squeaks pathetically)  
  
Flareon: oh, you're a bit dirty.I know! I'll give you a bath!  
  
(Flareon gets out the extra-cooling mint shampoo and bathes the squirming Eevee)  
  
Flareon: (blow-drying the Eevee's fur) now don't you look nice! (Places bottle of extra-cooling mint shampoo on floor and forgets all about it)  
  
(The Eevee squeaks as Flareon walks out the door. No sooner as Flareon shuts the door, it evolves into.)  
  
Frosteon: frost?  
  
Narrator: HA HA HA!!!!! Meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to Jolteon, still aimlessly following the signs. Eventually, he reaches a cave)  
  
Jolteon: (reading sign) the hideout of the evil villain that is framing you. Yep, this looks like the place.  
  
(As soon as Jolteon steps into the cave, he sees someone. Someone that he knew before he came to FF.net, a fellow character, someone that had never been really friendly to him.)  
  
Jolteon: JERRAMIA! (See TCL's "Call to thunder")  
  
Jerramia: YES, IT IS ME, FOOL!  
  
Jolteon: Why? Why all this?  
  
Jerramia: WHY SHOULD YOU RISE TO FAME WHILE I LANGUISH AWAY AT THE BACK OF TCL'S FIC COLLECTION?! Why? Why? WHY?  
  
Jolteon: but.  
  
Jerramia: THOSE ISLANDERS ARE FOOLS! ALL I HAVE TO DO IS PUT ON A MASK AND THEY THINK I'M YOU!  
  
Jolteon: oh well, to clear my name I have no choice.(rolls up sleeves which have seemingly appeared from nowhere)  
  
(A fistfight ensues and continues for a while. No one seems to be winning when-)  
  
Islander #1: (suddenly appearing from nowhere) hey, it's that guy!  
  
Islander #2: yeah, and we heard everything that girl said!  
  
Islander #3: let's get her and bring her to justice!  
  
(A mob quickly assembles and carries Jerramia off, kicking and screaming.)  
  
Island Elder: thank you so much for helping us clear up this mess! How can we ever thank you?  
  
Jolteon: well, you could always let me have my holiday in peace.  
  
Island Elder: I think we can do better than that. (Walks off, with Jolteon trailing behind)  
  
(Camera fades out)  
  
Narrator: and so our hero has cleared up the mess on Isle Defino and earned himself a well-deserved holiday, and so ends another silly episode of Eskimo Jolteon!  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! ^_^ 


	55. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 55: Flareon's lig...

Author's note: well, here's the 55th episode.what else is there to say.well, have fun reading what I am about to write! ^_^ note to Sonicrazy: this is a POKEMON/AUTHOR fic. So there.  
  
Narrator: as usual, we shall do the disclaimer first. (Drags Dawn out)  
  
Dawn: why me again? ;_;  
  
Narrator: because I have an abnormally high level of alcohol in my bloodstream?  
  
Dawn: all right.  
  
Narrator: fine. Now do the disclaimer, and I'll give let you live in your lab!  
  
Dawn: I already live there.  
  
Narrator: all right, then I'll provide funding for your research!  
  
Dawn: yay! (Does a freakish dance)  
  
Narrator: now go to it!  
  
Dawn: Lccorp2 does not own pokemon, nor does he own any other characters not created by him. Furthermore, he does not own Frosteon or Verdaneon, nor will he own Aeroeon if I decide to use it in my fics. However, he does own this fic.  
  
Narrator: all right. And now on with the story!  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 55:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo somewhere.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into igloo. We see Flareon sitting down reading a book)  
  
Flareon: no, this is a decent Garfield comic book, not any book that contains dangerous ideas.  
  
(Suddenly, the lightbulb above Flareon blows, plunging Flareon into darkness)  
  
Flareon: darn! Now I have to find a new lightbulb!  
  
(Flareon rummages around for a lightbulb, but finds none)  
  
Flareon: great. I'm stuck here in the freezing cold while those two are somewhere else.  
  
(Scene cuts to Jolteon and Umbreon relaxing in deckchairs on the beach of Isle Defino. Surrounding them are pretty scantily-clad Eons, waiting on them hand and foot)  
  
Jolteon: (sipping some unidentified liquor from a coconut monkey head) now THIS is what I call a vacation!  
  
Umbreon: will you please pass the spiked pineapple juice?  
  
Jolteon: all right. (Passes a iced jug)  
  
Umbreon: it was really nice of the Island Elder to arrange this for us. (Tips the contents of the jug into his mouth)  
  
Jolteon: (surveying all the scantily-clad Eons) yeah.(starts to drool)  
  
Umbreon: (placing the jug down) hey, aren't a few of those fic characters?  
  
Jolteon: (squinting at an Espeon) I think I've seen her somewhere before.  
  
Umbreon: oh well.  
  
(Scene fades out)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile, Flareon went on his quest to find a lightbulb.  
  
(The scene changes to Flareon in the Pokemart.)  
  
Flareon: all right, have you got any lightbulbs?  
  
Delibird: no.(pulls out machine thingy) according to my bulb-o-meter, the nearest lightbulb is far, far away.  
  
Flareon: exact location please?  
  
Delibird: it's currently in the mouth of an insane Raichu, who is sucking it like a lollipop.  
  
Flareon: oh.(turns and leaves)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes back to Jolteon and Umbreon on Isle Defino, still sipping away at unidentified alcoholic drinks)  
  
Umbreon: (watching the scantily-clad Eons dance around them) this is the way to live.  
  
Jolteon: yeah.  
  
Umbreon: too bad Jerramia had to be put in jail for vandalism.  
  
Jolteon: she got what she deserved.  
  
(Suddenly, the Eevee from the previous chapter appears and starts nuzzling against Umbreon)  
  
Eevee: hiya again, cutie.  
  
Jolteon: (staring) who's that?  
  
Umbreon: (grinning nervously) um.someone?  
  
Jolteon: does this have anything to do with the fact that you presented me with a bill for a hotel room with a double bed?  
  
Umbreon: (breaking out into a sweat) eh.  
  
Jolteon: you haven't been doing anything bad, have you?  
  
Umbreon: (frantically waving paws) NO! DEFINITELY NOT!!!!!  
  
Jolteon: that's good.  
  
(They continue sipping their drinks)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to Flareon aimlessly wandering along the ice floes)  
  
Flareon: all right.now where am I to find an insane Raichu? I know, I'll ask Espeon, Maybe he knows!  
  
(Camera follows Flareon as he walks along the ice floes)  
  
Flareon: (knocking on door) hello? Anyone home?  
  
Espeon: (opening door) what?  
  
Flareon: you sure took your time.  
  
Espeon: it's not my fault, I'm waiting for Vaporeon to dry out.  
  
Flareon: huh?  
  
Espeon, well she fell asleep in the pool a week ago and dissolved, and although the water has evaporated, she still sort of runny.  
  
Flareon: 0_o; I think I'll leave.(runs away)  
  
Espeon: (watching Flareon run off) weird guy.(shuts the door)  
  
(Camera follows Flareon as he walks around aimlessly until he comes across a cave)  
  
Flareon: (reading) the summer house of the insane Raichu. Yep, this seems like the place.  
  
(Camera follows Flareon as he walks along)  
  
Flareon: (looking around) hello? Anyone home? (Spots a lightbulb lying on a table) yay! A lightbulb! (Picks it up)  
  
(Suddenly, the cave starts to rumble, and a booming voice is heard)  
  
Voice: why have you taken my lightbulb?!  
  
Flareon: well, mine blew, and so I want it?  
  
Voice: hmm. For this, you can either suffer a slow, painful death by our resident clown, Boffo, or you can enjoy a meal of Kentucky Fried Lugia! Which one will you choose?  
  
(Flareon sits down and ponders)  
  
Voice: time to choose, Mr. Flareon.  
  
Flareon: (standing up) I'd like the Kentucky Fried Lugia, please.  
  
Voice: very well!  
  
(In a flash of light, Flareon finds himself sitting at a table. In front of him is a Lugia surrounded by roast potatoes, with an apple in its mouth)  
  
Flareon: yummy! That looks delicious!  
  
Lugia: (standing up and spitting apple out of mouth) huh? What am I doing here? Why do I have an apple in my mouth? Why on earth am I on a plate surrounded my roasted potatoes? And why on earth is there a Flareon with a knife and fork? (Narrows eyes)  
  
Flareon: (grinning nervously) um, hi?  
  
Lugia: @*#& IT! I AM NOT A CHICKEN! (Flies off)  
  
Flareon: (watching Lugia fly off) well, at least I still have the roast potatoes and the lightbulb.better get home and screw it in.(runs off)  
  
(Camera fades out)  
  
Narrator: and so ends another episode of Eskimo Jolteon, except for-  
  
(The scene changes to me sneaking into Dawn's lab. Camera follows me as I feed every Espeon in there Radiate. After a short time, all of them turn green (shiny Espeons are green)  
  
Narrator: ha ha ha!!!!! (Runs out crazily)  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review!!! ^_^ 


	56. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 56: Just some ide...

Author's note: great. Just great. (Sighs) oh well, what is there to say.nothing much, have Elementary Math and History tomorrow.I hate the whole world. Sigh. Oh well, here's this chapter, read on!  
  
Narrator: and as usual, we shall do the disclaimer first. (Drags out Dawn)  
  
Dawn: not again.what will you give me this time?  
  
Narrator: a do-it-yourself gardening kit.  
  
Dawn: I don't think I want that.  
  
Narrator: well, having something is better than having nothing.  
  
Dawn: all right.Lccorp2 does not own pokemon, nor doe he own any other characters not created by him, and he definitely does not own me or this gardening set, which he has just given to me. However, he owns this fic, along with his shiny Umbreon and Tyranitar.  
  
Narrator: here you go. (Hands Dawn the gardening set)  
  
(Camera swings to show Dawn crunching on something.)  
  
Narrator: you know, I think you're supposed to let the tomato seeds grow, then eat the plant.  
  
Dawn: (munching away) I'm not very patient.  
  
Narrator: oh well.  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 56:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place that is always sunny.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a white, sandy beach somewhere.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms in to show Jolteon and Umbreon still relaxing on deckchairs on the beach, with the scantily-clad Eons still tirelessly dancing away)  
  
Jolteon: nice, huh?  
  
Umbreon: (feeling the Eevee nuzzle against him for the umpteenth time) yeah.  
  
(Suddenly, Jolteon vanishes in a flash of light)  
  
Umbreon: hey, where'd he go? Oh well.(picks up Jolteon's coconut monkey head)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to Vaporeon in bed, fast asleep)  
  
Vaporeon: (hearing a voice and feeling a tapping on her shoulder) (sleepily) huh?  
  
Voice: hey! Vaporeon, wake up!  
  
Vaporeon: mmmm.(lazily opens eyes and sees a hamburger. It somehow has arms and legs.)  
  
Hamburger: it's me, the leftover hamburger from the fridge!  
  
Vaporeon: (not really believing her eyes) um.ok.  
  
Hamburger: you should have eaten me when you had the chance!  
  
Vaporeon: (suddenly awake) huh?  
  
Hamburger: because I've chained you to your bed, and have a one-way ticket to the Seafoam Islands! (Holds it up)  
  
Vaporeon: !  
  
Hamburger: so long, sucker! (Walks over and hurls Vaporeon into a mailbox that has mysteriously appeared)  
  
Vaporeon: (struggling desperately against chains) Espie! Help!!!!!  
  
(Vaporeon wakes up)  
  
Espeon: (beside Vaporeon in bed) had another bad dream, dear?  
  
Vaporeon: AAAAAAA! (Runs over to fridge quickly despite her huge belly and starts to wolf down everything inside)  
  
Narrator: weird. Anyway.  
  
(The scene changes to the FF.net author's lounge. We see TCL watching TV.)  
  
TV: and now for the weather. Tomorrow's average temperature will be in between one hundred degrees below and two hundred above.  
  
TCL: (smiles) that guy's never wrong.  
  
(I come in, dragging Jolteon behind me)  
  
TCL: hey, where are you taking him?  
  
Narrator: to see Boffo. He needs to have a little talk after squashing me with a pogo stick.  
  
TCL: NO! YOU CAN'T DO THAT! IT'S INHUMANE!  
  
Narrator: yes, I can. (Walks over to a door marked 'Boffo the Clown' and drags Jolteon inside)  
  
(The scene changes to the interior of Boffo's room. We see many instruments of torture.)  
  
Boffo: (noticing me) ah, sir. Another client?  
  
Narrator: yes. (Holds up Jolteon by the scruff)  
  
Boffo: (fixing chains onto the struggling Jolteon) so, what will it be? The usual?  
  
Narrator: no, much worse.  
  
Boffo: how? Give me an idea.  
  
Narrator: (Hands Boffo a sheath of papers) now tell me what you think.  
  
(Boffo pales so much even his makeup can't hide it)  
  
Boffo: YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS! HE'LL DIE!  
  
Narrator: no, he won't.  
  
Boffo: oh, if you insist.  
  
Narrator: good. Do try to keep him alive. (Leaves room)  
  
Jolteon: (breaking out into a cold sweat) what happens to me now?  
  
Boffo: (clears throat) solve the following Equations: 4 to the power of x minus 3 times 2 to the power of x plus 2 equals 0. 4 log x 3 plus 3 equals log 3 x.  
  
Jolteon: AAAAAAaaaaaa!!!! (Ears start to bleed)  
  
Boffo: simplify 3 times root 2 minus three times 4 root 2 plus 1 without a calculator.  
  
Jolteon: no! Please! MERCY!  
  
Boffo: (flicking through papers) Stalin's 5-year plans transformed the USSR into an economic power. Do you agree? Explain your answer. Explain why Hitler's party came into power in Germany during the 1930s.  
  
Jolteon: (unintelligible, animal sounds)  
  
Boffo: (flicks through the papers again) to what extent are international conflicts based on a single issue? Explain your answer.  
  
(Jolteon faints)  
  
Boffo: (holds a finger to check Jolteon's breathing) all right, that's enough. (Undoes chains and kicks Jolteon out)  
  
Narrator: heh, revenge! Anyway.(A/N: the abovementioned questions are from my exam papers! AAARRGGHHH!)  
  
(The scene changes to Espeon and Vaporeon)  
  
Espeon: all right dear, now I'm going out to buy some food since you ate everything in the fridge. Would you mind if you left some of that cheesecake on the table for my lunch?  
  
Vaporeon: (sitting at table) all right, Espie. Have a safe trip.  
  
Espeon: thanks a lot. (Closes door)  
  
(Vaporeon sits at the table, staring at the cheesecake. The minutes tick by. Suddenly, the cheesecake grows limbs and steps forward)  
  
Cheesecake: you wanna piece of me, bitch? (A/N: IN THE FEMALE DOG SENSE!)  
  
Vaporeon: hey-  
  
Cheesecake: huh? Huh? (Swats Vaporeon's nose)  
  
Vaporeon: (losing her temper) grr...  
  
Cheesecake: HUH? (Swats Vaporeon's nose again)  
  
(Vaporeon grabs the cheesecake and eats it in a few bites. Just then, Espeon comes back)  
  
Espeon: hi, honey, I'm home!  
  
Vaporeon: (bursting into tears) it's not my fault! The cheesecake intimidated me!  
  
Espeon: huh? (Notices empty plate) oh. (Walks over to Vaporeon and pats her reassuringly) it's alright. (Hands her a handkerchief)  
  
(Vaporeon dries her tears and blows her nose)  
  
Espeon: wait a bit.(Picks up phone and dials a number) hello, mom? Yes, it's me. No, I'm not here to chat, it's about Vaporeon. Yes, you'll be a grandma soon. I'm worried about Vaporeon, she seems to be hungry all the time and has hallucinations about food.perfectly normal? You sure, mom? Hormones? All right.see you. (Puts down phone)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to Tracey and Darth Gary in some sort of ancient tomb)  
  
Darth Gary: so the legend is true.  
  
Tracey: yes! The Lord of Alph will grant three wishes to whoever opens his tomb!  
  
Darth Gary: all right.  
  
(They work at pushing of the heavy lid of the sarcophagus. It hits the floor with a heavy thud.)  
  
Darth Gary: I see nothing, Master.  
  
(A mummified hand claws its way to the rim of the sarcophagus)  
  
Tracey: did you see that?  
  
The Lord: (in loud, booming voice) why have you disturbed me from my slumber?  
  
Tracey: well, I've come for my wishes. First, I want to be ruler of the whole world!  
  
The Lord: all right, I'll grant your wishes.after I settle my five thousand years of back taxes.  
  
Tracey and Darth Gary: WHAT?!  
  
The Lord: now where's my accountant? Darn! (Walks through a wall and away)  
  
Darth Gary: that didn't work quite well, Master.  
  
Tracey: shut up. Let's go home and have a nice cup of tea.  
  
(Camera fades out)  
  
Narrator: and so ends another meaningless episode of Eskimo Jolteon, except for.  
  
(The scene changes to the FF.net author's lounge. We see Dawn and me.)  
  
Dawn: great! I had a bad case of indigestion!  
  
Narrator: and so?  
  
Dawn: the doctor said it was because I had tomato plants growing in my stomach!  
  
Narrator: I TOLD you, let the seeds grow first, then eat the plant, but would you listen?  
  
Dawn: um.yeah.  
  
(Camera fades out)  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! 


	57. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 57: What has Umbr...

Author's note: yawn.Finally my exams are over! Yay! What else is there to say.do script-format fics count as chat room fics? Someone say something! I'm scared! ;_; oh well, on with the story.  
  
Narrator: and yes, we shall be doing the disclaimer again.(drags Dawn out)  
  
Dawn: and what's today's episode's gift?  
  
Narrator: yes. For doing the disclaimer, you get get.dun dun dun.AN INFLATABLE POOL! (Holds it up)  
  
Dawn: all right.Lccorp2 does not own pokemon, nor does he own any other characters not created by him. However, he owns this fic, as well as his crappy 500 megahertz computer and me.  
  
Narrator: I own YOU? I don't remember that.  
  
Dawn: oops.  
  
Narrator: whatever. (Hands her the inflatable pool) here you go, have some fun.  
  
Dawn: wheee! (Runs off to fill it up)  
  
Narrator: all right, on with the story!  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 57:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place that is always sunny.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a white, sandy beach somewhere.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Jolteon appears in a flash of light on the beach)  
  
Jolteon: ouch.that hurt.(looks around and notices that the deckchairs are empty) hey where did Umbreon go?  
  
Narrator: (sighing) look. Ground. Footprints.  
  
Jolteon: (still frazzled from the encounter with Boffo) um.could you repeat that?  
  
Narrator: follow the footprints, freak!  
  
Jolteon: all right, there's no need to be rude. (Gets up and follows footprints)  
  
(Camera follows Jolteon as he follows the footprints)  
  
Jolteon: (seeing something that is horrifying) OH MEW!  
  
(Camera swings round to show the Isle Defino pokemon center. How ever, the words "pokemon center" have been crossed out, and in their place is written- )  
  
Jolteon: UMBREON'S LOVE SHACK! AAAAA! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!  
  
(Jolteon storms toward the building, which is visibly trembling from the, um, activities going on inside and flings open the door.)  
  
Narrator: as showing this portion of the fic will break the strict PG-13 rating, this bit will not be shown. (Sorry! ^_~) Instead, let us move on.  
  
(The scene changes to Jolteon dragging Umbreon towards the Isle Defino airport.)  
  
Umbreon: hey, I wasn't finished with them yet!  
  
Jolteon: did you know what you were doing?  
  
Umbreon: no, but it felt so good.  
  
Jolteon: 0_o; we gotta get off the island fast.  
  
Umbreon: no! I wanna go back to those pretty Eons!  
  
Jolteon: did you even tell any of them your real name?  
  
Umbreon: no, but I think at least half of them were in heat.  
  
Jolteon: that's it. We're never coming back.  
  
(They dash by the Island Elder)  
  
Island Elder: leaving so fast?  
  
Jolteon: yes!  
  
Island Elder: come again soon!  
  
Jolteon: probably never.  
  
(Camera fades out as they Jolteon drags Umbreon towards the Isle Defino airport)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to me playing cards with TCL)  
  
Narrator: straight flush! Beat that!  
  
TCL: (throwing down cards) all right, I lose.  
  
Narrator: ha ha! Wo ying le! (Translation: ha ha! I win!)  
  
TCL: huh?  
  
Narrator: ni bu neng shuo hua yu! Shui jiao ni mei chi zhai wo mian qian jiang fa wen? (Translation: you can't speak Chinese! Who asked you to speak French all the time in front of me?)  
  
TCL: I don't understand you.  
  
Narrator: jiu shi ma! Wo ye tao yan ni mei chi shuo bie the yu yuan! (Translation: precisely! I always hate it when you speak other languages!)  
  
TCL: can we just play on?  
  
Narrator: hao. (Translation: all right)  
  
TCL: Lc.  
  
Narrator: ok.  
  
(We continue playing cards)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to Vaporeon by her fridge)  
  
Vaporeon: I could do with a snack.(opens fridge and rummages around)  
  
(Suddenly, an apple speaks)  
  
Apple: hey, Vaporeon.  
  
Vaporeon: huh?  
  
Apple: I've lost my job and my family, and I want to end it all. Eat me.  
  
Vaporeon: no! I can't do that!  
  
Apple: please. I want to end this torment.  
  
Vaporeon: (taking pity on the apple) all right.(picks up the apple and eats it in a few bites)  
  
Narrator: anyway.  
  
(The scene changes to TCL wandering around the author's lounge)  
  
TCL: what to do.(notices Dawn floating around in her pool) ooh.(flies high up)  
  
Dawn: what a nice day.(splashes around) (notices TCL) hey! I see you up there! What're you doing?!  
  
(A shadow surrounds Dawn and steadily grows larger)  
  
Dawn: oh no.(desperately tries to pull herself out of the pool)  
  
TCL: (falling like a rock) CANNONBALL!!!!!  
  
(TCL lands into the pool, creating a reasonable-sized crater)  
  
TCL: wheee! That was fun! Fill it up and let's do it again!  
  
Dawn: (from inside crater) please remove your wing from my nostril so that I may kill you.  
  
Narrator: and anyway, so ends another episode of Eskimo Jolteon! Yay!  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! ^_^ 


	58. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 58: Jerramia on t...

Author's note: YAY! Eskimo Jolteon is still alive! Hooray! No one's on MSN right now.;_; oh well. Yes! I declare this fic the longest pokemon insane fic EVER! Yay! But I'll never get to speak to TCL.oh well.what else is there to say.I won't going to school tomorrow and the day after due to exam paper marking! Yay! Now on with the story!  
  
Narrator: and as usual with all the episodes, we shall get our old friend to do the disclaimer. (Drags out Dawn the Espeon)  
  
Dawn: (yawning) can't I get some sleep?  
  
Narrator: no, for if you do the disclaimer, I will give you.  
  
Dawn: what?  
  
Narrator: a Game Boy Advance! (Holds it up)  
  
Dawn: (eyes light up) oooh! Give me give me give me! (Tries to snatch it from me)  
  
Narrator: first, do the disclaimer.  
  
Dawn: (bursts into tears) meanie.  
  
Narrator: just do the disclaimer, is it that hard?  
  
Dawn: all right.;_; Lccorp2 does not own pokemon, nor does he own any other characters or the sky. However, he owns this fic, and his absolutely tasteless and unfashionable clothes.  
  
Narrator: I heard that! You're not getting anything! (Runs away)  
  
Dawn: hey, come back! (Chases me)  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 58:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place that is always sunny.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a small airport that is near a white, sandy beach somewhere.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms in on Jolteon, still dragging Umbreon along)  
  
Jolteon: we are soooo never visiting this place again.  
  
Umbreon: (bitterly) you've said that for the 5489th time.  
  
Jolteon: you kept count?  
  
Umbreon: sort of.  
  
Jolteon: well, I just don't want a whole load of single mothers coming up and demanding child support from you.  
  
Umbreon: (thinks for a while being dragged along) yeah, makes sense.  
  
Jolteon: (stopping) at least we've reached the airport, now to get off this island!  
  
Umbreon: couldn't we stop for a bite?  
  
Jolteon: (staring at Umbreon) you know, that's the only thing that makes sense to come out of your mouth today.  
  
Umbreon: I suppose you concur.  
  
Jolteon: yes. Let's go. (They walk off)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to Vaporeon, who still is at her fridge)  
  
Vaporeon: yummy! (Reaches for a chocolate bar)  
  
(Suddenly, the chocolate bar appears to stand up)  
  
Chocolate bar: to be, or not to be? That is the question.  
  
Vaporeon: hey-  
  
Chocolate bar: whether tis' nobler to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.  
  
Vaporeon: hello?  
  
Chocolate bar: or by taking arms against a sea of troubles, end them?  
  
Vaporeon: may I e-  
  
Chocolate bar: to die, to sleep, no more! And by sleep we mean to end the thousand natural shocks heir to flesh.tis a consummation devoutly to be wished!  
  
Vaporeon: (angrily) please shut up so that I may eat you!  
  
Chocolate bar: to sleep, perchance to dream, aye, there's the rub! For who knows what dreams we may have when we have shuffled off this mortal coil must give us pause.  
  
Vaporeon: that's it. (Grabs the chocolate bar and swallows it whole)  
  
(Suddenly, a banana speaks)  
  
Banana: et tu, toffee? (Makes choking sound)  
  
Vaporeon: (slamming door of fridge) that's it. (Storms off)  
  
Narrator: hahaha! Meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to the author's lounge. We see all the authors except me and Dawn. They are in a circle around something.)  
  
Narrator: (coming in) oooh, my head.  
  
C9Y: we just invented a new game! Wanna play with us?  
  
Narrator: (clutching head) will that take away my headache?  
  
Pyrovulpix: I don't know, but it might help.  
  
Flower: yeah.  
  
Narrator: all right, so what's this new game called?  
  
TCL: (happily) we call it.  
  
Narrator: yes?  
  
TCL: jump on Dawn's Game Boy Advance!  
  
Narrator: (stepping back) I'll pass this round.  
  
TCL: fine. Your loss.  
  
(All the authors get into a circle, ready to jump)  
  
Dawn: (suddenly teleporting in) NNNOOOOO!!!!! MY GAME BOY ADVANCE! (Rushes forward)  
  
Narrator: (watching bits of plastic and metal fly in all directions) too late.  
  
Dawn: wahhh! Meanies! (Runs out crying)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to Jolteon and Umbreon walking into a café. They see FLUDD sitting on a table)  
  
Jolteon: (walking towards FLUDD) oh, it's you!  
  
FLUDD: AAAIIIEEEE! NO! EVIL DEMONS! BEGONE! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!  
  
Umbreon: hey, didn't you die when Jolteon crashed?  
  
FLUDD: they fixed me.  
  
Umbreon: oh.  
  
FLUDD: NOOOOO!!! GO AWAY! NEVER COME BACK!  
  
Jolteon: nah, you might be useful in doing my laundry back home. (Hoists FLUDD onto his back)  
  
FLUDD: (struggling desperately) NNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Umbreon: sorry, dude. My hands are tied.  
  
Jolteon: and now for something to eat. (Steps up to counter) I'd like a blueberry pie, please.  
  
FLUDD: SOMEONE GET ME OFF THIS MADMAN'S BACK!  
  
Ugly-overgrown brainless freak in stupid outfit: duh.duuuuuuh?  
  
Jolteon: (still not realizing the Ugly-overgrown brainless freak in a stupid outfit has an IQ of 2) (Slowly) I-would-like-a-blue-berry-pie- please.  
  
Ugly-overgrown brainless freak in stupid outfit: daaahhhh?  
  
FLUDD: moron! You're not talking his language!  
  
Jolteon: huh?  
  
FLUDD: (sighs) duh daah duh. Dur duh dur daah duh.  
  
Ugly-overgrown brainless freak in stupid outfit: DUH! (Goes in and reappears with a blueberry pie)  
  
FLUDD: see?  
  
Jolteon: oh.(takes blueberry pie)  
  
(Suddenly, Jerramia appears and snatches the pie from Jolteon's paws)  
  
Jolteon: AAA! I thought you were in prison?  
  
Jerramia: (laughing freakishly) BWAHAHAHAHA! I WAS, BUT NOW AM NOT! NO ONE CAN CONFINE ME.WITH MY SPRAY CAN OF PAINT! (Holds it up)  
  
Jolteon: huh.  
  
Jerramia: SO LONG, SUCKER! ALL YOUR PIE ARE BELONG TO ME! (Runs away)  
  
Jolteon: hey! Give me back my pie! I paid good money for it!  
  
FLUDD: give chase, you fool!  
  
Jolteon: all right.(runs after Jerramia)  
  
Umbreon: and where does that leave me?  
  
Eon's voice: (from outside) hey! The cutie's over there! Let's huggle him!  
  
Umbreon: I suspect I won't be bored. (Smiles)  
  
(The scene changes to Defino Plaza. We see Jolteon chasing Jerramia round and round.)  
  
Jolteon: (spraying water around) this isn't working! I can't hit her!  
  
FLUDD: perhaps you could try AIMING?  
  
Jolteon: you know, I never thought of that.  
  
(FLUDD sighs)  
  
(By sheer accident, a jet of water hits Jerramia)  
  
Jerramia: darn! I'm soggy! (Spray-paints a "J" on a wall and leaps into it)  
  
Jolteon: (trying to leap into wall as well) ouch!  
  
FLUDD: try spraying it.  
  
Jolteon: huh?  
  
FLUDD: TRY SPRAYING IT!  
  
Jolteon: oh, ok.(sprays the "J". A nice view is opened) ooh, nice scenery.  
  
FLUDD: jump in.  
  
Jolteon: but shouldn't we admire the ni-  
  
FLUDD: JUMP IN!  
  
Jolteon: fine. (Jumps in)  
  
Narrator: what will happen in the next episode? Will Jolteon be able to retrieve his blueberry pie from the evil Jerramia? What will become of Umbreon? Stay tuned to find out!  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! 


	59. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 59: Jerramia on t...

Author's note: well, Eskimo Jolteon is well and alive.going for the 300 review mark now! Dawn, I'm very sorry, but I'm not going to be doing another fic anytime soon due to the extreme laziness of my brain. Thank you. What else.I can speak Chinese! BWAHAHAHAHAHA! (Makes note to self to counter any of TCL's French-speaking) by the way, do read "The Prophecy" by Dawn the Espeon! (There! I did my advertising section!)  
  
Narrator: and now, let us go ahead and do the disclaimer. (Drags Dawn out)  
  
Dawn: and now what will you give me for doing the disclaimer?  
  
Narrator: I don't know.so you can have an apple pie! (Holds it out)  
  
Dawn: Lccorp2 does not own pokemon, nor does he own any other characters not created by him. However, he does own this fic, and if you wish to steal this fic from him, please leave your name and address so that he can break your neck or at least sue you for breaking copyrights.  
  
Narrator: good. (Hands her an apple pie)  
  
Dawn: yummy! (Runs off with apple pie)  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 59:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the fanfiction world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place that only exists in author's minds.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a room somewhere.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into the author's lounge. We see me at the computer playing TPPC.)  
  
Narrator: Dark Mewtwo's attack did 309 points of damage! A critical hit! Shiny Tyranitar used COUNTER and dealt back double the damage! A critical hit!  
  
Shadow: you're getting a bit freakish.  
  
Narrator: Dark Mewtwo has fainted. Shiny Tyranitar has won the battle. Shiny Tyranitar gained 28,536 Experience Pts. Lccorp2 also gained $1476. You've Cleared The Atriyou Stage!  
  
Shadow: 0_o  
  
Narrator: BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I RULE!!!!!  
  
Shadow: I hate you for brutally squishing my team.waaahhh!  
  
Narrator: heh heh heh. Meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to somewhere in TPPC)  
  
dARK mEWTWO: hEY, FRIEND. cOULD YOU PLEASE STOP SQUISHING ME?  
  
sHINY tYRANITAR: i'M VERY SORRY, BUT MY ACTIONS ARE CONTROLLED BY lCCORP2, WHO TAKES PLEASURE IN BRUTALLY SQUISHING OTHER PEOPLE.  
  
dARK mEWTWO: oH.  
  
sHINY tYRANITAR: i LIKE SQUISHING YOU ANYWAY.  
  
dARK mEWTWO: hAVE YOU NOTICED WE'RE TALKING IN CAPS?  
  
sHINY tYRANITAR: nO, I haven't.  
  
Dark Mewtwo: darn, we're not speaking in caps anymore.  
  
Shiny Tyranitar: yes, Lccorp2 must have fixed his keyboard. Mind if I squash you again?  
  
Dark Mewtwo: be my guest. I haven't got much of a choice, do I?  
  
Shiny Tyranitar: thanks. (Kicks Dark Mewtwo's face into the dirt again)  
  
Narrator: BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to Jolteon, lost in wherever he ended up)  
  
Jolteon: where are we?  
  
FLUDD: data analysis complete. We are currently in a large patch of grass.  
  
Jolteon: -_-;  
  
(They walk on until they see a farmer)  
  
Jolteon, hey dude, have you seen this freak? (Holds up a picture of Jerramia)  
  
Farmer: the freak that framed you? Yeah, she went that way.(points)  
  
Jolteon: wow, news travels fast.  
  
(They walk on until Jolteon sees a big "J" spray painted in the side of a building)  
  
Jolteon: ack! It's the sign of Jerramia!  
  
FLUDD: quick! Wash it off!  
  
(Jolteon washes off the "J", and out falls-)  
  
Jolteon: a wheel of blue cheese?  
  
FLUDD: what were you expecting?  
  
Jolteon: dunno, a blue coin or something.  
  
FLUDD: well, what you're given is what you'll get and it's no good whining. Come on, I suppose we can find a fire somewhere to melt this.  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes back to the Author's lounge. We see all the author's assembled)  
  
Mewchu11: and now, I unveil my greatest invention of all time.  
  
TCL: what's it?  
  
Mewchu11: the plot hole generator! Dun dun dun!  
  
All: oooohhhh.  
  
Mewchu11: observe! (Fiddles with the plot hole generator for a while)  
  
C9Y: what's he doing?  
  
Flower: no idea, but I have a bad feeling.  
  
Mewchu11: it is done! I will create a plot hole and jump through it, appearing behind you!  
  
Narrator: um, ok.  
  
(Mewchu11 presses a button on the thingy and a black hole appears)  
  
Mewchu11: to modern science! (Leaps into the plot hole)  
  
(There is silence for a while. Nothing happens.)  
  
TCL: I think we won't be seeing Mewchu11 for a VERY long time.  
  
Dawn: I agree.  
  
Flower: yep.  
  
Narrator: while we're waiting for Mewchu11 to come back, how about a game of language wars?  
  
TCL: yes! (Launches into a barrage of French verbs)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes back to Jolteon and FLUDD. We see Jolteon carrying a huge load of blue cheese.)  
  
Jolteon: all right, so we've found lots of blue cheese, but no Jerramia.  
  
Jerramia: (suddenly appearing) Mwahahahahaha! You'll never get your blueberry pie back! (Runs off)  
  
Jolteon: is this going to be another chase scene?  
  
FLUDD: seems like it.  
  
Jolteon: yep. (Gives chase)  
  
(The scene cuts to Jolteon chasing Jerramia all over the hilly terrain, spraying water)  
  
Jolteon: how long is this boring episode?  
  
Narrator: my work is not boring! (Zaps Jolteon) and it'll be as long as I want it to be!  
  
Jerramia: (spraying a "J" into the hillside and jumping into it) you'll never catch me! Bwahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!  
  
Jolteon: not again.  
  
FLUDD: (hopefully) maybe we could have a picnic with that blue cheese?  
  
Jolteon: good idea. Lccorp2 won't let Jerramia get very far anyway, because then he wouldn't have much to write for the next episode.  
  
FLUDD: great!  
  
(They sit down and tuck into the cheese)  
  
Jolteon: you know, after all this cheese, maybe I don't need that blueberry pie anymore.  
  
Narrator: stop that! I won't have anything to write about!  
  
Jolteon: fine.(sprays the "J" and jumps into it)  
  
(There is a short, screeching sound and the scene changes to Jolteon on some sort of water tower, with a radio next to him, as well as some funny machine.)  
  
Jolteon: this doesn't seem like anywhere in the pokemon world.  
  
FLUDD: data analysis confirms that we are on top of a water tower.  
  
Jolteon: thanks a lot.  
  
(Suddenly, the radio crackles and comes to life)  
  
Radio: come in, Cooper. Do you copy? Forget about Freeman. We're abandoning the base. If you have any last bomb targets, mark them on the tactical map. Otherwise, get the hell out of there. Repeat, get the hell out, for we are pulling out and commencing air strikes.  
  
Jolteon: ?!  
  
Narrator: oops, sorry.I'll have you out of there in a jiffy.  
  
(There is a flash of light and our heroes find themselves on some sort of beach)  
  
Jolteon: (seeing a "J" painted on the ground) yep, this is the right place.  
  
FLUDD: let's go find Jerramia.  
  
Jolteon: I wonder how much paint that spray can of hers holds.  
  
(Camera fades out)  
  
Narrator: and so ends another silly episode of Eskimo Jolteon, except for-  
  
(The scene changes to Mewchu11, in tppcrpg.net)  
  
Mewchu11: hey, this wasn't where I wanted to go? Why's there all this weird stuff? And why is there a shiny Tyranitar kicking a dark Mewtwo's face into the dust in the distance?  
  
(Mewchu11 fiddles with the plot hole generator)  
  
Plot Hole Generator: unable to generate plot hole due to low power. Please charge and try again.  
  
Mewchu11: (bursting into tears) noooooo! I'm stuck here!  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! ^_^ 


	60. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 60: how cute!

Author's note: I don't own pokemon, nor do I own any other characters not created by me. Oh well.I suppose some people do know what this episode is about, I've given some leaks.well, on with the story! Does anyone have any bleach? I'm writing this before going off to play my Game Boy Advance.dawn, you'd better keep your promise and get ED up! Or else.:P read on!  
  
Narrator: yep, time for our old friend again. (Drags Dawn out)  
  
Dawn: what have you got to offer me this time?  
  
Narrator: well, I don't know.how about a tennis ball? (Holds up tennis ball)  
  
Dawn: huh? What do I want with that?  
  
Narrator: well, don't know.(chucks it away)  
  
Dawn: well?  
  
Narrator: (rummaging through stuff) ah! Got it!  
  
Dawn: huh?  
  
Narrator: the instant pillow of sleepiness! (Kicks it out of pile)  
  
Dawn: all right. (Grabs pillow) Lccorp2 does not own pokemon, nor does he own any other characters not created by him. However, he owns this fic, as well as that tennis ball that is bouncing around somewhere.  
  
Narrator: good.  
  
Dawn: why's this called the instant pillow of sleepiness? I don't feel very.zzzzz (Crumples to floor, asleep)  
  
Narrator: ha! Look at- (gets whacked on backed of head by tennis ball and is knocked unconscious)  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 60:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo somewhere.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Scene opens to Espeon's and Vaporeon's igloo. We see them lying in bed, about to go to sleep.)  
  
Espeon: good night, dear.  
  
Vaporeon: same to you, Espie.  
  
(Espeon switches off the bedside lamp. There is silence for a while.)  
  
Espeon: Vaporeon?  
  
Vaporeon: yes?  
  
Espeon: what's that warm wetness I feel on the bedsheets?  
  
Vaporeon: um.I think it's started.  
  
Espeon: (not getting what she means) huh?  
  
Vaporeon: well.you're going to be a father really, really, soon.  
  
Espeon: (realizing what she means) oh dear.(picks up bedside phone) Flareon? Yes.it's me.could you call some of my relatives? Why? Oh, Vaporeon's just gone into labor.yes, I suppose you know where to find us.  
  
(Vaporeon moans)  
  
Espeon: (kissing Vaporeon gently on cheek) don't worry, love, it'll be all right.(Teleports them both away)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to the author's lounge. We see TCL cooking something in a frying pan.)  
  
Shadow: (Walking in) mmm..what's that I smell?  
  
TCL: something nice?  
  
Shadow: what's it?  
  
TCL: it's a surprise.  
  
(More authors, attracted by the smell, wander in)  
  
Flower: (sniffing) what's it?  
  
Sal: don't know. TCL wouldn't tell us.  
  
Dawn: yep.  
  
TCL: (comes out and empties the contents of the frying pan into a big dish) come and get it!  
  
(All the authors rush forward and start stuffing their faces with the contents of the dish)  
  
PDF: (staring at it) it's sorta grey.  
  
Dawn: (chewing) rubbery too.  
  
C9Y: but nevertheless delicious! TCL, what is it?  
  
TCL: oh well, since you all want to know.(tells them)  
  
(Everyone gags)  
  
Sal: that's disgusting!  
  
Flower: yeah! How could you do that?  
  
Dawn: and even is you could, it's an endangered species! There're only 35 of them left in existence!  
  
TCL: I hate LC for boasting and gloating all the time.(starts speaking in French)  
  
(I wander in)  
  
Narrator: hello? Has anyone seen my Dark Totodile? It seems to have escaped from my box.  
  
Flower: um, no.  
  
Narrator: it's very rare, with only 35 in existence.  
  
Dawn: we haven't seen it!  
  
Narrator: all right, I'll go look somewhere else then.(wanders off)  
  
Dawn: yuck, I think I'm gonna be sick.(rushes off to toilet)  
  
Narrator: oh well. Meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to Vaporeon, who is lying on a bed in the nearest pokemon center, with Espeon is sitting beside her.)  
  
Vaporeon: (moaning in pain) oh, it hurts, espie1 it hurts!  
  
Espeon: (squeezing Vaporeon's paw gently) don't worry, love, I'm right here by your side.  
  
(Vaporeon groans again)  
  
Espeon: Nurse Joy, how long is this going to take? I can't stand to see her in such pain.  
  
Nurse joy: I don't know for sure.  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to Flareon, holding a phone book)  
  
Flareon: what did that Espeon say.oh well.(checks phone book, then dials a number) hello? Yes, it's me.Espeon told me to call you.something about Vaporeon.yes, you know where to find them? Ok, I have many other calls to make.fine. Bye.  
  
(Flareon glances at the phone book, then dials another number.)  
  
Flareon: why does this have to happen when Jolteon and Umbreon are far, far away? (Sighs)  
  
Narrator: and quite some time later.  
  
(The scene changes back to Espeon and Vaporeon)  
  
Espeon: well, it's over.  
  
Vaporeon: (weakly) yes.  
  
Espeon: (looking at the two sleeping newborn pups by Vaporeon's side) I never thought we'd have twins.  
  
Vaporeon: well, things happen.  
  
(Flareon bursts through the door)  
  
Flareon: all right, I don't know what you wanted them for, but I got your relatives like you asked.  
  
Espeon: would you please be quiet?!  
  
Flareon: hu- (notices the pups sleeping by Vaporeon) oh.although I don't think that will be possible.  
  
Espeon: why?  
  
Flareon: your relatives aren't going to be very quiet.by the way, your daughter has your eyes.  
  
Espeon: thanks.  
  
Flareon: (turning to leave) oh, and did you notice your son has a grey fur coat?  
  
Vaporeon: (slightly offended) what do you mean by that?  
  
Flareon: um, just stating the obvious? Oh well.(leaves)  
  
(Just as Flareon leaves, all of Espeon's and Vaporeon's relatives swarm in. I don't have to say what happens next, do I?)  
  
Narrator: oh well. And so ends another episode of Eskimo Jolteon. However, what about Jolteon, still on pursuit of Jerramia and his blueberry pie? Will Umbreon ever tear himself away from the pretty Eons? Will I ever find my Dark totodile? Anyway.  
  
(The scene changes to TCL playing TPPC on her computer)  
  
TCL: (reading off computer screen) you've found Mewchu11. Do you want to add it to your roster?  
  
Shadow: look, it even has a speech bubble with "help me! I'm trapped in here!" coming out of it's mouth!  
  
TCL: well, I think I'm putting it into my box together with my dark magby! (Clicks "yes")  
  
Shadow: cool! Now you've got a mewchu11!  
  
TCL: dunno.might give it to Flower.  
  
(Scene fades out)  
  
(A/N: yes, I know this chap is somewhat badly written, but hey, I'm not used to writing such things! Regular insanity coming back next eps!)  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! ^_^ 


	61. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 61: Jerramia fina...

Author's note: yawn.zzzzz. This was a boring week of school.we did absolutely nothing whatsoever so I went to the library and watched some movies. Oh no.that reminds me that my exam results are coming out next Tuesday! AAAAA! I'm gonna die!!!!! What else is there to say.noogie noogie noogie! BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!! (Crushes everyone he knows of TPPC) heh.sorry for that bout of insanity.but hey, this fic is supposed to be insane!  
  
Narrator: and as usual, we shall be getting our old friend to do the disclaimer. (Drags Dawn out of her bed)  
  
Dawn: (clutching the instant pillow of sleepiness) can't you do your own disclaimers? (Yawns)  
  
Narrator: well, if you do the disclaimer this time, I'll.  
  
Dawn: yes?  
  
Narrator: give you a ball of yarn! (Holds ball of yarn up)  
  
Dawn: huh?  
  
Narrator: you're a cat, aren't you?  
  
Dawn: well, sort of.  
  
Narrator: and cats all like to play with balls of yarn, right?  
  
Dawn: yes, I suppose so.  
  
Narrator: so I wouldn't be wrong to give you this ball of yarn, right?  
  
Dawn: all right. Lccorp2 does not own pokemon, nor does he own any other characters not created by him. He also does not own the world, although he would like to, but he does own this fic and a collection of game boy cartridges.  
  
Narrator: very good. Here you go. (Tosses Dawn the ball of yarn)  
  
Dawn: wheee! (Starts playing with the ball of yarn)  
  
Narrator: just look at- (Gets hit on the back of head by the tennis ball which is still bouncing around and is knocked unconscious)  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 61:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place that is always sunny.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a small airport that is near a white, sandy beach somewhere.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms in onto Jolteon, sitting down on a beach with FLUDD)  
  
Jolteon: you know, maybe I shouldn't be going to all this trouble just to get my blueberry pie back, hmm?  
  
FLUDD: why?  
  
Jolteon: dunno.I don't see Jerramia anyway.(looks around)  
  
Jerramia: (suddenly appearing) bwahahah! You'll never catch me! (Runs away)  
  
Jolteon: yep, same old thing.(chases after Jerramia)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to Dawn, who is still playing with her ball of yarn)  
  
Dawn: wheee! (Untangles ball of yarn, then swats at it with a paw)  
  
(Suddenly, there is a thumping noise. Dawn looks up and sees-)  
  
Dawn: A GIANT SPIDER LIKE THINGY! AAAAA! (Runs away)  
  
(Camera follows Dawn as she is chased around FF.net by the evil giant spider-like thingy)  
  
Dawn: (bumping into Flower) ouch!  
  
Flower: what's the- (sees evil giant spider-like thingy) AAAAAAA!  
  
(Dawn and Flower run as the evil giant spider like thingy lunges after them)  
  
Flower: why does this sort of thing happen?  
  
Dawn: (breathlessly) I don't know! Maybe because this is an insane fic?  
  
Flower: probably.  
  
(Just then, a plot hole opens and swallows up the evil giant spider-like thingy)  
  
Dawn: whew.that was close.  
  
Flower: you can say that again!  
  
Narrator: meanwhile, in the lair of TCL.  
  
(Scene changes to TCL playing TPPC)  
  
TCL: (randomly moving mouse around) to breed or not to breed Mewchu11.to breed or not to breed Mewchu11.  
  
Shadow: hey, there's a new pokemon in your box!  
  
TCL: really? (Goes to "Change Starter")  
  
Shadow: (pointing) see? Evil giant spider-like thingy!  
  
TCL: oooOOooohhh.  
  
Shadow: maybe we can put that to good use.  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to tppcrpg.net. we see Mewchu11 ambling around TCL's box)  
  
Mewchu11: darn.how am I going to get out of here?  
  
(Suddenly, the evil giant spider-like thingy comes out of the plot hole right in front of Mewchu11)  
  
Mewchu11: (staring at the evil giant spider-like thingy) this does NOT look very good.  
  
(The evil giant spider-like thingy takes a earth-rumbling step forward)  
  
Mewchu11: (freaking out) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! (Runs away with the evil giant spider-like thingy chasing him)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to Jolteon, still in hot pursuit of Jerramia)  
  
Jolteon: is this going to go on forever?  
  
FLUDD: I hope not.  
  
Jerramia: (stopping in front of wall) darn! It's empty! (Shakes spray can of paint)  
  
Jolteon: bwahahahaha! I have you now!  
  
(Suddenly, two cops appear and grab hold of Jerramia)  
  
Cop #1: sorry, son. This isn't your nemesis.  
  
Jolteon: huh?  
  
Cop #2: stand back. (Puts hand on Jerramia's head)  
  
(The fake mask is pulled off to reveal.)  
  
Jolteon: the stupid, overgrown guy from behind the counter?  
  
Stupid, overgrown guy from behind the counter: duh, duh duh daah.  
  
Jolteon: I think we might need subtitles for this part.  
  
Narrator: (fiddles around) there.  
  
Jolteon: thanks.  
  
Narrator: you're welcome.  
  
Jolteon: WHY? WHY DID YOU DO IT?  
  
Stupid, overgrown guy from behind the counter: DUH! Dahh dahh dur dur dur! It's not fair! They wouldn't give me any more blueberry pie at the institute on mental heath where I live!  
  
Jolteon: and so you stole my blueberry pie?  
  
Stupid, overgrown guy from behind the counter: duh. Yes.  
  
Jolteon: did it never occur to you that you could just have taken a blueberry pie from behind the counter?  
  
Stupid, overgrown guy from behind the counter: (slapping forehead) DUH! OF COURSE! WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT EARLIER?!  
  
Cop #1: if you don't mind, we'll be taking this freak away now.  
  
(The two cops bundle the Stupid, overgrown guy from behind the counter into their squad car and drive off)  
  
Jolteon: so what do we do now?  
  
FLUDD: maybe you could go find Umbreon?  
  
Jolteon: good idea. (Walks off)  
  
Narrator: and so.  
  
(The scene changes to the Ex-pokemon canter, which is still trembling due to the activities going on inside)  
  
Jolteon: (staring at the vibrating building) I think it would be prudent not to go in right now.  
  
FLUDD: you know, for once I concur with you. Let's go get something to drink.  
  
Jolteon: good idea.  
  
(They walk off)  
  
Narrator: and so ends another silly episode of Eskimo Jolteon, except for-  
  
(The scene changes to Dawn, still playing with the ball of yarn)  
  
Dawn: (scratching at the ball of yarn) la la la.  
  
(Suddenly, for no sensible reason whatsoever, Dawn gets entangled in the ball of yarn)  
  
Dawn: darn.(unsuccessfully tries to distangle herself from the ball of yarn) help!  
  
(Crickets chirp in the distance)  
  
Dawn: (struggling against the yarn) nnnnooooo! Someone help me get out of here!  
  
(Camera fades out with Dawn trying to bite her way out)  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! ^_^ 


	62. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 62: Flareon in th...

Author's note: sorry for the long time no update.but it's been a looonnnggg week for me, first with getting results, then with worrying about whether I have to go for the study camp.oh well, now that I'm here, it'll all be better! ^_^ yay! Oh well, what else is there to say.I hate cauliflower and broccoli! So there! anyway, on with the story!  
  
Narrator: hey, where's Dawn? I don't see her around...(runs off)  
  
(Scene changes to Dawn, still stuck in the ball of yarn)  
  
Narrator: (coming up) what happened to you? I was looking all over for you to do the disclaimer!  
  
Dawn: can't you see? I'm stuck in this ball of yarn YOU gave me!  
  
Narrator: oh, sorry.(gets a pair of scissors and cuts her out) all right, you can do the disclaimer now.  
  
Dawn: (dusting herself off) Lccorp2 does not own pokemon, nor does he own any other characters he did not make up himself. However, he owns this fic, and he also owns all the lemonade in the world, as well as this method of doing the disclaimer, which TCL evidently stole. (But I don't mind! ^^)  
  
Narrator: here you go.(hands her a pair of spectacles)  
  
Dawn: OooOOOhhh.(puts them on) wheee! (Runs away)  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 62:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo somewhere.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into igloo. We see Flareon playing with Vaporeon's pups.)  
  
Flareon: my, these kids do grow so fast, don't they?  
  
Vaporeon: (blushing) thanks.  
  
Flareon: well, I gotta go now.see you.  
  
Vaporeon: bye.  
  
Flareon: bye. (Walks out door)  
  
(Camera follows Flareon as he walks through a blizzard)  
  
Flareon: (grumbling) and just a few hours ago the weatherman said that there was absolutely no chance whatsoever of snow.  
  
(The blizzard grows stronger)  
  
(Everything blacks out)  
  
Narrator: aren't I evil? Bwahahahahaha! Meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to the FF.net Author's Lounge [A/N: yes, there is such a place now! Yippies!] we see me stacking stuff on shelves.)  
  
C9Y: (staring at me) are you sure those things can take so much weight?  
  
TCL: yes, it looks pretty unstable to me.  
  
Narrator: of course they can take the weight, you fools, I put those shelves up my-  
  
(The shelves break with a 'crack' sending all the stuff onto me)  
  
TCL: (staring) ooh, that's gotta hurt.  
  
Narrator: (from under pile) shut up and get me some antiseptic.  
  
(Suddenly, Robo-Flower walks in)  
  
Robo-Flower: (in mechanical voice) all your Dark Lugia are belong to Mewchu11.  
  
C9Y: huh?  
  
Robo-Flower: I said, all your Dark Lugia are belong to Mewchu11.  
  
TCL: huh?  
  
(This goes on for an hour)  
  
C9Y: what did you say?  
  
Robo-Flower: FOR THE LAST TIME, I SAID, ALL YOUR DARK LUGIA ARE BELONG TO MEWCHU11! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY THIS BEFORE IT GETS INTO YOUR TEENY TINY BRAIN?!?!  
  
TCL: huh?  
  
Robo-Flower: AAARGH! I GIVE UP! (Explodes)  
  
(All of us stare at the smoking remains of the Robo-Flower)  
  
TCL: that was weird.  
  
Narrator: yeah.  
  
C9Y: oh well.  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to Mewchu11 in TPPCRPG.net.)  
  
Mewchu11: (fiddling with controls) darn! Stupid thing malfunctioning.it should have said All your Interactive Pokemon game Show are belong to Mewchu11! Stupid programmers! (Kicks a spinarak, which runs away)  
  
(Suddenly, there is an ominous rumble)  
  
Mewchu11: huh? (Looks up and sees the evil giant spider-like thingy) oh crap.  
  
(Mewchu11 runs away, with the evil giant spider-like thingy chasing him)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile, back at the author's lounge.  
  
(The scene changes back to the author's lounge. Suddenly, two cops come in and handcuff TCL)  
  
TCL: hey, what's that for?  
  
Cop #1: you are now under arrest for stealing Lccorp2's disclaimer.  
  
Cop #2: anything you say now will be recorded and may be used against you during trial.  
  
Cop #1: come on, let's go quietly. (Drags TCL off, kicking and screaming)  
  
Narrator: hey, stop! I didn't ask you two to come down and arrest TCL!  
  
Cop #2: I'm sorry, but she has broken FF.net rule no. 57632467785233 and will have to be taken in. of course, she can still write her fics.  
  
Narrator: oh dear. Meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to Flareon, now lying in a grassy field under the sun)  
  
Flareon: (shaking head) mmmmpphhh.that blizzard was bad.(looks around) where am I?  
  
(There is silence for a while)  
  
Flareon: I don't think we're in Johto anymore, Toto.  
  
Narrator: of course! Now get along and continue this adventure!  
  
Flareon: (picking self up) all right.(dusts self)  
  
(Suddenly, a weird freak suddenly appears behind Flareon)  
  
Weird freak that appeared behind Flareon without him knowing: hi there! Are you hungry? I've got alfalfa sprouts, raw lettuce leaves, and cauliflower!  
  
Flareon: (shocked) alfalfa? Lettuce? What madness is this? Where am I?  
  
Weird freak that appeared behind Flareon without him knowing: (ignoring Flareon) want a soy burger? If you put on enough mustard you won't be able to tell the difference between this and the real thing!  
  
Flareon: (staring at soy burger) oh no.this must be a nightmare.I'M IN THE LAND OF THE TOFU EATERS! AAAAAAA! (Runs away quickly)  
  
Weird freak that appeared behind Flareon without him knowing: (watching Flareon run off into the distance) was it something I said?  
  
(Camera follows Flareon as he runs through a lush field of soybean plants)  
  
Flareon: ggaaakkk.hungry.  
  
Narrator: to survive in this blighted land, our hero must find food!  
  
Flareon: that's about right.  
  
Narrator: but the grasses are inedible! The fruit is poisonous! There's nothing to eat at all! (Aren't I evil?)  
  
Flareon: well, I'm not gonna be eating soybeans, that's for sure.  
  
Narrator: weak and despairing, our hero turns over a rock and finds.  
  
Flareon: oh all right.(turns over a rock and picks up what's underneath) ice cream sandwiches?  
  
Narrator: all right, I was out of ideas. Sue me.  
  
Flareon: oh, all right, at least the ice-cream is chocolate flavored.(wolfs them down) all right, so now what do I do now?  
  
Narrator: go on a quest to escape from the land of the tofu eaters, of course!  
  
Flareon: all right.(picks self up and walks away)  
  
(Camera fades out)  
  
Narrator: and so Flareon has set out on his quest to escape from the dreaded land of the tofu eaters. Will he be able to escape? Stay tuned! And so ends another silly episode of Eskimo Jolteon, except for-  
  
(The scene changes to Dawn, still playing with a ball of yarn)  
  
Narrator: like the new glasses?  
  
Dawn: yep! (Continues playing with the yarn) in fact, I-(gets tangled in the ball of yarn) waa!  
  
Narrator: not again.(sighs)  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! ^_^ 


	63. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 63: Flareon in th...

Author's note: Hi everyone!! Well, this author's note is gonna be a bit long.well, what to say first.it's Sunday morning.blah blah blah. Anyway, I am now officially a Flareon Master on TPPC! Woo-hoo! ^^ What else is there to say.yesterday was a pretty bad day.everything went wrong that morning.sigh. Also, Kuromew, you don't need to do the disclaimer, even for free. Dawn's the permanent disclaimer person because I like her that way. ^^ all right, what else is there to say.WOBBLE!  
  
Narrator: all right, now to do the disclaimer again.(drags Dawn out, still tangled up in the ball of yarn)  
  
Dawn: would you mind getting me out of here first?  
  
Narrator: fine.as you wish.(bites her out)  
  
Dawn: all right, so what's the daily disclaimer gift for today?  
  
Narrator: (spitting out yarn) ah, yes. For doing today's disclaimer, I will give you a huggable Eevee soft toy! (Holds it up)  
  
Dawn: (staring at soft toy) oohh.  
  
Narrator: (points to zipper on soft toy) see? All you have to do is unzip that and turn it inside out and you have an Espeon soft toy! (Does so)  
  
Dawn: whee! Gimme gimme gimme!  
  
Narrator: disclaimer.  
  
Dawn: Lccorp2 does not own pokemon, nor does he own any other characters not created by him. He also owns some completely tasteless and all-too- casual clothes, and also this soft toy, which he will be giving to me, whereupon he will not own the soft toy anymore.  
  
Narrator: here you go. (Tosses Dawn the Eevee/ Espeon soft toy)  
  
Dawn: wheee! I have a cute huggable Eevee soft toy! (Runs off)  
  
Narrator: (watching Dawn run off) that's nic- (Is hit on the back of the head by the evil killer tennis ball and is knocked unconscious)  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 63:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place to the far south of Kanto.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized field of soybeans somewhere.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into field of soybeans. We see Flareon trundling along.)  
  
Flareon: (mumbling) stupid stupid author.make me go on this stupid adventure.why can't Jolteon go instead?  
  
Narrator: because I said so.  
  
Flareon: and what if I refuse to go on this stupid adventure?  
  
Narrator: well, then I'll have to stop feeding you. (Grins evilly)  
  
Flareon: yeah? I'm an expert at finding food in the wild! Look at this! (Lifts up a rock and flourishes what's underneath)  
  
Narrator: (nodding head) that's very impressive, indeed.  
  
Flareon: see? I told you-  
  
Narrator: I've never seen anyone do that with a spinarak before.  
  
Flareon: EEP! (Drops the spinarak and runs far, far away)  
  
Narrator: (watching Flareon run away) I don't think I'll stop him, he's going in the correct direction anyway.meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to the author's lounge. Various authors are lying unconscious on the ground.)  
  
Narrator: (coming in) um, hello? Anyone?  
  
C9Y: (groaning) it was the tennis ball.  
  
Narrator: THAT tennis ball? The evil killer tennis ball?  
  
C9Y: yep.  
  
(There is a "thwack" from outside, followed by a shout and the sound of a body collapsing.)  
  
Shadow: I think it just got Sal.  
  
Narrator: well, at least TCL's safe, she's in jail.  
  
Shadow: I don't know.but let's not be too sure.  
  
(Scene changes to the interior of the jail cell where TCL is being held. Two cops appear at the door.)  
  
Cop #1: all right, Miss, you're free to go. Lccorp2 isn't pressing charges.  
  
TCL: (folding up laptop) thank goodness! At least-  
  
(The evil killer tennis ball appears out of nowhere and whacks TCL on the back of her head, knocking her unconscious.)  
  
Cop #2: that HAD to hurt.  
  
Cop #1: (taking hold of TCL's wing) shut up and help me get this five- hundred pound thing out of here, other people need the jail cell.  
  
(Scene changes back to the Author's Lounge)  
  
Shadow: (hearing a faint "ouch" from the distance) yep, I think that was TCL.  
  
Narrator: so let me guess.we have to stop the evil killer tennis ball?  
  
Shadow: sorta.  
  
Narrator: well, all right.(walks out of Author's Lounge) and now let me create a pointless diversion.  
  
(The scene changes to Ash, lost in a forest yet again)  
  
Ash: aww darn whe'll nefar geet outta theez furest.  
  
Brock: (drooling) duuh daah daah duuh.  
  
Ash: meebee we wold bee batter off if piggachoo hadn't eten the map.  
  
Pikachu: pika! (Leaps up and bites Ash's hand, then runs away)  
  
Ash: aww oww you leetle evil weazel cum bak here! (Shakes bleeding fist)  
  
(Suddenly, Mario appears, riding Yoshi)  
  
Mario: It's-a me, Mario!  
  
Ash: hay mizter wah luzt een theez furest kewld you halp uz out?  
  
Mario: aah! These-a are evil-a minions of bowser-a! Yoshi, eat-a them!  
  
Yoshi: glorp! (Sticks out tongue and eats Ash and Brock)  
  
Narrator: hee hee. Meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to the studio where the Interactive Pokemon Game Show is being held. Robo-flower walks in)  
  
Robo-Flower: (in a mechanical voice) all your Interactive Pokemon Game Show are belong to Mewchu11.  
  
Audience and contestants: huh? Speak up, we can't hear you!  
  
Robo-Flower: I said, all your Interactive Pokemon Game Show are belong to Mewchu11.  
  
Audience and contestants: come again? I didn't hear what you said.  
  
Robo-Flower: GAAKK! SYSTEM MALFUNCTION FATAL ERROR SHUTTING DOWN.(Melts into a puddle of steaming, green goo)  
  
Audience and contestants: (staring at the puddle of goo) man, that was freakish.  
  
Ty: I gotta get a picture of this for 'world's freakiest videos'! (Pulls out camcorder)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to Mewchu11, still stuck somewhere in TCL's TPPC box)  
  
Mewchu11: (watching the scene through a laptop) grr.I HATE THIS! WAIT TILL I GET MY HANDS ON THAT LAZY SLACKING 10.  
  
(There is yet another ominous rumbling)  
  
Mewchu11: oh no, not again.(drops the laptop and moves out of the way just as the evil giant spider-like thingy puts its foot down)  
  
(The evil giant spider-like thingy chases Mewchu11 into a plot hole that just happens to be floating by)  
  
Narrator: and so.  
  
(The scene changes back to the studio where IPGS is being shown. The other side of the plot hole dumps Mewchu11 and the evil giant spider-like thingy into the studio.)  
  
Audience: aah! It's a giant spider-like thingy! Run!  
  
(The is a massive stampede as the evil giant spider like thingy begins to smash apart the studio)  
  
Ty: (recording away with camcorder) wow! I'm sure to win the 10,000 pokebuck prize!  
  
Narrator: heh. Meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes back to Flareon, still walking along)  
  
Flareon: all right, now what do I have to do?  
  
Narrator: (pointing) you see that there? That's the capital of the land of the tofu eaters.  
  
Flareon: and so, lemme guess, I'm supposed to go in there?  
  
Narrator: yes.  
  
Flareon: that's silly! If I wanted to escape from the land of the tofu eaters I would walk AWAY from the capital, not TO it!  
  
Narrator: that would be too easy.  
  
Flareon: but.  
  
Narrator: just do it.  
  
Flareon: (grumbling) fine. (Walks off)  
  
(Camera fades out)  
  
Narrator: and so ends another episode of Eskimo Jolteon! Will Flareon be able to escape from the evil land of the tofu eaters? What about Jolteon and Umbreon? Will I be able to stop the evil killer tennis ball? Stay tuned to find out!  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review!!! ^_^ 


	64. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 64: Flareon in th...

Author's note: well, here's the 64th episode.la di da di da.(twiddles thumbs) little fighter is fun! ^^ I leave tomorrow to go on holiday for a week, so this fic will not be updated as such. Ho hum.(waits for someone to come on MSN) what else is there to say.wobble! Today was the last day of school for me! (Is very VERY happy) now I can look forward to eight weeks of complete relaxation! No more homework! No more having to wake up at 6 am to go to school! Yay! ^^ oops, I think I just spilled some rice onto the keyboard.enough of my blabbering, on with the story! ^^  
  
Narrator: and as usual, we'll get my friend Dawn to do the disclaimer as always. (Leads Dawn out by the paw)  
  
Dawn: all right, what's today's disclaimer gift? When I looked into your box there weren't any.  
  
Narrator: there's nothing in there before my imagination creates it, silly! Oh well, for this episode we have.a Firzeon! (Pulls the squirming thing out of the box)  
  
Dawn: Waa! It's sooooooo ccccuuuuuutttttteeeeee! Gimme it! (Reaches out)  
  
Narrator: (putting it out of Dawn's reach) not until you do the disclaimer first.  
  
Dawn: meanie.;_; oh well.Lccorp2 does not own pokemon, nor does he own any other characters not created by him. However, he does own this fic, as well as his Game Boy advance, which he will put to good use during the 6 hour bus journey to his destination, as well as a pair of baggy jeans. Satisfied?  
  
Narrator: yep, there you go! (Hands her the struggling Firzeon)  
  
Dawn: it's soooo warm and cool at the same time! (Huggles the Firzeon tightly) and sooooo huggable too!  
  
Narrator: (watching Dawn) I think you're choking it.  
  
Dawn: oh.(gets the Firzeon down on the floor, which makes gasping noises)  
  
Narrator: now that we've gotten the disclaimer over with, on with the story!  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 64:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place to the far south of Kanto.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized field of soybeans somewhere.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into field of soybeans. We see Flareon staring at the evil capital of the land of the tofu eaters.)  
  
Flareon: (pointing) so that's the place, huh?  
  
Narrator: yes.  
  
Flareon: and so I gotta go in, huh?  
  
Narrator: uh-huh.  
  
Flareon: darn.(walks in)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to the Author's lounge. We see various authors lying around on the floor)  
  
Narrator: (coming in) hey, what happened here? Why, I.  
  
(WHAP!)  
  
Narrator: (clutching head) ow.my poor head.(collapses unconscious onto floor)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to the Mewchu Manor. We see Flower sitting in her room)  
  
Flower: (hearing screams and sounds of glass breaking) what's that?  
  
10: (opening the door and crawling in) it's not much, miss.  
  
Flower: really? Let me go have a loo-  
  
(The evil killer tennis ball bounces in through the open door and knocks Flower unconscious)  
  
10: I did say you shouldn't have done that, miss.  
  
Mewchu11: (coming out) hey, what's all this fuss about? (Sees the evil killer tennis bouncing towards him) ha! (Catches it)  
  
10: good catch!  
  
Mewchu11: thanks.(bounces the evil killer tennis ball off a wall, which rebounds at light speed, hitting him squarely in the forehead)  
  
10: that's gotta hurt.  
  
Mewchu11: ouch.my head.(keels over and lands beside the unconscious Flower)  
  
Narrator: heh, never underestimate the power of the evil killer tennis ball! Meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to some strange, unknown place. We see me floating around.)  
  
Narrator: where am I? (Looks around)  
  
(Suddenly, an assortment of various foodstuffs walk towards me)  
  
Narrator: and who would you lot be?  
  
Cheese: we're your pizza nightmare.  
  
Narrator: (remembers that he went to pizza hut for lunch yesterday afternoon) oh.and what do you want with me?  
  
Cheese: as I said, we're your pizza nightmare! I'm the cheese, and this here's the tomato, the olives, the pineapple, and the anchovies!  
  
Narrator: (pointing to a dark figure) and who's that?  
  
Cheese: oh, that's the sausage stuffed crust of the pizza you ate.  
  
Narrator: okay.and what do I have to do in order to get out of this dream about yesterday's lunch?  
  
Cheese: (shrugging) beats me. How would I know?  
  
Narrator: great. I'm stuck in here indefinitely with yesterday's lunch. Oh well, and now back to our hero.  
  
(The scene changes back to Flareon, standing at the city gates)  
  
Flareon: now what?  
  
Narrator: don't just stand there, go in!  
  
Flareon: (grumbling) oh, all right.  
  
(Flareon walks into the city)  
  
Guard: halt! What is your business in this place?  
  
Flareon: (thinking fast) I'm a.er.soybean?  
  
Guard: (eyeing Flareon suspiciously) you don't look like a soybean to me.  
  
Flareon: oh, I'm a GM variety. See? I do handstands! (Does a handstand)  
  
Guard: all right, you can go through. I like soybeans. (Waves Flareon through)  
  
Flareon: whew.(walks on)  
  
(Camera follows Flareon as he walks through the place)  
  
Flareon: all right, so what do I have to do now in order to get away from this wretched place?  
  
Narrator: you have to defeat the evil health food emperor Donald McRonald!  
  
Flareon: oh no.I thought Jolteon took care of that guy.  
  
Narrator: evidently not. Here, you'll need this. (Hands Flareon a fork)  
  
Flareon: (taking fork) all right.now what am I supposed to do with this? (Waves fork around)  
  
Narrator: you'll know when you need to use it. Come on, let's just get this over with as I'm typing this at midnight.  
  
Flareon: all right.(storms off brandishing fork)  
  
Narrator: and so.  
  
(The scene changes to some sort of stadium)  
  
Voice: and speaking today is our beloved emperor, Donald McRonald!  
  
(The people chant as Donald Mcronald walks onto the stage)  
  
Narrator: all right, just get this over with, I'm out of ideas and energy.  
  
Flareon: and I wanna go home too.  
  
Narrator: so do it!  
  
Flareon: fine. (Hurls the greasy fork at Donald McRonald)  
  
(The fork strikes Donald McRonald, which disintegrates into a fine powder. There is a brief flash of light, and then darkness.)  
  
Narrator: and so.  
  
(The scene changes to a McDonald's fast food restaurant. We see Flareon sitting before Ronald McDonald.)  
  
Ronald McDonald: Flareon, in the flesh, or rather, in the fur coat, when you were out I took the liberty of relieving you of that fork, after all it was author property.  
  
Flareon: huh? Where am I?  
  
Ronald McDonald: the land of the tofu eaters is now under our control for the time being, thanks to you, quite a nasty piece of work you managed there.I am impressed.  
  
Flareon: (still quite confused) huh?  
  
Ronald McDonald: that's why I'm here, Mr. Flareon. I wish to express my gratitude to you for your part in putting down my evil twin and as such wish to present you with a coupon for unlimited free meals at any McDonald's, anytime.  
  
Flareon: (taking coupon) all right.  
  
(There is a flash of light, and we see Flareon lying on the snow)  
  
Flareon: (shaking head) maybe it was all a dream.(sees coupon in paw) AAAAA! (Flings coupon away and runs away at top speed)  
  
Narrator: and so ends another silly episode of Eskimo Jolteon, except for.  
  
(The scene changes back to the Author's lounge, where TCL and C9Y are playing cards)  
  
TCL: (noticing something floating in through the window) what's that? (Picks it up)  
  
C9Y: ooh! It's a coupon entitling the bearer to a lifetime supply of free food from McDonald's!  
  
TCL: what are we waiting for?! Let's go!  
  
(They rush out)  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! ^^ 


	65. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 65: attack of the...

Author's note: all right, here's the 65th episode.la di da di da.well, I've been back from my holiday for some time, and now feel reasonably fine.(looks into mirror) except for my more-bloodshot-than-usual eyes, which have been caused by staring for too long at the computer/ Game boy advance screen. (I'm writing this at night) oh well, what else is there to say.(sticks head into blender and turns it on) wheee! Sigh.(looks into mirror and notices the dark red streaks along the normal red bit) oh well, on with the story!  
  
Narrator: and now, let us get out old friend to do the disclaimer. (Leads Dawn out by the hand)  
  
Dawn: all right, so what's this episode's disclaimer gift?  
  
Narrator: ah, yes. For doing this episode's disclaimer, I will give you.(dramatic pause) LouisEX's funny-looking trident thingy! (Holds it up) (Author's note: for those of you who don't play little fighter 2, LouisEX is a secret character who has a nice trident thingy which can cause a nice bit of damage when used properly. Oh no, I'm blabbering again.)  
  
Dawn: all right, so what am I supposed to do with it? (Scratches head in confusion)  
  
Narrator: see, with this, you can club a snorlax! (Clubs a nearby pidgey for effect)  
  
Dawn: I see.  
  
Narrator: and you can poke it too! ^^  
  
Dawn: all right! Gimme gimme gimme! (Bounces up and down)  
  
Narrator: disclaimer.  
  
Dawn: all right. Lccorp2 does not own pokemon, nor does he own any other characters not created by him. However, he does own this fic, along with his crappy computer, which although crappy, old, and fit for the junkyard, does not keep on illegal opping like mine.  
  
Narrator: all right, here you go. (Hands Dawn the trident-like thingy)  
  
Dawn: whee! (does an experimental swing and runs off)  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 65:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo somewhere.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into igloo. We see Jolteon watching TV.)  
  
Narrator: ah, the old classic opening.  
  
Jolteon: (flicking through channels) nope. Nope. Nope. Why isn't there ever anything good to watch on TV?)  
  
Narrator: fine, since you're so bored, let's liven things up a bit.  
  
Jolteon: what do you mean?  
  
(Suddenly, the igloo is ripped up by an evil giant green pudding and devoured, leaving only the furniture and a very stunned Jolteon.)  
  
Jolteon: (angrily) (at evil giant green pudding) hey! No one eats my igloo and gets away with it!  
  
(The evil giant green pudding leaps away, leaving behind it a trail of green pudding)  
  
Jolteon: get back here! (Follows the trail of green pudding)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to the Mad Mewchu manor, where we see 11 sleeping in bed. 10 comes in)  
  
11: ow.my head.(noticing 10 come in) what happened? What's this?  
  
10: you had a sugar high last night, and repeatedly banged your head on the wall. And this is an aspirin. It makes your head feel smaller.  
  
11: all right.(takes aspirin and throws glass of water away into the distance)  
  
10: by the way, you have two visitors? Shall I ask 3 to send this in?  
  
11: ow.okay.(clutches head)  
  
(Mario and Yoshi come in. Their heads evidently have been switched.)  
  
11: (staring at Mario and Yoshi) WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?!  
  
Yoshi: since-a Mario can't-a speak, because-a he's got-a my head, I'll do the talking.  
  
(The Yoshi-headed Mario nods)  
  
Yoshi: (angrily) YOU-A changed our-a heads during your-a sugar high last-a night-a! We want-a our-a heads back-a!  
  
11: is that all? Fine.(Unscrews both heads and screws them on right way)  
  
Mario: that's-a better.  
  
Yoshi: glorp! (Nods)  
  
Mario: we'll-a be leaving-a.  
  
(Mario and Yoshi walk out)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to Pallet Town. We see the general population on Pallet Town running around like ants while the evil giant green pudding swallows a nearby building)  
  
Random person#1: aieee! We're doomed!  
  
Random Person#2: (watching the evil giant green pudding eat Gary's house) AAA!  
  
(Suddenly, the Evil Tracey's image appears over Pallet town.)  
  
Tracey: greetings, citizens of Pallet town. No doubt you have noticed the evil giant green pudding that is consuming your town! I will only stop the monster if you pay me one hundred billion.  
  
Random Person: ack! We don't have that much!  
  
Tracey: Yen!  
  
(All the townspeople fall down anime-style)  
  
Narrator: oh well. Meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to the amazing Nintendo museum. We see a bunch of tourists milling around.)  
  
Tour guide: (pointing) and here, you can see the first barrel Donkey Kong ever rolled at Mario.  
  
Tourists: ooohhhh.(start snapping pictures)  
  
Tour guide: (waving arm) and further down the corridor, you can see the first super mushroom Mario has ever used. See? It's still got the bite mark on it!  
  
Tourists: aah.(continue snapping pictures)  
  
(Suddenly, a glass comes hurtling through the window, hitting the mushroom and breaking it into two. The mushroom turns out to be made of plaster.)  
  
Tour guide: ehhehehe.  
  
Tourists: (chanting) we want our money back! We want our money back!  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to Pallet town, where Jolteon has just arrived.)  
  
Jolteon: now where's that evil giant green pudding that ate my igloo? (Looks around)  
  
Random person: are you looking for the evil giant green pudding?  
  
Jolteon: hell yeah1 it ate my igloo!  
  
Random person: oh, it's just eating professor oak's lab right now. If you hurry you'll catch it. (Points)  
  
Jolteon: 'k. (Rushes off)  
  
Narrator: and so.  
  
(The scene changes to professor oak's lab. We see the evil giant green pudding munching on everything it can find)  
  
Brock: (being swallowed by the evil giant green pudding) aaa!  
  
Jolteon: (waving paws) yoohoo! Over here!  
  
Evil giant green pudding: blorp? (Oozes towards Jolteon)  
  
Jolteon: catch! (Picks up a struggling Ash Ketchum and throws it into the evil giant green pudding's mouth)  
  
(The evil giant green pudding turns purple, squeaks, and explodes)  
  
Jolteon: there! (Pats paws and leaves)  
  
Narrator: some distance away.  
  
(The scene changes to Evil Tracey and Darth Gary in the Levitating Milktruck of Doom)  
  
Tracey: (watching scene through monitor) darn! It would've gone fine if not for that meddling Jolteon!  
  
Darth Gary: (patting Tracey on back) at least we got rid of the twerp gang and my sister.  
  
Tracey: yes, yes.a minor victory is better than none at all. Now help me think of another plan to take over the world.  
  
(Camera fades out)  
  
Narrator: and so ends another episode of Eskimo Jolteon, except for.  
  
(The scene changes to Dawn, clubbing a snorlax)  
  
Dawn: (repeatedly clubbing the snorlax with the trident) whee! This is fun!  
  
(The snorlax yawns and rolls over, squashing Dawn)  
  
Dawn: (from under snorlax) ouch. Hello? Anyone? Get me out from under here!  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! ^^ 


	66. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 66: the evil sque...

Author's Note: well, here's the 66th episode.la di da did a.what else is there to say.I hate the whole world! Really! I'm serious! Bleah.wobble. What else is there to say.wobble? Oh well, on with the story anyway!  
  
Narrator: and as usual, we shall get our old friend to do the disclaimer.  
  
(No one turns up)  
  
Narrator: hello? Dawn?  
  
Dawn: (from far away) over here.  
  
(I walk over and see nothing but a snorlax)  
  
Narrator: Dawn?  
  
Dawn: (from under snorlax) here.  
  
Narrator: oh, okay.(rolls snorlax off Dawn)  
  
Dawn: (flattened) help.  
  
Narrator: all right.(gets out a bicycle pump and blows up Dawn)  
  
Dawn: (dusting herself off) all right, what's this episode's disclaimer gift?  
  
Narrator: all right, for doing this episode's disclaimer gift, I will give you a banana milkshake! (Holds it up)  
  
Dawn: is it cold?  
  
Narrator: yes!  
  
Dawn: all right.Lccorp2 does not own pokemon, nor does he own any other characters not created by him. However, he does own this fic, and if you try to steal his disclaimer he will.um.I don't know.  
  
Narrator: I don't know either, but it definitely will be bad.  
  
Dawn: oh well. (Gulps down the bottle of banana milkshake)  
  
Narrator: want more? (Holds up another bottle)  
  
(Dawn grabs the bottle and drink greedily)  
  
Narrator: and here's a tissue for when you're done. (Hands it over)  
  
Narrator: and now on with the story.  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 66:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo somewhere.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into igloo. We see Jolteon and Umbreon watching TV)  
  
Narrator: I'm going back to the old classics? So what?  
  
Jolteon: (flicking through channels) why isn't there anything good to watch at all?  
  
Umbreon: yeah.  
  
Jolteon: shut up. Remember that I still had to literally tear you away from those girls in Isle Defino.  
  
Umbreon: wasn't my fault that we got hold of some duct tape.  
  
Jolteon: well, anyway, squeak.  
  
Umbreon: huh?  
  
Jolteon: squeak squeak.  
  
Umbreon: let me guess.have you been anywhere near Koga in the last few weeks?  
  
Jolteon: squeak. (Nods)  
  
Umbreon: I see. Well we'd better be getting you somewhere.(drags Jolteon off)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to the Mad Mewchu Manor, where 11 is sleeping in bed.)  
  
(7 comes in)  
  
11: mmmppphhhh.huh? (Looks at 7) you woke me up! Go away!  
  
7: (presenting 11 with an envelope) I'd like you to read this.  
  
11: (tearing open envelope and reading) dear fellow clone: I am dissatisfied with the working conditions and pay in producing this fic, "Mad Mewchu Manor". Therefore I am blackmailing you. If you do not improve my working conditions and double my salary, I will announce to the world that you have two illegimate children by Moonlit shadow. Thank you for reading this.  
  
7: (grinning evilly) so?  
  
11: fine, I don't pay you anything anyway.  
  
7: oops. (Takes letter, cancels out "double my salary" and writes one hundred billion yen")  
  
11: ack! You know that I don't have that much!  
  
7: precisely.  
  
11: hot about a thousand up front and the rest in instalments?  
  
7: sounds good to me.  
  
11: fine.(groans and collapses back into bed)  
  
Narrator: bwahahaha! Anyway.  
  
(The scene changes to some waiting room)  
  
Nurse Joy: next! The doctor will see you now!  
  
Jolteon: squeak.  
  
(Jolteon and Umbreon walk into the door)  
  
Doctor: hello, I'm Koga's personal doctor, and what can I do for you two?  
  
Umbreon: show him.  
  
Jolteon: squeak.  
  
Doctor: ah, I see. The evil squeakiness disease. Well, the only cure for this is some evil green pudding.  
  
Jolteon: SQUEAK! Squeak a squeak a squeak!  
  
Doctor: would you mind translating that?  
  
Narrator: seems like we will need subtitles for this episode.  
  
Jolteon: squeak! (Yes!)  
  
Umbreon: well, he said that he destroyed some evil green pudding a few days ago.  
  
Doctor: well I see. Maybe you could go get some.  
  
Jolteon: squeak. (Fine)  
  
Narrator: and so.  
  
(The scene changes to the ruined remains of Pallet Town. Jolteon and Umbreon walk into the scene.)  
  
Jolteon: (to random person) squeak. Squeak a squeak!  
  
Random Person: what'd he say?  
  
Umbreon: oh, he just said do you have any of that evil green pudding that was left over from the last episode?  
  
Random Person: oh, we just burnt the last bit a few minutes ago, together with professor oak's lab.  
  
Jolteon: SQUEAK! (NOOOOOOOOO!)  
  
Random Person: you know, get rid of evilness stuff and such.  
  
Jolteon: SQUEAK! (NOOOOOOOOOOOO!) (Runs around in circles)  
  
Umbreon: don't panic.keep calm.  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to the Author's Lounge. We see the authors doing their usual stuff)  
  
Narrator: (looking at Dawn) you know, if you keep on drinking those banana milkshakes, you're going to get sick.  
  
Flower: oh, let her be.  
  
Narrator: umm, you know, you shouldn't drink too many banana milkshakes.(gently takes away the banana milkshake)  
  
Dawn: waah! Mine! (Bursts into tears)  
  
Narrator: all right.(gives Dawn her milkshake) although I don't like the idea of her being sick, I don't like to see her cry.  
  
Flower: whatever. Shall I call TCL in to repair the TV?  
  
Narrator: when was the TV ever broken?  
  
Flower: oh, just a few minu- (gets hit by the evil killer tennis ball and is knocked out)  
  
Narrator: I see. And so.  
  
(The scene changes to Tracey HQ, where we see the Evil Tracey in his room)  
  
Tracey: crash the moon into the earth.no.blow up new bark.no.heck, why can't I think of anything evil to do?  
  
(Darth Gary comes in)  
  
Darth Gary: you have two visitors, Master.  
  
Tracey: send them in.  
  
(Jolteon and Umbreon come in, wearing crude masks.)  
  
Tracey: and you two would be?  
  
Umbreon: I'm doctor, um, good-for-nothing, and he's doctor, um, freaky.  
  
Tracey: ah, I see. Have a seat, fellow evildoers. And what would be the purpose of your trip here?  
  
Jolteon: squeak.  
  
Tracey: what did he say?  
  
Umbreon: um, nothing. Anyway, we'd like some of that evil green pudding.  
  
Tracey: and what would you want it for?  
  
Umbreon: you see, we want to take over the wo-  
  
Jolteon: squeak.  
  
Umbreon: all right, the land of the cute fuzzy ants.  
  
Tracey: good. I hate cute fuzzy ants. Take as much as you want. (Points to pot in the corner)  
  
Umbreon: (walking over to the pot and scooping out a bowlful) thank you very much and byebye! (Rushes off, dragging Jolteon)  
  
Tracey: that was odd.  
  
Darth Gary: they looked familiar, master.  
  
Tracey: oh well. Sit down here and help me think of another evil plot for taking over the world.  
  
(Camera fades out)  
  
Narrator: and so ends another silly episode of Eskimo Jolteon! Stay tuned for the next episode! 


	67. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 67: The ManEating...

Author's note: arrrgggghhhhh!!!!! I hate the world! Everyone is trying to kill me!!!!! Waaaaa!!!!! All right, now that I've gotten that over with, sigh. Grumble grumble grumble episode 67 grumble grumble. Well, at least I've hit the three hundred review mark! Yay! Keep the reviews coming! Oh well, on with the story.  
  
Narrator: and now, we shall get our old friend to do the disclaimer. (Leads Dawn out by the paw)  
  
Dawn: and what will you give me for this episode?  
  
Narrator: yes! For this episode, I will give you a.(Dun Dun Dun!) the amazing plate of mysterious pink wobble! (Holds it up)  
  
Dawn: (staring at the amazing plate of mysterious pink wobble) what's this? Where did it come from?  
  
Narrator: well, it came from an in-flight meal.  
  
Dawn: (still staring at the amazing plate of mysterious pink wobble) and what does this thing here do?  
  
Narrator: well, I'm not too sure myself, but if you shake it a bit, it wobbles and keeps on wobbling! (Shakes the plate)  
  
Dawn: (watching the amazing plate of mysterious pink wobble wobble) aah. And what would I do with it?  
  
Narrator: I'm not sure, but if you don't want it, I can huggle you anyway! (Huggles Dawn)  
  
Dawn: now that's a better gift. (Huggles back)  
  
Narrator: oh well, let's not keep the readers waiting, on with the story!  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 67:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo somewhere.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into igloo. We see Jolteon reading the newspaper.)  
  
Jolteon: (reading) today, Mario was convicted on charges of illegal drug possession and consumption. The drug in question was "magic" mushrooms. It seems that Mario has not been using the regular Super mushrooms, and instead has switched to LSD-containing "Magic" mushrooms. Mario is now appealing his conviction.  
  
Narrator: put that down and go out for a walk.  
  
Jolteon: why?  
  
Narrator: (in a serious tone) because I am author of this fic, and as such I have a god-like power over all that happens in this fic.  
  
Jolteon: (grumbling) 'k. (Gets up and leaves)  
  
Narrator: far away.  
  
(The scene changes to Tracey HQ. We see the Evil Tracey hard at work. Darth Gary comes in)  
  
Darth Gary: what are you doing, Master?  
  
Tracey: ahem. (Laughs evilly) Bwahahaha! Following the failure of the Green Pudding, I have come up with a new, improved, enhanced...  
  
Darth Gary: yes?  
  
Tracey: Man-Eating Muffin! Bwahahaha!  
  
Darth Gary: did you overdose on your evilness medication today, Master?  
  
Tracey: of course not! I merely took the whole bottle! And now let us unleash the evil Man-eating Muffin upon the helpless residents of Ecruteak city! Bwahahaha!  
  
Darth Gary: this is an excellent plan, Master!  
  
Tracey: of course it is! And this Man-Eating Muffin even has a built-in resistance to Ash Ketchums! Bwahahahaha!  
  
Narrator: oh no! Will our heroes be able to stop the Man-Eating Muffin? Meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to Flareon's igloo. Jolteon comes into the scene.)  
  
Jolteon: (watching Flareon idly repeatedly press the doorbell) whatcha doing?  
  
Flareon: (in trance) doorbell...sounds...good...(Presses again)  
  
(Suddenly, the evil Man-Eating Muffin comes over and squishes Flareon's igloo)  
  
(There is silence for a while)  
  
Flareon: (bursting into tears) THAT THING KILLED MY DOORBELL!  
  
Jolteon: 0_o;;;  
  
Flareon: (giving chase after the evil Man-Eating Muffin, dragging Jolteon behind him) QUICK! WE MUST AVENGE MY DOORBELL!  
  
Jolteon: (being dragged) okay.  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to the Author's Lounge. We see all the authors doing their usual stuff.)  
  
TCL: (suddenly speaking up) that's it! I have just pinpointed the source of the evil sanity that is plaguing our insane coalition!  
  
Authors: (running around wildly) what? Where is it? Where is it?  
  
TCL: using my amazing psychic powers, I have discerned the evil source of the sanity, which is.(points with wing to the toilet) there!  
  
C9Y: huh? That's not possible.how can sanity be in a toilet? It doesn't even exist as a thing?  
  
TCL: nevertheless, the evil sanity waves are being emitted from the toilet!  
  
Flower: and I suppose we must go in there?  
  
TCL: yes!  
  
(All the Authors cautiously approach the toilet. Mewchu11 slowly squeaks the door open)  
  
C9Y: Aieeeee! (Faints)  
  
Sal: I can feel myself going sane.  
  
(The camera swings to show the toilet bowl glowing red)  
  
Narrator: (producing a sledgehammer from nowhere) quick! We must destroy the evil toilet bowl of sanity at once before all of us become sane!  
  
(The authors start hacking away at the evil toilet bowl of sanity with whatever they can find. Eventually, the evil toilet bowl of sanity crumbles into rubble)  
  
Authors: (bouncing up and down) hooray! We have overcome the evil toilet bowl of sanity!  
  
TCL: who's up for a game of strip blackjack?  
  
Saf: good to see that TCL's back to her normal, insane self.  
  
11: isn't that rather pointless? I mean, all pokemon don't wear clothes.  
  
Flower: you bet. (Removes 11's fur coat)  
  
11: EEP! (Dives behind the sofa) all right, I retract my statement.  
  
Narrator: Bwahahahahaha! Meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to Ecruteak city, which is being ravaged by the evil Man- Eating Muffin)  
  
Man-Eating Muffin: Rawr! (Bites a huge chunk out of the tin tower)  
  
(Flareon rushes onto the scene, dragging Jolteon behind him)  
  
Flareon: (noticing the evil Man-Eating Muffin) YAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!! I WILL AVENGE MY DOORBELL!!!!! (Rushes forward)  
  
Man-Eating Muffin: Rawr! (Swallows Flareon)  
  
Jolteon: great. Now what to do.  
  
Man-Eating Muffin: Rawr. (Goes over to the gym, rips it up, and eats all the people inside, including Morty.)  
  
Jolteon: (thoughtfully staring at the evil Man-Eating Muffin) hmm.  
  
Man-Eating Muffin: RAWR! (Swallows all the Kimono girls)  
  
Jolteon: (to self) oh well, guess it couldn't hurt.(Walks up to the evil Man-Eating Muffin and pokes it)  
  
(Poke poke poke poke poke)  
  
(The evil Man-Eating Muffin stops dead in its tracks, turns blue, squeaks three times, and explodes.)  
  
Jolteon: (staring at the remains of the Man-eating Muffin) wow, that was easy.  
  
Flareon: (dancing around wildly in circles) BWAHAHAHAHA! MY DOORBELL HAS BEEN AVENGED! BWAHAHAHA!!!!!  
  
Jolteon: okay.come on, let's go home and leave all these poor people here to clean up the mess. (Drags Flareon off)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to Tracey HQ.)  
  
Tracey: what? How could this have happened? What went wrong?  
  
Darth Gary: (checking the label on a bag) I think you used cornstarch instead of sugar, Master.  
  
Tracey: GAAAGGGHHH!!!!! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU, NEVER, EVER, EVER STORE THE SUGAR AND CORNSTARCH TOGETHER! AARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!  
  
Narrator: Bwahaha! And so ends another silly episode of Eskimo Jolteon, except for.  
  
(The scene changes to the Author's Lounge, where Dawn is idly playing with the plate of mysterious pink wobble)  
  
Narrator: (coming in) having fun?  
  
Dawn: (poking the mysterious pink wobble and watching it wobble) sort of.  
  
Narrator: well, that's nice.  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! ^_^ 


	68. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 68: Ghost From th...

Author's note: sorry for not getting this up earlier, but a combination of writer's block, laziness, and being in love have all conspired to delay this episode. Anyway, now I've got here.hm.what else is there to say.wobble! Hee hee hee.  
  
Narrator: and as usual, we have got our old friend to do the disclaimer. (Leads Dawn out)  
  
Dawn: and what's today's disclaimer gift?  
  
Narrator: ah, yes! For doing this episode's disclaimer, I shall give you a.well, I don't know.  
  
Dawn: (stretching out paw) well?  
  
Narrator: ah! I know! Here! (Hands Dawn something)  
  
Dawn: (fiddling with it) what's this?  
  
Narrator: oh, it's just a squeaky rubber Eevee you can use in your bathtub.  
  
Dawn: oh? (Presses the Eevee, which squeaks)  
  
Narrator: see?  
  
Dawn: yay! (Runs off with Eevee)  
  
Narrator: well, that's that. Now on with the story!  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 68:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place in the not so distant past, a place that is built up.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a very large hall somewhere..  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into building. We see that it is some sort of conference room. The evil Hutler steps in.)  
  
Hutler: greetings, gentlemen. No doubt the war is going pretty badly for us, but we have created a great weapon that will win us the war!  
  
Aide #1: what is it?  
  
Hutler: it is.Da Super Laser Cannon!  
  
Aide #2: but that requires too much power!  
  
Hutler: silence, fool! That si why I have contrived to obtain the sole item that can power Da Super Laser Cannon.Jolteon's Thundergun!  
  
Aide #3: but Jolteon is in the future! How will you get there?  
  
Hutler: thanks to two children, I have procured a time machine! Bwahaha!  
  
Narrator: and so.  
  
(The scene changes to outside the building. We see Hutler standing in the time machine, which looks distinctly like a telephone booth.)  
  
Hutler: farewell! (Vanishes)  
  
Kid #1: bye, Mr. Roosevelt!  
  
Kid #2: (dancing around) finally! We'll have an A for history!  
  
Aide #3: but that was not Theodore Roosevelt in there! That was Adoof Hutler!  
  
Kid #2: we gave a time machine to Hutler?  
  
Kid #1: oops.  
  
Kid #2: never mind, we'll still get our A!  
  
Kid #1: yeah!  
  
(They continue dancing around)  
  
Narrator: oh no! what will happen now?  
  
(The scene changes to the Game Freak boardroom in Celadon. We see the various people inside.)  
  
Random person: Mr. Game Designer! I have terrible news!  
  
Game designer: what is it?  
  
Random person: (handing the Game designer a note) here!  
  
Game designer: (reading) dear Mr. Game Designer, bwahahaha and all that other crap. I have now taken control of Pewter City, and now will take over the world if you do not give me Jolteon's Thundergun! Bwahahaha. Yours sincerely, Hutler.  
  
Artist: oh no! What shall we do?  
  
Game Designer: well, I suppose we call the parties involved.  
  
(Jolteon and Umbreon suddenly appear)  
  
Game Designer: (surprised) whoa! Where did you two come from?  
  
Jolteon: as you know, we do move fast.  
  
Game Designer: well look at this. (Hands Jolteon the note)  
  
Jolteon: (reading note) ack! This is outrageous!  
  
Umbreon: quick! Let us go and settle this Hutler!  
  
(Our heroes rush off)  
  
Narrator: and now let me create a pointless diversion.  
  
(The scene changes to the digidestined, in some sort of forest.)  
  
Matt: hay, Tai, I don't like this forest.  
  
T.K. yeah, maybe we should leave.  
  
Izzy: well, according to my calculations we'll all be staying here.  
  
(Suddenly, a freakish pokemon, jumps out. It looks like a turd, smells like a turd, and IS a turd.)  
  
Turd: rawr! I'm pieceofcrapmon, and I'm gonna eat you now.  
  
Voice: pieceofcrapmon is a very powerful digimon it can destroy anyone with one blast.  
  
Pieceofcrapmon: bwahahaha! Me eat you now!  
  
(Pieceofcrapmon eats the digidestined and their digimon, and burps. Suddenly, everything explodes for no reason, leaving nothing but vacuum behind)  
  
Voice: ha ha ha! That was funny!  
  
Narrator: man, that was weird.anyway.  
  
(The scene changes to Pewter city. Jolteon and Umbreon arrive on the scene.)  
  
Umbreon: (reading a sign) Hutlerville. Yep, this seems like the place.  
  
Jolteon: we'll need disguises.  
  
Umbreon: I have just the thing! Wait here.  
  
Narrator: and so.  
  
(The scene changes to the gates of Pewter city, or rather, Hutlerville. Our two heroes arrive on the scene, dressed in crappy military uniforms.)  
  
Guard #1: halt! Who goes there?  
  
Umbreon: it is um.me, Colonel Smazer Alfodos, and this is.Lieutenant Booboo.  
  
Guard #2: all right, you two can pass. We just thought you two were Jolteon and Umbreon is crappy military uniforms. We've been ordered to shoot them on sight.  
  
Jolteon: grr.(rips off the uniform and zaps the two guards into oblivion)  
  
Umbreon: you know, we could just have snuck past them.  
  
Jolteon: shut up.let's go look for Hutler.  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to the building with the Hutler youth association. We see Hutler addressing a group of kiddies.)  
  
Hutler: and now remember, kinders, hate the Jews! And don't drink your milk! Milk is bad for you!  
  
Kiddies: boo! Milk! Boo! Down with milk!  
  
(Jolteon and Umbreon arrive on the scene)  
  
Hutler: bwahahaha! Just who I needed! Get them, my Hutler Jugend!  
  
(The evil kiddies swarm towards our heroes)  
  
Jolteon: (staring at the advancing tide of kiddies) oh no! I can't kill kiddies!  
  
Umbreon: but I can! Bwahaha! (Brandishes Machete)  
  
Narrator: due to content that is not appropriate for this fic's rating, I have to declare this portion censored. Please wait for the genocide to end.  
  
Hutler: bwahaha! You may have gotten past my Hutler Jugend, but if you do not give me your Thundergun, I will kill...Ash! Bwahaha!  
  
Jolteon: I don't really care.  
  
Hutler: oops, wrong person. If you do not give me your Thundergun, I will kill...Kurt's granddaughter! Bwahaha!  
  
Kurt's granddaughter: save me, Jolteon!  
  
Jolteon: all right. Don't kill any more kiddies. (Tosses Hutler the Thundergun)  
  
Hutler: bwahahaha! I now have the Thundergun! (Leaps into time machine) see you, suckers! (Vanishes)  
  
Jolteon: well, that's that.  
  
(Our heroes step outside. A scene of utter destruction greets their eyes)  
  
Jolteon: oh no! What has happened?  
  
Umbreon: (pulling out a history textbook from nowhere and reading it) after the great Hutler perfected Da Super Laser Cannon, he conquered the whole world.  
  
Jolteon: quick! We must go back in time and stop the evil Hutler!  
  
Umbreon: but how do we do that?  
  
Narrator: I'll handle that. And so.  
  
(The scene changes to outside the aforementioned conference hall. We see Hutler standing by Da Super Laser Cannon)  
  
Hutler: bwahahaha! Onward to Kanto!  
  
(Suddenly, Jolteon and Umbreon arrive)  
  
Hutler: Ach Mien! How did you two get here?  
  
Jolteon: as I said, we move pretty fast. (Zaps Hutler into oblivion)  
  
Umbreon: (picking up Jolteon's Thundergun) well, that settles it.  
  
Narrator: and so.  
  
(The scene changes back to the Celadon Mansion)  
  
Game Designer: well, you did it, Jolteon. You saved the world again.  
  
Umbreon: (leafing through History textbook) After Adoof Hutler mysteriously was scorched to death and Da Super Laser Cannon destroyed, peace was restored to the Houen region.  
  
Jolteon: yep, that seems like it.  
  
Game Designer: thank you for doing a great job.  
  
Jolteon: no problem.  
  
(Camera fades out)  
  
Narrator: and so ends another freakish episode of Eskimo Jolteon! Bwahaha!  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! ^_^ 


	69. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 69: Milk!

Author's Note: well, here's the 69th episode, all geared up and waiting for you! Sorry about the long delay, but the evil incorrigible laziness disease has struck yet again.(yawns) and other games and my kitty are all straggling for my attention.so don't blame me for my slow speed of writing. Oh well, what else is there to say.enjoy the story, and be sure to leave a review! Thanks!  
  
Narrator: and now, let us get my lovely kitty to do the disclaimer for all of us. (Gently leads Dawn out by the paw)  
  
Dawn: mmm.and what's today's disclaimer gift? (Looks up at me expectantly)  
  
Narrator: well, for doing this episode's disclaimer, I shall give you.a big bag of instant cereal! (Holds it up)  
  
Dawn: (staring at the bag of instant cereal) I don't know if I want that or not.  
  
Narrator: (handing over the bag of instant cereal) well I guess you can do the disclaimer now.  
  
Dawn: ahem. Lccorp2 does not own pokemon, nor does he own any other characters not created by him any way. He also does not own a ROM of pokemon Ru/Sa, because he is waiting for something he can read. However, he does own a nice, fluffy pillow that smells just the way he likes it.  
  
Narrator: all right, I guess you can leave now.  
  
Dawn: wheee! (Walks away, dragging the big bag of instant cereal behind her)  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 69:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo somewhere.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into igloo. We see Jolteon watching TV.)  
  
Jolteon: (rapidly flicking through channels) isn't there anything good to watch?  
  
Narrator: yes, there will, shortly. Meanwhile, far far away.  
  
(The scene changes to Tracey HQ. We see the evil Tracey and Darth Gary deep in thought)  
  
Tracey: (suddenly standing up) I have it!  
  
Darth Gary: what, master?  
  
Tracey: I have formulated another plan to take over the world! (Laughs evilly)  
  
Darth Gary: and that would be.?  
  
Tracey: I will destroy all the milk factories in the world!  
  
Darth Gary: and how will that enable you to take over the world?  
  
Tracey: simple! All the children, deprived of diary products, will go crazy! And as an added bonus, they'll all get weak bones! Bwahahaha!  
  
Darth Gary: ah. But master, can't they just get their milk straight from the miltank?  
  
Tracey: are you kidding? We're talking about city dwellers here! They want pasteurized! They want enriched! They don't want some weird watery stuff that came out of goodness knows where!  
  
Darth Gary: ah, I see.  
  
Tracey: quick! Pack the explosives! We're off to take over the world!  
  
Narrator: bwahaha! Meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes back to Jolteon, who is still rapidly flicking through channels)  
  
Jolteon: da de dum de da.hello? What's this?  
  
TV: and here we have a special news bulletin. Many milk factories have mysteriously exploded, leaving the world in a mass shortage of milk.  
  
Umbreon: (suddenly appearing from nowhere) oh dear, all those kiddies are going to get weak bones.  
  
Jolteon: (pointing to TV) even worse. They're freaking out without milk!  
  
Umbreon: (looking out at camera) and I suppose we're supposed to be doing something about this?  
  
Narrator: yes.  
  
Jolteon: and why?  
  
Narrator: cause if you don't there'll be no story. Now hurry up.  
  
Jolteon: (reluctantly getting off sofa) ok.  
  
Narrator: good. Meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to the FF.net author's lounge. We see the various authors doing their stuff.)  
  
Shadow: (munching on jellybeans on the sofa) mmm.  
  
(Suddenly, a bunch of freaky aliens burst in through the door)  
  
Shadow: huh?  
  
Aliens: greetings, Earth female. Do not be alarmed.  
  
Shadow: uh-huh.  
  
Aliens: (snatching the bag of jellybeans from Shadow) our planet is dying. We require jellybeans to survive. Do not attempt to resist or you will be destroyed.  
  
Shadow: (still staring confusedly at the aliens) uh.  
  
Aliens: thank you for understanding our situation. And now we must leave.  
  
Shadow: (watching the aliens leave) uh.  
  
(Camera follows the aliens as they exit the Author's Lounge. There are sounds of zippers being pulled down and the authors step out of their costumes.)  
  
Narrator: (holding up bag of jellybeans) well, that WAS easy.  
  
Dawn: yeah.  
  
TCL and Flower: JELLYBEANS! (Start rapidly munching the jellybeans)  
  
Narrator: seems like there won't be enough for us.oh well, back to the story.  
  
(The scene changes back to our heroes, who have arrived in Olivine City)  
  
Umbreon: (staring at the ruins of a milk factory) well, there goes the latest one.  
  
Jolteon: yep.(foot hits something) hello, what's this? (Picks it up)  
  
Umbreon: it's a pencil! Why would that be here?  
  
Jolteon: (narrowing eyes) I think I know who's responsible.  
  
Umbreon: yeah.  
  
Jolteon: (staring at the freaked out kids) I think we have to settle this first.  
  
Umbreon: but where are we to get milk?  
  
Voice: from here!  
  
(Camera spins around to show the Miltank farmer in a van)  
  
Farmer: that's right! (Tosses milk cartons from van) Drink milk! It's good for you!  
  
Umbreon: that's right! Milk has calcium and helps build strong bones and teeth!  
  
Jolteon: and it also makes you helluva strong!  
  
Jolteon, Umbreon and the Farmer: (pointing at camera) so drink milk, moron!  
  
Saf's brother: (appearing from nowhere) that's right! I'm crazy about milk!  
  
Jolteon: (staring at Saf's brother) hey, what're you doing here?  
  
Saf: (suddenly appearing) time to go home, brother.(drags her brother off)  
  
Umbreon: that was weird.  
  
(Suddenly, there is an ominous rumble)  
  
Jolteon: what's that?  
  
Umbreon: oh no! Look! (Points)  
  
(A gigantic van rolls out from the ruins of the milk factory)  
  
Tracey: bwahaha! Fools! You have been a thorn in my flesh for long enough! You shall fall before the Milkanator! Bwahahaha!  
  
Umbreon: oh no! That thing runs on 100% milk! How are we gonna beat Tracey when he has the power of milk?!  
  
Espeon: (suddenly teleporting in) with this! (Tosses Jolteon a box) catch! (Teleports away)  
  
Jolteon: (unwrapping box) Lemonade! Good thinking! Lemonade's the only thing that beats milk! (Chugs down a bottle)  
  
Umbreon: (chugging down a can) yes, especially with added sugar!  
  
Jolteon: sugar high! Bwahahaha! (Grabs the Milkanator and hurls it into orbit)  
  
Umbreon: (staring at the rapidly vanishing Milkanator) cool.that's what a sugar high can do for you.  
  
Jolteon: well, that's done with it. Let's go home.  
  
Farmer: hey, what about the Milk?  
  
Umbreon: you can do that. Let's go home.  
  
(Camera fades out)  
  
Narrator: and so ends another silly episode of Eskimo Jolteon, except for-  
  
(The scene changes to some freakish planet. We see the crushed remains of the Milkanator)  
  
Tracey: (stepping out) where are we?  
  
Darth Gary: no idea, master.  
  
(Suddenly, half a million Britney Spears swarm around the evil villains)  
  
Tracey: no.it can't be.  
  
Darth Gary: IT'S BRITNEY PLANET!  
  
Tracey: (shaking fist) Darn you, Jolteon! I'll get you for this!  
  
(Camera fades out)  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! ^_^ 


	70. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 70: Escape from t...

Author's note: well, here's the 70th episode.hooray! I supposed you have noticed that I now update weekly.will try to cram more chapters into my schedule, but the evil laziness disease always strikes without warning.and of course, a few other things/people demand my attention.so.zzzzz. Oh yes, where was I. well, read and enjoy the story, and be sure to leave a nice review for me! ^_^  
  
Narrator: and as usual, we'll get me lovely kitty to do the disclaimer for us. (Leads Dawn out by the paw)  
  
Dawn: (brushing some microscopic dust off her back) and what's today's disclaimer gift?  
  
Narrator: ah, yes! For doing today's disclaimer, I will give you.a can of mountain dew! (Holds it up)  
  
Dawn: mmm.mountain dew.  
  
Narrator: now do the disclaimer! ^_^  
  
Dawn: all right. Lccorp2 does not own pokemon, nor does he own any other characters not created by him. However, he owns this fic, as well as the old, rusty, noisy fan that is whirring beside him, as well as a whole collection of old comic books that he will keep and store until 20 years later, whereupon they will become his retirement fund.  
  
Narrator: um.ok.(hands Dawn the can of mountain dew)  
  
Dawn: (squealing happily) yay! (Glugs it all down)  
  
Narrator: (handing Dawn a tissue) here.  
  
Dawn: (pops the tissue into her mouth) mmm? (Chews)  
  
Narrator: oh, never mind. ^^;;  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 70:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the Internet in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place, a place known as the Author's Lounge.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized closet somewhere.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into the Author's Lounge. We see me with Jolteon and Umbreon.)  
  
Narrator: now I'm going to go off for a while. You two stay right here, ok?  
  
Jolteon: (nodding) fine with me.  
  
Narrator: ok. (Leaves)  
  
Umbreon: (pointing) hey, check out this closet!  
  
Jolteon: (turning round and reading inscription on the closet) Flower's closet of stuff.  
  
Umbreon: maybe we should open it.  
  
Jolteon: ahem.I don't think you should do that.nothing good ever happens when we mess with author's stuff.  
  
Umbreon: (throwing the closet open) see? There's nothing in it except a few dolls and such.(starts rummaging around in it)  
  
Jolteon: (noticing a purple glow around the closet) um, Umbreon?  
  
Umbreon: (with head stuck in the closet) what?  
  
Jolteon: I noticed a sort of.  
  
Umbreon: what?  
  
(Suddenly, the closet sucks Jolteon and Umbreon in, and the closet doors slam shut)  
  
Narrator: oh no! Bwahahaha! Meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to outside the closet. I come in)  
  
Narrator: (looking around) hey, where'd they go? (Notices something on ground) hello, what's this? (Picks it up)  
  
(Mewchu, Moonlit and Dawn arrive on the scene)  
  
Narrator: hey, look at what I found!  
  
Mewchu: (peering at the thingy) I think it's a Flower doll.  
  
Moonlit: ooh! (Evil grin) I know what to do with it! (Puts the Flower doll in a pink dress and puts lots of makeup on it)  
  
Narrator: heh.(camera moves forward to show Flower in bed)  
  
Flower: (waking up) zzz.huh? I don't remember putting on this pink dress, nor all this makeup.oh well.  
  
(The scene changes back to the group)  
  
Mewchu: my turn! My turn!  
  
Moonlit: all right.(reluctantly hands him the Flower doll)  
  
Mewchu: bwahahaha! (Chucks the Flower doll into the freezer) vengeance is mine!!!!!  
  
Flower: (from inside room) brr! Cold! Cold!  
  
Dawn: my turn! (Takes the Flower doll and hurls it into the fireplace)  
  
Flower: (from inside room) ow! Hot hot hot!  
  
Narrator: oh well.meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to Jolteon and Umbreon, who evidently are in Flower's closet of stuff)  
  
Jolteon: (rubbing head) where are we?  
  
Umbreon: (looking around) oh dear.all these pens and socks.  
  
Jolteon: (looks around at the mountains of pens and socks) no wonder I keep on losing my pens and having odd socks.  
  
Umbreon: (bringing out a Physics book and reading) Flower's closet of stuff may consist of N dimensions, which may coexist with X dimensions, where X is a number that is lower than N yet higher than 0.  
  
Jolteon: um.  
  
Umbreon: (rolling eyes) let's just say the place is very big.  
  
Jolteon: fine.now how to find our way out?  
  
Umbreon: (shrugging) I'm just as lost as you!  
  
Jolteon: well, this IS flower's closet, so there must be a way of getting around.  
  
Umbreon: (pointing) well, that heap of pens doesn't look like pens to me.  
  
Jolteon: (going over and inspecting one) it's a.Magic Wand Microphone!  
  
Umbreon: (picking one up) yep.(waves it around)  
  
(Suddenly, a door opens in the air)  
  
Jolteon: (staring at the door) so this must be how Flower gets around in here.  
  
Umbreon: (opening the door and stepping through) well, it can't get any worse.  
  
Jolteon: (following Umbreon) all right.  
  
(The door closes. There is much screaming)  
  
Umbreon's voice: all right, I retract my statement.  
  
Narrator: bwahaha! Meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to the Author's Lounge. We see the aforementioned authors with the Flower doll)  
  
Narrator: (holding the flower doll on a chopping block with one hand and a cleaver in the other) my turn! My turn!  
  
Flower: (walking dazedly out of room) ow.what a day.(sees Flower doll on chopping block and cleaver) NOOOO! GIVE ME BACK MY DOLL!  
  
Narrator: oops.(accidentally drops the cleaver, which drops onto the Flower doll, neatly severing it's head)  
  
Flower: (head suddenly rolls off) my head! My head! Come back! (Chases it)  
  
Narrator: (staring at Flower) oh well.back to our heroes.  
  
(The scene changes back to our heroes, who are now surrounded by rabid comic books.)  
  
Jolteon: (swatting a comic book) all right, this is your fault we're in here!  
  
Umbreon: (fending off an Archie digest) all right, all right! How was I supposed to know the magic wand microphone would take us here?  
  
(Suddenly, a plot hole appears, and a guy with a dozen ties around his neck falls into the room.)  
  
Guy who invented ties: huh? What am I.(sees the rabid comic books advance) oh no.  
  
(The evil rabid comic books descend onto the guy who invented ties and begin to messily devour him.)  
  
Umbreon: all right, now that they're distracted, let's go! (Waves the magic wand microphone and a door appears)  
  
Guy who invented ties: no! Don't leave me here!  
  
Narrator: heh heh heh. Anyway.  
  
(The scene changes to Yoshi's Island. We see Mario walking around when our heroes are suddenly dumped onto the ground.)  
  
Mario: mamma mia! Pokemon! (Points)  
  
Jolteon: we're in.Super Mario World?  
  
Umbreon: remember, Flower's closet of stuff may consist of N dimensions.  
  
Jolteon: (waving him off) all right, all right.so the closet of stuff holds everything to do with Flower?  
  
Umbreon: that's about it.  
  
Mario: (looking down) would-a you like-a berry? (Holds it out)  
  
Jolteon: (staring at the berry) um.no?  
  
(Suddenly, a giant book falls out of the Sky, neatly squashing Mario.)  
  
Umbreon: (walking over and reading the title) Book of Secrets? Well, maybe it'll tell us how to get out of here.  
  
(Jolteon goes over and flips a few pages)  
  
(The camera swings to show a page with a jumbled mess of scrawling)  
  
Umbreon: (reading from book) map of the inside of Flower's closet of stuff. Now let's see.(Puts a paw on the page) you are.here.  
  
Jolteon: I see.and how are we to get out.?  
  
Umbreon: well.(stares confusedly at the jumbled mess on the page)  
  
Jolteon: all right, all right.let's just go. (Waves the Magic wand Mcrophone and setps through the door that appears)  
  
(Camera fades out)  
  
Narrator: and so ends the first part of our heroes' adventure. Will they be able to escape from Flower's Closet of Stuff? Stay tuned for the next episode!  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! ^_^ 


	71. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 71: Escape from t...

Author's note: yawn.what, a stupid, boring, insane, freakish week! I hate everyone in the whole world! Um.let me retract that last statement.ok, not necessarily the whole world, but most of it.mumble mumble mumble.grr. Oh well, here's episode number 71, brought to you by me and my amazing bad mood.mumble. Anyways, read and enjoy the fic, and don't forget to leave a review!  
  
Narrator: and as usual, we'll get my lovable, cute, pretty kitty to do the disclaimer for us today. (Leads Dawn out by the paw)  
  
Dawn: (brushing some microscopic lint off her fur) and what's today's disclaimer gift?  
  
Narrator: ah, yes. For doing today's disclaimer, I will give you.a collection of hankies, of seven different colors, one for each day of the week! (Holds them up)  
  
Dawn: (stares at the collection of hankies) (squeals) gimme gimme gimme!  
  
Narrator: (coughing lightly) disclaimer.  
  
Dawn: all right.Lccorp2 does not own pokemon, nor does he own any other characters not created by him. However, he does own a large mug which he drinks his water out of, and he also owns this fic, although he admittedly doesn't own many of the ideas which enter this fic.  
  
Narrator: all right, here you go.(tosses dawn the pack of hankies)  
  
Dawn: yay! (Tears open the pack and starts to munch happily on a pink hanky)  
  
Narrator: oh well.on with the story!  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 71:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the Internet in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place, a place known as the Author's Lounge.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized closet somewhere.  
  
(Camera zooms onto the closet, and then zooms into the closet. We see Jolteon and Umbreon pouring over the book of Secrets)  
  
Jolteon: (thumping the book) this map of flower's closet of Stuff makes no sense whatsoever.  
  
Umbreon: (shifting uncomfortably) so that means.?  
  
Jolteon: we could be lost in here for a very long time, or never find our way out.  
  
Umbreon: well, at least we've got the illusion that we know where we're going.(points to the Book of Secrets)  
  
Jolteon: and that's better than not knowing where we're going?  
  
Umbreon: (nodding) yeah.  
  
Jolteon: you may be right.oh well.(Creates a door which the both of them step through)  
  
(The scene changes to some freakish place. Our heroes are unceremoniously dumped in.)  
  
Umbreon: that was a fast ride.  
  
Jolteon: now where are we?  
  
(A fairy walks by)  
  
Umbreon: I must be dreaming.  
  
Fairy: hi! I'm a dandruff fairy!  
  
Jolteon: I've heard of tooth fairies, but this is ridiculous!  
  
Fairy: (folding arms) well, how do you think dandruff comes about?  
  
Umbreon um.I don't know.and aren't you supposed to be THE Dandruff Fairy?  
  
Fairy: nope, it's a franchise thing.and you see, I'm supposed to take this bag of dandruff and sprinkle if on people's heads, and collect my paycheck every other week.  
  
Jolteon: tell me, do you know the way out of here?  
  
Fairy: yes! Now from here, go right, left, up, right, down, right, right, up, up, left.  
  
Umbreon: I think this is gonna take a while.  
  
Narrator: indeed. Meanwhile, outside the closet.  
  
(The scene changes to the Author's Lounge. We see Mewchu lying on the couch.)  
  
Mewchu: (groaning) aak.  
  
Moonlit: (coming in) what's the matter Mewwy?  
  
Mewchu: I'm ill.  
  
Moonlit: oh? (Examines Mewchu) you look fine to me.  
  
Mewchu: I have a disease that can only be cured by Macaroni, a six-pack of vanilla coke and a pizza. (Grins)  
  
(There is silence for a while as the both of them stare at each other)  
  
Moonlit: fine. (Leaves)  
  
Narrator: oh well, back to our heroes.  
  
(The scene changes back to our heroes, still listening to the Dandruff Fairy yak away)  
  
Dandruff Fairy: and then go up the stairs, and turn left three times, and you're there!  
  
Jolteon: um.  
  
Umbreon: never mind, you've been a great help. Thanks anyways.  
  
(The two of them step into a door and leave.)  
  
Narrator: what will happen to our heroes? In the meantime, let me create a pointless diversion.  
  
(The scene changes to Ash and co, evidently lost in some forest again.)  
  
Brock aydda wadda wadda!  
  
Ash: (pointing at Brock) how long has he been like this?  
  
Misty: (with an impatient look on her face) ever since he ate those rice balls, which were actually translated into "Donuts"?  
  
Ash: (staring at the insane Brock, who is now pretending to be a pig) so, how do we get him back to normal?  
  
Misty: who cares? I'm horny! (Tackles Ash and sends the both of them flying into a thick bush)  
  
(A few moments later, articles of clothing fly out of the bush and land on the Brock, who by now is pretending to be a fly.)  
  
Narrator: oh well, back to our heroes.  
  
(The scene changes back to our heroes, in some sort of warehouse.)  
  
Jolteon: (brushing dust of self) oh great. Now where did that magic wand microphone take us?  
  
Umbreon: (looking around) it seems to be some sort of warehouse.(looks down at the ground) oh, look! A jellybean! (Runs toward it)  
  
Jellybean: (in a high, squeaky voice) don't eat me! Don't eat me!  
  
Umbreon: (looking down at the jellybean) and why not?  
  
Jellybean: because I'm a jellybean of certain doom!  
  
Umbreon: really?  
  
Jellybean: sure! (Explodes, leaving our heroes quite blackened and charred)  
  
Jolteon: (pointing) um, I think you should see this.  
  
(The camera swings to show some crates toppling over to reveal masses of jellybeans)  
  
Umbreon: this does NOT look good.  
  
Jolteon: I agree.  
  
Umbreon: RUN FOR IT!!!!!  
  
(Our heroes run through a door that has somehow appeared in the wall, just as huge explosions tear the air behind them.)  
  
Jolteon: (wiping sweat off brow with a paw) now where Are we?  
  
Umbreon: (pulling out book of secrets) well, according to the map, we're in the middle of flower's closet of stuff.  
  
Jolteon: (looks around) hello, what's this large machine in the corner?  
  
Umbreon: (running up and reading sign on lever) flower's doom machine. Do not pull this lever as it will spell doom for the whole closet of stuff. Repeat: do not pull this lever.  
  
Jolteon: aah, what's all this fuss about.(Pulls the lever)  
  
(A siren begins to whine and overhead lights flash)  
  
Umbreon: great. Now we're gonna be blown up.  
  
Jolteon: look at it this way, it's better than being lost forever and slowly starving to death?  
  
Umbreon: makes sense.  
  
Flower's doom Machine : initializing countdown.3.2.1.  
  
(There is a HUGE explosion as the closet of stuff explodes, leaving a nice black scorch flower in the Author's Lounge, and our two heroes in the middle of it, charred.)  
  
Narrator: (idly chewing on a brick) ah, so there you are. I've been looking all over for you.  
  
Jolteon: (gasping) good.to.see.you.  
  
(Both our heroes collapse)  
  
Narrator: oh well, and so ends another silly episode of Eskimo Jolteon! Do stay tuned for the next episode!  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! ^_^ 


	72. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 72: The Evil Clou...

Author's note: after a very long repose from writing, I have finally come back to do this episode. All right, so I did miss doing the Christmas and New Year's specials (although I really meant to), at least I've gone and started this. *Yawns* oh well, now that I've gotten this moronic rant over with, on with the story! And so here is episode number 72, brought to you by me lovely Kitty!  
  
Narrator (me that is): (gently taking Dawn's paw and leading her out by a paw) and as usual, here is my lovely Kitty to do the disclaimer. (Kisses her paw)  
  
Dawn: (looking around) where's the disclaimer gift? It's not going to be a proper Eskimo Jolteon episode without the disclaimer gift!  
  
Narrator: why would you think I would forget that, Kitty? (Produces a small, nicely wrapped package from behind his back)  
  
Dawn: (squeals and bounces up and down) gimme! Gimme!  
  
Narrator: not until you do the disclaimer.  
  
Dawn: (reluctantly) all right.here goes.(yawns) Lccorp2 does not own pokemon, nor does he own any other characters not created by him. He recognizes the trademarks and patents and whatnot.blah blah blah. Anyway, he's not doing this for profit, so why should anyone sue him?  
  
Narrator: very nice. And now, here is your disclaimer gift. (Hands it over)  
  
Dawn: (ripping open the package) it's a coupon entitling the owner to one session of having your tummy tickled by Lccorp2. (Looks questioningly at me)  
  
Narrator: (grins nervously) well, would you like to use it now?  
  
Dawn: maybe later. . (walks off)  
  
(I sit on the ground and burst into tears)  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 72:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo somewhere.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into igloo. We see Jolteon, absolutely still on the sofa, collecting dust.)  
  
Narrator: (walking into room) It's been a long time.(blows the dust off the still form of Jolteon) now where is it? (Prods around until he finds a button) Ah! There!  
  
(Camera zooms in onto button. A small notation above it reads "In case of fic revival press button to re-activate character.")  
  
Narrator: oh well, here goes nothing.(pushes button)  
  
(A few whirrs and a metallic clang are heard.)  
  
Jolteon: (coming to life) w.what happened? Why's everything so dusty?  
  
Narrator: (doing a stupid little dance and speaking in a moronic voice) it's alive! It's alive!  
  
Jolteon: (narrowing eyes at me) you DIDN'T stop the fic, DID YOU?  
  
Narrator: (nervously sidling away) what? Who? Me? Oh, of course not! (Runs away)  
  
Jolteon: (looking around at the dusty igloo) well, better clean this up.  
  
Narrator: meanwhile, far, far away.  
  
(The scene changes to the Tracey HQ. We see the evil Tracey in front of some small device.)  
  
Tracey: Bwahahaha! I have just completed my latest invention that will grant me world domination! Behold! (Unveils the thingy)  
  
Darth Gary: (claps hands) and what does it do, Master?  
  
Tracey: it is.(dun dun dun) the evil cloudbird-eating digital watch! Bwahaha!  
  
(The screen freezes for a while, and I step out)  
  
Narrator: for those of you unfamiliar with AL speak, a cloudbird is a much- loved blue little fluffy, bird, otherwise known as Swablu. Anyway, back to the story.  
  
(I vanish, and the movie continues)  
  
Darth Gary: amazing! And how will it bring the world to it's knees, master?  
  
Tracey: (stares at the watch) um.well.I don't know.stupid thing. (Throws it out of the window)  
  
Darth Gary: oh well. Back to the drawing board?  
  
Tracey: shut up. At least it was better that your idea with that Darksaber.  
  
Darth Gary: (angrily) what? It almost worked!!  
  
Tracey: (in a little sing-song voice) oh no, I must be a true Idej Master, I must have a Darksaber.  
  
(Camera blacks out as sounds of fighting are heard)  
  
Narrator: anyway.  
  
(The scene changes to the Author's Lounge. We see the various authors lounging around.)  
  
Dawn: (watching a cloudbird flutter about the AL) this is boring.  
  
Sal: me too.  
  
Mewchu11: me three.  
  
Moonlit: me four.  
  
(Suddenly, a digital watch hops into the AL, swallows the cloudbird in one big gulp, and bounces off)  
  
PV: (in shock) what the.  
  
Dawn: (bursting into tears) waahh! Cloudbird!  
  
Narrator: well.(sketches in the air with a paw and another cloudbird appears) Author Powers have always come into handy.  
  
Flower: I thought someone said this was a boring day.  
  
Narrator: (shrugging) oh well, hope that watch doesn't come back.  
  
(The scene changes back to Jolteon, still in his igloo)  
  
Jolteon: (watching his newly dusted TV) this is stupid.none of my favourite programs are still on.did they do a complete revamp of the TV schedule?  
  
Narrator: (fading into existence) nope, you've just been asleep for a long time.  
  
Jolteon: so that makes me Rip Van Winkle?  
  
Narrator: actually, all the made-up characters in this fic have been inactive for a long time, but yes, I could say so.  
  
Jolteon: whatever. (Goes back to watching TV)  
  
TV: yes, it's true! Cloudbirds make good pets! So, get your free sample today, right from the TV! Just stick your arm in and take it!  
  
Jolteon: (sticking arm into the TV and pulls a cloudbird out) how technology progresses overnight.  
  
Cloudbird: (apparently confused at the sudden change of environment) swa?  
  
(Suddenly, a digital watch hops in and starts devouring the cloudbird)  
  
Jolteon: (staring at the scene) AUUUGGGH! (Looks at camera) that's the most gruesome thing I've ever seen.  
  
Vaporeon: (suddenly appearing at door) Hi! Would you.  
  
Jolteon: (running up to Vaporeon and turning her around) don't look! It's a cloudbird-eating digital watch.it has my cloudbird! Whatever you do, don't look!  
  
Vaporeon: (turning around) don't be silly, cloudbird-eating.AUUUGH! (Faints)  
  
Jolteon: (looking at camera) she looked!  
  
(Evil sounds of munching can be heard)  
  
Jolteon: (growling softly) all right, you stupid watch.give me back my cloudbird or I'll.I'll.I'll do something nasty to you!  
  
(The evil munching continues)  
  
Narrator: Jolteon's thundershock -*---*- RUPTURES -*---*- the evil cloudbird-eating digital watch! [374] Jolteon's thundershock -:--:- *-:--*- SUPERNOVAS -*--:-*-:--:- the evil cloudbird-eating digital watch! [593] Jolteon's thundershock DOES UNSPEAKABLE THINGS to the evil cloudbird-eating digital watch! [2364] The evil cloudbird-eating digital watch smolders as the lightning destroys it! You get 3428 gold coins from the frazzled corpse of the evil cloudbird-eating digital watch. Mota gives you 56 gold coins for the frazzled corpse of evil cloudbird-eating digital watch.  
  
Jolteon: that was weird.  
  
Dawn's voice: (from nowhere) have you been playing too much Aardwolf again, Lc?  
  
Narrator: (rolling eyes) um.never mind.and anyway, so ends another episode for a long, long time of EJ.um.that's it?  
  
(Camera fades out)  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Remember to review! XD 


	73. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 73: Coffee!

Author's Note: yawn.I had a bit of time today, and since I have nothing better to do, here I present to you.the 73rd episode of Eskimo Jolteon, all nicely packaged in a nice script format, ready for you to read! Sorry to keep all you fans of Eskimo Jolteon out there waiting, but my life has increased by a sizable proportion ever since episode number 71 came out, such as me trying to improve my physical fitness, falling in love, and I have my 'O' Levels this year. Therefore, Eskimo Jolteon from now on will be updated less regularly. However, I will make a reasonable attempt to get out an episode every fortnight, despite the many other things bugging me. Thank you for your attention. Before we start the fic, I would like to ask Fierystreak to come and join the little band of authors on MSN.just get MSN messenger and join us. Without further ado, on with the story!  
  
Narrator: as usual, before starting the fic, we must have a disclaimer gift, as is the custom. (Leads Dawn out by the paw)  
  
Dawn: (looking rather sleepy) and (yawn) may I ask, what's (yawn) today's disclaimer gift?  
  
Narrator: ah yes. For today's disclaimer gift, we have a bottle of lovely Espeon shampoo! Guaranteed to keep your Espeon's fur soft and silky! (Waves it around with a paw)  
  
Dawn: (yawns) fine.gimme.zzz.  
  
Narrator: (waving a paw) disclaimer.  
  
Dawn: zzz.Lccorp2 no own.zzz.pokemon.(snore) (curls up and falls asleep)  
  
Narrator: I suppose that's passable, for my Kitty.(gently tucks the bottle under her paw and pets her sleeping form)  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 73:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo somewhere.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into igloo. We see Jolteon and Umbreon watching their new, big-screen plasma TV.)  
  
Jolteon: (sipping at cola) at least Lccorp2 did attempt to improve upon matters here in this fic.  
  
Umbreon: even if it meant temporarily stopping the fic?  
  
Jolteon: yep.  
  
Umbreon: hold on for a bit, you've got some cobweb under your ear.(flicks it away)  
  
Jolteon: stupid spiders.(scowls)  
  
Umbreon: ahh, whatever. Just try to watch the show.  
  
(Suddenly, a drop of brown liquid drips from the ceiling, and onto the TV. There is a hissing sound, smoke rises from the TV, and it is nicely split into two.)  
  
Jolteon: (wails) my new big-screen plasma TV!  
  
Flareon: (from ceiling) ah-ha! Success!  
  
Umbreon: (staring at the liquid, which has now eaten through the cabinet and is now eating through the icy floor) what on earth is that thing?! (Points)  
  
Flareon: (coming down from ceiling) don't be such a freak, it's only coffee.  
  
Jolteon: (cries come more and hugs the broken remains of the big-screen plasma TV)  
  
Umbreon: (staring incredulously at the hole in the floor) coffee? That's coffee? Coffee that's stronger than battery acid? Coffee that eats through metal and wood? Oh my.  
  
Flareon: oh, don't freak out. Nothing like a good shot of coffee to start your day, especially if you've been asleep for five months.  
  
Umbreon: (still looking at the hole) well, I hope the Seels living below us don't mind.  
  
(Screams are heard from the hole in the floor)  
  
Flareon: well, that's settled that. Anyone living below that?  
  
Umbreon well, um.  
  
(The scene changes to Kyorge in an icy cave)  
  
Kyorge: mmm...nothing like a good shot of coff.  
  
(Hissing sound is heard from above)  
  
Kyorge: (rolling around frantically) AAAAUUUGGGHHHH! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! AAUUUGGGHHH!  
  
(Scene changes back to Flareon and Umbreon.)  
  
Umbreon: (hearing the awful ruckus from below) I think that answers our question.)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to the door of Dawn's room in the AL. We see Mewchu11 standing in front of the door.)  
  
Dawn: (coming into scene) hey, what're you doing here?  
  
Mewchu11: Lc's painting a mural on your ceiling.could you wait a while till he's finished?  
  
Dawn: (puzzled) huh?  
  
Narrator: (coming out of room) break time.  
  
Mewchu11: so, how's it going?  
  
Narrator: well, working on your back is quite easy.putting up the scaffolding was the hardest part.  
  
Dawn: 0_o  
  
Narrator: well, while I take a break, let's go see something else.  
  
(The scene changes to a ledge over a fiery pit. We see Misty, bound in chains and gagged, on the very edge.)  
  
Fierystreak: well, I suppose you don't know what we're here for.it's for the Misty execution!  
  
Flower: (coming into scene) yes, as you all now know, in the new season of pokemon, Misty will be leaving! As she now has outlived her usefulness, we'll have to get rid of her! Bwahaha!  
  
Fierystreak: yes! (Brandishes evil-looking, big axe.)  
  
PV and Dclick: nooo! We love Misty! (They run forward, but Flower holds them off with a hand)  
  
Flower: will you please hurry up? This is costing LC dearly in special effects costs!  
  
Fierystreak: with pleasure! (Chops Misty's head off, then kicks her body into the fiery pit)  
  
PV and Dclick: noooo! (Breaks down and starts wailing)  
  
Narrator: now that that's over, let's get on back.  
  
(The scene changes back to the AL, with Dawn standing outside her room)  
  
(Moonlit arrives on the scene)  
  
Moonlit: hey, Ryan. (Gives him a kiss)  
  
Mewchu11: (blushing) yes?  
  
Moonlit: I heard Lc's doing a mural on the top of Dawn's room, can I see it?  
  
Mewchu11: sure.  
  
(Mewchu11 leads Moonlit into the room. Dawn presses a ear against the door.)  
  
Moonlit: (from inside) wow! This is amazing!  
  
Narrator: yep, I'm painting the whole history of pokemon...this whole section over here will be devoted to the red and blue versions, and that side over there will have the struggles of the G/S dude.  
  
Moonlit: and over there?  
  
Narrator: oh, that's a section on pokemon evolution, see, I've painted evolved pokemon, and the Eevee family, with the two ultimate products of pokemon evolution-the Umbreon and the Espeon.  
  
Moonlit: wow.  
  
(Moonlit and Mewchu11 come out of the room)  
  
Moonlit: (to Dawn) Lc has painted the whole history of pokemon on the ceiling of your room.you should be very impressed.  
  
Dawn: (blinks)  
  
Narrator: much, much later.  
  
(The scene changes to the same spot later. Dawn and Mewchu11 have dozed off.)  
  
Narrator: (coming out of room) well, it's done.  
  
Dawn: . (hops away)  
  
Mewchu11: she's not even going to look at it?!  
  
Narrator: (bursts into tears)  
  
Mewchu11: (in a very exaggerated scream) LC PAINTS A MURAL OF THE WHOLE HISTORY OF POKEMON ON DAWN'S BEDROOM CEILING AND SHE'S NOT EVEN GOING TO LOOK AT IT!!!!!  
  
Narrator: (continues crying)  
  
Mewchu11: oh well.  
  
(The scene changes back to Jolteon and Umbreon in front of their new big- screen plasma TV.)  
  
Jolteon: (munching on popcorn) it was nice of Lc to give us a new TV.  
  
Umbreon: yeah.  
  
(Camera fades out)  
  
Narrator: (sniff) and so ends (sniff) another episode of Eskimo Jolteon.(sniff)  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! ^_^ 


	74. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 74: Cola Drinker!

Author's Note: brha la la la la la! Hehe. Well, here's the 74th episode.yes, I couldn't wait to get it up.so? I just had to put this idea down on the computer before it flew away into the void of extreme nothingness! For all the old-time Eskimo Jolteon fans, I think this episode will please you somewhat.for this chappie.is.I'm not telling! Bahaha! Oh well, since I've now finished my rant, I suppose I'll start with this stupid episode.  
  
Narrator: and now for our disclaimer gift of the episode.um.I've finally run out of things for now to give my Kitty.(holds up box labeled 'disclaimer gifts' and turns it upside down. Nothing falls out.)  
  
Dawn: (appearing out of nowhere and looking at me) you can't do that! It'd be breaking a very important Eskimo Jolteon tradition!  
  
Narrator: well.since I'm the author of this fic, I can do as I like in this fic. So there. I'll give you 2 disclaimer gifts the next time, though.  
  
Dawn: ok.  
  
Narrator: whatever: (Hurls the box away.)  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 74:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo somewhere.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into igloo. We see Jolteon and Umbreon sitting down on the couch, drinking cola while watching TV.)  
  
Jolteon: (burps)  
  
Umbreon: (looks annoyed)  
  
Jolteon: (burps again)  
  
Umbreon: (looks even more annoyed)  
  
Jolteon: (burps yet again)  
  
Umbreon: (jumping up from the couch) that's it! I can't take it any more.(takes a deep breath)  
  
Cola Drinker  
  
(Adapted for little kiddies from South Park's Uncle F***er, to be sung to the tune from the abovementioned song. If you don't know what it is, don't look for it. Please. I only know about it because my brother was playing it at top volume over and over again last night.)  
  
Umbreon: (pointing at Jolteon) shut your gassy face Cola drinker,  
  
You're a gassy burpy stupid Cola drinker,  
  
You're a Cola drinker, yes it's true,  
  
Nobody drinks cola just like you...  
  
Jolteon: (leaping up and glaring at Umbreon) shut you gassy face Cola drinker,  
  
You're the one who drank the Cola, Cola drinker,  
  
You don't eat or sleep or mow the lawn,  
  
You just drink Cola all day long!  
  
(The scene suddenly freezes)  
  
Jolteon: (coming up to me) hey, we don't have lawn's up here, it's too cold!  
  
Narrator: so?  
  
Jolteon: therefore, I can't accuse him of not mowing the lawn.  
  
Narrator: well, I don't care.  
  
(Scene changes back)  
  
(Burping noises)  
  
Narrator: augh!  
  
(More burping noises)  
  
Flareon: (coming onto scene) what's going on here?  
  
(Laughter from audience) (Yes, that means you!)  
  
Jolteon and Umbreon: shut you gassy face Cola drinker,  
  
Flareon: Cola drinker!  
  
Umbreon: you're a caffeine-gulping insane Cola drinker,  
  
Jolteon: (pointing at Umbreon) you're a Cola drinker I must say!  
  
Umbreon: (pointing at Jolteon) well, you drank all the Cola yesterday!  
  
(Laughter)  
  
Jolteon and Umbreon: Cola drinker...that's C-o-l-a-d-r-i-n-k,-e-r!  
  
Flareon: (popping in front of camera) drink cola now!  
  
(Camera blacks out, and pops back in to show Jolteon and Umbreon watching TV)  
  
Jolteon: (rubbing head) what on earth happened?  
  
Umbreon: (shrugs) I have no idea.  
  
Narrator: (giggling crazily) character manipulation is so fun! (Cackles)  
  
(Camera fades out)  
  
How'd you like this absolutely no-sense stupid song? Have a good day, and don't forget to review! ^_^ 


	75. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 75: Eskimo Jolteo...

Author's Note: all right, this will be the last episode for quite some time.for my exams are coming on the 9th of May, and therefore I will not be able to write EJ during this period of time. My exams will finish on the 23rd of May, if you want more episodes you'll just have to wait until then, unless I actually go and write. (Which is extremely unlikely anyway.) So there.  
  
Narrator: (coming out of nowhere) and so, we once again have...the disclaimer gift!  
  
(Lights and music. A big flashing neon sign reading 'the disclaimer gift' lowers from the ceiling.)  
  
Narrator: da de dum de dum! And as usual, we have...our lovely Kitty to do the disclaimer!  
  
Dawn: (walking out from nowhere) yep...and what's this episode's disclaimer gift? (Rubs paws)  
  
Narrator: yes! For this episode's disclaimer gift, we have...a big disclaimer gift box made out of starch! (Gestures towards veiled item. It lifts, revealing a big box labeled 'disclaimer gifts'.)  
  
Dawn: all right...Lccorp2 does not own pokemon, nor does he own any other characters not created by him. He also does not own the whole world, although if he did, he'd make nice and savvy postage stamps for everyone. Bwa ha ha ha ha ha. So there.  
  
Narrator: fine.(hands the box over)  
  
Dawn: (takes the box and chews on it thoughtfully) doesn't taste quite bad.(munch)  
  
Narrator: oh well.^^;  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 75:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo somewhere.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into igloo. We see Jolteon sitting down lazing on the couch.)  
  
Umbreon: (suddenly coming in) I think there's something wrong with my tongue.  
  
Jolteon: (lazily opening an eye) huh?  
  
Umbreon: you see, whenever I try to say 'bhra la la la la la', it always comes out as 'bhra za za za za za'.do you think that there's something wrong with my tongue?  
  
Jolteon: I think there's something wrong with your whole head. Now leave me alone. (Turns over and falls asleep).  
  
Umbreon: (running out into the night screaming hysterically) AUGH! THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY TONGUE! THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY TONGUE!  
  
Jolteon: (sigh)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile, far, far away, just to keep you all folks out there distracted.  
  
(The scene changes to Ash and co, evidently lost in some forest again for the umpteenth time. They are in a small clearing.)  
  
Ash: (noticing something falling from the sky) dur.wad's dat? (Points up.)  
  
Brock: ook ook eek eek ook! (Translation: I don't know, but whatever it is, I don't care.)  
  
(Camera locks onto the falling object as it floats down to the ground. As it draws closer, it seems to be a red and purple egg falling down, attached to a parachute.)  
  
Ash: (picking the egg up) dur.wud's dis? (Reads attached card on egg) huppie eaztur frum de Esquemoe Jawteeawn kru.  
  
Brock: ook! Eek eek ook eek ook ook! (Translation: chocolate egg! Gimme! Now! Or face certain death!)  
  
Ash: naw! Mah chocklit egg!  
  
(Suddenly, the egg explodes, leaving nothing but a nice 10-meter radius crater where Ash and Brock once stood.)  
  
(A UFO flies by.)  
  
UFO: (hovering above the crater) oh no! they killed Ash! The bastards! (Flies off)  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to Espeon's and Vaporeon's igloo. We see the two Eevee pups sitting in the living room.)  
  
Pup 1: (squealing excitedly) look, brother! (Rushes to window)  
  
Pup 2: (looks up from book) what? (Looks slightly surprised, then faces camera) hey, whenever did we get voices? We were just born several months ago!  
  
Narrator: well, do you want the speaking role, or not? (Folds arms)  
  
Pup 2: (nodding vigorously) yes!  
  
Narrator: then don't complain about such silly things.  
  
Pup 1: the Easter Whismur is in our yard!  
  
Pup 2: yeah.(looks at camera) everyone knows those things don't exist.  
  
Pup 1: it's doing a spring dance, and it's hiding eggs in the snow.  
  
Pup 2: yes...  
  
Pup 1: I think I'll go out and gather up all the eggs. (Walks out)  
  
Pup 2: (without looking up from book) why don't you go do that, dear sister.  
  
Pup 1: (returns with a basket full of chocolate eggs)  
  
Pup 2: (stares)  
  
Pup 1: (munches on a chocolate egg) you sure miss a lot when you stay inside and read all day, brother...  
  
Narrator: anyway...  
  
(The scene changes to the AL, where we see Mewwy drinking cola.)  
  
Narrator: (coming in) hi.  
  
Mewchu11: hi.  
  
Narrator: (eyes the cola, than snatches it away)  
  
Mewchu11: you took away my cola!  
  
Narrator: of course.it's all for EJ, this little experiment.  
  
Mewchu11: (gulp)  
  
Narrator: 10 seconds...subject shows indication of fear. 30 seconds.symptoms of panic surface...42 seconds, eyes appear glazed, subject begins to perspire heavily...50 seconds, subject screams crazily, runs around in circles.55 seconds, subject foams at the mouth...60 seconds, subject passes out!  
  
(I stare at the unconscious Mewwy for a while.)  
  
Narrator: cola taken from subject...subject loses consciousness due to lack of caffeine. Cola restored to subject...(pours the cola onto Mewwy)  
  
(Mewchu11 wakes up)  
  
Narrator: subject recovers! What a great experiment for the amusement of my fellow authors!  
  
Mewchu11: (shaking violently) cola.must...have...cola...  
  
Narrator: oh well. Meanwhile...  
  
(The scene changes to somewhere out among the ice floes at nighttime. We see Flareon stumbling around, evidently very drunk on berry juice.)  
  
Umbreon: (running crazily) AUGH! THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY TONGUE! THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY TONGUE!  
  
(Umbreon bumps into Flareon)  
  
Flareon: (hiccups)  
  
Umbreon: (looks at the drunken Flareon for a while, then a big bulb appears over his head) hello, you poor thing, why don't you go home? (Fits a pair of bunny ears onto Flareon's head.)  
  
Flareon: (hiccups)  
  
Umbreon: (pushes Flareon off in the direction of Espeon's igloo) now go home.heheheh.  
  
(Flareon stumbles off)  
  
(As Flareon approaches the igloo, he trips and falls face-first into the snow.)  
  
Flareon: (so loud it can be heard for kilometers in all directions) (CENSORED) (CENSORED) (CENSORED) (Insert string of extremely vulgar and crude phrases here)  
  
(The camera zooms into the igloo)  
  
Pup 1: (tugging at Vaporeon's tail) mommy! Mommy!  
  
Vaporeon: yes, dearie?  
  
Pup 1: the Easter Whismus is in out back yard swearing!  
  
Flareon: (from outside) (Insert appropriate sentences of extremely inappropriate words for the PG-13 rating of this fic here)  
  
Vaporeon: (listens for a while, then shudders and quickly covers the Pup's ears) I think it's bedtime for you, and you ought to put in earplugs.(leads the pup away)  
  
Espeon: (looking up from newspaper0 I suppose I'll have to get rid of that thing, whatever it is.(concentrates for a while. Flareon disappears.)  
  
Vaporeon: where did you put that thing, Espie?  
  
Espeon: about 500 meters above a certain yellow rat.  
  
Vaporeon: oh.  
  
(The scene changes to Pikachu, looking upwards. Something is causing a neat circular shadow above it.)  
  
Pikachu: pika?  
  
(Flareon smashes into pikachu, leaving a nice crater and a mangled pulp.)  
  
Flareon: ooh.my head.(Pukes onto the remains of Pikachu, then lopes off.)  
  
(Camera fades out)  
  
Narrator: and so ends the Eskimo Jolteon Easter special, brought to you by me!  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! ^_^ 


	76. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 76: Evil Gelatino...

Author's note: all right, so I broke my promise and I'm writing now. Ahem. Bwa ha ha and all that other crap anyway, I suppose I don't have to study all day and all night, I'll just study all day, despite my mom's constant bugging me to study all night and all day. Bwa ha ha. Anyway, in here I have the 76th episode, brought to you by my currently insane, deranged mind, which should not even be on this earth. Bwa ha ha. Stupid exams.  
  
Narrator: (pulling away curtain) and so, for the 76th time, we have the disclaimer, brought to you by my lovely Kitty!  
  
(Drumroll sounds)  
  
Dawn: (walking onto stage) yep, it's me, you friendly person who does the disclaimer!  
  
Narrator: that's right, and for this episode's disclaimer gift we have...a soft lovely basket for Eeveelutions to sleep in! Holds a maximum of two at any time! (Holds it up)  
  
Dawn: (arches an eyebrow)  
  
Narrator: it's just a disclaimer gift.-_-  
  
Dawn: ^^; all right...Lccorp2 does not own pokemon, nor does he own any other characters not created by him. Nope. He doesn't make any money from this anyway, and the sky is falling. (Twitches her tail)  
  
Narrator: ok...(gives her the soft, cushioned basket) is the sky really falling? (Looks up) AUUUGGGHHH! The sky IS falling! (Takes cover)  
  
(Camera goes black with a 'whup' sound.)  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 76:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo somewhere.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into igloo. We see Jolteon sleeping on the couch.)  
  
Flareon: (comes in with a coffee pot in one paw)  
  
Jolteon: (opens one eye, then screams) NO! NO COFFEE! TV DESTROYER!!!!! (Huddles in a corner)  
  
Flareon: (looking at the cowering Jolteon) fine...(puts the coffee pot down on the table) and by the way, it's no ordinary coffee, it's Flareon's insidious syrup. Bwahaha. (Leaves)  
  
Jolteon: (whimpers and peeks at the coffee pot sitting there) evil.coffee.  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to Tracey HQ. We see the Evil Tracey sitting down staring at a magazine.)  
  
Tracey: bwahaha! I have it!  
  
Darth Gary: (coming in) yes?  
  
Tracey: I have a new plan to take over the world!  
  
Darth Gary: excellent, Master. And what is it?  
  
Tracey: (wildly gesturing with one hand) I will flood everyone's e-mail inboxes with porno ads till their brains explode!  
  
Darth Gary: (rolling eyes) that's already been tried, Master.  
  
Tracey: (thinks) well, you're right.how about this? (Points to something in the magazine.)  
  
(Camera zooms in onto the magazine. The front cover is titled 'Evil Illustrated'.)  
  
Darth Gary: (taking the magazine and reading from it) how to make your own evil gelatinous cube that will consume everything in its path. An easy step- by-step guide to creation, modification and deployment.  
  
Tracey: yep, that's about it.(takes back magazine)  
  
Narrator: and now let me create a completely pointless diversion for a while.  
  
(The scene changes to Ash Ketchum's home in Pallet town.)  
  
Ash: dur...mama me am hum.  
  
(A meteorite streaks through the sky and lands on Ash, effectively vaporizing him and everything in a fifty-meter radius.)  
  
(A UFO flies by)  
  
UFO: oh my god! They killed Ash! The bastards! (Flies off)  
  
Narrator: and now we interrupt this program for a very important announcement.  
  
(Scene changes to the AL, where I am dressed in a suit and a tie.)  
  
Narrator: (fidgeting) I hate this thing. Why do I have to wear it? (Looks at camera.) oh yes. Today, we are here to have...Lccorp2's recommended fic for whenever he likes to recommend fics! This time's fic is 'The Anthro Gang', written by Fierystreak. And remember, it's an Lccorp2-approved fic, so you know it's good for you!  
  
Fierystreak: (poking face into camera) yeah...  
  
Narrator: research shows that if you read a fic a day, you will have a five percent increase in insaneness! So what are you waiting for? Read a fic today!  
  
(Scene changes to Jolteon's igloo)  
  
Jolteon: (huddled up still staring at the coffee pot on the table) evil...coffee...(slowly creeps towards the table) (stares at coffee some more)  
  
(As Jolteon approaches the coffee, the pot starts to rock of its own accord.)  
  
Jolteon: (cringes)  
  
(The coffee in the pot extends a hand and thwaps Jolteon, knocking him to the ground)  
  
Jolteon: (dazed) that's STRONG coffee...  
  
Narrator: meanwhile.  
  
(The scene changes to Flareon, leaning against a wall.)  
  
Flareon: (sigh)  
  
Pup 2: (walking along, carrying a pillow) what's wrong, uncle Flareon?  
  
Flareon: I'm depressed...no one seems to like my coffee...I need a few words to cheer me up.  
  
Pup 2: (sits down and thinks for a while) happiness is like a pink cloud on the horizon, seemingly there but we never reach it!  
  
Flareon: (looking at Pup 2 incredulously) what do you know? You're only seven months old!  
  
Pup 2: I dunno...my mommy says I'm an intellectual like my daddy, while my sissy says I'm just plain weird. I'm not sure...all I mostly do is to stay home and read. (Sucks on thumb)  
  
Flareon: (scratching head with a paw) all right, what do you read?  
  
Pup 2: well, I liked War and Peace, Quantum Physics is nice too...(thinks) I just finished the complete stories of Sherlock Holmes last night...  
  
Flareon: 0o;;;  
  
Pup 2: (continuing) I tried talking to the preschool teacher about differentiation and integration, but all she did was to look at me oddly. (Sucks on thumb some more)  
  
Flareon: dear Mew...and what does your daddy think of this?  
  
Pup 2: well, I'm not sure, but he seemed rather pleased when I drew out the structural formulae of all the different isomers of glucose on a sheet of paper two days ago.  
  
Flareon: don't you have any friends?  
  
Pup 2: (thinking) well, I like talking to the Seel next door about Mozart...(looks up at Flareon) anything else, sir?  
  
Flareon: nope, be on your way...  
  
(Pup 2 walks off, dragging the pillow alongside him)  
  
Flareon: (watching Pup 2 leave) I wonder why he keeps that pillow with him...  
  
Narrator: meanwhile...  
  
(The scene changes to outside Jolteon's igloo. The Evil Gelatinous Cube oozes into view.)  
  
Evil Gelatinous Cube: (blorp)  
  
(Evil Gelatinous Cube continues oozing towards the igloo.)  
  
Jolteon: (looking out of window) oh great. Yet another annoyance.  
  
Evil Gelatinous Cube: raaa! Me Evil Gelatinous Cube! Me eat you now!  
  
Jolteon: (sighs and runs far, far away from the igloo.)  
  
Evil Gelatinous Cube: raaa! No run away! Me eat you!  
  
(The Evil Gelatinous Cube engulfs the igloo.)  
  
Evil Gelatinous Cube: eep.  
  
Narrator: Flareon's Insidious Syrup's caffeine -:--:-*-:--*- SUPERNOVAS -*--:-*-:--:- the Evil Gelatinous Cube! [574] The Evil Gelatinous Cube is DEAD! The Evil Gelatinous Cube spills it's contents out onto the floor.  
  
Jolteon: (coming out and examining the stuff on the floor) dead pikachu carcasses...Playpoke magazines...cookies...and how odd, Darth Gary's helmet. I wonder where this thing has been...oh well, beast to get a broom and sweep this mess up. (Produces a broom from nowhere and starts sweeping)  
  
(Camera fades out)  
  
Narrator: and so ends another episode of Eskimo Jolteon!  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! ^_^ 


	77. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 77: Eskimo Jolteo...

Author's Note: yep, here again we have yet another pointless, stupid, and freakish yet funny episode of Eskimo Jolteon, brought to you by me! Bwa ha ha ha ha ha! Anyways, my exams are coming next Friday...boo hoo hoo and whatnot...ok. Anyways, here's episode 77, and read, enjoy, and don't forget to review! Thou shalt review! I command thee!  
  
Narrator: and now, as always, we have the disclaimer. Actually, I don't really need it, having done 76 disclaimers before this one, but it really is just an excuse to give my Kitty stuff. Bwa ha ha ha.  
  
(Dawn trots out on stage.)  
  
Narrator: yep, here she comes...(pets her)  
  
Dawn: (looking at me) and what's today's disclaimer gift?  
  
Narrator: yes...for this episode's disclaimer gift, we have a soft, fluffy down-filled pillow, that exactly matches the basket given to you in the last disclaimer! (Holds it up)  
  
Dawn: (rubs paws together) all right.Lccorp2 does not own pokemon, nor does he own any other characters not created by him. However, he does own his nice little jotter, which with he takes down little note in which to use in this fic.  
  
Narrator: fine...(hands the pillow over and kisses Dawn)  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 77:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo with a chimney somewhere.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms into igloo when-)  
  
Narrator: stop! As you know, some of my regular readers have been bugging me to name the little Eevee pups to prevent confusion, so I've decided to hold a contest to help do this! All you have to do is to submit your desired names for the twins, and I'll decide, with the help of my Kitty, which names are the best. Simple. For obvious reasons, my Kitty won't be able to submit a name...^^;  
  
(I slide out of view and the camera continues zooming into the igloo. We see Pup 2 sitting on Vaporeon's lap.)  
  
Vaporeon: and now dear, before you go to sleep, I'll read you something!  
  
Pup 2: (squealing) oh boy! Oh boy! Are you going to read about leptons and quarks like daddy does?  
  
Vaporeon: well...(looks at me)  
  
Narrator: here: (Hands her a book)  
  
Vaporeon: Lccorp2's Ridiculous Rhymes. (Flips through it) (Shocked) ARE YOU SURE THIS THING IS FIT FOR LITTLE PUPS TO READ?!  
  
Narrator: that's what the PG-13 rating is for, isn't it? Anyway, if you won't read it, I'll still make you. You can't refuse. Hah.  
  
Vaporeon: (reluctantly) ok...  
  
Narrator: if you love Ash in any way, don't continue. The following contains serious Ash-bashing. You have been warned.  
  
Ash Ketchum's doomed Quest.  
  
Ash Ketchum and his gang that night,  
  
At Sootopolis that night arrived.  
  
They headed to the pokecenter that was painted green  
  
But something was amiss-nobody was to be seen!  
  
Ash yelled, 'hello! Is anyone here?'  
  
From behind the counter a voice cowered in fear,  
  
'Hush! Don't raise your voice!  
  
The creature might awaken at the slightest noise!'  
  
That braindead Ash yelled, 'who's that?'  
  
'It's me, Nurse Joy, you moronic lump of fat!'  
  
That horny Brock was seized with lust,  
  
'Can I please fondle your bust?'  
  
Misty grabbed him by the ear.  
  
'We don't want to be screwing around here.'  
  
Ash said: 'where does this evil thing stay?  
  
I'll beat its shit out and make sure it'll pay!'  
  
'It lives in a cave at the edge of the city,  
  
People go in and never return-what a pity.'  
  
That idiotic Ash actually said,  
  
'Nurse Joy, do not be afraid!  
  
I'll go in there and slay that beast!  
  
And upon its carcass I will feast!  
  
Misty! Brock! Stay right here!  
  
I'll come back safely-you need not fear!'  
  
That stupid Brock's eyes wandered again  
  
And Misty slapped him, causing much pain.  
  
'But all I did was look at Nurse Joy!'  
  
'Forget it-she's not your sex toy!'  
  
Over there the group stayed the night,  
  
And as dawn broke, and the sky filled with light,  
  
Our poor Ash set out upon his quest  
  
To rid the world of that dreaded pest.  
  
The cave wasn't really hard to find,  
  
The entrance was so large-it'd boggle your mind!  
  
Not knowing the danger, as he was out of his brain,  
  
Ash said, 'this must be where the creature stays!  
  
I'll decapitate it, yes, I will!  
  
And I'll eat it's remains with an antacid pill!'  
  
As our subject treaded on the floor,  
  
Within the cave there was a deep roar.  
  
'By golly! That must be the beast!  
  
I'll sunder it and bake the remains with yeast!'  
  
Now Ash was in complete dark,  
  
'Hmm, this reminds me on the National Park.'  
  
Suddenly in front of him or thereabout,  
  
A monstrous voice roared out loud:  
  
'Fee, Fi, Fo, Fum!  
  
I smell the blood of Ash Ketchum!'  
  
'Quick, Pikachu!' cried Ash.  
  
'Light up the cave-use flash!'  
  
The cavern was filled with radiance bright,  
  
And there was Groudon standing in the light!  
  
'Hurry, Pikachu, while we're under,  
  
go and zap it with your Thunder!'  
  
Groudon didn't even feel the blow,  
  
It proceeded to squash Pikachu with a scaly toe.  
  
'Oh no! Pikachu! You're my best pal!  
  
Without you, life will be living hell!'  
  
Groudon slowly turned its head,  
  
And looking at Ash, slowly said,  
  
'Fee, Fi, Fo, Fum,  
  
You're my breakfast now, Ash Ketchum!'  
  
Ash screamed, turned and ran,  
  
But Groudon could easily outpace any man.  
  
After passing Ash through its jaws,  
  
It carefully cleaned its teeth with dental floss.  
  
'By gosh, that was rather yummy,  
  
Although I have a sick feeling in my tummy...'  
  
Groudon dropped and writhed in pain.  
  
'Stop it! I think I'm going insane!  
  
Oh, why did I even go near,  
  
When I knew all I'd get from ash was diarrhea?'  
  
We now go back to the pokecenter,  
  
Where our story now gets even better.  
  
'I'm sorry, Brock, you have AIDS.'  
  
'Oh no! I can't screw any more maids!'  
  
'What happened, what did you do?  
  
Who did you sleep with? Whom did you screw?'  
  
'It was that girl May-I should've seen  
  
She couldn't have been ten-at least fifteen!'  
  
'Then why with her did you snooze?'  
  
'I couldn't resist-she had enormous boobs!'  
  
Nurse joy screamed, 'get away from me, you plagued mess!  
  
You'll infect me-you'll muck up my dress!'  
  
Brock was then chased far, far away,  
  
And before dying of AIDS lived for a day.  
  
Nothing was left of him but an eye,  
  
Which Misty took and baked into a pie.  
  
The moral of this story is clear and sound,  
  
DON'T BE A MORON AND DON'T FUCK AROUND.  
  
Pup 2: (squealing) more! More!  
  
Vaporeon: (growling softly) all right...  
  
Narrator: (snickers)  
  
Ash's bad, negative, horrible, not-good day.  
  
Ash woke up one fine day  
  
But things weren't going to go his way.  
  
He had angered Celebi so,  
  
He was taken to another dimension some time ago.  
  
Ash yawned and rubbed his eyes.  
  
He mumbled a bit and looked at the sky.  
  
'Hmm, it's rather late.' He said.  
  
'I wonder if I spent too long in bed.'  
  
He got up and headed down.  
  
Surveying the kitchen with a frown,  
  
Something was amiss. Something was wrong.  
  
Something was either too short or long.  
  
'That's odd.' He mused. 'I didn't realize  
  
Our refrigerator was that humongous size.'  
  
Ash shrugged and decided to go out.  
  
When he opened the door, he gave a shout!  
  
Trees were purple! The sky was green!  
  
Nothing was what it should have been!  
  
Sentrets floated! People bit Houndour!  
  
Magikarp flew and sugar was sour!  
  
Ash shouted, 'holy smoke!  
  
If anyone knows what's going on it's Professor Oak!'  
  
Ash arrived, and jumped out of his head,  
  
When he found Professor Oak and his mom in bed!  
  
'Mom! What are you doing?! Are you mad?!'  
  
'Don't you recognize him dear-he's your dad!'  
  
Ash screamed, turned and fled.  
  
Everything today was so bad!  
  
Ash ran to the nearest pokecenter in sight.  
  
Perhaps there things would be more right.  
  
But it was surely not to be,  
  
As certain as you can count to three!  
  
As soon as Ash entered the main hall,  
  
He saw pokemon putting humans into Peopleballs!  
  
'Quick, catch him!' one of the cried.  
  
'We'll train that human and make him fight!'  
  
'It's a legendary human! Yes, it's him!  
  
There's only one of those ever to be seen!'  
  
Ash quickly fled into the trees,  
  
And made his way to Pewter City.  
  
'I'll make my way to Brock's Gym!  
  
If anyone's sane, it's got to be him!'  
  
But alas, as he opened the door he couldn't bear  
  
The horrible sight of Brock cross-dressing there!  
  
'Yes, I'll admit, I'll admit it all right,  
  
I dress up in women's clothing all night!  
  
I order undergarments from near and afar,  
  
And my favorite one is this push-up bra!'  
  
Ash retreated, screaming all the time,  
  
Was everyone here out of their mind?  
  
So crazed he was, the road he did not see,  
  
Till he bumped into Misty.  
  
'What's the matter?' she gave him a kiss.  
  
'Why are you hurrying? What's amiss?'  
  
'Finally! Someone intact!  
  
I'm glad to see you and that's a fact!'  
  
'Well, Ash, it took me quite a while,  
  
But I'm pleased to report I'm carrying your child!  
  
Look at that lovely, swollen belly,  
  
Five more months and we'll have a family!'  
  
Ash Ketchum dropped to his knees.  
  
Everything was going topsy-turvy!  
  
He could take it no longer, he took out a knife,  
  
Slit his own throat and ended his life.  
  
Celebi, resting in his shrine,  
  
Watched the whole scene through a portal of twine.  
  
'Too bad the kid gave himself the sack,  
  
A few more seconds and I'd have brought him back!'  
  
The moral of this story, as you can see,  
  
Never diss off a legendary.  
  
Vaporeon: (angrily) that's it! I've had enough! (Slams the book down and storms off.)  
  
Pup 2: (looking at me) don't make Mama angry...it messes up her hormones. (Sucks on thumb.)  
  
Narrator: oh well...  
  
(Camera fades out)  
  
How'd you like this silly story? Please review! ^_^ 


	78. Eskimo Jolteon Episode 78: The Rise And ...

Author's Note: the addition of this episode does not necessarily mean I am going to write more. It just means I'm bored. I don't know why I'm doing this, anyway. My prelims are in two week's time. Sucks to be me, huh? Anyway, I'm very bored today. You can tell, because I'm actually writing this. Heh. Sad to hear about the death of AIADI.guess TCL was too busy, caught up, or lazy to continue.sad indeed. I've been quite busy though, and most of my time has gone towards playing Aardwolf. Try it. www.aardmud.org. This concludes the author's Notes. Have a good day, or is it too late?  
  
Narrator: of course, we haven't forgotten the must-have opening scene of every Eskimo Jolteon episode.the disclaimer gift! (Claps paws)  
  
(Nothing happens. No one comes out)  
  
Narrator: Dawn? Kitty? Hello?  
  
(Crickets chirp)  
  
Narrator: (ears droop) oh well.(puts the box down in the middle of the stage and wanders off)  
  
Eskimo Jolteon Episode 78:  
  
A Short, silly Brain-dead fan-fic by Lccorp2. Copyright Lccorp2 2002. ^_^  
  
Narrator (me that is): picture the pokemon world in your head.  
  
Narrator: now focus in a bit in a place above Johto, a place that is always frozen.  
  
Narrator: now focus in on a medium-sized igloo somewhere.  
  
Narrator: STOP!!! ^_^.  
  
(Camera zooms in into igloo. We see Jolteon sleeping on the couch. Nothing much happens for a while. Eventually, Umbreon comes in, holding a fishbowl. He sets it down on the table.)  
  
Jolteon: (lazily opening one eye) what's that?  
  
Umbreon: it's a Phish. I bought it from Taiwan. (Taps the fishbowl)  
  
Jolteon: you mean fish.  
  
Umbreon: nope, it's a Phish. It's a genetically engineered thingy. It glows in the dark.  
  
Jolteon: (squeaks and hides behind the couch) EEK! Evil! Go away!  
  
Umbreon: (giving Jolteon a funny look) not all genetically engineered things are evil.  
  
Narrator: we interrupt this program for a brief commercial.  
  
(Scene changes to a TV screen. On it we see a poster.)  
  
TV: hello, all fellow evildoers! Are you tired of your pet? Want something new and groovy? Think vampiric cats, dragons, and three-headed hellhounds from the depths of hell are boring? We have just the thing for you! Introducing the latest in evil pets...the Phish!  
  
(TV screen changes to show an anatomical display of a Phish)  
  
TV: cleverly disguised as an ordinary fish, its cute appearance deceives the unsuspecting into its jaws of fury! It's so evil it glows! With unblinking, bulbous eyes and a fixed smile, it is guaranteed to horribly torture your prisoners in the latest and most fashionable ways! It's pure evil! A must-have for any being of evil! Listen to our latest testimonials from a satisfied customer!  
  
(TV screen shows a garble of mixed-up phrases)  
  
TV: " I bought the Phish today, and since then, the tortured souls in my pits of fire have been screaming even louder!" "I was skeptical about the Phish, but ever since buying it, I've been satisfied!"  
  
(The TV starts to jump up and down)  
  
TV: so what are you waiting for?! Call 1-800-sketchit to order your very own Phish from Tracey Industries! Order now! NOW!!! NOW!!!!!!  
  
(Footnote appears at bottom of screen reading "Tracey industries will not take any responsibility if the owner is consumed by the Phish. Neither will it take responsibility for any hideous monster fish that appear at your coastline, no matter how much it looks like the Phish you bought. No refunds will be given in any case.")  
  
Narrator: now that the commercial has ended, we shall return to our program..  
  
(Scene changes back to Jolteon.)  
  
Umbreon: (looking at Jolteon cowering behind the couch) come on, it's just a fish. It may glow in the dark, but it's just a harmless, cute little fish.  
  
Jolteon: meep.(Continues to quiver)  
  
Umbreon: oh well. I'm off for now. I think I'll leave the Phish here. Maybe it'll help you get over that fear of Genetically modified things.(leaves)  
  
(A long time passes. Jolteon creeps closer to the fishbowl.)  
  
Jolteon: well, that's a nice fish.it does have that smile.maybe it isn't so ba-  
  
Phish: (in a deep, demonic voice) I live.  
  
Jolteon: 0_o !  
  
Phish: I have come to suck out your soul.  
  
(Jolteon screams like a stuck pig and hides behind the TV.)  
  
Umbreon: (coming back) (sighs) I see.look, it's just a fish that glows in the dark. I'll show you.  
  
(Umbreon goes over, drags Jolteon out from behind the TV and sticks his face to the fishbowl)  
  
Umbreon: now I'll go turn off the light. (Wanders out of camera)  
  
(The lights go off. We see two pairs of eyes. Underneath the glowing pair is a massive array of teeth.)  
  
Phish: you know, I find your lack of pants disturbing.  
  
(The lights come back on)  
  
Umbreon: so, are you convinced that the Phish is har-(looks at Jolteon) have you been shedding again?  
  
(Jolteon whimpers)  
  
Umbreon: (sighs) I think I'll have to get you to a psychologist. Come on. (Drags the protesting Jolteon off)  
  
(Camera remains in igloo. Nothing happens for a while. Flareon eventually wanders in.)  
  
Flareon: hey gu-where'd everyone go? (Notices the fishbowl) hello, little fish.  
  
Phish: (floats in fishbowl)  
  
Flareon: (getting annoyed) don't be so rude! Wipe that smile off your face!  
  
Phish: (continues floating)  
  
Flareon: why, do you want a smiling competition?! Fine! (Smiles)  
  
Narrator: a VERY long time later...  
  
(Scene changes back to igloo. We see Jolteon and Umbreon returning.)  
  
Umbreon: I don't understand! The psychologist found nothing wrong with you, apart from the fact you're insane!  
  
Jolteon: well, insane is a normal state of mind for this fic.  
  
Umbreon: well, I'd best be taking back my Ph-(notices empty fishbowl) crud.  
  
Jolteon: (picking up a note from the table and reading it) in case you're wondering where that fish went, I flushed it down the toilet. It beat me in a smiling competition. No-one does that and lives. Your pal, Flareon.  
  
Umbreon: (sniffs) I hope that Phish is okay.I heard there are Feraligators in the sewers...  
  
Jolteon: I think the sewers eventually lead to the sea somewhere.  
  
Narrator: not very far away...  
  
(The scene changes to a tunnel in the sewers)  
  
Maintenance man 1: it's true, Bob! There's a whole pile of Feraligator-skin stuff down here! Belts, wallets, handbags, even shoes! We're rich! Rich, I tell you, rich!  
  
Maintenance man 2: yes, Ted, but I think there's some glowing green thingy behind you...  
  
Maintenance man 1: who cares?! I'm ri-  
  
*Glomp*  
  
Maintenance man 2: Ted? Ted?! What happened?  
  
(X-files music starts playing)  
  
Maintenance man 2: I'm so alone...  
  
*Glomp*  
  
Narrator: sad. Anyway, let's fast forward a day later...  
  
(Scene changes to next day. We see Jolteon and Umbreon watching TV.)  
  
TV: and now for the news. The fish stocks of the North Houen Sea have mysteriously vanished overnight. So have some of the fishing boats in the area. A mysterious glowing green thingy has been reported to be seen in the area, about 5 times the size of the average Wailord. It also seems to be sending some sort of sound, which distinctly sounds like "I have come to suck out your soul."  
  
Umbreon: crud.  
  
Jolteon: I told you that thing was evil.  
  
Narrator: well, so ends this episode of Eskimo Jolteon. Will our heroes be able to defeat the evil Phish and rid the world of the abomination? Find out in the next episode of Eskimo Jolteon, if it ever comes out! 


End file.
